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by BimeyMooMimey



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, Child Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Foster Care, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Natsuki POV, Natsuki's dad is the WORST, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SERIOUSLY AWFUL, Slow Burn, also cliffhangers, brief nudity, seriously though be prepared for some angst coming up, twists and turns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-07-14 09:27:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 111,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16037645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BimeyMooMimey/pseuds/BimeyMooMimey
Summary: You ever get that feeling when you wake up in the hospital after being beaten senseless by your piece-of-shit dad because he found out that you dig chicks after reading your diary? And then you get put into a foster home with one of the most popular girls at your school, your childhood best friend who tried to commit suicide a year ago, and another girl who you end up getting the hots for?No? Just me?Ugh, well, whatever. It's not like you have to read this or anything.~Natsuki





	1. I open my eyes, and everything goes to shit

Pain. That’s the first thing I feel when I wake up. Jesus fucking Christ, my entire _everything_ hurts. And it isn’t the type of pain you get like when you stub your toe…it’s the type that’s slow, numbing. Whatever is hurting me had already been there for a while, and I was just waking up. The blinding light coming from above as I opened my eyes only added to that pain.

It takes me a little while to adjust to the bright lights, and even longer for me to fully place myself alongside the rest of the room. Okay…where am I? I’m lying down on my back, in a stiff bed. A white, tiled ceiling is above me. Turning my head, there are lights shining on me, black screens that looked like monitors or some shit, a glass window, a chair, and…

Oh, fuck. I’m in a hospital.

No. No, no, no, no, NO. What the fuck am I doing in a hospital??? I can’t remember anything. Try to remember, dummy! I was…it was after school, and…as I look down at my body, I notice that my right arm is in a cast, and the cast is in a sling. Oh, no. It didn’t take me too long to piece it all together after that. Papa got mad and…yeah. But what am I doing _here_??? What day is it?? How long have I been in a fucking hospital?

A door opens and someone who looked like a nurse walks in. Great, just my fucking luck. They know that I’m awake now.

“Ms. Kizumi?”

The name made me wince. Anything associated with _him_ made me wince.

“Just…” I cough. My voice is rough and sore, like I’m talking through a filter or something. I have to clear my throat a little bit, sending brief shivers of pain throughout my body. “Just Natsuki.”

“Apologies. Natsuki,” says the nurse, correcting herself politely. She smiles slightly. “It’s good to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

How _am_ I feeling? Pretty effing bad, to say the least. Is it safe for me to say that though? I still didn’t really know how I got here. What if Papa’s just waiting outside…I decided that a nonverbal shrug is probably the best option in this situation. I try to do that, although it hurts like hell. The nurse smiles understandingly. Thank fuck that she didn’t make me rate my pain on a scale from 1-10.

“How long have I been here?” I ask, my voice still raspy as all hell. I did _not_ sound good.

“A few days,” she replies. That was enough to drain the color from my face. Papa’s probably gonna flip a shit after getting all of the medical bills for this. I’m surprised that he didn’t just yank me out after the first day. The nurse probably noticed that I was shitting bricks (maybe the heart rate monitors spiked or something?) and tried to calm me down. “Don’t worry, you’re already making a very quick recovery. That cast will probably have to stay on for a few more weeks, but the doctors and I are confident that we’ll be able to discharge you within this week.”

“Oh…uh, okay,” I respond dully, not knowing what else to say. My mind is still racing at a hundred beats per second. The nurse seems to look at me with another concerned expression.

“Natsuki, I know you just woke up, but you actually have a visitor…” she says. Oh, fuck, no. Not Papa. I’m not ready for him yet. “He’s from the local police department. He was the one who first arrived on the scene.” My eyes widen a fraction more. Fuck, that was even worse. Are the police really involved in this??? “He just wants to ask you a few questions…is it okay if he comes in? If not, I’m sure he’ll understand…”

No. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? No, I can’t talk to him. Not now. Not ever. But I can’t say that, it might arouse suspicion. Maybe if I pretend I’m falling asleep, she’ll take that as a nonverbal no. I slowly blink my eyes, looking at her more and more lazily as I close them, while the nurse keeps on looking at me expectantly. I fake a tired moan as I fully shut my eyes.

“Natsuki?”

Nope, not responding to that. Fake sleep has already begun, lady. In fact, this bed, while still a hospital bed, isn’t _too_ uncomfortable. If I keep this up, I might actually…fall…

 

* * *

 

 _I_ _slowly, and as silently as I can, open the door home. I’ve always been bad at that, due to the horrible creaking noise that it makes. Papa’s car was in the driveway, so I knew he was home. But maybe he didn’t hear me. Regardless, I take my shoes off as I get inside and tip-toe inside the house so he doesn’t…_

 _I freeze. Footsteps._ Loud _footsteps. And they’re coming from upstairs to downstairs. He knows I’m here. And he’s angry about something._

_There’s no point in running. As soon as he gets down the stairs he sees me, standing petrified in the living room. The smell of alcohol consumes his entire being. He’s fuming._

_“H-h-hey Papa…”_

_Not even a word. He stormed over to me and grabbed me, roughly, by the arm, nearly twisting it. I try to meekly protest but no words actually form, outside of a whimper. He drags me up the stairs…and to my room._

_On my desk is my diary, opened. My heart rate quickens as I realize that the worst thing imaginable has happened: he had found my diary. And he had read it. The one day that I forgot to bring it with me in my bag to school._

_He let go of my arm, shoving me over towards the desk. I stumbled forward, nearly tripping, as he walked behind me. All of my exits were blocked, unless I wanted to jump out the window. He loomed over me, leaning over to my desk and pointing at the opened page of my diary. It’s my most recent entry…and the last one that I would have ever wanted him to read, ever._

_“Read it.”_

_No. I can’t._

_“Read it.”_

_I could barely even write the words on paper…_

_“READ IT!”_

_I close my eyes. I know how this is going to end. I have no choice. My hands shaking, I look down at the page and read my own words out loud._

_“D-d-dear Diary…” I begin shakily, swallowing down the large lump in my throat. “I…I’m gay.”_

* * *

“Ms. Kizumi?”

I wake up again, startled. Beads of sweat cover my forehead. I look around at my surroundings. Still the same hospital room. Fuck. I guess it wasn’t all bad dream after all. Sitting in the chair next to me is an older man…definitely too slim to be Papa. He’s dressed in all blue like a…police officer. Shit.

“Just Natsuki,” I respond again in the same gruff voice. On the table next to me is a glass of water. Thank fuck. I try my best to lean over and get it, but my body reels in pain once more. The officer grabs the cup for me, handing it to me in the one hand I have that can actually grab it. I shoot a look at him. “Thanks,” I mutter. The officer sits back down.

“Don’t mention it,” he says calmly, looking at me with probing eyes. I take a sip, and immediately my throat feels a million times better. I could use a gallon of water at this point. Maybe if I just keep on drinking and asking for water then this conversation wouldn’t have to happen. “Natsuki, my name is Sergeant Yamamoto.” Fuck. Guess this conversation was happening.

I finish the water, removing the rim of the glass from my lips. Play it cool, Nat. “Is that name supposed to mean something to me?” I ask, with a confused expression on my face.

“Probably not,” he concedes. “I’m the officer who was called to your home a few days ago. I wanted to get a statement from you…” he pulls out a notepad. Might as well put that away, buddy, because I ain’t giving you shit. But wait, he said he was called to the house?

“Who called you?” I ask.

“A concerned neighbor who told us she heard shouting. She stated that she would prefer to remain anonymous,” he replies simply. It was probably the old lady that lives next door…I forget her name. Well, fuck her and fuck her ears. “I would like to take a statement from you, if that’s alright…” he adds, followed by a pen click. “Would you mind just telling me what happened, to the best of your recollection?”

I can’t say anything. I know I can’t. If I do, then they lock Papa away and send me to some orphanage out in the middle of nowhere. That’s always what Papa said, at least…but what reason would I have not to believe him this time around? If I say a peep, I know that’s what is going to happen. Better to just lie.

“What’s there to tell?” I respond, trying to shrug nonchalantly again. Fuck, that hurt. I should stop trying to do that. I sigh. “I tripped and fell down the stairs. Probably got knocked out and broke an arm.”

Lying was easy for me. It was second nature for me. I kind of needed to grow up with lying, what with all of the Child Protective Service workers that had come to the house, asking if I was malnourished or had been beaten or whatever. It was easy to just lie and say that Papa was taking care of everything that I needed. That way, they didn’t have to take me away. Sure, home was shitty…but the thought of being put into a dusty, overcrowded orphanage would be even worse.

Besides, it wasn’t a _total_ lie…I did fall down the stairs. It was just that Papa threw me down the stairs. Then dragged me back up by my hair, and then threw me down the stairs again.

The officer didn’t seem convinced. Sighing, he places the pen and notebook down onto his lap. That’s when he drops the bombshell. “Ms. Ki, erm, I mean, Natsuki…you are aware that your father is in custody at the moment?”

My eyes immediately widen. My silence tells him that no, no I did _not_ know about that little detail. I won’t hold it against the nurse though, the only other person who I’ve seen since I woke up.

“If it’s him you are worried about, then you are fully protected. We want to get as much evidence as we can to lock up this scumbag for good, and after living with him alone for…ten years, correct?” he looks down at his notebook briefly. “You would be a key witness to all of that abuse. I’m confident that if you give out a statement and press charges, it will be enough to ensure that your father never sees the outside of a prison cell ever again.”

Leaving a homeless, sixteen-year-old daughter in the care of Child Protective Services.

I gulp, pausing for a minute before I gather up all of my defenses. “That’s…that’s crazy,” I say, trying to muster as much energy as I can to sound offended. “My father’s never abused me. Don’t be ridiculous.”

The officer shut his mouth again, tapping the notepad with his pen for a moment before responding. “Natsuki, surely you must be aware that your father has been on our radar for quite some time now,” he says. “Teachers and classmates have expressed, ah, concern, multiple times over the past few years, of you looking malnourished and sick at school, or coming into class with bruises on your arms or face. I understand that CPS has been called to your home multiple times since the unfortunate passing of your mother.” That made me angry. Sure, that might all be true, but fuck him for bringing up Mom.

He sighs, probably noticing but not caring that he pissed me off. “What’s more, multiple police officers were at the scene of the incident, myself included. You were sprawled out, unconscious, at the foot of the stairs, bloody and beaten with your clothes ripped up. Your father, sitting only feet away from you, was drunk and asleep. The rest of the house was in shambles, particularly your room: broken glass, ripped books and pieces of paper…not to mention very little, if any, food in the house.”

“We were running low on groceries, and I’m clumsy,” I growl in a low voice. Damn the police for doing a good job. I didn’t know how else to combat the rest of what he was saying…I’ll just try to make it up as I go along. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about. My Papa’s a good man. There isn’t a law against drinking. And I fell down the stairs. End of story.”

He obviously didn’t believe me. But if I don’t play along, then maybe this whole thing will blow over. He leans over in his seat, looking at me very seriously. “Natsuki, we usually look for any excuse we possibly can to keep families together, even some of the most abusive parents get to keep their kids…but I want to be very clear: your father endangered your life. You were very lucky to make it out of that house alive. You barely had a pulse when we found you.”

Wow, what a performance. I almost cried. I look at him just a seriously, staring at him coldly before responding. “Well, I guess I better stop being clumsy around stairs, then.”

Silence. Then another sigh. He gets up. “I’ll give you some time to think this over,” he says, then walks over to the door to my room and leaves.

At first, I’m relieved. Then I panic. They know. Maybe not everything, but they know. I’m going to have to look over my shoulder forever now…not just from Papa. Oh God, Papa. He’s definitely angry at me by now. He’s probably fuming. As soon as he gets out, he’s going to kill me.

Oh, wait. He almost did.

In the back of my mind, a small, quiet little voice tells me that maybe I should cooperate. If what the officer said was true…he could rot and I could be free—

NO! Am I going crazy???

I must have overexerted myself or something, I’m hearing loud beeping noises. As my heart rate slows, the beeping slows down…it’s actually pretty calming, if I focus on that and only that. My eyelids begin to flutter again…

 

* * *

 

_He knows. He knows, he knows, he knows._

_“Dumb CUNT!”_

_In one swift motion, Papa snatches my diary, ripping out the pages and tearing them in half. I watch in horror. My one confidante, being murdered in front of my very eyes._

_“Papa, NO!” I scream, trying to grab my diary back from him. He shoves me to the ground, and I try to scramble to get back up. But it’s too late. All of the pages are ripped into pieces on the ground, and the empty binder of my literary companion is thrown forcefully to the side._

_But that isn’t enough for him. Moving over to my mirror, he nearly rips it off of my dresser and smashes it on the ground, covering my floor in shards of glass. Ignoring my cries, he moves over to my bed, taking my stuffed animals. In one swift tear, he rips one of their heads off. He then destroys another. He’s drunk, for sure, but these aren’t the actions of a man in a blind mad state; this is a systematic rage, every action done in a deliberate attempt to make me suffer. Everything he’s given me or let me keep, he wants to obliterate for me now. Why else would he wait until now to do this, while I’m home?_

_He goes over to my dresser and throws out all of my clothes on the floor, ripping out one of my school uniforms. He rips out my bottom drawer, and as soon as I notice what he’s pulling out, I nearly have a heart attack. It’s the box of manga that I’ve tried to conceal from him ever since his first outburst over the literature. And now he’s found it._

_“NO!” I scream again in horror, sobbing hysterically at this point as he rips another one apart. As he turns over to me ragefully, looming over me like a tower of doom, I know that he isn’t done with me yet._

* * *

 

“Natsuki?”

I blearily open my eyes. How long did I fall asleep for this time? It doesn’t feel like too long, because after I open my eyes I’m already exhausted. I might even still be dreaming, because sitting there in the seat next to me is someone I recognize but barely know…a girl from one of my classes last year. Long brown hair, big, white bow, and emerald eyes. And, also, one of the most popular and nicest girls at school.

“Do you remember me? I’m Monika Amano,” she says, smiling warmly. “We had Algebra together last year…”

Slowly, I nod. She brightens up. But I’m still confused as to why she’s _here_. “How are you feeling?” she asks delicately.

 _Don’t shrug_. “I’m fine,” I say, clearing my throat again. I glance over at the table next to me and see another glass of water. Thank fuck. I motion with my head for her to get it, and after a confused pause she understands me and hands me the water. “Thanks…” I mutter.

Monika smiles again. Her smile was weird. Unlike the nurse, I could tell it wasn’t a smile out of pity or anything. It was just nice. Which was weird, because rarely anyone was ever “nice” to me. Maybe she’s just good at pretending she doesn’t feel sorry for me.

She clears her throat. “I heard about what happened…I’m sorry,” Monika says. “What your father did to you sounds horrible.”

Oh, crap, I didn’t realize word had travelled around so fast. I can’t say anything to her, either. Who knows if she’s working with that cop? And besides, why is this any of her business anyway? “Nothing happened,” I say dully.

Monika frowns. “Natsuki, I’m sorry but…we both know you’re bullshitting,” she says simply. Well, maybe, but I’m not going to admit that. She glances over to the door. “I think everyone knows by now roughly what really happened…that police officer told me his version of events.”

“Yeah, well his ‘version of events’ was what was bullshit,” I shoot back, glaring at her. But Monika holds up her hands cautiously, as if asking permission to talk. Begrudgingly, I decide to let her.

“I’m not here to offend. You’re probably wondering why I’m here in the first place, right? We don’t really know each other that well, after all,” she says. Slowly, I nod in response. “Okay. Well, for starters, I’m going to need you to play along. Let’s pretend that what the police officer told me was true.”

“And it’s not!”

“Noted,” she says. She obviously isn’t convinced. “I’m just asking you to _pretend_ that that’s the case. And so, you write out a testimony, and your dad gets locked up for good. Where do you see yourself going?”

I scrunch up my face. Why would she ask something like that? Pausing for a moment, I decide to play along. “Obviously in some orphanage, or something,” I respond guardedly. I pause again to think about it a little more. “Probably a rundown place hours away from here. Then, in two years when I’m eighteen, I’m kicked out and live on the streets.” At least, that’s what Papa always told me. And it made sense. Who would want to adopt a sixteen-year-old girl? And a poor, skinny, ugly, boyish looking one at that. No, people wanted to adopt cute babies. Everyone else in the orphanage would just stay there forever, until they’re eighteen and are forced out. And what resources could they possibly have for me?

Yeah, that’s why I’m keeping quiet.

Monika nodded. “Ooookaaay,” she said in a long, drawn-out voice. Then she leaned over, a glint of excitement in her eyes. “Well…what if I gave you an _alternative_ hypothetical scenario?”

I furrow my brow. In my head, that was the _only_ thing that would happen to me if Papa ever went to prison. I don’t want to seem too interested, but Monika, already being able to tell that she’s caught my attention, grins knowingly. Damn this girl.

“Well, I’m not sure if you know it or not – probably not, because we don’t know each other too well – but I actually live in a foster home,” she states proudly, although she stops herself for clarification. “Well, no, let me correct myself. My parents are my actual, biological parents, and I live with them. I don’t want you to get confused about that. But they are also state-licensed caregivers, or foster parents. They’ve taken in kids in the past who have been abused, or cast away, or have gone through whatever you can think of, really.”

Wait, was she actually suggesting…I shake my head. This was still all hypothetical. “How many kids do they have now?” I ask.

“Outside of me? Just two,” Monika says as she gives me a wide smile. “I think you know one of them, actually! Remember Sayori?”

My eyes widen. “Sayori Ozaki???” I question, and Monika nods. That was a name I hadn’t heard in a _long_ time. We used to be friends, no, _best_ friends growing up. She lived next door to me, and every day we would both go outside in our backyards and play. She was always one of the most imaginative, fun people I ever knew. We went to school together for a while, but as Papa became more and more controlling and abusive as I got older, I began seeing her less and less.

And then one day, about a year ago I think, I heard that Sayori had tried to hang herself after both of her parents were killed in a car crash. The last time I had heard the name, I heard that she survived, but since then I had never seen her even in passing at school since.

Yikes. Remembering that felt like a lump of coal just plopped into my stomach.

“How…how is she?” I ask cautiously.

“Y’know, she’s actually doing really well! She’s been staying with us for the past year after everything that happened, and…well, she’s improved a lot!” Monika says. I can tell that she’s definitely not telling me the whole story here (like, why haven’t I seen her in school?), but I decide not to press her for information on that very sensitive subject. Especially because I had made no effort to contact her since her attempt. “She’d really love to see you, I’m sure!”

“Uh, cool…” I respond uncomfortably. I’m not really so sure that Sayori would be too keen on seeing a friend who ditched her, but I must admit, the thought of seeing her again was…nice.

“So? What do you say?”

Monika’s question snapped me back into reality. “What?”

“Come on, Natsuki, you should know by this point exactly what I’m asking you,” Monika says. “This is what I’m offering you: a comfortable bed, plenty of privacy, stocked shelves of food, and, most importantly, security. You won’t ever have to worry about being abused by your dad ever again. You’ll be able to stay with my family for as long as you want, even after you’re eighteen, until you are able to become financially independent. Natsuki, I’m offering you a _home_.”

 _Home_. Something about that word felt so, so good. If Monika wasn’t a good saleswoman, I didn’t know who was, but…to radically change my life like that…it just feels so _weird_. I had never imagined life without Papa – in some form or another, he had always been present. And it sucked, but I just still wasn’t fully convinced.

“But I have a home…” I say quietly. I sigh. “I can’t abandon Papa, he’s the only family I have left…I can’t do it, okay? Sorry, but no.”

Monika becomes very quiet for a moment. She’s drumming her fingertips on the arm of the chair, almost like she’s handpicking the exact words that she wants to use next. After a long silence, she speaks again.

“No, _I’m_ sorry, because I don’t accept that,” she says. In an instant, the excitement and smiles are gone from her face, wiped away completely. She looks deathly serious. “Under normal circumstances, I’d just let it go and move on. But these aren’t normal circumstances.” Pause. “If you say no, and you don’t press charges against your father, then he will likely be released. Why keep a criminal in custody if the victim of his crimes doesn’t admit to anything and wants him out, right?” A chuckle, but there was no laughter in it. “So, he gets released. And you will meet him at the prison, and he will make a big scene to hug you and smile for the cameras, to prove to the world that he is some great father that we both know he’s not, that he would never hurt his only daughter…

“And you know what happens after that, right? Because I do. The two of you go home. And as soon as he closes the door, he finds the nearest blunt object and beats you to death with it.”

I stare at her, stunned. She can’t be serious…no, as she matches my look with a steely gaze, she is _very_ serious. And…she’s right. Jesus fucking Christ, she’s right. Papa is probably consumed with rage that he’s in custody in the first place, and the first person he is blaming right now is (who else?) me. Not to mention the whole him-reading-my-effing-diary thing that he is _definitely_ still thinking about.

“Please, Natsuki, think rationally,” Monika says, practically pleading. Her expression had softened. I look over at her. “This is a choice between life and death: _your_ life and death. I promise you, you will be safe with us. My parents, Sayori, the other girl who lives with us, and I…we will protect you. If you give a statement to the police officer outside, telling him what _really_ happened, your father will be out of the picture for good, and he will never be able to hurt you ever again. Please, _please_ …just say yes.”

I…I really don’t have a choice, do I?

It’s either that, or Papa gets to finish what he started.

Monika is still looking at me expectantly. Time to give her an answer.

“Y—” The word gets caught in my throat. It really doesn’t want to come out, so I’m going to have to force it. “Yes.” Monika breathes a heavy sigh of relief, smiling at me gratefully.

“Thank you. You won’t regret it,” she says earnestly, standing up. “I’ll be in touch!” Without another word, she walks towards the door and exits the hospital room, presumably to get that policeman in here to get a statement from me before I change my mind.

What the fuck have I done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, this is the new project I have been working on, and I'm really excited for where it's going in the future. As you might be able to tell from this introductory chapter alone, it is a lot different from Walking Away from the Edge, my other DDLC story, but there are a lot of similar themes in this one. You just get a heavy dose of parental abuse as a side along with it :D
> 
> This story is going to be much longer than my other one was, so hopefully you will stick around for it! Unfortunately I'm not sure how often I will be able to update it...but rest assured, I will continue working on it! For what it's worth, I have already written the second chapter, so I just need to edit it. Look out for it sometime early next week! It should give you a much clearer sense of where this story is going. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you thought in the comments, your feedback encourages me to keep on writing :)


	2. I revisit some memories, old and new

So, yeah, a lot of things happened to me over the past week. For one, I gave a long, drawn-out statement to that police officer (forget his name – Yamotamo? Yummy-tomato? – doesn’t matter). That was…painful. Every time he asked me a question, it felt like I was at the dentist’s office and he was pulling out my teeth one by one. But I told him everything…past beatings, lack of food, his constant drinking, and nearly every other nasty thing under the sun. The officer reacted to each little detail with a fake frown of sympathy. Ugh. Seriously, fuck that guy. You’re just there because you have to, buddy, stop pretending that you care.

I almost, on many occasions, told him to fuck off. I really, _really_ didn’t want to go into any of this with him. But I realized that he was also my ticket to making sure Papa stayed locked up for good. The more details I gave, he told me, the better the chances would be that this would happen. So, even though I hated doing it, I told him _everything_. Including the reason for why Papa threw me down the stairs. Which means that the first two people to find out that I was gay are two of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met: Papa and the policeman. Yeah…not too happy about that.

But eventually it was over. He put away his stupid little notebook and with a stupid, formal smile, told me that he was confident he had enough to keep him in prison for good. So, whatever. I still hate the guy, but not so much so that I want to risk Papa getting out. By the time he came around, Papa had been in custody for a solid four or five days, so I realized by this point he would be hungry for blood if he ever got out.

Another thing that happened this past week was that my body hurt. A lot. That’s a pretty noteworthy event, in my opinion. Or, I guess, a string of events taped together by the fact that I am in deep, physical pain. And it didn’t really matter how much the nurse told me how lucky I was that I didn’t break my legs…I still broke one of my arms, my other arm was still sore as all hell, I had bruises all over my face, and everything still hurt. But yeah, all things considered, I guess I was lucky. I tried my best not to snap at the nurse…I actually liked her. I just hated seeing my own reflection in the mirror as I looked at my swollen face, so it was kind of hard not to. But now my face wasn’t that bad. Maybe if I put on some decent makeup in the gas station of a bathroom, I’ll be able to cover it up completely.

Oh yeah, almost forgot. I also have a broken rib, which makes breathing hard. That’s why the nurse says that everything hurts, which makes a hell of a lot of sense when you think about it.

But at the very least, now I was okay enough to get discharged. I need to keep my arm in a sling, but only for a few weeks. The nurse keeps on saying how lucky I am. But…to be honest, I don’t really feel lucky. I just feel like shit and I wish that none of this ever happened.

But it’s happening, alright. Outside of Police Office Yucky-Man, I got one other group of visitors: Monika, her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Amano, and their lawyer. They needed me to sign a couple of documents and make a formal introduction, and then by that point these people whom I had never met before became my temporary legal guardians. For what it’s worth, they don’t seem like total asshats. They were nice, I guess, although they seemed a little formal.

Monika, who was usually so outgoing and talkative, acted completely different around them, but who doesn’t act different around their parents? I acted differently around Papa, that’s for sure.

Outside of them, no one else visited me. Not even my so-called “friends,” although I’m not sure I could ever really call them that. At this point, the people I generally hang out with at school were the most shallow, basic bitches in my grade. There was Hinata, basic bitch número uno, Akari, número dos, and Ichika, número tres. Do I like them? Not really. So, to be honest, I’m kind of glad that they didn’t show up, although part of me is still weirdly disappointed. But I’m not surprised. They’re superficial and airheaded and can’t maintain a solid relationship outside of the ones with their phones. Their topics of conversation are pretty much limited to boys, so that’s another degree of separation between me and them. Which begs the question…why do I spend my time with these people?

Well, I know I’m the one who asked the question, but it’s a kind of stupid question to even think about in the first place. Even for me, it’s a no-brainer – it’s because they’re all so self-absorbed and busy smelling their own farts that they don’t ask questions about some of the bruises I’m not able to cover up with make-up, or why I can’t go to the mall after school, or why I never have enough money for a lunch, or anything related to _him_. By the time I started associating with them, I had weeded out all of the people in my life that would notice those things and try to help me, and it was easier for me (before this shit happened) if the people around me were too stupid or superficial to care if I’m being abused or not. Was it a smart move? Hell no. But there had been too many close calls where the police made a “house call” and had almost dragged Papa away in handcuffs, and each time this happened it only made him angrier. So, I chased away the people who cared – friendly teachers, childhood playmates, you get the idea – in favor of those who weren’t capable of caring.

The person I regret ditching the most is without a doubt Sayori…which probably explains why I have this massive guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sayori tried to help me like no other person had: she shared her lunches with me, made me laugh when she knew I wanted to cry, and was just fucking _kind_. And instead of returning that kindness, I abandoned her when she needed it most. It’s not like there was a singular moment I could point to where I told her to leave me alone – it just sort of happened. I kept on avoiding her, and after many failed attempts she gave up on me…and then a year or so later, she tried to kill herself.

“Natsuki?”

Dammit. I need to stop spacing out like that. I look up from my lap to see the nurse standing over me. I don’t respond verbally in time, and she takes this as a cue to keep on talking now that she’s got my attention.

“I just received word that the Amano family is outside to pick you up,” she says, a warm smile on her face. “Do you think that you’ll be able to get out by yourself, hun?”

It takes me a minute to form a coherent sentence. “Uh, yeah, I’ll be able to do that.” I can’t return the smile, as much as I try to. I slowly get up from my seat in the lobby.

“Remember, keep your arm in that sling and come to us in a couple of weeks and we can take your cast off,” the nurse reminds me. “That broken rib is going to continue to be a pain, but if it’s too bad then just take some pain-relievers. As long as you don’t overexert yourself, you should make a full recovery within four to five weeks. And remember what I told you about going back to school?”

“Yeah. Find someone to carry my books around,” I say, repeating the order that the doctor gave me earlier this week because of my arm and my rib. Although I found it unlikely that that was going to happen. It’s not like Hinata or any of them would want to help me – if they had heard about what had happened with me, which they most likely had by this point, then they might not want to even associate with me anymore. As far as I knew, Sayori didn’t go to school anymore, or at least I never saw her. And it’s not like Monika, a senior, would want to spend her entire time lugging around the backpack and books of a lowly sophomore (fuck me, why do I always expect the worst out of people? It wouldn’t hurt to ask). Regardless, I doubt anyone would be able to help me, so that either meant no schoolbooks or fuck the doctor’s order.

“Well, alright,” the nurse says, smiling one last time. “I know you’ll get better soon, you’ve already recovered really well so far. Best of luck to you in your new home, Natsuki!”

“Thanks, Miss…” my brain freezes. That’s when I realize that I never got her name – she either never gave it to me or she said it while I was busy mentally freaking out about my situation. I immediately feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet for not knowing her name. This nurse really went above and beyond to try to help me the best she could, and I couldn’t even repay her with the common courtesy of a “thank you” because I was too worried about what was going to happen to me. Ugh, maybe Hinata, Akari, and Ichika really are the right people for me. I’m just about as self-absorbed as they are.

Before I can ask, she’s already walked away from me. _Fuck_. I guess she took the “Miss” as a full stop. Fucking shit. I’m a real piece of shit, aren’t I? As I walk away from her and towards the exit of the hospital, that’s all the confirmation I need that yes, yes I am.

Well, unfortunately there’s not much more that I can do than keep walking towards the exit. To meet my new foster parents, Monika, and…Sayori. And here I go. Getting up, going to go see my foster…sisters? No, that’s too weird and personal. I don’t even know Monika, I’m not calling her my sister. And Sayori…well, ignoring her after a literal fucking suicide attempt isn’t very sisterly. Maybe once we were _like_ sisters, and I’d like that if that was still the case. We shared nearly everything together, after all. Well, except for the fact that I thought girls were hot…oh yeah, I’m forgetting the fact that I’m gay as all hell, and while there’s no way I’d like Sayori I don’t know how she’d react to—

My legs freeze up at the thought of seeing her again. Oh, fuck, come on. I am _not_ having a panic attack over this, not now. My legs aren’t the things that are broken. They’re literally waiting outside. Only a few more steps. Just push it down, Nat, you’re a big girl. One step forward. Another step forward. Okay. My breathing calms down. Thank fuck. I’m stepping outside as the automatic doors open up and, the light outside is nearly blinding. But I can still make out a car outside and—

“NATSUKI!!!”

I hear the slamming of a car door shut and there she is, bounding towards me in the sunlight with a massive smile that should be illegal for anyone to have on her face. Red bow, pink t-shirt, jean-shorts and short, coral-colored hair. Sayori Ozaki, in the flesh.

She has her arms stretched out like she’s going to tackle me in a bearhug, which was never an uncommon occurrence when hanging around her, but she skids to a halt as soon as she registers my sling. “Oh! I’m sorry!” she says, pulling her arms back a little bit and embraces me in a much gentler hug than she was probably intending. All she’s doing is wrapping each of her arms around me without really squeezing that much, and it feels…nice. Probably the nicest I’ve felt all week.

But I still wish that she wouldn’t have to be seeing me like _this_.

“Natsuki! I’m so happy to see you!” she says in a singsong voice, pulling away from me and grinning ear-to-ear. Dammit, Sayori, you were always so good at making me feel a little better. I smile in return.

“It’s good to see you too, ya ding-dong! I’ve, uh, I’ve missed you,” I say, to which her eyes widen in surprise. She laughs playfully at me while my look turns from one of kindness to confusion.

“Whoa, who are you and what have you done with the real Natsuki???” she asks, squinting her eyes as me. “You should be saying a sassy comment about me being clingy, or telling me to back off, or something!”

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention something: I’m an insufferable bitch. At least, that’s what Papa was always telling me, and although I know by this point that most of what he says is bullshit I know he’s right when he calls me a bitch. Why? Because of what Sayori just said. When in the face of actual kind actions from people who accept me (like Sayori), I’ve mostly reacted with nothing but slapping it away with an offhand, dismissive comment or an angry look. I tried to make it playful at first, and maybe that’s how people interpret it at the start, but eventually it was all just fueled by bitterness. That’s probably why I don’t have any friends, and also why Sayori expected me to lash out at her with a “sassy comment.”

I should tell her that I’m sorry. That I want to mend our friendship to what it used to be and make it even stronger. But instead, my stupid ass just laughs nervously.

“Haha, come on, I’m still on a lot of morphine, I don’t have the energy to do that right now,” I say, immediately regretting not addressing anything about that…and also lying. I’ve been off of morphine for a few days now. Sayori laughs along with me, so maybe that was the right move.

“Aww, well, okay!” Sayori replies, turning back to the car. “Come on then, let’s go! Monika’s waiting in the car, and she can’t stay parked in the front for long!”

Furrowing my brow, I follow the bouncy girl to the door to the car, where she opens the door to the back seat for me. Only Monika is inside at the driver’s seat, looking at me expectantly. Where are her parents?

“Hey, Natsuki! Hope you’re doing well,” Monika says, and as if reading my mind (how does she do that?), answers my question. “My parents are waiting at home, they wanted us to pick you up.” I nod, shrugging slightly as I get in the car. Shrugging’s gotten easier for me, which is a good thing, because generally when I figure responding to someone verbally isn’t worth my time that’s just what I’ll do. Ignoring them completely also does the trick, but it’s not like I’d ignore Monika. Yet.

“Eeee, I’m so excited!!” Sayori practically squeals, jumping into the passenger seat as if it were a bouncy castle. “It’s going to be just like the old days, when we used to have slumber parties at my house!”

This happened a lot when we were young, especially after Mom died. I’d go over to Sayori’s house for sleepovers, usually just to escape Papa. I don’t remember much about that time, particularly what _he_ was like after her death, but I do remember those sleepovers with Sayori. They were hella fun, often ending in pillow fights and cookie-eating contests (she would always win). And her parents were fun, too. I don’t remember much about them either, but they were…warm. And kind. Just the memory of it fills me with a sense of nostalgia and safety…

“Well, this slumber party is going to be a little more permanent, I’d think,” I say, unable to suppress the fond smile I have when thinking about it. Sayori, leaning over to look back at me, begins to nod repeatedly with a wide grin on her face.

“Yeah! But we can still tear apart our beds to make blanket forts, and play video games until midnight…ooh! And you can maybe make cupcakes every morning for us, just like you used to, and I can be your taste-tester!” Sayori lists off enthusiastically. Dammit, this girl’s enthusiasm was always contagious. When she was happy, she did her damnedest to make everyone else around her just as happy as she was. As Monika pulls the car out of the hospital, I see an amused smile on her face through the rearview mirror as she glances at Sayori.

“By taste-tester, I assume you mean that you eat the entire batch of cupcakes?” Monika asks her teasingly. As Sayori whines, I let out a stifled, almost surprised laugh, mainly because of how scarily accurate her accusation was; far too many times when I made cupcakes she would take bites out of multiple ones before deciding that it was the best match I had ever baked.

“Meanies!” Sayori protests, scowling ironically as she turns back to me. “You know I don’t eat the _entire_ batch of cupcakes! Only a little bit!”

“Well, define ‘a little bit’…” I say, causing her to whine again as she points out one sleepover we had when we cooked cupcakes in the morning for her parents. We go back and forth like that for a while: just remembering those days when we would bake cupcakes, reminiscing about how we used to switch pajamas to see if her parents noticed in the morning, and talking about how things used to be between us. Before any of you pervs get _that_ idea, no, I was never into her, and she was never into me. Get that girl-on-girl yuri out of your head. But still, it was nice to think back to the days when I had a real, close friend to share everything with.

One thing that didn’t come up in our conversation? The standard question for any conversation between two reunited friends, which was “how have you been?” Or, “what have you been up to since I last saw you?” Because we both knew the answer. Sayori’s parents had died, and she had tried to kill herself. In the meantime, I became more secluded and isolated, was surviving off of scraps for breakfast and candy bars from the vending machine for lunch, and was eventually beaten nearly to death by my abusive father, who is now locked in jail. I didn’t want to talk about the past year, and thankfully, Sayori seemed to knowingly avoid any of topics that might lead to any of that. So instead, we just talked about the more distant past, and implicitly stating how much better it was than this shitty, hellish present.

“Sorry, I hate to interrupt,” Monika interrupts as the car slows down, pulling over to the side of the road. I didn’t even notice where we were going because I was busy talking to Sayori, but as soon as the car stops, my pulse stops. It’s home – Papa’s home. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier…I wanted to give you two the time to catch up. Before we can go home and show you where you’re staying, we, ah, need to go back to your old place. Just so we can collect any clothes, school uniforms, or other belongings for you.”

Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Why didn’t you see this coming, dummy? Of course you had to go back…here…to get your clothes. “Oh…okay…” I say, instinctively biting my lip out of nerves. I really don’t want to be freaking out right now. Sayori was able to make me forget about having a panic attack earlier, but this? I don’t know how much I’ll be able to handle it.

“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to!” Sayori interjects, probably noticing that I wasn’t too keen on the idea. “Just tell us what to get from your room and we’ll be back out in a flash.”

I shudder. In all honesty, I don’t want anyone else to go in there at all anymore – I don’t want either Sayori or Monika to go in just as much as I don’t want to go in. Because once they see what’s inside, then all pretense of any sort of decent standard of living in there will collapse in their eyes. I won’t be able to say that living there wasn’t so bad, or that the conditions were exaggerated to a certain extent – they’d immediately be able to tell that day in and day out, it was hard for me to even breathe in this place. And they’d pity me because of it.

But if they were going to get me my clothes, I at the very least needed to tell them which ones to get. And with my mind drawing a complete blank on descriptions of what I’d need to them, there’s no way to tell them what to get that without stepping inside.

“N-no…” I say, my voice becoming a little hoarse again. Dammit. I clear my throat. “I’ll go in, too. Let’s just…let’s just make it quick.” Monika seems to understand as she puts the car in park, and she along with Sayori step out. After a brief pause, the door to my side opens up, and I get out, too.

The first thing I notice when I walk up to this place is the police tape covering the area, creating a wide, yellow square around the yard. That’s definitely changed from the last time that I was here. “Aha, don’t worry about that…we have permission from the officers to come here,” Monika says nervously, moving gingerly underneath the tape while holding it up for me and Sayori to get under. “The door should be unlocked.”

Once we reach the door, Sayori opens it for me. I slowly walk inside, and I feel consumed by the one thing above all else that I’ve been trying to suppress throughout this whole ordeal: emotions. I don’t like emotions; they’re ugly, and messy, and unpleasant to be around. Especially when they’re coming from me. And now, as I walk through this abandoned house, I feel waves of emotions engulfing me like a tidal wave…or maybe a Sharknado would be a more accurate way to describe it, just because of how much it sucks. I was already on the brink before all of this, but now I’m teetering on the edge of a full-on mental breakdown.

It’s been over a week since I’ve been here – the longest I’ve been away from home and from Papa in many years – and already everything has changed so much. I still feel the same fear that I always felt when sneaking into home, trying to not catch his attention, but this time, I feel like I’m walking through the aftermath of a nuclear meltdown. That’s kind of what happened, didn’t it? At least figuratively.

Empty beer cans, half-eaten takeout Chinese containers lie out in the kitchen and living room indiscriminately as I enter the front door. I guess the police officers didn’t care enough to clean up – or maybe they intentionally kept it like this, because it’s a crime scene? Regardless, there are some signs I notice instantly that they’ve been here: all of the cupboards, as well as the refrigerator, are open and bare. Usually they remained closed, mainly because both Papa and I knew that there was never anything in them. And on the off-chance that we would get a visitor (which never happened), Papa didn’t want to advertise the fact that he gave his daughter nothing to eat at home. Oh, and police tape was still everywhere. Covering the house with little numbers for evidence.

But the real piece de resistance came when we walked a little further into the Chernobyl that is my house. At the foot of the stairs, I see a lot of yellow tape, and then the white outline of a body. You know, like the type they use for corpses. It’s clear to me what it’s supposed to be: the outline is how I looked like when they found me, when I lost consciousness the third time he threw me down the stairs. One of my arms looks like it’s bent in an unnatural direction. In its sling now, said arm aches in pain at the memory.

I hear a sharp intake of breath from behind me, probably in a mix of shock and horror. It reminds me that I’m not alone here…although I don’t want to see either of their reactions, I feel compelled to, and I turn around to see Sayori’s horrified face as her eyes are fixed around the white lines of where my body was. Monika’s expression is neutral and painful to look at.

Sayori looks like she wants to say something, but I don’t think I would be able to handle it. I need to intervene. “L-let’s just go upstairs,” I say as loud as I can, which is actually pretty quiet, as I head upstairs. Was that a stutter? Get it together, Natsuki.

Believe it or not, I thought that I had gotten through the worst of it. In a home full of nightmares, my room was my relative sanctuary. It was where I could go to hide whenever Papa got the violent type of drunk, as long as I remembered to lock the door and not go outside. But I was so, so wrong.

I walk upstairs and find that a level 4 hurricane has barged into my room. My mirror’s been shattered, my clothes are strewn all across the floor, pages of my old diary are ripped up and crumpled, the remains of stuffed animals all over the floor…all of this I expect. I remember it, at least blurrily, and I can accept that it all happened, even though it's very painful to look at - particularly my diary, the thing that started all of this shit. But there’s something else among this rubble…and as soon as I realize what it is, I let out a scream.

My manga collection.

Sounds stupid, right? Well, it isn’t to me. After my cooking hobby became less and less viable as my home situation in regards to food worsened, manga was my one escape. I can’t say exactly when I discovered it, but once I had read one book, I began collecting manga novels – and after Papa angrily found out early on, it became a secret hobby. He thought that the pictures of those manga girls might make me gay, so as soon as he found out that they existed he banned me from reading them, slapping me repeatedly to make sure I got the message. But I persisted. Papa wasn’t the type of parent to give allowances, so I had to rely on scraping any money that I could possibly find, or even the occasional book that I might be able to sneak out of the comic book store, just to get my hands on a new edition of _Parfait Girls_. They gave me a life that might offer a happier life than I had. They gave me hope. Without them, I was nothing.

And now, they were all ripped up and torn apart, just like my journal. I didn’t need to go through every single issue I had on the ground – I knew that Papa would have been too diligent to leave a single edition intact. And this is what finally broke me. Falling onto my knees, I start sobbing, holding one of the loose pages of a broken manga novel in my hand and crumpling it up pitifully. Pitiful. Yeah, that’s a good word to describe just about how I feel right now.

“Natsuki??”

Nearly immediately as soon as I fall down, I feel a pair of arms around me. It’s Sayori, because of course it is. I glance back to see her worried expression, and also to see that Monika has respectfully left the room, which I can appreciate. That’s about all I can see, though, through my hysterical tears.

“Here,” Sayori says, kneeling down in front of me carefully. She holds out her arm in front of my face, rolling up her sleeve. “Use my arm to wipe your tears.” Even though I’m crying profusely, I’m still able to shoot her a look. She shoots me with a look of her own back. “Trust me, I can be a good human tissue. Use it.” Laughing slightly, I take the tissue offered to me and wipe away some of my tears (and snot) onto her sleeve.

“Ugh, sorry…” I say, sniffling as my crying dies down some. Sayori frowns.

“Don’t be sorry,” she insists, using her sleeve to wipe away some of my tears herself. “I can’t even imagine what this is like for you. I was waiting for one of us to break down crying, y’know?”

“I…I don’t deserve this,” I say suddenly, surprising both Sayori and myself. Before I know what’s happening, my mouth starts talking before my brain is able to catch up with everything. “This right here, this is the lowest point in my life…a-and here you are, you’re comforting me, trying to make me feel better. You’re even offering me a p-place to stay, no, a home…I don’t deserve any of this.”

“Why not?” Sayori asks, wrapping me in a gentle side-hug. Her worried yet calm eyes stare into me. “We’re friends, Natsuki.”

“Because I didn’t do the same thing f-for you!” I shout, making the both of us jump. Finally, my brain has caught up to what I’m saying, and I deflate. I didn’t want to bring up the suicide topic, but I guess that’s where I was going with that. I sigh. “I’m a sad excuse for a friend, Sayori,” I say quieter, sniffling again. “I p-pushed you away when you needed me most…all because I was worried that you’d get too close and you’d find out about all of…this,” I wave my hand around the room, the abuse written on the walls at this point. No use in hiding it now. “When you were at your lowest point, I was too self-absorbed and self-destructive to help you. And th-then, after I heard about…what happened…I was too scared to reach out. I don’t know why you would ever want to see me again…”

I look over at her, and Sayori’s expression has become much more somber as she looks past me for a while. I might have fucked up. I didn’t want to be the one to bring up the topic of her suicide attempt, or her parents dying, but it looks like I did just that. My feelings and regrets, they were all out in the open now. Now, the only question is how she will process that.

Sayori sighs, breaking the silence between us. “Natsuki…I won’t lie and tell you that you isolating yourself from me didn’t hurt, because it did. But…don’t think for one second that you’re responsible for my attempt,” she says, looking over at me as she pulls her arms away. “I had been dealing with those types of thoughts for a while before it happened. I was good at hiding it, and I wanted to hide it, just like you tried to hide your dad’s abuse. Mom and Dad were the only people who knew and the only people I felt safe talking to about my depression, but after the car crash, and losing them…” Sayori trails off, looking away distantly again. She regains her focus quickly.

“We both could have been more open with each other, as friends. We’re both at fault. What’s important now is that we focus on the future,” she continues, a small, tender smile coming onto her face. “And even though you may not think it right now…it _does_ get better. Not completely better, but a lot better. Take it from me. After my attempt, I was sent to a psychiatric ward for evaluation for a little bit. My aunt, who initially took me in after Mom and Dad’s crash, didn’t want to take care of me anymore. So Monika’s family took me in. And…” she pauses. The smile on her face is wider now, and there’s a feeling present in her expression that I can’t quite pinpoint. Whatever it is, she’s definitely thinking about something happy right now.

“Her family’s that great, huh?” I ask, a small smirk tugging at my lips to try to get her attention back on track. Sayori was always a daydreamer, and tended to get sidetracked by her own mind.

“Oh! Yeah, they’re really great. Her parents aren’t around that much because they work a lot, but Monika…” she smiles that goofy smile again. If I didn’t know any better, she almost looks a little lovestruck. But that would be crazy…right? “She’s great. Really, really great. She’s helped me so much since her family took me in with my depression and everything. And…I _know_ that she’ll be able to help you, and so will I, and the other girl that’s living with us, too. We all help each other. And I promise, things will get better.”

“Yeah?” I ask, and even I notice the small hint of hope creeping into my voice. Sayori grins, nodding. Once again, the thought of having an actual _home_ where I felt safe and people cared about me filled me with beautiful, warm feelings.

“Of course! You said that this is your low point, so you can only go up from here, right?” Sayori asks optimistically. Now that I think about it, I can’t really fault that logic. I still maintain that I don’t deserve any of the kindness that Sayori’s affording me, but then again, I don’t think anyone would be worthy of that. The world does not deserve Sayori Ozaki.

Monika comes in soon after that, a warm smile on her face. “Feeling a bit better, Natsuki?” she asks. I’m still not fully comfortable around her, but I know she means no harm, so I nod, giving her a reluctant smile. “Good! I know that talking with Sayori always makes me feel better, so I’m glad that it’s the same for you.”

Sayori giggles, swatting at Monika as she gets up. “Ehehe, come on, stop it!” she laughs, an embarrassed flush of red flashing across her cheeks. I raise an eyebrow. Maybe that offhand thought from earlier wasn’t so crazy…

“What? It’s true!” Monika says as a sly smile crosses her face briefly. She then clears her throat, turning to me. “Ah, sorry, I hope I didn’t interrupt you two. My parents are expecting us soon, so I think we should start gathering some stuff to bring back home now. Take your time, though, just let us know what you want to keep and we can get it.”

With Sayori’s help, I stand up, looking at the mess that is my room. It’s still painful to look at, but after what Sayori said, I’m able to handle that pain a little better. After looking through the pile of rubbish, I’m able to pick a few outfits, both casual and for school. Sayori also picks up the remains of a stuffed, white cat that she apparently remembers me bringing over to her house when we were kids. I don’t remember that, but I’m not too surprised; that cat’s probably my favorite stuffed animal that I have…or, _had_ , I guess. But even though its head is ripped off, she insists that she will sew it back together. I keep insisting she doesn’t have to, but she’s adamant. That’s the type of person she is, after all, and plus, it would be nice to salvage a little something from here…it’s not like I’ll be able to get any of my manga back.

We don’t stay for much longer. There are too many bad memories of this place, and in the carnage of the fight there isn’t much I want to bring back. With Monika carrying my bag, the three of us go back to the car. We drive off, leaving my old home in the dust, presumably forever. I can’t help but smile as that thought sinks in – as far as I know, I will _never_ see that hellhole again. The only other time I would be okay with seeing my old home again is if a bulldozer was plowing it to the ground…you know, actually, that isn’t a bad idea.

I’m in a comparatively better mood when we arrive at the Amano residence, although it takes a while to get there. Monika lived fairly far away – still within walking distance of school, but on the other side of the school from my home, which was comforting to know that I wouldn’t have to pass it on my way over. Also, traffic was rough on the way over, which made it a little longer to get there. But finally, we had arrived – this new home, this “fresh start” that both Monika and Sayori seemed to promise for me. While I appreciated the optimistic pep talk from Sayori (which definitely helped calm me down during my panic attack) and I didn’t doubt that Monika genuinely wanted to help, I couldn’t help but still be a bit cynical. Maybe it was just how I was raised, but I still couldn’t get my head around this being anything other than a temporary solution. This might give me housing for a couple years, and I’d definitely be willing to bet that the living conditions here were better than at the old place, but what after that? My future was still pretty fucking uncertain, especially after my one lifeline (albeit a shitty lifeline) just got arrested and is likely facing life in prison.

These were the thoughts that were going through my head as Monika pulled the car into the driveway, cheerfully announcing our arrival. The house seemed nice, albeit a little small for a place that was supposed to be housing foster children. But it seemed cozy. Opening the back door of the car, Monika grabs my bag once again as Sayori flashes an encouraging grin at me. I try my best to mimic a similar smile, because at this point, I’m too anxious and tired to give her a genuine smile. Hopefully she won’t notice the difference.

Monika opens the door for me, and I’m the first one to walk inside. “We’re home!” Monika calls out as she steps in after me, followed by Sayori. My eyes rest on the small living room, and sure enough, the interior of the house looks just as cozy as the exterior would make you believe. There’s a fireplace, a comfy-looking silk couch, a few rocking chairs, the whole shebang.

My inspection of the room doesn’t last long, though, because very soon after I enter my attention is attracted to something else entirely…or rather, _someone_ else. It isn’t either of Monika’s parents, that’s for sure; she’s young, maybe a year older than me at the most, but tall – really tall. She has a slim physique, though, and a small mouth ~~and REALLY big fucking boobs, like, wowzers~~ …so, basically the exact opposite of me in every way. She’s wearing an oversized turtleneck sweater that is scrunched up around her wrists. But that isn’t what really captures my attention ~~(well, okay, the boobs definitely catch my attention, but cut me some slack, I’m only human)~~ – it’s her long, beautiful, violet hair, and her wide, captivating eyes. I fucking hate that stupid “love at first sight” cliché, but…this woman is legitimately hands-down gorgeous. All of this leaves me with the stupidest fucking expression in the world as I simply stare at her.

This as-of-yet unnamed goddess walks up to us, a small smile on her face as she looks at me directly in the eyes. “H-hello. You must be Natsuki. I’ve heard a lot about you,” she says, sticking out her hand in front of me. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Yuri.”

Hello, Yuri. I’m fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 2, where the story really starts! I hope you liked a little bit of this backstory between Natsuki and Sayori - I see their relationship as a little similar to MC and Sayori from the actual game, but in contrast to this one, this is more sisterly than actually romantic (sorry to disappoint any Sayuki fans!). I think it should be obvious to the reader where the romantic focal points of this story will be ;) 
> 
> I hope that Yuri introduction was enough to keep you entertained for a while, because unfortunately it's going to be quite a while until the next chapter. I just wanted to get two chapters out so people can get a feel for what this story is going to be like, but I would not expect another chapter for quite some time...so if you like where this is going, then bookmark it and keep an eye out for future updates! I will try my best to update soon, but my life is super busy right now and for the next few months as well so I just don't know how frequently I'll be able to write for this. But comments and kudos help motivate me to find the time to write. I was blown away by the reception to the first chapter, so thank you so much for that! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, and see you next time!


	3. I meet a girl I really really really shouldn't be having a crush on

It takes me what feels like a solid minute to respond. Maybe it was shorter, I don’t know, but there was for sure a pause before I’m able to take her hand and shake it back.

“Natsuki,” I say in response, then realize how fucking stupid a thing that is to say. “ _I’m_ Natsuki. Although I know you already know who I am, mainly because you just said it, but just in case you wanted confirmation…I’m Natsuki,” I say again. God, I’m such a fucking useless lesbian. Look that up on Urban Dictionary if you want a laugh; the first entry you’d get is an image of my stupid fucking face right now. I let go of her hand, worrying that I’m holding it for too long. “It’s nice to meet you too,” I mumble back.

Yuri smiles back at me politely. My heart does this annoying little flutter thing. Oh, fuck me.

Thankfully, Monika’s father comes into the room at that moment, saving me from any further embarrassing escapades (for now, at least). He greets me with a professional smile and a handshake, similarly to Yuri (who I still can’t get out of my mind).

“Natsuki, it’s good to see you,” he says. My first impression of him when I met him in the hospital earlier this week seems to be remaining steady: nice, but formal. He has a classy, grey button-down shirt with dark business-like pants and shiny black shoes. “My wife is just finishing preparing dinner. The girls can help you get unpacked after we’re finished eating.”

“You’ll be staying with Yuri!” Sayori says, practically squealing. I practically have a heart attack. I’m staying in the same room as this girl who shares her name with the lesbian manga genre (come on, I know we were both thinking it, I’m just the first one that said so).

God fucking dammit. Focus, Natsuki. It’s just a crush, get over yourself. So she’s attractive, big deal.

“Oh, okay. Whatever,” I say, adding in that last word as casually as possible. I immediately worry that it might come off as aggressive, but…whatever, right?

Fuck, I’m overthinking all of this. And now I see Mr. Amano walking back to the kitchen, with Monika walking behind him, Sayori skipping happily alongside her, and Yuri pausing, turning to look back to me with a hesitant look on her face as she’s staring at me. I’m standing stupidly in the living room like a statue, not moving a single inch.

“Erm…are you coming?” she asks me questioningly, trying to catch my attention (as if she wasn’t doing that already).

“Uhh, yeah,” I respond, internally grimacing. Damn it, why do I have to be so…gay? I suppress a groan as I follow her into the kitchen, feeling like the biggest boob in the room – and that was saying something.

I sit down at the dining table in a seat next to Sayori and directly across from Yuri, where a big, fat bowl of spaghetti is sitting in the middle. Normally with that much food in front of me I’d down it in a single sitting, but a week of free (and mostly unlimited) meals at the hospital, as well as the good ol’ feeding tube that kept me alive while I was unconscious, have made me realize that maybe my eating situation has gotten a little less unstable. With Papa, breakfast wasn’t really an option, I might be able to scramble something together from his leftovers for dinner, and for lunch, well, I found what I could get. Lucky for me, for the past few months some careless student (or students, plural) has been leaving spare change underneath and around the vending machine, and so I’ve kinda been relying on that for a while…

But now things are changing, so I just put a little bit on my plate. And plus, I have a few other things on my mind right now and I’m kinda on edge.

As I nervously pick at my food, Monika’s parents talk to me, with Monika and Sayori saying something every now and then. I think they’re just giving me the basics of living here: house rules, what to do when they’re gone, the basic stuff. I mostly remain silent, responding with an “uh-huh” and a “yup” every now and then whenever I feel it’s appropriate. Yuri is also remaining silent, her eyes on her food as she gives me and a few other people around the table an occasional glance. I can respect that. I’m also kind of zoning out right now from what they’re saying, maybe I should tune back into what’s going on…

“…and that’s about it. Natsuki, do you have any questions? I know that that was a lot of information,” Monika’s mother says. Glad I focused in on what they’re saying right now, otherwise I would have just responded with another “yup.”

“Uhh, nope,” I say, twirling some of the spaghetti with my fork and putting it in my mouth.

“Excellent. Well, if you have anything at all that you need to know, just ask either of us. Or, for that matter, Monika,” her mother continues, to which Monika smiles at me politely. “Because of our jobs, we are often out of town, so in those instances Monika will be in charge.”

I furrow my brow. That seems like a little much, doesn’t it? A high school senior that is expected to fulfill all academic and social responsibilities while _also_ keeping an eye on three foster kids? Meh, maybe I’m just overthinking it and they aren’t out that often. I just smile and nod.

“Okay…thanks, Mrs. Amano…and Mr. Amano,” I add awkwardly, looking across the table to look at the two adults. They smile at me and nod, putting their plates away (wait, they’re already done eating? Guess I’ve been zoning out for a while, I’m barely halfway done with my food). I kind of half-expected them to correct me and tell me “Oh no, please, call me [INSERT FIRST NAME HERE]”, but they didn’t. O-kay…maybe I’m just a little shit for expecting that, but I dunno, whatever.

“Oh, and I can help, too!!” Sayori says loudly, jumping up in her seat as she grins at me. “I know this house inside and out by this point, so you can ask me anything and I’ll have the answer to it!”

Her enthusiasm for something so small as asking where the bathrooms in this house are is pretty contagious, I’m not going to lie. I smirk slightly at her. “I’m sure you will. Thank you too, Sayori.”

Sayori beams at me for a second, before she looks like she remembers something and sits up again. “Oh, and Yuri too! Don’t forget to thank her, she’ll be able to help you lots!”

This is the first time Yuri is mentioned the entire meal, and even she seems surprised as she glances at me and then back at Sayori, a flustered blush comes across her face ~~(which somehow makes her even more attractive…dammit)~~. “S-sayori, please, no one needs to thank me for anything…” she mutters quietly. “Besides, I haven’t even done anything yet…”

“But you will!” Sayori insists. “After all, the two of you are sharing a room, so you’ll be the easiest person for her to ask questions to!” Ugh, now _I’m_ feeling flustered. Why did she have to bring that up again??

“Whatever. It’s not like I need help with much,” I say, feeling the need to stand up for myself a little bit. Monika, getting up from her seat to take care of her dish, raises an eyebrow.

“Natsuki, one of your arms is literally in a sling,” she states lightly, pointing at it in case everyone around the table couldn’t see it. “And we have already heard from the doctors that you can’t carry around your schoolbooks on your own. I know you probably like your independence, but there’s no shame in asking for help if you need it.”

“I know _that!_ ” I snap at her instinctually, immediately regretting it. This is literally the first time I’m in their home, and I need to make a good first impression – if they kick me out, I’ve kind of got no other options. Monika’s parents don’t seem to be paying attention – just a second ago they were washing dishes, and now they’re heading out of the kitchen entirely. So, I guess the damage control is probably limited to just Monika, Sayori, and Yuri. “I was, uh, just talking about every day stuff. But yeah…I will need someone to carry my backpack and stuff for me.”

I’m surprised that they know about the doctor’s order to not let me carry heavy objects, although I suppose it makes sense – I’m in their care now, after all. I just hate that they know even more about me and what I “need” to do to get better, because that implies that something happened that made me need help in the first place. I’m not sure which girl makes me more uncomfortable, in that they know so much about my history and vulnerabilities from the get-go: Sayori, my childhood best friend; Monika, someone I kind of know but not really well; or Yuri, someone who is a total (if attractive) stranger to me. Each of them sees all of my scars now, because they’re visible and as clear as day. I’m like a wounded deer that’s been hit by a car, limping around and bloody, while they’re the various onlookers that have taken pity on me and are trying to help. I’m fucking pathetic.

“I can help you carry your books during the school day,” Yuri says, looking over at me. Once again, her eyes are piercingly captivating as they linger on me, until she looks away and down at her empty plate. “I mean, unless you want one of your friends to do it. But I wouldn’t mind doing it, if that would make things easier for you.”

I blink at her, surprised. Part of me is holding back a self-deprecating laugh, in that Yuri assumes that I have “friends.” The most I have are acquaintances, _maybe_ not counting Sayori whose friendship with me is still a little undefined at the moment. The other part of me really doesn’t want her help, because like I said, I don’t want people having to take care of me and pity me like a small, wounded child. But…the doctor _did_ order me to find someone to carry my things around. And I’d be both an ass and an idiot if I were to say no.

“Uhh, okay, sure…” I say, averting eye contact with Yuri. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, and I’m worried that if she saw my real expression right now she’d get that impression. “Thanks,” I add in quickly, shuffling in my seat awkwardly.

“No problem,” she says, standing up to pick up our plates on the table, all of which are empty at this point. It looks like dinner has come to its natural conclusion, because Sayori and Monika are getting up now, too. So, I get up, too…and as I stand up, I realize just how fucking tired I really am. I let out what I think is a quiet groan of weariness as I try stretching my legs a little bit, but I guess it’s not quiet enough because all three girls notice immediately.

“Aww, Nat, are you a little tired?” Sayori asks, an endearing smile on her face as she gives me a friendly side-hug. What she said takes me way back to our sleepovers, where we would both try to see who would stay up the latest…almost always, she would win. Sayori’s more of the type to sleep in, while I go to bed early. But I always tried to win to stay up later than her…it was like a competition for us. A childish, stupid competition where she would always win, but thinking back to it gave me some happy memories.

“No!” I shoot back, mock-glaring at her for a split second before my shoulders slump, my body telling me that tonight was _not_ the time for restarting the who-can-stay-up-the-latest game. I was drained, both physically and emotionally. “…yes.” This got a giggle out of Sayori.

“It is getting rather late, isn’t it…” Monika says as she hums thoughtfully. I don’t really think so…it can’t be later than seven or eight. It’s not like they picked me up from the hospital _that_ late. Regardless, my body clock is a little fucked from lying in a hospital bed and drifting in and out of sleep all week. “Why don’t we help you carry your things upstairs to where you’ll be staying? Yuri can help you unpack.”

Oh yeah, that’s right, we’re sharing a room. I guess I forgot about that little detail, despite everyone seeming to bring it up every chance they can get. I nod, and Sayori and Monika leave the room to go get the few things that I have, which they carry upstairs for me. Who knows? Maybe it won’t be the most awkward thing in the world, sharing a room with a sexy girl who would never in a million years feel the same way about you. Yeah. No way that would be awkward. I know I’m being sarcastic as all hell right now, but as long as I ram it through my thick skull that I should NOT try to make a move on my new roommate and foster…sister? Ugh, great, thanks brain for making it weird all of the sudden.

Yuri’s just finished putting away all of the dishes, and the two of us follow Sayori and Monika upstairs. The upstairs of the house seems to be fairly small from what I can tell – there appear to be only two rooms, with an opened closet room at the end of the hall. The two rooms seem like they’re pretty big, though. Sayori and Monika leave my bag by the foot of one of the doors…I guess this is where I’m staying with Yuri.

“Well, this is where you’re going to be staying with Yuri!” Monika says. Gee, thanks, I couldn’t have guessed. “We’re right across the hall. There’s a bathroom in each of our rooms, so you only have to worry about sharing a bathroom with her. When they’re here, my parents are usually pretty strict about quiet hours being quiet, but if you need anything from me or Sayori then you can just knock on our door. If you want to go to school tomorrow, then I usually leave with Yuri around eight. Although I understand if you’d like to take an extra day off.”

Regardless of whether I felt up for school tomorrow, I knew that I needed to – I had already missed up so many classes, and if I don’t go back now then I honestly doubt I ever will. And to be honest, I don’t like the assumption that I’m not able to do basic things just because of what happened…I’m more than capable of slogging through another day of school, right?

“I’ll be fine. We can leave by eight,” I respond dully. Monika smiles at me as Sayori comes up to me.

“I might not see you tomorrow morning…I tend to sleep in a little bit, and I’m homeschooled by a tutor who comes here so my classes don’t start until later,” she says in a softer, more personal voice. I guess that explains why Monika said only she and Yuri left for school…and also why I haven’t seen Sayori at school in a while. I knew it was probably a touchy subject, though, so I’m glad she brought it up first. “But…” she pauses, smiling for a split second before attacking me with one of her trademarked hugs. I let out a grunt out of surprise. Surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt _that_ much…if anything, it just feels nice. Whatever little pain I get out of this, I think I can handle it.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” she says to me, pulling away. “I know I don’t really like what happened to get you here, but…I’m glad you’re finally away from him. And I’m glad you’re back in my…I mean, I’m glad you’re in _our_ lives now.”

That’s nice to hear…although I feel that familiar bubble of guilt rising up to the surface again as she reminds me that I left her in the first place. I know she’s not intentionally trying to make me feel like a walking, talking, smelly piece of shit right now, she’s saying that with good intent…but I guess it doesn’t matter. I deserve to feel like a piece of shit because of that. And I know that I need to make it up to her, somehow…but now that I’m running on 50% energy, I’m not sure it’s the right time to do that.

“I’m, uh, glad you’re back in my life, too,” I say as she pulls back, trying to give her a sideways smile. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it!” Sayori says, grinning at me as she steps back. “I’m, uh, actually kinda tired too, so I’ll see you later, yeah?” Monika’s walking towards the door of their room, looking back at me with another polite smile. Sayori’s following her.

“Yeah. See ya,” I say casually, standing in the doorway of what I guess is now my room, looking back. The door across the hall closes, giving Sayori and Monika the privacy to do…whatever it is they’re going to do. Sleep, maybe? Or maybe do the types of things that me and Sayori used to do when we had sleepovers? Well, I’d guess that because she’s been living here for over a year, it would be more normal for them to share a room, so the magic of the elusive sleepover may have worn off by now. Plus, Monika’s like, 17 or 18, and Sayori’s 16 like me. Although on the inside Sayori will always be a jumpy, energetic child in my mind.

Then it hits me: why am I just standing in the doorway, looking at a closed door? God, I zone out so fucking easily. And now Yuri probably thinks I’m a weirdo for standing here so long. Great going, ya fucking weirdo. I turn on my heels and head into the room.

When I walk in, I see Yuri sitting down on what I presume is her bed. My bag has been placed down on another bed, which is on the other side of the room. The room itself is medium-sized, not too big, but there’s enough room between my bed and hers (thank god). Outside of that, there’s a lot of purple…and I mean a _lot_ of purple. The curtains, the blankets on her bed, the fluffy carpet in the center of the floor…the walls are painted a light blue, and even then, I can’t help but remind myself that it is one of the primary colors that, combined with red, make _purple_. The blankets on my bed are a neutral white, though.

Another thing about Yuri’s room: the scent of lavender is _everywhere_. Now that I’m alone in a room with her, I notice that that’s what she smells like. It might not be the strongest presence of lavender in the world, but it’s definitely there. A light lavender smell. It smells…nice.

“Ahh, do you need help unpacking?” Yuri asks me, standing up from her bed as she looks over at my things carefully.

Ugh, no offense, hottie, but seeing as how I’m basically being babysat 24/7 for the time being, I’m going to be taking advantage of every opportunity I can to _not_ get help from anyone. “Nah,” I say, shrugging. “I don’t really have many clothes anyway, so there isn’t much to unpack in the first place.” Yuri looks at me, seemingly concerned, for a moment, and then nods and accepts my answer.

I open my bag, and see the few outfits I’ve packed…it looks like Sayori’s already opened it, because I notice my stuffed cat is gone. I figure she’s probably already taken it to sew it back together. I smile for a moment as I think back to the moment she insisted on saving my old, raggedy stuffed animal; but then I frown as I look over my clothes. I wasn’t lying to Yuri when I said that I didn’t have a lot to unpack; there might be enough to last four days. Not really all that sustainable unless I want to do laundry every other day, isn’t it? I guess that means I’ll need to go clothes shopping sooner rather than later…which will evidently require someone to go with me to help me carry everything. Just my fucking luck, more people helping poor little me.

…fuck me, what the hell is wrong with me? I’m such an ungrateful piece of shit. At least I have people who want to help me. On the other hand, maybe they don’t and they’re just burdened with helping me. They _have_ to help me. That’s probably more likely, at least in the case of Monika, her parents, and Yuri. Maybe Sayori genuinely wants to help me. Although after everything I’ve done to her…

…fuck me twice, I’m zoning out again, aren’t I? Focus, Natsuki, _focus_.

“W-well, the bottom two drawers of the dresser are yours, if you need them,” Yuri says, gesturing over towards the old, wooden dresser that stands next to the drawer. “I can open those, if you’d like…?” she starts it off as a statement, but ends the sentence with a lingering question. I begin to feel bad for her. At least she’s _trying_ to be helpful. What am I doing? I should say yes.

“No, thanks, Yuri. I think I can handle it.” Okay, fuck me thrice. I seriously have some sort of brain deficiency or something. Dragging the light bag off of my bed with my good arm, I carry it over to the dresser, trying to open the bottom drawer.

…and I’m unable to get a good grip on it. Hey, don’t blame me too much, I’m dominant with my right hand, the one that’s completely fucking useless right now. And I’m also unable to tug on the drawer handle with a lot of force without sending a spike of pain through my ribs. So, I guess I have no choice but to get help now.

Thankfully, I don’t have to ask and embarrass myself even further; Yuri was able to notice that I was having some problems with the dresser and kneels down to open the bottom one for me. I mumble a thanks and lay out my clothes there hastily before I notice a fairly large box taking up about a quarter of the drawer.

“Uh, what’s this?” I ask, looking at it carefully. Yuri examines it before hauling it out; the box actually seems pretty heavy as she places it down on the ground with a thud.

“Sorry, I’ll move it…” she says, seemingly nervous. She hasn’t answered my question yet, though, and she picks at a strand of her hair as she continues to mumble quietly. “It’s, uh…it’s my manga collection.”

My eyes widen in an instant. I had to have misheard that…right? I open the lid to the box, and realize with amazement that I definitely heard her correctly: inside is volume upon volume of manga comic books. There has to be at least 30 individual books…maybe not as many as my old collection, but still, impressive nonetheless. And what’s more, among the first few manga books on the top of the pile are the latest few additions of my personal favorite series, Parfait Girls.

…oh, what is Parfait Girls, you might ask? Only the most engaging and brilliant manga you’ll ever read! Sure, maybe if you read _one_ issue and _only_ one issue then you’ll walk away with a meh impression, because on the whole it’s generally just a slice-of-life story about four girls just cooking and doing basic things. But then if you continue reading, you get to read more about each of the girls’ backstories and see how different plotlines separate and converge alongside each other, with very little details like Alice’s crush on the school president that are alluded to very early on and then seemingly forgotten about brought up again later as a _major_ plot point in future volumes. IF you decide to stick with it, then you’d be surprised at how deep and complex all of it gets! I also may or may not still have a crush on one of the main characters, Minori…but if you read Parfait Girls, then you totally would too!

Parfait Girls is definitely my type of manga. But honestly, a quiet and formal type like Yuri? I’m surprised that she even has manga in the first place.

“You… _you_ collect manga???” I ask in bewilderment, looking back up at Yuri as she stands over me. I wasn’t really sure what types of hobbies someone like her would have, but I definitely would not have assumed reading manga would have been one of them.

“I…yes, of course. Is it really that surprising to you?” she asks me.

“N-no!” I say defensively, looking away from her for a minute. “…it was just a little unexpected, that’s all.” I suppose I don’t know anything about this person…but something about the way she says that gives me a little bit of pause. Like she’s trying to hide something or another from me. “Mind if I take a look?” I ask, to which she shakes her head.

“Of course, by all means,” she responds amicably enough. This is the second thing that makes me a little bit suspicious: as a seasoned manga collector, I would _NEVER_ have let anyone touch any of my novels out of fear that they’d get their grubby little hands all over them and crease the pages. I have a very particular way of caring for my books, after all. Although maybe I don’t let anyone touch them because I’m a huge bitch. Or because I don’t have any friends. Or…or both.

I turn back to the box, where I notice that she shares quite a few of the same books from my old collection before it was destro…yeah, let’s not go back there. The important thing is, it looks like she follows a lot of the same series; hell, I even used to own most of these same volumes. The first book that grabs my eye is the latest edition of Parfait Girls – obviously, I’ve read it.

Something about the way Yuri’s acting is making me a little suspicious about something, and even though I don’t want to assume anything, I decide a harmless little test wouldn’t hurt.

“Hey! What did you think of the latest Parfait Girls???” I ask, lifting up the latest edition for her to see.

Yuri pauses, looking at the cover blankly for a moment. “Oh! Well, I, uh…” she starts to say, struggling to gather her thoughts. Another interesting sign. “I actually, uh, haven’t been able to read that edition yet. I am still, erm, a little behind, I merely bought it in advance.”

“Oh, yeah? So, you’re reading the series now?” I ask, a little curious. She nods. “Well, what is the latest edition you’ve read?”

Yuri becomes a little more anxious at my prodding questions as she twirls her long strands of hair with one of her hands (I would be lying if I said it wasn’t at least a little cute). “O-oh, ahh, well, I f-forget exactly. I would need to look again for the exact number…”

“Well, do you remember what the plot of it was? I’ve read each one at least a few times, I’ll probably be able to help.”

“W-well, they were…erm, they were cooking a cake…” Yuri mumbles, struggling to come up with anything that formed an actual distinct plot.

“Great, way to narrow it down. They bake a cake in practically every other book,” I say, snorting slightly as I try to hold back a laugh. It’s obvious that she knows nothing about Parfait Girls. “Can you at least tell me your favorite character? Which one’s your favorite girl?”

Yuri opens her mouth to answer, but then after a pause silently closes it. “You haven’t read Parfait Girls, have you?” I ask her. Silently, like a scared animal, Yuri shakes her head. “Have you read any of these books?” Again, Yuri pauses, and then reluctantly shakes her head. “Thought so.”

“N-natsuki, I can explain…” Yuri starts to say, but I stop her, lifting up a finger.

“Save it. I think I know what’s going on here,” I say, the annoyance in my voice clear to even me. This is so obvious, even from the very beginning. “Sayori made you do this, didn’t she? It makes perfect sense. She was worried about me moving in here and wanted you and me to get along, so what better way than to make you get a bunch of manga that you’ve never read to try to trick me that you like this sort of stuff? I mean, I used to take good care of my manga, but even my copies had _some_ wear and tear on them. These are all freshly bought.” I pause as a thought crosses my mind. “Oh God, she didn’t make you pay for _all_ of these, did she?” I ask as I turn back to her.

Yuri looks at me dumbfoundedly, probably shocked out of her mind that I had been able to figure it all out so quickly. Then, suddenly, that shock is placed with relief. I’m a little confused as to why she’s feeling relieved that I found out what’s behind all this, but whatever. “N-no, it…it was a group effort, and what I had to pay for it…it really wasn’t a problem,” she says, sighing as she sits down on her bed, facing me. “Please, erm, please don’t tell Sayori that you found out. She really wanted this plan to work, I’m certain she would be disappointed if she knew you had figured it out…”

My annoyance, and maybe the tiniest bit of pride I had at cracking her plan, washes away as a much more familiar feeling takes control: guilt. “Uggh, I can’t stay mad at her, or you either…” I say, sighing as I lie down on my back. The carpet is fluffy enough to make it actually fairly comfortable, and right now, I’m in the type of mood to lie on the floor. “She just wants me to be comfortable here. I know it would make her happy if I felt like ‘part of the family’ or whatever, but I just have to keep on screwing it up for myself.”

I hear Yuri get up, and I turn my head slightly to see her sitting down at the foot of her bed, on the carpet next to me. “Well, it probably was not a good idea to pretend to like manga just to get closer to you,” she says. “I’m, er…I am sorry for lying to you. You still won’t tell Sayori about this, right?”

I sigh. “Don’t mention it. And yeah, your secret’s safe with me. As far as she knows, we’re as close as Minori and Akira,” I say. Yuri looks at me with a confused expression on my face. “Characters from Parfait Girls. They’re, like, best friends. Did you at least attempt reading it to try to make your story a little bit more believable?”

Yuri blushes in embarrassment. “I-I have been very busy as of late. I haven’t had the time,” she says. “…sorry.”

I scrunch up my nose as I look at her, my head on my side facing her. “Stop apologizing,” I say, looking at her confused. “You already said sorry once, you don’t need to keep on repeating it.”

“O-oh,” Yuri says, and I can see the start of another apology on her lips, but she just closes her mouth as it begins to form. “S…okay.”

I decide to ignore it, as I have other things on my mind. “Besides, if anyone should be apologizing out of all of us, it should be me to Sayori. I basically ignored her existence for two years and now she’s gone out of her way to make me feel good…I shouldn’t be getting manga, or a nice house, or even a smile from her direction. She’s sewing together an old plushie I had, for Christ’s sake. I haven’t done anything to deserve this,” I say, not really knowing why I’m vocalizing any of this to someone I don’t even know. Sure, talking about this with Sayori helped a little bit, but it’s not like I can just get rid of these thoughts in one evening. And now that I think about it, that conversation didn’t really resolve things per se…Sayori was just nice to me again, like she is with everyone, and then Monika interrupted us telling us that we needed to leave.

“W-well, from what I know, Sayori was really excited when she heard you were coming,” Yuri says, interrupting my train of thought. “That’s kind of just the person that she is, right? She does nice things for people…and, well, you’re her dearest friend.”

“What about Monika?” I ask. Surely the person who was immediately there for her right after her suicide attempt would be closer to her than the girl who abandoned her during that same time, right?

But Yuri shakes her head. “Sayori’s relationship with Monika is…markedly different, I believe,” she says, causing me to raise an eyebrow. She doesn’t linger on the subject for too long though. “Regardless, that _is_ the way she has described you to me, as her best and dearest friend.”

To be honest, I’m more than a little surprised to hear that. Maybe I would expect Sayori to still say that to my face and give me a painless white lie to make me feel better, but I didn’t realize that she genuinely felt that way about me. “But…but I haven’t done anything for her!” I protest.

Yuri shrugs. “Well, if that is truly how you feel, then maybe there is something you could do to change that?” she suggests. “You could show her that you’re grateful for everything that she has done for you thus far by doing something nice for her.”

“Like what?” I look over at her as she pauses, seemingly collecting her thoughts before she speaks again.

“Have either Monika or Sayori told you about the literature club yet?” she asks. Furrowing my brow, I shake my head. “W-well, it’s a group at school that Monika started some time ago. There used to be a few more members but now it’s just myself, her, and Sayori. Monika is keeping it running informally because it gives Sayori an excuse to get out of the house…it’s actually the only time that she gets to go to school now, after all of the classes are done.” She pauses as she chooses her next words. “If you were to join us after school…I think that would make her really happy.”

A club? Can’t say I’ve ever joined any of those, mainly because I would never want to fear Papa’s wrath of coming back from school late. And also because I avoid social interaction like the plague. Besides, the topic of the club, literature, seems a little…out of my area of expertise. That’s not to say I don’t read – I do. But it’s only manga.

“Does…does manga count as literature?” I ask, pausing before I realize how stupid my question is. “I mean, _obviously_ it is literature. I’m just asking if your club has any standards for what counts as books or not.” Why the hell should I care about what the _club_ thinks? Manga is definitely literature, end of story, and I will fight you if you think otherwise. I think I’m honestly just trying to come up with excuses to not join at this point.

“W-well, I am most certainly not an expert on the topic, but I would say…yes. It would count,” Yuri says, hesitating a moment before she gave her final answer. I must say, that surprised me. I still don’t really know this girl, but despite being hot, she seems a little bit of a bookworm and stuck-up. One glance at the other wall confirms this: she has a bunch of thick, actual books piled up there…not to say that manga aren’t actual books, either! It’s just…ugh, whatever. With manga confirmed as literature, I drop it.

“So what, I just show up after school to this club with you guys, and you think that will make her happy?” I ask, pausing. I know I should do this. I really want to do this. But… “I don’t know…part of me feels like I wouldn’t be really doing much. I need something else to do, to show I’m grateful to her, right?”

Yuri shrugs. “You can do whatever you feel you need to do. Although I’m not sure what more I can offer.” She’s probably right – she doesn’t really know the history of my friendship with Sayori well enough to comment, nor should I expect her to. Classic Natsuki, always expecting other people to solve your problems, huh? Whatever. Time to put on my thinking cap.

And that’s when it hits me: there is most definitely _one_ thing that will make everything between me and Sayori okay.

“Cupcakes!” I announce unintentionally loudly, startling Yuri somewhat.

“W-what?” she asks, maybe taken a wee bit off guard by the abrupt announcement. Maybe I should clarify.

“When we were kids, the main thing I cooked for her were cupcakes,” I explain, hoping that Yuri will follow along. “So I’ll just make some tomorrow and bring them to this club! I have a free period right before lunch and so that’ll give me _plenty_ of time to go to the baking club’s kitchen and cook! I just need to get the ingredients, which they usually have, and it’ll be a piece of cake – literally! What do you think??”

Yuri was silent (obviously shocked at how brilliant of an idea I came up with). “You really think that would be the best idea?” she asks after a little bit of a pause. “Are you…certain you would have the time to do that?”

“Yeah, of course! I’m the best cook out there!” I boast. Okay, maybe not _the_ best, but pretty darn good. “Okay, _maybe_ I’ll have to be late to one of my classes just to get the cupcakes out of the oven, but once I get to stirring and pouring them into the pans it won’t take me longer than…” I trail off as a sinking feeling takes hold of my gut. I look down at my arm, still in its cast and sling. I’m literally disabled. “…shit.”

Yuri seems to be following my eyes, as she notices my dilemma. She nods silently and pauses for a moment. “I-I can help you…if you still want to do that,” she says. That catches my attention.

“O-oh,” I say, surprised a little bit by the offer. “Well, I dunno, I’m not sure if you would be free during that time anyway—”

“I think I am, and besides, I will be carrying around your bookbag for the most of the day anyway,” she interrupts me, and I’m again surprised by how forward she’s being. She seems a little bit surprised, too, because immediately after being a little bold she shrinks back into herself. “That is, only if that would be something you were okay with…” she mutters.

I guess in most cases I would be annoyed that someone interrupted me, and maybe part of me is, but another part of me actually finds it…dammit, what’s the word…comforting? I dunno. Just the fact that someone, literally anyone, wants to spend time with me is more than a little foreign to me, and it feels…nice. And this time, I don’t have to worry about any repercussions with Papa. So, yeah, I don’t really like the fact that I _need_ help to cook. But maybe I don’t have to see it like that? Maybe I should actually reach out to this person who I’m living with, who herself is trying to reach out to me, and actually be a decent fucking human being for once?

“Yeah, that sounds…okay, sure,” I say, sitting up on the carpet. “But you better follow my instructions by the book! I can’t have you messing up these cupcakes and making me look bad!”

Yuri exhales, seemingly…relieved? Maybe she’s not doing this to be polite and actually _does_ want to spend time with me. Wouldn’t that be nice? “Of course, Natsuki. I will try to be as diligent as possible to not mess anything up,” she says, a short, quiet giggle coming from her. It sounds nice. I want to hear more of that if possible, which gives me a goal to try to make Yuri laugh more (yeah, yeah, I get it, I’m gay. Sue me).

After that’s settled, the conversation kind of trails off. And by trail off, I mean that I say “Good,” one time and then we stop talking to one another. I go to use the bathroom, and then realize that I didn’t bring any pajamas: they were all ripped up. Thankfully, Yuri seems to understand pretty quickly my dilemma as soon as I go looking around my bag for something that wasn’t there, and she offers me some of her pajamas. They are definitely _waaaaay_ too big on me, to the point where I’m not sure whether the black garment she gave me is a shirt or a nightgown. Black isn’t really my color either. But regardless, it works, and the shirt falls to just below my knees. It’s actually kinda cozy…but it’s not like I’m going to be wearing it for long, as Yuri mentions that we can go clothes shopping a few days from now.

Also, no, I did not undress in front of Yuri, nor did I need any of her help getting my clothes off and the shirt on. Sure, the cast was a pain to get in and out of the sleeve holes, but I am NOT letting her see me naked. And I don’t need her helping me with everything. I put it on when she went to the bathroom. Actually, she was in there for quite some time, giving me plenty of time to struggle on my own. By the time I’m done shimmying into the shirt, she’s still in the bathroom; okay, she’s been in there for a _really_ long time, but I guess a girl’s gotta prep herself for her beauty sleep, huh? I decide not to disturb her.

While Yuri’s gone, my mind wanders back over to the manga collection. I still can’t believe that Sayori got Yuri to get all of this. It’s almost a shame that all of this will go to waste. Kneeling down in front of the box, I rummage around it (with my good arm, don’t worry) once more, this time just curious to see what she has.

Reaching the bottom of the box, my eyes widen. It’s Parfait Girls, Volume One. Holy shit. I look at the other books in the box, and I realize that Yuri has all of them, in order, from the first copy up to the latest edition. I thought that I had lost all of the Parfait Girls comics that I had painstakingly collected over the years as soon Papa discovered my manga collection, but suddenly, I have them all again. I honestly feel like tearing up a little bit, but I hold it back.

The bathroom door opens, and Yuri steps out. She’s wearing a light purple nightgown with long sleeves that goes down to her ankles – unlike me, her dress actually fits her well, and she looks pretty attractive in it. Of course, I wouldn’t look attractive with or without this shirt on me. Ugh, why do I keep commenting on how attractive this person who would obviously never like me back is? Stop it, brain.

“Find something you like?” Yuri asks gently, and it takes me a moment to register that she’s talking about the manga.

“Uh, _yeah!_ ” I say, and now that my train of thought is back on the books I’m barely able to contain my excitement. “I can’t believe you have the first ever Parfait Girls! It took me FOREVER to find it!”

Yuri smiles, sitting on her bed with her feet dangling from the side. “Well, I’m happy that you like it,” she says, pointing over to the rest of the books. “You know, those books are all yours. I don’t really have any need for them myself.” My eyes widen. She’s simply giving this away to me…for free. I’m not sure how much she actually paid for it herself, but I definitely don’t deserve it.

“WHAT? You’re giving away this literal national treasure???” I demand, astounded that she doesn’t see the value in this. I pause to correct myself. “Okay, maybe not literal, but this is, like, really fucking rare shit!” I have the best words, don’t I? Sorry, I’m just not really having an easy time describing the importance of this particular manga; although I’m sure that all of you weebs understand already.

“W-well, I’m glad you find value in it, but really, that’s all the more reason that you should keep it—”

“Come on, you’re really giving up on this?” I ask, walking over towards her and holding the manga copy in her face. “Nope, not accepting that. It’s yours. What type of fake manga fan would you be if you didn’t at least _attempt_ to read any of them? And if you want to get into Parfait Girls, then you’ve gotta start from the first ever one!” Okay, maybe not. Most of these books act as standalone slice-of-life type deals, and you can pick up pretty much anywhere. But I just want to try to convince her to read this one.

Yuri pauses, glancing at both me and the book that I’m holding in front of her. Slowly, she takes the Parfait Girls manga from my hand. “Alright, let’s make a deal, shall we?” she proposes, looking at me as she places the book in her lap. “We _share_ this one. And instead of simply me reading it, you can read it with me. And then, if I like it, I will continue reading the rest of the series on my own. Does that sound adequate?”

This girl’s certainly full of surprises. I was expecting to pressure her endlessly until she took the book for herself, but honestly, this seems like a good solution, too. I nod.

“Okay, fine! But keep up with my reading pace, I go quick!” I say, sitting down next to her on her bed. Yuri seems a little startled as she almost jumps.

“O-ohh! I, ah, we’re reading it now?” she asks in a timid voice. Oh. I guess she meant that we would read it together later…which, listening back to the conversation, made sense from the context. But I guess it’s too late to back out now.

“Oh…uh, yeah? Unless you’re too tired,” I say quickly. To be honest, _I’m_ kind of tired, but my excitement and drive to introduce someone new to Parfait Girls should be able to keep me awake. Yuri shakes her head.

“No…well, I suppose there is no better time like the present, then,” she says, giving me a small smile before opening the book in her lap. “I can turn the pages to make it easy for you. Simply let me know when you’re finished reading.”

I’m about to shoot back that I’m more than capable of flipping a page, but with one arm immobile, I guess she’s right. Plus, my mind is too tired and focused on manga for me to get into an argument right now; at least not one that isn’t related to Parfait Girls lore. Scooting over to get a good view of the pages, I’m careful to make sure there’s a comfortable distance between us; I don’t want to seem like I’m starved for physical contact, now do I?

As we start reading, I begin excitedly explaining to Yuri about the characters that we are first introduced to, their personality quirks, what she should expect them to do when we continue reading about them, and preempting myself nearly a million times when I almost give away a spoiler for the end of the volume…or if I give away something in a later volume, because spoiling the manga while she has just barely started to read it would be the most dogshit fucking horrible human thing I could possibly do…and I’m already pretty much a dogshit fucking…fucking horrible human being so I don’t want to get worse…what was I thinking…ohh yeeeeahh, don’t worry, I’m not gonna spoil anything for…Yuri…she smells nice…like…like lavender…

…

…

I blink my eyes open a little bit, and I realize that I just fell asleep. I’m not sure for how long. I wake up with something soft pressed up against me. Or, rather, _I’m_ the one pressed up against something soft. And that something soft…and fleshy…is…oh shit. I just fell asleep leaning on Yuri’s arm.

Immediately, I jump back, causing Yuri to jump in response as well. I can tell from the heat I feel on my cheeks that my face is red all over. God, this is _so_ fucking embarrassing! “Aahh, I-I’m sorry, Natsuki, I didn’t mean to startle you!” she says, the book in her lap. “I-I-I, ahh, didn’t want to wake you, you only nodded off for a few minutes—”

“We can continue reading later!” I say, my voice feeling unnatural and high-pitched. “I need to go to sleep now…good night!” I get up quickly and walk over to my bed, lying down very fast. I don’t dare look back at Yuri as I hear her sigh and mumble a “good night” back to me. She gets up, turns off the lights, and then proceeds back to her bed. Since I’m not able to turn over move onto my side or lie on my stomach, I’m confined to staring at the ceiling, now shrouded in darkness. Like the light in the room, I honestly wouldn’t mind disappearing right now either.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so awkward and weird? As my heart rate slows down, I try to think calmly about what happened. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. If anything, me making a big deal about it and going to sleep was probably more embarrassing than the actual incident. And yet, for that brief moment when I didn’t register what was going on, that soft, human touch felt so goddamn _good_ …

Grr, stop that! Stop thinking like that! You know you can’t have Yuri. You need to get your shit together, Natsuki. I need to stop thinking that Yuri would ever want a rat-haired, ugly, bastard girl like me, and I need to stop thinking that even if she _did_ , it would be totally unfeasible to start something with _the person that you’re sharing a room with in a foster home_. I just need to stop thinking those thoughts. Yeah. Stop thinking about it, and then the thoughts will go away. I’ll forget that I even ever had those thoughts in the first place, and then maybe (just maybe) I’ll be able to act like a normal, functioning human being.

Shouldn’t be too hard…right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!! I hope that break in between chapters wasn't too long. I'm actually surprised (and pleased) with myself, because I honestly wasn't expecting to update this for a few more weeks. Originally this chapter was going to be *much* shorter than this, but I ended up getting a little carried away haha. Sorry! I guess I just wanted the first meeting between Yuri and Natsuki to flow naturally. This chapter was also supposed to include their first day at school together...but I guess you all will have to wait until Chapter 4 for that! And even then, knowing me it will probably be split up into multiple chapters haha.
> 
> I hope I do Yuri justice in all of your minds! Because she's so quiet and mysterious, introducing her as this new (and central) character was a little hard, especially because I'm still writing 100% from Natsuki's point of view. But hopefully writing for her will become more natural the more she opens up to her new roommate. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought about this chapter in the comments! And if you liked it I always appreciate a kudos. Thanks for reading :)


	4. I bake cupcakes and have a mental breakdown (although not necessarily in that order)

I’ve never liked school. Okay, sure, that’s probably the same for most people; you’d be pretty hard-pressed to find someone who actually _likes_ school. But a lot of people might be able to point to a couple of things, like friends or sports or clubs or some hot substitute teacher that everyone swoons over for some reason, that they find enjoyable at school. So even though every basic bitch you ask is going to say they _hate_ school, chances are they actually like it. And I’m not even talking about the people who are actually into their classes, they’re a different breed entirely. If you like going to school because you’re genuinely interested in what’s being taught by your teachers, then…good for you, I guess? Most people are able to find something that they like about school, and in doing so they admit to themselves and only themselves that they like school.

Me, though? I have no reason to like school. Friends? Nope. Clubs? Nada. The only good thing about school is that sometimes I get to eat. No, Papa never gave me lunch money, nor was I able to pack my own lunch with the food situation back at home, but sometimes I was able to make it work. Akari, probably the nicest person that I sit with at lunch (although that’s not saying much…like I said, they’re all capital-B Biiiiiitches), would sometimes pity me and give me half of her sandwich that she packed.

Although most of my food came from the vending machine. I first started looking underneath it to see if anyone had dropped any spare change; usually, there was enough for a candy bar or something. Over time, though, people began to get more forgetful, actually leaving bills under (and sometimes even laying around) the vending machine. I always found that a little bizarre, but I never questioned it. Over the past few months, I’ve usually been able to get a bag of chips at the very least, if not two. Sometimes I would save up for a day and get the holy trinity: Doritos, Lays, and Pringles. Maybe I’d even get a Snickers, too. Again, I always found it really strange that people were just forgetting about money outside of the machine…maybe it’s intentional. Who knows, maybe I have some sort of guardian angel looking out for me to make sure I don’t starve and die? That would be nice.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, school. School sucks, right? I think most of us can at least agree on that. But you know what sucks most about today?

It’s the fact that it’s my first day back after two weeks of being in the hospital. And everyone will have noticed that I’ve been gone. And, if I had to guess, everyone probably knows why I’m gone.

When the kid who’s been absent for a while shows up in a cast and a sling, people are going to notice. When it’s public record that that kid’s dad has been arrested and is in jail, awaiting trial for child abuse and probably a few other charges, they will notice that, too. And it’s not like rumors about my home situation weren’t already circulating – now that I’ve been moved to a foster home, that’s all the confirmation that they need to jump to make assumptions about me, poor, abused Natsuki. None of this is helped by the fact that I am _this_ close to falling off the deep end. I can see the dozens of pity-looks I’ll get in the hall now. Kill me.

I’m definitely anticipating it as soon as Monika pulls up her car to the school. It’s me and her in the front seat, while Yuri is sitting in the back with both my backpack and her own. I’m still wondering how she’ll be able to carry both around all day, but she assured me that she’ll manage. I think she said she’ll just put my backpack in my locker and carry my various books around from class to class, which would make the most sense. One thing I did bring in my bag was the first edition of Parfait Girls from last night…Yuri said that we would probably have time to read it during this literature club thing after school.

Speaking of reading Parfait Girls last night, things between us are…fine. Not as awkward as I originally thought they would be waking up this morning. She didn’t mention the whole me-falling-asleep-on-her incident, and I didn’t remind her of it. Neither of us talked too much that morning to each other, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable either. It was just quiet. Which I guess is the most I can hope for, right?

“Well, here we are!” Monika says as she pulls up to the parking lot. Like we didn’t already know. It’s not like I switched schools or anything, this is the same school I’ve been at since forever…although I guess it’s fair to say that something pretty significant has changed since the last time I was here. “I’ll see you both during the literature club session. I’m so glad that you decided to join us, Natsuki!” she turns over to me, beaming.

Monika actually brought it up herself this morning, although she didn’t need to give much of an explanation as Yuri had already told me about it. I figure if they’re all going to pressure me into doing it, then I might as well come. Besides, it would make Sayori happy. So would cupcakes. Cupcakes. That is something that I need to do during my free period today. Thanks for the reminder, brain.

“Yuri, if you want a break with carrying any of Nat’s stuff around, you just text me, okay? It’s not that big of a deal,” Monika says, now turning her head back to look at Yuri as she opens the car door to step out.

“Ah, i-it shouldn’t be a problem, Monika. Thank you, however,” Yuri says, opening the door from the other side and taking one backpack on each of her shoulders. She then opens the door for me to get out. What a gentlelady. “We shall see you at the club.”

Monika grins, locking the car as soon as Yuri closes the door behind me. Immediately as we walk up to the doors of the school, Monika peels off from us, seeing some of her friends and greeting them enthusiastically. I can’t say I’m too surprised; she _is_ the most popular girl at school. At least, that’s the impression I’ve always gotten from the little time I’ve known her. When we were in Algebra together last year, she was always one of the more talkative people in class – but never in a rude way. She was kind and courteous to everyone, wanting people to engage with one another. Even the teachers liked her presence – it’s not like she was distracting, she just made the class a lighter experience.

I was the exact opposite. I quietly skulked in the back of the classroom, and I probably made most everyone there uncomfortable. Hell, why am I using the past tense? I _still_ make everyone uncomfortable. And I’m about to make a lot more people uncomfortable, I imagine. But Monika still tried to talk and be nice to me, even though both us probably knew that I didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t like I was particularly nice to her in return, but she always made the effort, even when my general policy towards talking with anyone is to shut down the conversation as quickly as possible and make them stop talking to me. That’s why I was so surprised that Monika came to visit me in the hospital. It’s not like I’m the only one with a rough home life here, and 99% of the people here with problems are probably more likeable than me. But out of everyone in our school, she asked me to stay in her home. But then again, I guess there is that connection with Sayori, whom Monika seems…very close to. What’s up with that?

“Natsuki?” Yuri calls to me, getting my attention. Man, I really need to stop zoning out. We’ve already walked to where my locker is. “Would you mind opening your locker? I want to drop off a few of your books in there and only carry around what is necessary.”

I blink, processing her words at a snail’s pace. “Oh, yeah, that’d probably be useful wouldn’t it…” I mumble to myself, unlocking it for her. At least I’m good for _something_. Not gonna lie, my locker’s pretty fucking messy. Not to mention embarrassing, seeing as how there’s a cheesy anime poster on the door. So now she knows that I’m a total dork, if she didn’t pick up on it already.

Great, now I’m feeling my face turn all red. I turn away from Yuri out of embarrassment, hoping that she won’t judge me for the poster…only to find that my quote-unquote lovely group of quote-unquote friends is walking down the hall. They seem to be talking about something else (probably boys or something), but as soon as I catch sight of Hinata she locks eyes with me, and then Akari and Ichika follow her gaze over to me. Immediately, their expressions shift like serpents. It’s like they don’t know whether to fake feeling sorry for me or try not to associate with me…well, maybe it’s more of the former, because they’re coming up to me now.

“Hey, Natsuki. Where were you?” Ichika asks me dully, staring me over. Oh gee, I wonder. It’s not like they can’t see the big-ass sling I’m wearing right now – it’s practically all they’re looking at every few seconds. Fuck off.

“Doesn’t matter,” I say sourly. I’m really not in the mood for any of their bullshit today. Although I have a feeling that I’m going to get it anyway, whether I want it or not.

“Geez, no need to be such a sourpuss, Nats,” Hinata says, rolling her eyes as she crosses her arms. Akari goes behind Hinata’s back to whisper something to Ichika. “We were just concerned, that’s all.”

I stifle back a sardonic laugh. “Concerned? Really? Is that why you didn’t text me to see if I was okay, or visit me in the hospital?” I ask, glaring at them. Yikes, even I have to question myself where that all came from. It’s not like I wanted them to visit me in the hospital…didn’t I?

“You were in the _hospital_?” Akari asks, although it’s obvious that she knows. She’s just pretending to be surprised as she gets overdramatic. I don’t have the time to point her out on her bullshit, though, because as soon as I’m about to speak, I jump, hearing my locker close. Yuri is peering behind my shoulder, carrying one of my books for my first class, Biology.

Something about the three girls’ expressions changes again. This time, instead of pretending to feel sorry for me, their noses scrunch up in…I wanna say disgust? Although it’s not directed at me. It’s directed at Yuri.

“Eww. What’s _she_ doing here?” Hinata asks, looking at her. Yuri seems to shrink into herself, glancing nervously at me, the book she’s holding, the locker. Her face gets red as she tries to hide herself behind her hair. I mean, I don’t blame her…I’m just confused as to why Hinata and the others are acting like this towards her.

“She’s with me,” I say, stepping back a little bit so I can stand next to Yuri. I can hear Akari muttering behind Hinata’s back, repeating what I just said to her. They can barely hold back the gossip until this conversation’s over. “What’s it to you?”

“Natsuki. You know you’re probably ‘with’ the creepiest girl at school, right?” Ichika asks me, scoffing. _That_ causes me to raise an eyebrow. “She has, like, no friends. She’s always alone in the hallways, creepily looking around at everyone without ever saying a word. Look, she’s not even saying anything now!” I glance over at Yuri, who seems to be preoccupied trying to hide herself with her hair and become invisible. I immediately feel bad for her.

“There’s nothing wrong with being quiet. Again, what’s it to you?” I repeat, deadpan. I’m seriously questioning whether I should just ditch these basic bitches right here and now, but part of me wants to stand up for my…friend? Eh, too strong a word. Roommate? Yeah, that works.

“She’s, like, the icky goth girl at school!” Hinata exclaims profoundly, shriveling away from us. “I, like, seriously can’t understand why you aren’t seeing it! She lives in a foster home because her parents kicked her out! And don’t even get me started on what people say she does to herself in the bathrooms—”

“I don’t give a shit!” I yell at her, my patience suddenly running out for their bullshit. They all jumped back, startled. Even Yuri is startled a bit. I think this is the first time I’ve yelled at these girls, but frankly, they’ve been having it coming for a while. “I already know she lives in a foster home! _I_ live in a foster home now, too, ya know! And guess what? I don’t give a shit if people talk about her, because they sure as shit talk about me!” I’m getting pretty agitated now, and I can see a lot of heads turning. I will definitely care in a minute, but right now, my anger’s bursting out like hot steam out of a teapot. “I don’t know what your beef is with her, but I honestly couldn’t give two fucks what someone like _you_ thinks about her!”

“Ex- _cuse_ me?” Hinata says, obviously offended. “You don’t get to talk to me like that!” I almost laugh.

“Oh, _I’m_ the one offending _YOU_? Shut up!!” I snap, once again loudly. I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t think I’m really thinking about what’s happening around me or what I’m saying, I’m just shouting at this point. “All three of you! Why do _you_ get to be the judge of who’s normal and who’s not? Why does it fucking _matter_??? If anything, I’m surprised that you’re giving her shit when _I’m_ the one who just came out of the hospital with a broken arm from my piece-of-shit dad! I know that’s all you’ve been gossiping about since it happened, so why can’t you say it to my face, huh?! Come ON, lay it on me!” My voice cracks, but I power through it. “I can take it! Tell me all about the ratty, boyish girl who can barely afford a meal a day and lives in a poor house with her alcoholic, abusive father! Or should I say, LIVED, because he ended up trying to kill me after he found out that I’M GAY!!!”

And suddenly, my brain catches up to everything that I just said out loud. And then my brain notices all of my surroundings.

Everyone is staring at me. Not just those three…every passerby in the hallway. They’re all staring at me. They all just heard me say (or scream…) that I had an abusive relationship with Papa. They all heard me say that he tried to kill me. And they all heard me say that I’m gay.

Hinata and the others just look shocked more than anything, at first at least. But very quickly their expressions turn to one of confusion…and disgust. The same way they were looking at Yuri. Giving me one last dirty look, Hinata sneers at me and turns around. Akari and Ichika look me up and down, still processing everything, and then follow her, whispering to each other. That’s all I hear, all around me in the hallway. Other students who were gawking at me before are now just glancing at me, whispering amongst each other. They all know…they all know _everything_ now. And it all came straight from the horse’s mouth.

And I can’t fucking take it anymore.

Not looking at another single fucking person, I dash into the girls’ bathroom. I go into one the stalls and close the door. And then I curl up into a ball on the floor and wait for the horrible, disgusting pity-tears that I know are about to burst out of me.

And, boy, do they come.

I scream internally out of anger, frustration, misery, sadness…just about every emotion someone like me is capable of feeling. Happiness certainly isn’t one of them. I would punch the stall door out of despair, but seeing as how I only have one good arm, I decide to hold back. I can’t register anything around me. I don’t know if there’s anyone in the stalls next to me, or if anyone else has entered the bathroom. Right now, all I’m doing is just sobbing. That’s all that my brain is able to pick up on.

“N-natsuki?”

My brain registers a quiet voice on the other side of the bathroom stall – it’s Yuri. For a brief, panicked moment, I had forgotten about her for a little bit there when I got lost in…whatever I was yelling about. I crane my head a bit (as much as my injured body will allow) to see the bottom-sixteenth of her body on the other side of the stall, standing right outside of mine. I know that she knows I’m here – after all, I was sobbing just a few seconds ago uncontrollably. I’ve managed to pull it together a little bit, but I’m still sniffling a lot.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she says slowly, kneeling down on the other side of the stall. It looks like she’s sitting down, right outside of it. “I should have known that your friends would have reacted to my presence with hostility like that…I do not exactly have the best reputation at this school. By associating with me, you only isolated yourself…this is all my fault…”

Even though I’m an emotional wreck now, I roll my eyes as I let out a sardonic chuckle. “Yuri, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better, but lying won’t do that,” I say, sniffling a little bit more as I sit up. I’m still not making any sort of eye contact with her, but now we’re sitting next to each other with a bathroom stall door in between us. I think I like that for now. “None of _that_ was your fault. Their reaction to you was what caused me to meltdown, but it had everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. And they aren’t my friends. They never were my friends. And honestly, I’m glad that I could shake them off my back.” Well, glad is an overstatement to say the least. I’m not really glad about any of this right now.

There is a quiet pause from the other girl as she absorbs what I said. “So…why were you spending your time with those people, if you weren’t friends with them?” Yuri asks slowly.

I exhale a little bit. “Because they were stupid and self-absorbed enough to ignore everything that was going on with me at home…I just went along with whatever they were saying, or said nothing, and they accepted me. At least, they accepted me to my face. But that was good enough for me.” I sigh. “And so, I continued to hang out with them…because they didn’t ask questions about me. No ‘how are you’s, or ‘what happened to your arm’s, because they just didn’t care. And so that gave me the chance to hide.”

“Well…you don’t have to hide anymore,” Yuri says, stating the obvious.

Part of it’s comforting, though. It’s funny…that’s all I’ve tried to do at school, hide. But just now, that seemed to be the last thing I was capable of doing. I was hiding in a bathroom stall right now, but I spilled my guts in front of everyone at school, and now…even though there’s a flimsy door between us, I don’t feel like I’m hiding from Yuri at all.

Although there’s another feeling behind that, and I grimace. “Yeah…everyone knows everything now. Even the whole…uh, the gay thing,” I say quickly. It still isn’t exactly coming natural for me to say that – although it definitely seemed to roll of the tongue when I was yelling. It still makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable to say. “The first person to find out was my dad, and then a police officer because I needed to tell him the reason my dad beat me up, and now…literally everyone.” Well, except for the person who probably counts as the closest to me right now, Sayori. Fuck, did I really come out to _Hinata_ before my best friend? You would think she deserves to know before everyone else. “Ugh, I’m such a mess…”

“I don’t think so at all,” Yuri says quietly. “In all honesty…what you did gave me more respect for you than any other individual present at this school.”

That gets a confused “Uh, _what??_ ” out of me.

“When you experienced the way they acted towards me, you decided to stand up for me – no one has ever done that to me before, aside from Monika when we are on our way towards the literature club meetings. And I am way too used to those girls bullying me, and I…I suppose you reminded me that it wasn’t okay. So…thank you. Genuinely.”

I freeze. Holy shit, I did something nice to impress her. Holy shit, she likes me! Holy—dial it back down, brain. Play it cool. “Well, I didn’t do it for you!” I say. Ouch, brain, you’re really winning her over with that move. Great job. I move on. “I was…I was just on the edge, and the bullshit that they tried pulling on you, spreading rumors and shit? Yeah, you’re right, that wasn’t okay, and you shouldn’t have to take it. And that was enough to push me over and talk about…whatever I was talking about.”

“I-I may just be making poor assumptions,” says Yuri, “but from my perspective, at least, you appeared to be trying to deflect attention away from me and towards you and them. It was…noble. And brave.”

 _Me?_ Noble? Brave? I know I should feel complimented, but instead I feel…exposed. Naked. Vulnerable. I suppose her assumption isn’t that bad. The only other explanation is that I’m emotionally unhinged and unstable, and for understandable reasons, I’m not a big fan of that theory. Although it’s probably a mixture of both. I can’t think of any good way to respond to what Yuri said, though, so I keep quiet as I try to think of a way to change the topic.

Wiping my face one last time, I decide that I might as well open the door to face her. Yuri startles at first, but relaxes considerably. I think she was sitting down right next to the door. “How…how did _they_ know you, and I didn’t?” I ask carefully, looking at her. She looks at me for a moment before averting her eyes and looking down at her lap. The subject seems to be a sensitive one…

“I, erm, I suppose you could say one of my skills is just ‘blending in’ into a crowd, so to speak,” Yuri mutters quietly. “I’m excellent at hiding from most people. The only moments I am unable to find are when people are actively seeking me out, and oftentimes, your friends—er, acquaintances, they would seek me out. Although not for the best reasons.”

“Mm…I get what you mean,” I say. “I actually…relate to that a lot. I was able to hide pretty well, too…except from people who thought they could help me.” A guilty feeling appears in my gut as my mind wanders over to one person in particular who tried to help me, Sayori. Yeah, I certainly always had a hard time hiding from her – which led to me actively avoiding her.

Fuck, I’ve already talked about _that_ too much. Important takeaway is that I’m still feeling guilty as all hell.

“Well, as I said, you don’t have to hide anymore…at least, not from the people who actually care. Like Sayori, and Monika, and…and, well, me,” Yuri mumbles quietly, her voice becoming almost silent as she mentions herself. There’s a faintly-noticeable, scarlet tint to her cheeks as she says it. It actually…makes her considerably cuter than normal ~~which is an observation I told myself I would STOP making~~.

“Yeah…th…thanks…” I mutter, offering a half-smile. There’s a bit of a silence between us as I grab a piece of toilet paper, cleaning away the leftover tears and snot from my breakdown. Geez, thank god the stall door was closed for most of that conversation – I doubt Yuri would want to spend however long we were talking staring at my fucking mess of a face. “H-hey, mind helping me up? I’m tired of sitting down on this grody bathroom floor,” I say, lifting up my hand. I can’t really stand up on my own easily on account of the arm.

Yuri, smiling to herself, got up and extended her hand. I grabbed it, and although normally the minimal physical contact with a girl would excite me like the weeb I am, movements like that aren’t necessarily great on my ribs. I let out a grunt of pain as I clench my teeth. Maybe I shouldn’t sit on bathroom floors anymore. “O-oh!! D-did I hurt you?? I’m so-sorry!!” Yuri exclaims, a look of panic on her face. I mean, she kind of did, but I brush it off.

“Don’t worry about it. It was gonna happen anyway,” I say, sighing as I wipe my face with my hand one last time. “We should probably head to class, right?”

 “N-natsuki…are you certain that you do not need a minute alone?” she asks, a somewhat worried look plastered on her face.

I nod…glancing in the mirrors in front of us, it’s confirmed that I still look like a bit of a mess, but after the shit I just pulled, and being away for so long, people are going to be looking anyway. But I hesitate slightly at the thought of dragging _Yuri_ down with me. “Are…are you sure that you’re still okay with carrying my stuff around? I just attracted a lot of attention to myself, and I know you said you liked to hide, soo…” I trail off, not really knowing where I’m going with this. If Yuri ditches me, then I’m fucked, and she knows I’m fucked, too, because I highly doubt anyone will carry around my things in her place.

“Ahh, it’s really not a problem,” Yuri says, a faint smile on her lips. “Maybe…maybe I should take your approach. Perhaps I should stop trying to hide so much as well.”

Did…did my little episode give Yuri a bit of self-confidence? Huh. That…makes me feel pretty good, actually. It’s good to know that I can help out. Although now my brain is overthinking it…what I did was probably so unbelievably small that it was practically nothing. Boy, I really have an ego problem, don’t I? Simmer down, Nat, now’s not the time to go on a self-congratulatory tour of your brain. You can do that _after_ we’ve baked cupcakes for Sayori and she’s tried them.

Yuri holds the door for me, and the two of us exit the bathroom. She follows me ten minutes late to my first period class…a lovely way to reintroduce myself to my teachers.

 

* * *

 

Well, my first three periods went about as well as I expected. That’s keeping in mind that I showed up late to my first class…I could tell the teacher was pissed off about that, but he held it in because I’m the poor, injured student who just moved out of an abusive household, so he took pity on me. The other two teachers took pity on me, too, just telling me to do all of the catch-up work “whenever you get the chance to, dear,” and that I “didn’t miss too much, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out soon. You were always a quick student,” and crap like that. Obviously I don’t believe them. But I don’t really care. I never really cared about school itself much anyways.

As I leave my third period class, I carry my History textbook in one hand and wait for Yuri outside of the classroom. Of course, as soon as I walk out, my stomach rumbles. Ugh, I’m hungrier than usual. It’s strange, too, because on most “normal” school days I wouldn’t have eaten anything by now – this morning I had an _actual_ breakfast…something I haven’t had in a while. Sure, it was just some oatmeal that Monika’s parents made, but still, it was _food_. So I thought that would have been enough for me…but it turns out it wasn’t.

My eyes dart to the end of the hall, where the vending machine is. Maybe there’s still that idiot (or, knowing this school, idiots, plural) who leaves some bills out around there – just enough to buy a bag of chips. My eyes dart across the hall. Yuri still might be a minute or two. If I’m quick, and I mean, _really_ quick, then maybe I’ll be able to grab something without her noticing.

Oh, why don’t I want Yuri to see me desperately scrounging around on the floor for some spare change just to buy some junk food?

…the fact that I have to ask that question in the first place is embarrassing enough. I’m not answering it, too.

Stalking over to the vending machine, I keep my eyes on the people around me. Still no sign of Yuri. Everyone else is just a bunch of nobodies, and at this point, I’ve exposed myself to enough nobodies that I don’t care what nobody sees. Approaching the vending machine, I stealthily sit down on the bench by the lockers and place my book down next to me. Usually, there will be some change under the bench, or sometimes on the bench itself. I’m really not sure how it gets there…honestly, if I had to guess, it just falls out of someone’s pocket and then they forget about it. Whoever does it must be _really_ forgetful though…

Well, the change isn’t on the bench. Turning my head slightly down to look under the bench, there isn’t any change there. Shit. That’s a little…unusual. My stomach growls again. My eyes dart back to the other end of the hallway. Still no Yuri.

Sighing, I stand up, casually walking over to the vending machine. No one else is around it – I learned a while ago that not a lot of people were here during this time of the day, so I normally would have enough time to try everywhere to see if there’s change. Of course, now I’m on the clock. I check the change dispenser. Nothing. I walk to the side of the machine and crane my head slightly to check if there’s any coins behind it. There’s usually something, but…I can’t see anything.

That leaves only one other place change _might_ be…it’s under the machine. And with my arm and ribcage, I can’t say crawling on the floor looking for change is a very appealing option.

My stomach rumbles again. Fuck. Well, if I want food, then I guess that’s the only other place to look.

I get down onto my knees, getting ready to get down, and then…

“N-natsuki? What are you doing?”

Yuri. Shit.

I get up quickly, dusting off my knees. “N-nothing, that’s what!” I shoot back at her, turning around to face a very confused purple girl. “I was just…uh…I-I d-dropped a pencil, that’s all!”

“Oh, I see…” Yuri mutters, her brow scrunched up as she studies me. “Well, I, uh, do you need help getting it?”

“…nope! I’ve already got the pencil!” I say abruptly, despite the fact that both of us can clearly see that I have no pencil in my hand. I then make a pantomiming motion of putting the non-existent pencil into my pants pocket, which is also non-existent. Both the pants and the pocket. I’m wearing a skirt.

_Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you, Natsuki…_

Okay, I know it’s _kiiiinda_ hypocritical of me to be lying about something this stupid right after our discussion only a few hours ago about not needing to hide things anymore…but what am I going to do, tell her that I was looking for spare change that nobody wanted under a vending machine? Get real. I’m not admitting to Yuri that I’m _that_ pathetic, even though both you and I know I am.

“O-oh, well, o-okay…” Yuri falters, playing with her hair a little bit as she looks away. Shit, I’ve made her uncomfortable, haven’t I? Yep, totes made her uncomfortable. Dammit. “H-hey…did you perhaps want to get anything from the vending machine?” she asks me hesitantly.

“NO!” I snap at her, causing Yuri to jump. Double dammit. Shouldn’t have done that. I might as well be honest with her now, she was able to piece together everything. “Y…yes. Sorry.”

“It’s, ahh, not a problem. Here.” From her jacket pocket, Yuri pulls out a neatly-folded bill and slides it into the vending machine. “What would you like?”

My eyes widen, and I look at her incredulously. “Dude! You already bought me, like, fifteen different manga books or something. You shouldn’t get anything else for me!” I say, causing her to turn her head to look at me. “B-besides, there’s usually someone who leaves spare change lying around here…I was just looking around for some, but it doesn’t…I can’t find any…” I trail off. Geez, I must sound like a crazy person to her. Great going, idiot.

“Natsuki, it really isn’t a problem. I’ve already inserted the bill in…I have a job, I’m able to afford a few extra things here and there,” Yuri says, giving me a small smile. It seems like she wasn’t going to be taking no for an answer here. “Now, what would you like?”

I pause, sighing as I resign to the fact that Yuri is going to buy something for me. “I guess…the Doritos?” I suggest, and the girl next to me nods in approval, pushing the right buttons to get the bag of chips. The clanking sound of coins can be heard in the dispenser, which Yuri reaches towards before handing me the bag of chips.

“Thanks…” I mutter, trying to sound the least bit grateful, even though it comes out more as sullen. I look at her in confusion. “Are you going to get anything, or…?”

Yuri shakes her head. “I’m not hungry. And we were planning on making cupcakes, were we not?”

My stomach kind of forgot about that, even though my brain didn’t. Well, okay, maybe I forgot a little bit in the heat of the moment. “Y…yeah! But we won’t be eating them until later, when Sayori’s here!” I insist, pausing as I struggle for a few seconds to open the bag of chips with my teeth. “And speaking of which…we should be making that! Now!”

Nodding, Yuri and I walk over to the school kitchen that’s used by the baking club. Thankfully, there’s no one in there when we get in. Finally…I’m back in my element. Of course, I can’t be the one doing the cooking, but it still feels so damn good to be in a kitchen again. I grin as I close the door behind me, turning over to my violet-haired comrade. “Okay, last chance to back out, Yuri. I’m going to teach you how to make cupcakes. Are you up for the challenge?”

Yuri quirks an eyebrow, but gradually smiles and nods. “Yes…I think? Y-yes.”

“…well, that will have to do, because I can’t cook and Sayori needs cupcakes!” I say, struggling as I attempt to take off my blazer. It’s hard to get off when I have a cast and a sling around one arm. Thankfully, Yuri seems to know what I’m trying to do once the sleeve of the jacket on my non-crippled arm is off, and she helps me with the other one as she temporarily takes my sling off. “Thanks…still getting used to the whole broken arm thing,” I grumble, getting shy again for a second. But immediately, I regain my confident, cool demeanor – I’m going to need that if this is ever going to work. “Okay! Let’s do this thing, then! First thing’s first: you’re probably gonna want to take off your blazer, too, and roll up your sleeves. Things are about to get hot in here.”

Wait, what the fuck did I just say? “Things are about to get hot in here”? Oh, fuck, please tell me Yuri didn’t take that as a sexual innuendo. I didn’t mean it like that, I swear! So much for cool and confident Natsuki…from the look on her face, Yuri seems a little uncertain.

“Y-you know, we’re working around hot surfaces and stuff. And your hands are probably going to get dirty when adding in different ingredients and stuff, a-and I don’t want to stain your sleeves or anything…th-that’s what I meant,” I try my best to clarify.

Yuri opens her mouth in an O, which as we all know stands for o-nderstanding, but she still seems to be a little uneasy. “I-I, umm, I suppose I can take my blazer off. I’ll risk the chances of getting a portion of my sleeves stained,” she says. Something about the way she says it is a little…off.

I decide to brush it off – it’s not like we have a lot of time to do this anyway. “Oh…okay. Well, then let’s look around the kitchen just to make sure they have all of the ingredients!” I say, glancing around at the counters and cupboards. “I’m not too worried, though…the cooking club usually makes cupcakes, or some sort of cake. So they usually have the basic ingredients laying around. But trust me, my cupcakes are _much_ better!”

Putting her blazer on the chair, Yuri seems to have relaxed a bit more as she opens the nearest cupboard. “Oh? And what are the different qualities that separate your cupcakes from the cooking club’s?” she asks.

“…well, the secret ingredient to their cupcakes is _ass_! And trust me, I’ve tried one,” I laugh. “And plus, they lack any sort of originality! They think that as soon as you put the icing on the cupcake, you’re done. Which is obviously not true, at _all_! With everything I bake, I always gotta add a little extra flair to it to make it special. That’s why, today, we aren’t making cupcakes. We’re making…”

I pause for dramatic effect, opening one of the kitchen cupboards to see if the necessary ingredient is there. Sure enough, it is: next to the different-colored icings, there is a bag of assorted candies, including Hershey’s chocolate kisses. Reaching for the bag with my good hand, I grab it and show it proudly to Yuri.

“… _cat_ -cakes!”

Bet you weren’t expecting that, huh? Yeah, it’s a bit of decoration that I like to do with my cupcakes – I take some of the decorative icing and draw little cat faces on them, and then I cut up the Hershey’s kisses into little cat ears. Normally I’d make the icing myself too, but I’m a little strained for time and I don’t think I have all of the materials in front of me. I used to bake them all the time when I was younger, and when I actually had someone to bake them for…when you’re only cooking cupcakes for yourself, you tend to not pay much attention to whether it looks cute or not. What’s more important is that it’s edible. But Sayori _loved_ the cat cupcakes, and I know that it’s the right call. This’ll definitely bring back memories of cat-cakes of the olden and golden days for her.

Yuri, however, has never heard of a cat-cake. So she just looks at me with a befuddled expression as I hold the chocolate in front of her.

“…alright…how do we make, erm, cat-cakes?” she asks slowly, blinking at me.

“J-just like a normal cupcake! You just put cat ears on it, dummy!” I snap, putting the bag down as I grab some of the icing for later. I’m trying to be a little playful, but Yuri recoils, and I realize that I might have to dial it back a little bit. “Uh, it’s just for decoration – but it’s important! Don’t worry about it until the cupcakes themselves are actually done baking.”

“O-oh, I see…” Yuri says timidly. “W-well, let me start over, in that case…how does one make a ‘normal cupcake’?”

“Patience, young padawan…” I mutter cryptically, hoping that it doesn’t sound stupid. Maybe it does, seeing as how I sound a bit like a cooking Yoda, but as I look over at Yuri, she seems to be fighting back an amused smile. At least I’m okay at defusing the tension here. “We need to get the basic stuff in front of us, first! Flour, eggs, milk, baking powder, butter, salt…” I list off as Yuri listens to me attentively. “Vanilla…and sugar! Lots and lots of sugar! Go get me that, and then I’ll tell you what to do next.”

Yuri nods, looking around the kitchen for the various ingredients. After a few minutes, she’s gradually able to find everything and puts it on the table in front of us. After that, I instruct her to get a bowl and measuring cups, and she begins to add some of the ingredients into the bowl and mix them under my close supervision. It’s actually going pretty well…not only is she following my instructions in the spirit that I’m giving them, but it’s not too awkward between us, either. The conversation is light, jokey, and doesn’t feel forced, and believe it or not, I’m having a bit of fun myself. Yuri seems like she’s enjoying herself, too.

Things are going well…until it’s time for her to add in the eggs.

“Okay, time to get the whisk!” I proclaim, reaching over to one of the cabinet drawers and grabbing the egg whisks. “You ready to add the eggs?”

“Of course,” Yuri says, grabbing the first egg and cracking it nonchalantly over the side of the bowl. “I assume this is what I’m supposed to do?”

“I mean, it’s not the _wrong_ way to do it…but you have to make sure that you look for any shell that might’ve gone in! No one wants egg shells in their cupcakes!” I insist, peering into the bowl. Sure enough, Yuri’s amateur egg-cracking skills did get a little bit of egg shell in the bowl. I wasn’t too surprised – everyone did it every now and then, especially beginners. “See? Look!”

“O-oh, I’m sorry! Here, I’ve got it…” Yuri stutters out, reaching her hand into the bowl. Unfortunately, the piece of the shell is small enough to be slippery and hard to actually get out. She struggles a little bit to get it, fidgeting around until she pulls up the piece of egg shell from the bowl successfully…but not without making a bit of a mess on the top of her sleeve. Her sleeves are pretty long, and so I should have seen that coming, but neither of us seem to realize it until she’s pulled her hand out of the bowl.

“Ah, shit,” I mutter, reaching over to get a wet paper towel. “Here, I got it.” Wanting to feel at least a little bit useful, I take her arm and try to clean off the top of her sleeve. Yuri seems to noticeably hesitate and stiffen slightly before giving me her arm, but she relaxes a bit once she notices the paper towel. She still seems a bit hesitant though as I finish wiping off the premature and un-mixed cupcake batter from her sleeve. “See, this is what I was talking about when I said to roll up your sleeves,” I say, folding up the cuff of her sleeve and rolling it up…

I’m not sure how long the moment lasts – not that long, that’s for sure. Maybe only a couple of seconds. One second, I roll up her sleeve, just a touch. The next second, Yuri panics and rolls it back down, jumping away from me. But in between those seconds, my eyes are fixated on the small piece of her forearm that I’m able to see, and in that moment time slows down. For that fraction of a second, my eye accidentally catches something that I shouldn’t have.

Scars. Thin, red, lines cover her forearm. I’m not sure how many there are – I don’t exactly get the time to count. But they’re there, and very pronounced. And in that shocked moment, I can’t help but stare at them. Until the moment is over. And Yuri forcefully lifts her sleeve back down.

“I-I, uh, I need to…go to the bathroom!” Yuri interjects, quickly getting away from me and nearly running out of the kitchen. I’m frozen where I stand, and even though my brain is screaming at me to do something, I can’t follow her.

Yuri cuts. I guess I should be surprised – if anything, though, I’m just in shock that _that_ was how I found out. I didn’t mean anything by the exchange…although that explains why she was so uncomfortable at the thought of rolling up her sleeves to cook. And it might also explain some of the rumors about her…my mind goes back to what Hinata was saying before I cut her off: “and don’t even get me started on what people say she does to herself in the bathrooms.”

Oh, fuck. I feel nervous sweat beads form on my head as I turn towards the door. Those scars are seared into my mind…and I can’t get it out of my head just how _fresh_ they were. Was that why she took so long in the bathroom last night? Why…why is she taking so long right now? She isn’t…surely she wouldn’t…

Yuri comes back, not taking too long. Not long enough for _that_ , I hope. I breathe a sigh of relief. “Ap…apologies for running away like that, Natsuki…” she stutters, fixing her hair a little bit. I can’t help but feel like she’s trying to hide behind it again, like she tried to do when I was talking to the other girls. “I…I thought it best if I just clean off my sleeve on my own…shall we continue baking?”

Say something, idiot. Please, _please_ say something. Don’t ignore what just happen. Reach out to her. Tell her something that lets her know that you won’t judge her like the others. Tell her that you want to help her. Tell her something, _anything_ , just don’t power down like you usually do and say…

“…okay,” I say to Yuri.

We finish baking the cupcakes in silence. I contemplate something else to say to her besides giving her instructions on what to do for the cupcakes, or something to fill the silence when we wait for the cupcakes in the oven…but nothing comes. Once they’re done, I tell her how to put the decorations of the cupcakes on to make them cat-cakes. She does it. They look nice.

We’re done making cupcakes. Yuri tells me that she will hide the cupcakes for us in the clubroom…wherever that is. And she leaves. And once my period after lunch starts, she doesn’t come back. Monika comes instead, telling me nicely that Yuri asked her to take over carrying my stuff around for a little bit.

And so that’s what she does. And I realize that I won’t get the chance to see Yuri again until school’s over.

…

…man, school sucks, doesn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fourth chapter is heeeere! I hope it wasn't *too* long of a wait for you people - it was what, only a little over a month? Not bad at all by my standards :P
> 
> The fifth chapter should be out maybe in another month as well, and then after that, updates should be a bit more frequent, at least for a while, due to a break in my studies. I'm just very proud of myself that I was able to update this at all over the past couple of months - I really love writing for this story, and I want to continue it for as long as I can! Believe me when I say that this is really only the beginning...I have a LOT planned here. 
> 
> I hope that you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please tell me what you thought in the comments, and don't forget to leave kudos if you like this story. Expect some big developments in Chapter Five :)


	5. I talk with an old friend and do an oopsie

I’m sitting alone in what Monika told me was the clubroom for the literature club. It’s a classroom that I’ve definitely never been in – to be honest, though, I’ve barely ever been in this entire part of the school before. Most of my classes were only a few rooms from each other, bar a few, and so I never really needed to go out and explore the rest of the school. That is, until now, after I agreed to join a club which was basically designed to get Sayori out of the house.

I still haven’t seen Yuri since the…baking incident. Monika’s been leading me around all day. It was only a few minutes ago that she walked me over to the clubroom, and sure enough, there were the cupcakes we made on one of the tables – at least Yuri had kept her word on bringing them here. “Oh! You made cupcakes for Sayori? That’s so sweet!” Monika had said once I explained that Yuri and I had made them. “They look so…cute!”

That made me a little peeved. I’ve never liked the word _cute_. “A- _hem_ , I’ll have you know that these cupcakes are actually intricately crafted and decorated to alert people that they have a unique and distinct flavor, not to just be all…cute and shit…” I muttered, trailing off as I realized that passionately defending my cupcakes as not being cute is a tad bit more embarrassing than them being actually called cute in the first place.

Monika didn’t seem to take offense, though – she just studied me for a little bit before moving on. “You’re right, of course…I’m sure Sayori will love them.” Well yeah, that’s kinda why I made them. She’s always loved them. “Well, you just wait here and I’ll be back with Sayo…she usually walks here, but she likes it when I meet her in front of the school.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” I said, sighing to myself. Yuri still wasn’t here…although after what happened, I’m not sure she’d want to show up. Let alone share a room with me. Monika turned around and looked like she was going to leave the room, she stopped herself, turning back towards me.

“Natsuki?” she said, getting my attention again. She smiled sweetly at me again. “Y’know, cupcakes definitely help, but if you really want to make amends with Sayori…then you’re going to have to do a lot more than that.”

Shit. So I guess this cupcake thing was pretty obvious as an attempt to apologize. Although even I have to admit that it is pretty shitty. “If you’re looking for ideas,” Monika continued before I could say anything, “then I suggest just trying to talk to her sometime during the club session. She wants to be friends again with you, too. But I think it’s only fair that I give you a warning…” the atmosphere in the room metaphorically became colder as the smile on Monika’s face disappeared completely. She looked at me again with those serious, demanding eyes. I had seen them only once before at the hospital, when she convinced me to rat on Papa.

“If you end up hurting her in any way like you did before…then I will fucking end you,” Monika said to me.

Okay, that caught me off guard. And also scared the ever-loving shit out of me. Managing a nod, I non-verbally told her that I understood. Monika’s smile returned, and then she left the room. Leaving me to where I am now: alone.

Although when has that not been the case?

The thing is, I don’t really blame Monika for telling me that. After all, I _did_ hurt her, a lot. If Sayori was able to admit to me that me shutting her out of my life hurt at least a little, then chances are, it was significantly more than a little. That’s the thing about her: Sayori is by far one of the kindest people ever, and never actively goes out of her way to hurt others’ feelings, even if she’s hurt. That’s something I’ve always known about her. So…I know that I definitely, massively fucked up. I was just so focused on being alone…

Ah, I should just shut up. I’ve done this schtick enough times already that you and I both know what my fucking problem is. The thing is, though, now I don’t _have_ to be alone. I’m not hiding from anyone anymore, even though there were definitely times today that that’s all I wanted to do. Repairing my friendship with Sayori is exactly what I know I need to do, and it’s what I want to do. Now the hard part is actually doing it.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes once in my blazer pocket. I almost forgot that it was there – I’m not really used to having a phone. It’s not like Papa ever gave me something like that, after all. It was Monika’s parents who gave me my first ever phone when they first visited me in the hospital, and they also added the contacts of everyone I needed – them, Monika, Sayori, and Yuri. I hadn’t really used it much, though. As I reach for my phone, I realize that I am reading the first ever text message I have ever received…and it’s from Yuri.

_Yuri: Greetings, Natsuki, this is Yuri’s number._

Well, yeah, I could already tell thanks to your number already being in my contacts.

_Would you mind letting Monika and Sayori know that I will not be attending the literature club session today? The library is requiring me to work some extra hours today after school. I work there as the library’s assistant in my free time. Apologies for not being present at this club meeting. Sincerely, Yuri_

Yeah, that’s definitely Yuri, alright. Sending me a fucking paragraph and sandwiching it in between a formal greeting and farewell definitely sounds like her style. Of course, I’m instantly suspicious of all of this. She’s been avoiding me all day ever since we finished baking together, and I haven’t seen her at all since then. I can’t say I’m too surprised that she decided to avoid this club meeting too…although, it’s not like she can avoid me forever, right? We literally sleep feet apart from each other.

My mind keeps on going back and forth between these two girls: Sayori, my old childhood friend, and Yuri, this new person in my life. Sayori is, of course, of more immediate concern to me, but I can’t help but feel bad about how I handled everything with Yuri now, too. I saw something that no _normal_ person wouldn’t take seriously, and I just…let it slide. Ignored it. I pretended that I didn’t see the fucking scars on her arm. Even though it’s obvious that she knows that I saw it. And I still did nothing.

I put my phone away and am very close to berating myself again for being an inconsiderate asshole, but suddenly the door to the classroom opens, and in comes Monika and Sayori, who thankfully has a smile on her face. Unlike the rest of us she’s wearing slightly-casual clothes, which I guess is one of the perks of being homeschooled. She smiles at me, but then sees the plate on my desk and her eyes widen like saucers.

“NATSUKI!” she screams, running over to me as she gawks at the decorative snacks. “You made…CAT-CAKES???”

I stand up, trying to chuckle nonchalantly. “Heh, yeah, I thought it would just be nice if—OOF!” I’m interrupted by Sayori, who nearly tackles me to the ground with a tight hug as I stumble back, wincing. “Sayori! The arm!!”

“O-oh! I’m sorry!” Sayori says, un-clinging herself from me as she looks at me with a moment of concern. I try to shrug it off though, giving her a half-smile. Despite the pain, it’s nice to see her so excited. She’s practically jumping in place with how much energy the sight of the treats has given her. “This is soooo cool! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t mention it…it was Yuri who did most of the work anyways, I just told her what to do,” I say, trying to brush off what she’s saying. I’m almost tempted to say that I didn’t make them for her or anything, but I realize that that’s not a good way to win back trust from people I’ve hurt, and I also literally _did_ bake them for her. I’m a fucking moron. “Well? Aren’t you gonna try one?”

Sayori doesn’t need to be told twice. Not trying to hold back any longer, she snatches one of the cupcakes up from the plate and gobbles half of it up before I could even blink. In a single bite, she was able to get one of the chocolate ears, most of the icing, and about half of the cake. This is a gift she’s always had, even when we were both much smaller, and it’s never failed to impress me.

“Mmmph! Shoooo gooooooood!” Sayori attempts to say as she chews on the large piece of cat-cake.

“Just you wait until I’m back to being able to cook everything again! Nothing beats my homemade icing, ya know!” I say, a thankful smile on my face. I’m glad that she’s enjoying the cupcakes, at least, but as Monika comes up behind her, I’m reminded of her advice to me…and that she threatened to kill me if I screwed this up.

But that doesn’t mean my brain isn’t trying to find ways to buy myself some time to think of what I should say.

“Uhh, Yuri told me that she wasn’t coming to the club meeting today,” I say awkwardly to her, not really sure how else to insert that little nugget into the conversation. “She, uh, she texted me that she had to work.” For whatever reason, Monika doesn’t seem to be too surprised, and she nods.

“Well, that’s okay…she usually has to work after the club meetings anyway, so it’s not too uncommon that she will decide to work an extra shift,” Monika says, sighing. That gets me to raise an eyebrow, particularly her choice of the word “decide.” That makes it even likelier that Yuri just wants to stay the fuck away from me. “I apologize, I didn’t really have much planned for today…these cupcakes are probably going to be the most exciting part of the meeting, haha…”

“That’sh okay wiff me!” Sayori says, already chewing on her second cupcake…wait, when did she finish the first one? Sayori swallows it down. “I can still show you what we usually do! Which is…actually not much, ehehe…” she laughs nervously, placing the half-eaten cupcake down gingerly. “We usually just read a book on our own here for a little bit, share poems that we wrote…”

“Poems?” I ask, furrowing my brow. When Yuri told me that the topic of this club was literature, I thought we would generally be talking about _other people’s_ literature, not our own. “Like, just about anything?” Sayori nods happily.

“Yeah! I actually have a poem that I brought with me for your first official club meeting! It’s called…Sunshine!” she says with a grin, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. Clearing her throat dramatically, she stands in front of me and Monika and begins to recite:

“The way you glow through my blinds in the morning

It makes me feel like you missed me.

Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.

Making me rub the sleepy from my eyes.

Are you asking me to come out and play?

Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?

I look above. The sky is blue.

It's a secret, but I trust you too.

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

But I'm not mad.

 

…I want breakfast.”

She stops reading the poem.

…okay, not gonna lie, the ending threw me off guard a little bit. Did…did she just write this poem this morning after she woke up?

“Ehehe, sorry about that ending…I wrote this poem this morning after I woke up,” she admits, a sheepish expression on her face. “I actually kinda maaaybe forgot to write a poem last night, so I just rushed to create one before my classes at home started.”

Monika doesn’t seem phased at all by it, though, and gives her an enthusiastic (if quiet) round of applause. “Well, I thought it was great, Sayori! Sometimes, our best works of genius can come out when we least expect it, after all!” she encourages her. I swear to god that I see Sayori blush.

Feeling awkward, I mimic Monika’s clapping. “Yeah…it was really good, Sayo,” I tell her. I figure I should be the one trying to encourage her as well, and Sayori seems to appreciate my words as well…

…although I would be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly unnerved by a couple of the lines. Particularly the line, “I could sleep forever.” That only serves as a reminder that one time not too long ago, she actually tried to make that happen. And I wasn’t there for her.

“Aww, thanks guys! Natsuki, you should try writing a poem, too!” Sayori tells me, before squinting at me playfully. “Or have you been holding out on me all of these years and not been sharing your poems with me?”

I chuckle nervously. “Uhh, nope. I don’t even know how to start with something like that,” I say honestly, holding back the urge to dismiss poetry altogether. My only real experience with writing has been through diary entries…and _that_ didn’t turn out very well. But I’ve never even experimented with poetry before, and I’ve never seen the need to.

“Well, you can write about anything at all! There aren’t any rules for poetry, you know,” Monika says, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Although, usually I have found that the most effective poems come from the heart, whether it be about an intensely positive experience or a negative one. Or both, or neither! I’m sure you’ll do fine, assuming you want to write poetry for the club, that is.”

That honestly wasn’t very helpful at all…but I want to at least make Sayori happy, and poetry _definitely_ seems to make her happy. So I nod. “Uh, thanks. And yeah, I guess I _could_ try this poetry thing out and see how it goes…”

“YAY!” Sayori yelps, making me almost jump as she wraps her hands around my good arm. I have the immediate urge to groan, but I hold back again. I seem to be doing a pretty good job so far, although I still need to actually confront the issue with her and stop avoiding it like the dumb stupid ugly ass that I am.

“We can hopefully have your first official poetry discussion tomorrow, assuming that Yuri is able to make it. Speaking of Yuri…she usually makes tea for the club. Why don’t I go make some right now? I’m not that good at it, so it might take a while, ahaha…” Monika says as she gives me a knowing look. I know that she can probably make tea just fine – how hard it is to screw up? She’s giving me some privacy to speak to Sayori. Come to think of it, Monika is actually a pretty thoughtful person. Scary as all hell, but thoughtful. “I’ll try to be back soon, okay?” she tells us, placing her hand lightly on Sayori’s shoulder. Sayori was distracted by trying to pick out another cupcake, but as soon as Monika gets her attention she nods, smiling at her as she leaves.

That leaves just me and Sayori alone in a room together, for the first time since yesterday in my abandoned, torn-apart former-home. Of course, the situation is a bit different – there are cupcakes here now with us. And Monika is probably not standing outside of the door right now, unlike before. Maybe she still is just so she can run in and stab me if I say the wrong thing? Regardless, it looks like it’s just us now. And I can’t help but feel like there’s some sort of tension between us.

Of course, I’m the one creating all of this tension because I’m a horrible person. The thought crosses my mind for a brief moment to not say anything about it and distance myself from Sayori, because why would someone like her _really_ want to associate with a horrible person like me? But then that will only make things even worse down the road since we’re living together and I technically just agreed to join this club with her. And if I isolate myself from Sayori again, then it would seem like Monika would isolate herself from me too, not to mention that Yuri has already done that…

Ugh, can I stop trying to think about people in relation to how I push them away? It’s disgusting. Sayori wants to reconnect with me, and I want to reconnect with her. She’s my best friend from childhood. I need to do this. My brain needs to shut itself up so I can be mature for one second and actually _do_ something.

“Um, Natsuki? Do you want a cupcake? Or…”

“I’M SORRY!” I blurt out after staring blankly at the plate of cupcakes for a few minutes, probably. Sayori jumps back.

“Uh, whaa?” she blinks with a confused expression on her face. Shit. Probably not the best thing to say with no context. I need to step back.

“I’m sorry…for everything,” I elaborate in a somewhat calmer voice. “I’m sorry for running away from you when you tried to help me. I’m sorry that I ignored you when you needed me. And I’m really, _really_ sorry that I abandoned our friendship. I know we talked a little about it earlier, but I never said those words out loud and I should have. So…I’m sorry.”

Sayori’s expression morphs from carefree and a little confused to something more…troubled. The memories of all of this are obviously painful, and I don’t think she likes being reminded of all of this. For a split second I regret saying anything at all, but then she starts talking.

“Nat…you don’t have to apologize to me…” Sayori starts to say to me. “It’s like I said before, we were both at fault.”

“Oh, bull- _shit_!” I yell, catching myself and her off guard. “As far as I’m concerned, this is all on me! _I’m_ the one who didn’t notice that there was anything wrong with you! _I’m_ the one who actively avoided you when all you were trying to do was reach out! You said it yourself, I _hurt_ you, and in doing that I hurt the one person who actually cared about me in this goddamned world! Our friendship was literally the best thing in my life, and I had to ruin it, like I ruin everything else! I’m not even a good _person_ , let alone a good friend to you!” I take a deep breath, sighing as I realize what I’m saying. “Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m supposed to be apologizing to you, and instead I make this all about me. Like always. I know you’re pretending to be nice to me but I don’t deserve your kindness, I don’t deserve anything because I’m a selfish piece of—”

“Natsuki, stop talking about yourself like that!” Sayori says, nearly just as forcefully and firmly as me. “That person you’re talking about is my best friend, and I won’t have you besmirch her good name like that! So, shut up and let me talk, ‘cuz I got something to say!”

Sayori telling me, or anyone for that matter, to shut up is definitely unusual, so I actually listen and, for once, shut up.

“Good,” Sayori says, sighing as she sits down in one of the desks in the classroom. “Come on, sit down. I think…we have a lot to unpack here.”

Hesitating, I nod silently and sit down next to her. Sayori takes half a minute to compose herself before she starts talking – it feels like the longest thirty seconds of my life.

“Natsuki…what you said isn’t true. You’re not selfish, you’re not a bad friend, and you’re not a bad person,” Sayori tells me, looking at me with concern in her eyes. “The way you talk about yourself like that…that hurts me more than anything. That’s because it reminds me of the way I talked about myself, and sometimes still talk about myself…that I’m useless, that I’m a burden, that I only ever think about myself…you get the picture. It took me a while to realize that that isn’t true, but even now, I still feel that way.”

Out of all of the ways to describe Sayori, only thinking about herself is the _last_ one I would’ve picked. “That’s not you at all!” I try to interrupt, but Sayori puts up a finger to motion to me that she wasn’t done.

“I know, and I’ve heard that over and over again throughout my life. That’s what my parents told me when I was open about them with my depression. That’s what Monika tells me every day now. Even though you didn’t know about my depression, you still tried to make me feel better about myself…but that’s the difference between me and you, Nat. I had people to talk to, to tell me that these voices in my head were wrong…but you didn’t. You had someone worse…someone who actively tried to make you hate yourself like you do now. You had _him_.”

The way she says that sends a shiver down my spine. “You…you mean Papa.”

Sayori nods. “I know that a small part of you wants to deny that it was really that bad, but I think we both know that it was. I always hated that horrible man. I still don’t know all of the specifics about how he abused you, but I always knew that it was bad. I wanted to try to help out, but you pushed me away anytime I tried. I don’t want to blame you in any way, but that ended up only making me feel more useless about myself. I really, really wanted to get you out of there.”

Feeling a little bit uncomfortable, I shrug. “There really wasn’t much you could have done…it literally took me nearly fucking dying for me to leave.”

“Yeah, but…I still always thought about it, y’know?” she says, sighing absentmindedly. “It’s funny, when we were little, I always thought about kidnapping you.”

That makes me give her a baffled expression. “Uh, what?”

Sayori perks up and laughs nervously, probably not realizing she had said that out loud to me. “Ehehe, I should probably give some context…when I was little, I had this dream of sort of saving you, I guess? I’d sneak you out of your window with a rope made out of blankets and then convince my parents to make you live with us. You’d hide in my room until we get the adoption papers finalized, and then we’d change your last name and never see your dad again. You’d be free, and I would’ve gotten a sister, too!”

Wow. I’m a bit surprised that she had been thinking about all of this that early on. “Uhh…that’s a really intricate plan,” I say, not knowing how to respond. I’m still sort of hung up on that one word, too: sister.

“Yeah, I know! I had it all planned out, too…” she says, smiling excitedly at me before her temporarily happy demeanor changes. “But then, of course…it didn’t happen. Mom and Dad humored me for a little bit, but when I actually started collecting blankets to break you out, they told me that it wouldn’t work. It was a silly idea to begin with, but that really only contributed to the idea that I couldn’t help you, no matter how hard I tried.”

There’s a bit of a silence between us before Sayori starts talking again. “Natsuki…I appreciate your apology, really, but it’s not me you have to apologize to. It’s yourself. I was hurt when you cut contact with me…but I always knew in the back of my mind that you were hurting more. When you pushed me away, I gradually came to understand why you did it, even if I still hated it. But I understood, and I _never_ blamed you for it. You’re not a bad person, Nat. You’re the victim of abuse.”

Victim? That’s definitely a…strong word. But it also puts everything in an entirely different light. All of these years I thought that the reason I was alone in this world was because of me and my stupidity…but is that really the case?

“Before your brain goes into overdrive to try to deny it, think about this – if you were really as selfish and thoughtless as you said you were, then why would you actively go out of your way to stay with a man who was hurting you, both physically and mentally? Why would you stay with a man who was literally starving you? The answer is because you’re not selfish, you were manipulated by him and forced to stay in that situation. And that’s why you’re not to blame. He’s to blame.

“The Natsuki I know isn’t selfish or any of the other things you said,” Sayori continues, looking over at me emphatically. “She’s kind! She cares about her friends and will fight anyone who says mean things about them. She’s one of the funniest people I know. And she’s my dearest friend in the whole wide world. I missed her so much these past few years, and I’m SO happy that she’s finally back in my life.”

I’m not going to lie, I’m holding back tears at this point. Why have I been so damn emotional these past two days? Maybe changing homes from an abusive one to a caring one will do that to me.

“I…thanks, Sayori…I still feel really bad about not talking to you about your depression,” I admit quietly, my eyes on the desk. “I…I should have helped you after the car crash, or after the attempt…I could have at least called. I’m sorry for not being there. And I’m sorry for not accepting your help until it was too late.”

Sayori smiles at me kindly. “I forgive you, Natsuki…” she says, reaching over the desks to give me a delicate side-hug. “And…I’m sorry for not talking to you about my depression, too. I just knew that your home situation was bad, so I didn’t want to burden you with my problems as well. But that’s no excuse. If I wanted to help you, then you should have been allowed to help me, too.”

I smile back. “That sounds fair. You’ve helped me so much anyways, it’s about time I help you, too,” I say, returning the side-hug the best I can…which isn’t very much, but I’m still trying at least. As soon as I’m out of this cast and my ribs have healed, I know that the first thing Sayori will do will be to strangle me in the largest bearhug imaginable…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. “Thank you…for everything, Sayori. You’re the best friend anyone could possibly ask for.”

“Right back atcha! Hehe,” Sayori giggles. “Now, not to ruin the mood or anything, but I kinda want another cupcake, soooo…are we done with the serious stuff?”

I laugh, pulling away from her. “Yes, Sayori, we’re done with the serious stuff. The cupcakes are all yours.” Squealing in joy, Sayori reaches out for a cupcake, and I take one too. “You know, Sayo, I always knew you were smart, but I never knew you had such a way with words. Everything you told me was really…eloquent,” I say as I take a bite from my cupcake.

Sayori, who has icing smeared across her mouth and is already halfway through her cupcake, takes a moment to respond. “Well, I had a lot of time to prepare what I would say to you if we ever got the chance to talk again…I had been hoping to give you that speech for _years_ now. I actually sometimes went over some of those feelings in therapy, so I’m glad the practice payed off!”

That causes me to raise an eyebrow. “Therapy?” I ask curiously.

“Well, yeah!” Sayori says, looking at the cupcake in her hands before smiling ruefully at me. “I mean, after everything that happened and being hospitalized, did you really think I _wasn’t_ in therapy?” she asks jokingly. This is probably the first time I’ve seen her make a dark joke like that, and it’s definitely not something I’m used to.

“Oh, well, I guess I never thought about it like that…but it makes sense,” I say awkwardly, picking up the cupcake. “So, it helps you, then?”

Sayori nods energetically. “Definitely! At first I was a little skeptical of it…but it’s really helped me deal with a lot! Talking with someone about all of my issues in a safe space has definitely made me open up a lot more to people…and most importantly, I think it’s taught me that it’s always important to get help, no matter how much you think you or someone else doesn’t need it.”

Yeah, not gonna lie, I’m pretty skeptical of the whole therapy thing, too. Talking about feelings with people is…bleh. I feel like Sayori’s trying to subtly tell me that _I_ need therapy, which honestly, might be a good idea from the way she described how it impacted her. I definitely get that it’s important for someone like me to get help…

…but I’m not the only one who needs help. You know who else needs help? Yuri. Yes, I know that I’m deflecting, but as soon as the thought of her and the scars come back to me, the worse I begin to feel. The one thing I can say is that I’m very glad that I talked to Sayori…she’s smart. Maybe she can help me with this?

“Umm, Sayori? Do you mind if I ask you a bit of a, uh, abstract question?” I ask, and Sayori furrows her brow but nods. Immediately, though, I’m unsure how to approach this at all. I definitely don’t want to tell her that I found out Yuri cuts – Yuri doesn’t want me to know, so I doubt that she would want anyone else to know. So I need to ask her about advice on what to do without giving away who and what I’m talking about. Sounds simple enough, right? Wait, no, it doesn’t sound simple? Yeah, no shit that’s not fucking simple.

“So, uhh…let’s say you have this friend. And you know that they’re having a hard time with something, but maybe they don’t know you know…or maybe they know you know, but they don’t want you to know they know that you know, you know?” I ask. Sayori looks at me with pure confusion. “Um, maybe I should rephrase that…they ignore the fact that you know they’re having a hard time. Even though you both know it. Ugh, I’m not making sense, am I…”

“No, I think I get it,” Sayori says, a new look of understanding on her face. She places the cupcake back down as the more serious topics of conversation bubble to the surface again. “It’s like what we were talking about with you, right? I definitely knew about some of the bad things your dad did…and I think you knew that I knew, too. But we kinda ignored it…and looking back on it I think I could have helped you more…”

“Aww, come on. I was pretty adamant on not getting help. And you ended up helping me a lot with getting Monika’s family to take me in!” I insist.

Sayori furrows her brow. “Nat…where did you get that idea? I’d love to take credit for you staying with us, but I think that was just a happy coincidence. Monika just told me a few days before you came out of the hospital that her parents were taking in another foster child, and that it was you. I had no idea that you were coming in beforehand, or even that you were in the hospital…”

“Oh. Huh. I…didn’t realize that,” I say, surprised. I guess no one ever specifically told me that Sayori had convinced Monika to take me in, but I had always _assumed_ she had put in a good word…I guess it was all just a weird coincidence that we ended up together again? Or a happy coincidence, as Sayori put it.

“Well, umm, anyway, maybe I’m not the best example for this,” I say, moving on quickly. “Because we were so close. Let’s say this person who’s in trouble isn’t that good of a friend…or, maybe they aren’t even a friend at all. Maybe they’re just an acquaintance that you barely know,” I explain, darting my eyes over to her. “But you _do_ know that she…I mean, _they’re_ hurting. So…would you still want to help them then?”

Sayori pauses, looking down at one of the cupcakes on her plate as she seems to be considering her answer. After a little bit, though, she looks back up at me. “Well, every situation is different, but…yes. Yes, I would. I know because someone did that to me,” she says, playing with the icing on her cupcake a little bit. “When I moved into this foster home, I didn’t know Monika or her family at all…honestly, I’m really lucky that they were the ones that took me in, but I didn’t feel lucky at all back then. Of course, they all knew about my attempt, but none of them knew about my depression…they just thought I did what I did because my parents passed. But something about Monika…it’s like she could see right through me,” she chuckles, sighing. “I think she was able to tell right off the bat, because even when we didn’t know each other, like at _all_ , she decided to help me. She let herself be a shoulder for me to cry on, and she let me talk about everything without ever judging me…I definitely didn’t think I wanted or needed that help at first, but now? Honestly, I’m not sure I would still be here without her help.”

This is probably the second time Sayori has talked about Monika like this, and this time as well I notice her speak almost adoringly about the girl. This, combined with Monika’s protectiveness over her, makes me _really_ think that there is something more between them…or maybe that’s just my gay brain overthinking everything. That happens a lot, reading gay signals where nothing gay exists. Although something about this seems a little bit more than that…

“So, to answer your question, yes,” Sayori concludes after a minute’s pause, snapping my attention back to the topic at hand. “Even if I didn’t know that person…and even if they didn’t really want me to know they were having a hard time…I would still want to try to help them. And I think it would be the right thing to do.”

I sigh, looking down at the table. “Yeah…you’re right…”

Sayori smiles at me gently. “Natsuki…you know, I’m not dumb. I think it’s pretty obvious you’re talking about someone specific…do you need my help at all?”

I shake my head. “I really appreciate it, Sayo…but this is about a sensitive person with a very sensitive issue. I think it might be best for her… _their_ sake if I just handle it on my own,” I say honestly, hoping that she isn’t hurt by that. “But thank you. Seriously. I don’t know what I did without you for all that time.”

Sayori’s initial disappointment mostly goes away as she brightens up. “Me neither!” she says, laughing slightly as she takes another cupcake.

As she bites into it, Monika comes back (after giving us plenty of time alone) with three cups of tea. “Alright, here we are, sorry I’m late…” she begins to say, smiling. She stops in front of us and looks down at the desk. “…hey, where did all of the cupcakes go?”

I look down at the plate too and realize that all of the cupcakes are gone. The last one already has a bite in it and is being held by Sayori. Her face becomes beet red in embarrassment as soon as she realizes just how many cupcakes she has eaten. I think I had a total of one out of…eight. “Oops! Ehehe…” Sayori giggles, holding half of her seventh cupcake. “I guess we got carried away! Here, Moni, you can have the rest of mine!”

“Oh, ahaha, no, that’s okay…” Monika starts to say as she puts down the tea, but Sayori seems insistent as she stands up and shoves the half-cupcake towards her face. Monika dodges it.

“No, try it!” Sayori commands, chasing Monika around the room as she tries to force-feed the cupcake to her. “This one is yours!”

While the two’s antics are admittedly cute to watch, Sayori’s advice to me lingers in the back of my head. Without it, I might not have done anything about the scars, and just lived in agonizing silence with Yuri for the rest of my time here…which from the looks of things right now, will be quite a long time. But I knew in the back of my head that this was wrong. And now I know that I need to do _something_.

I’m just not sure what. Talking through my feelings seemed to work well, but that was with Sayori…someone I already know very well. I don’t know Yuri…like, at all. How should I try to help someone who will likely shut down any conversation? Maybe not with words…but with actions…

And that’s when I get an idea that might the most brilliant or the most horrible thing I’ve ever come up with.

I’m going to steal Yuri’s knives.

* * *

 

 

After Sayori forces Monika to eat her half-eaten cupcake out of guilt, the club meeting doesn’t last much longer. Monika promises that tomorrow will be more exciting assuming that Yuri shows up, hopes that I’ll be able to write a poem for tomorrow, and then we all ride back home in her car. The house is close enough to school that driving isn’t essential, and so according to her Yuri usually just walks home after she is done at work. Another thing that Monika mentioned was that her parents aren’t going to be home tonight (which is a little surprising, seeing as how it’s only my second night here…) and so she was just going to order pizza for us to eat. No way I’m turning that down. I haven’t had proper pizza in years.

As soon as we arrive back home, though, I excuse myself for a few minutes to go to Yuri and I’s room. Yuri isn’t home yet. After closing the door behind me, I pace around the room for a couple of minutes, hoping that for some reason all of her knives will suddenly appear on her bed with my magical powers. I don’t have that good luck, though. Someone like Yuri is probably hiding them somewhere…but where?

To be fair, I don’t even know that she technically has _knives_. It could just be a razorblade or something. But there was something about the way those cuts looked…it makes me think that it was a knife. They were a little too long and…precise. But I know nothing about self-harm, what if I’m looking for the wrong thing?? I shake my head to try to get rid of the image of Yuri’s scarred arms.

I do get rid of it…but not before I hone in on one key detail: many of them looked old, but some of them looked _fresh_. Like she had done it within the last day or so. Did she bring them to school and do it there this morning? I really hope not. And I don’t think so, anyway…she was carrying around a lot of stuff because of me, would she really have enough room for stuff like that? Maybe…but I’m really hoping not.

So when would have been another time within the past, I dunno, 24 hours that she would have been able to cut? She was sleeping literally 10 feet away from me for most of the night…unless…

Beforehand, she went to the bathroom for a looong time. I even remember noting that to myself. That means…maybe…

The really shitty detective who probably can’t deduce shit and is really shitty goes into the shared bathroom. I pull open the first cabinet drawer. Nada. Just a bunch of toiletries. How about the second? Ditto. I look under the sink drawer. There are just a bunch of neatly-folded towels and what looks like unlit candles. I’m about to close it, but then I do a doubletake on the towel pile and decide it might be worth checking out…

I push the towels aside with my good hand, and sure enough, they were hiding something underneath: a medium-sized, intricately-carved, wooden box. I gulp. This certainly doesn’t look like where Yuri keeps her makeup. Pulling it out and placing the towels back where I found them, I place the box on the floor and, taking a deep, steadying breath, open it.

I’m not sure whether to unfurl a “Mission Accomplished” banner or to barf. Sure enough, this is where Yuri keeps her…knives. And boy are there a lot of them. It’s almost like she has a collection of them. The good news is that I think the collection is complete: there aren’t any empty slots for another knife to be, making me think that she probably didn’t take one to school with her. At least, I hope so. If I didn’t know what I know now about her, I would have thought that some of them might look pretty…but right now, it just makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Okay, snap out of it, Nat. I need to focus now. Who knows when Yuri will come back? Straightening up the towels to hopefully make it look like I didn’t do anything, I close the cupboard and take hold of the box, placing it on my bed. I need a good place to hide it. It’s not like I can hide it anywhere else in the bathroom. In my clothes drawer? No, then there might be a chance that Yuri will find it. How about under my bed? Ehh, there’s still a chance she could see it and find it then – my mattress isn’t that close to the ground, and you can pretty easily see everything under there.

That’s when I get the idea to hide it under my actually mattress. Which, all things considered, would probably be the hardest place for Yuri to find it. It is also the hardest place for me to put it in…

After struggling for nearly five minutes with one arm and a bunch of pain as my body twisted and turned, I’m able to put it under the mattress near my head. Panting a little bit, I lie down on the bed. It feels…relatively natural. Getting up, I look at the bed from a distance and it doesn’t look like anything’s under there, at least from my perspective. So, as hiding spots go, this seems like my best bet.

I second-guess myself for probably the fifteenth time (so, I guess, I fifteenth-guess myself) on whether this is a good idea or not. After talking with Sayori, I felt confident that I had done the right thing by approaching her, and I felt better about myself afterwards. This? I don’t feel good about this at all. Part of me feels like I’m putting off the real issue more than anything else, as opposed to trying to fix it…

I shake my head and remind myself that I’ve already committed to this the moment I went out searching for her knives. Now that I’ve found them, I can’t just leave them out there, right? Besides, maybe this is the best way to help Yuri. Let’s think optimistically: best case scenario, Yuri just thinks she misplaced them and shrugs it off…maybe she’ll think it’s too much effort to try to go find them again and she won’t want to cut anymore! Yeah. Keep thinking that. Keep thinking naively optimistic thoughts like that, and maybe an unrealistic miracle will happen and they’ll come true.

I sigh. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to talk to her. But maybe this will buy me some time before I have to do that. With a final look around the room, I open the door again and head downstairs, where Monika and Sayori are waiting for me.

Monika orders a pizza, which comes about a half hour later. Talking with Sayori a little bit is able to calm me down some, and neither of the girls seem to notice how nervous I am. When the pizza comes and we all sit at the table, Yuri still isn’t back home. Monika looks concerned for a little bit, commenting that she usually isn’t out this late. Oh, fuck. That’s not a good sign, isn’t it? Oh, fuck. What if she has a knife on her? What if she’s been cutting this whole time? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fu—

After hearing the jingling of keys at the front door, Yuri enters the house. Thank fuck.

“Yuri! Welcome home!” Monika says cheerfully as Yuri closes the door behind her. She seems anxious…especially when her eyes fall on me. Although maybe that’s just because I look anxious as fuck, too. “We were a little worried that you got home so late, particularly after you missed the club meeting…”

“Y-yes! Sorry about that! Both missing the club meeting, and returning home late, as well!” Yuri says in a stilted voice. Yeah, there’s definitely something wrong with her – she seems to be panting a little bit, almost as if she’s run here. “I-I…apologies. Today has been quite a long day, and I’m a tad…frazzled.”

“Aww, it’s okay, Yuri!” Sayori says gently, smiling at her. “We all have those days. Although we have the cure to all of your worries right here!” She holds up her second slice of pizza (wait, didn’t she eat seven cupcakes an hour and a half ago? Goddammit Sayori).

“A-ahh, I sincerely appreciate it, Sayori, but I have to decline,” Yuri says, causing both her and Monika to blink in surprise. “As I said…it’s been a long day. I think I simply need to rest…if I am on the brink of starvation later tonight, then I will acquire a slice.”

“Oh…alright,” Monika says, a tinge of disappointment pretty obvious in her voice. “Well, feel better, Yuri!” Yuri nods, making eye contact with me one more time before going up to our room. Her behavior right then was definitely…troubling. So, if I thought there was some off-hand chance that she _didn’t_ know that I saw her scars before, I definitely know that she knew that now. And she definitely seems to be very affected by it, which is almost worse than the both of us pretending that nothing happened at all. Although maybe it’s a little bit better.

She definitely looked like she needs some time alone, though, so I decide to stay down here with Sayori and Monika a little bit longer and finish my pizza. I don’t stay long though, as Monika’s phone gets a text notification.

“Oh! It’s from Yuri,” Monika informs us, looking directly at me. “She asked me if you could bring a slice of pizza upstairs for her. She says she’s a little hungry after all.”

“She wants _me_ to bring her pizza?” I ask, and Monika nods. Why wouldn’t she have just texted me to get a piece for her, or simply asked Monika to bring a piece? This is definitely a little more than unsettling. “Um…okay. I’m done with everything anyway.”

My nerves rearing back in full force again, I push my plate to the side and grab a new plate to put another piece of pizza on it…although I get the feeling that Yuri doesn’t want any pizza. I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs. The door to our room is closed. Stopping here and debating on whether I should knock or not, I decide to just open the damn thing already. “Hey, Yuri—”

I look at the room in shock. Yuri is on the floor, curled up into a ball and rocking back and forth as if she had just been visited by a ghost. She’s opened up all of the clothes drawers and strewn out quite a lot on the floor, there are quite a lot of various objects pulled out from underneath her bed, and everything has been emptied out of her backpack. Yuri looks up at me as soon as I enter, an almost-crazed look in her eyes. And it’s in this moment that I realize I fucked up, big time.

“What did you do with them, Natsuki?” Yuri asks me, a painful edge to her voice. When I don’t respond, she asks me again. “What did you do with the knives?”

Oopsie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's Chapter 5, with probably the biggest cliffhanger yet to boot! After some promising character development, Natsuki seems to have landed herself in some pretty hot water...how will she get out of it?? Wait for Chapter 6 to find out! :P
> 
> I always say to myself that the next chapter is likely going to be shorter, but it ends up taking longer than I intend to write it. That being said, I really *do* have time next month to focus on the next chapter, and I do think it will be on the relatively shorter side compared to these chapters, so hopefully that means it will be out sooner rather than later! I don't like making you guys wait for too long, particularly now that the drama is ramping up again. 
> 
> Also, as someone who has written about these sorts of heavy topic in the past, I understand that topics regarding self-harm and cutting especially can be very sensitive to many people. Although Natsuki's actions near the latter end of this chapter are necessary in advancing the plot, I do not condone them at all as the right way to deal with someone who is self-harming. In this story, though, Natsuki is human and makes mistakes. She cares about Yuri a lot but is too awkward at the moment to actually sit down and gently talk to her and try to help her in the way that Sayori is probably suggesting she does. If this material is too heavy for anyone, then don't worry; real gay stuff is coming up real soon.
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments, and thanks for reading! :)


	6. I talk late at night with a cute girl going through not-so-cute shit

Yuri’s eyes pierce me almost as sharply as a blade – no pun intended. I’m barely able to come up with any coherent sentence. It’s similar to when I first met Yuri yesterday, although completely different at the same time – back then, I was completely breathless and caught off guard by her beauty (ugh, cringe), and so a million things were running through my brain. Now it’s like my brain is paralyzed in fear. Once I’m able to jumpstart it, there’s only one thought that I’m able to come up with: deny.

“W-what are you talking about?” I ask, my voice shaking as I close the door behind me. “Knives?”

It’s pretty obvious that Yuri doesn’t buy it, however, and her gaze towards more hardens (which I didn’t think was possible only a few seconds ago). “You’re a horrible liar, Natsuki,” she says, staying seated on the ground as she grits her teeth. “I know you saw my scars. And I know you did _something_ with my knives.”

It’s true, I am a horrible liar. I guess there really is no putting this off. “O-okay, fine, I have them,” I admit, sighing as I slowly try to approach her. “B-but…I’m just trying to help…”

“Well, you’re _not_ helping!” Yuri snaps at me harshly, getting up to move away from me. Her hands are shaking and there’s a fierceness in her eyes that scares me. She must realize this, because her expression falters and her posture towards me becomes a little less threatening. She’s still shaking, though. “I…I apologize, Natsuki…I just need you to give me the knives back, now. I really, _really_ do not want to say anything to you that I might regret.”

I relax a little bit as Yuri becomes a little less scary. She’s definitely not calm by any means – but I feel like I can talk to her again. And even though I’m kind of now realizing that stealing her knives may have not been the best decision in hindsight, now that I have them, I definitely don’t want to give them back to her in this state.

“I…I’m sorry. B-but I don’t think I can do that…” I start to say nervously, at which Yuri’s eyes widen again. “L-look! After what I saw, can you really blame me? You’re hurting yourself, like, intentionally! Once I found out, I couldn’t just, like, _not_ do anything about it! You’re my friend!”

“Am I _really_ your friend?? You’ve only known me for a day!” Yuri shoots back at me. I’m not going to lie, that hurt a little bit. I can tell that she is getting more worked up now. “And I never asked for you to find out about this part of me. In fact, I sincerely wish you hadn’t! This was one of the _last_ things I wanted you to know about me. Do you understand how sensitive of a topic this is for me?!”

“How sensitive it is for _YOU_?” I echo her. Something about this makes me snap. “Oh, _come on!_ You just spent half of the day watching me reveal every dark and depressing secret from my recent and not-so-recent past to everyone! You saw me have a fucking mental breakdown in front of the entire fucking school! Don’t talk to _me_ about what’s sensitive. Anyway, weren’t you the one who said that maybe it was better to be open about shit?”

“Not about this!” Yuri snaps, running her hands through her long hair anxiously. “I can’t be open about this! Do you understand that?! I would _never_ ask you to share something with me that would be too personal or uncomfortable for you, and the only thing I expect in return is the same courtesy! It would have been better if you had just ignored this matter and moved on with your life!”

“Well, too bad! That’s _not_ happening!” I say back to her firmly. “You can’t just expect me to ignore something as serious as this. I don’t care if you hate me because of this, Yuri, but I’m not giving you back your knives.”

Yuri looks like she’s going to hiss something at me, but stops short as her expression becomes restrained. “Natsuki, I already warned you…I really, really don’t want to hurt your feelings…” she says quietly.

I gulp. “Yuri, I’m a big girl…I don’t care if you hurt my feelings. I just care if you hurt yourself.”

Yuri remains silent for a little bit. “Natsuki…I am afraid you are too late. I’ve already decided that I’m going to hurt myself,” she finally says, her voice shallow and sad. She looks over at me. “There’s…nothing you or anyone else can do to stop that. The question, at this point, is whether it will be with one of my knives or with…something else.”

I feel a chill run down my spine as she takes a deep breath and continues talking. “I don’t know what that something else will be…but I know that I _will_ be able to find something. But I also know it will be something that I will have much less experience in than a knife. You see…I have a lot of experience with the blade. I know how to do it safely, and what places to avoid…I don’t have much experience improvising, however. And I am certain that doing what I need to do any other way will put me in much more danger.” She pauses, looking at my scared expression once again before biting her lip anxiously. “P-please, Natsuki…th-this isn’t the way to help me. Someone like me is… _beyond_ help. Just give the knives back to me, a-and I’ll be safe. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be alright if you refuse again.”

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. The prospect of giving her back the knives isn’t all that appealing…but what she’s telling me now scares me shitless. It’s worse than anything Monika could say to me to frighten me. I don’t know whether I should try to fight back and say something to convince her to stop hurting herself _completely_ , or agree to giver her the knives back. But the thought of her hurting herself with something else was…horrible. I need to tell her. But the words don’t come out. So, painfully, I use my good arm to point over to my bed near my pillow. Yuri initially checks under my pillow, but then, as my finger moves down a little bit, she puts her hands under my mattress.

After feeling around for a moment, Yuri pulls out her box. She pauses, looking at the box with a mixed sense of what seems almost like relief and dread, and then scurries off to the bathroom without looking at me again. She closes the door firmly shut.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels like I should leave and go back downstairs to be with Sayori – maybe she’ll make me feel better – although the other part of me knows that I’m about to have yet another mental breakdown. And if I talk with her about that, then she’ll ask questions, and then I’d have to tell her about…Yuri…and I’ve already screwed up with her so much that I don’t want to do any further damage. No, I have to stay here…in this room…mere meters away from where I know Yuri is hurting herself. I practically fall onto my bed (painfully) and begin to cry. No, crying is too light of a word. Sobbing is more like it at this point.

God, I’m so worthless…I should have known that this was a bad idea. I should have talked to someone about this first…or at the very least said SOMETHING to Yuri…but I decided to just listen to whatever instinct made me do something so fucking stupid as hiding her knives instead of listening to my brain and my gut which told me that it was wrong. To think that I had actually made _progress_ as a person after the club meeting with Sayori! I haven’t changed at all. I’m still the same coward I’ve always been: always doing whatever’s EASIEST instead of whatever’s BEST. Confronting my problems? Nah, I think I’ll pass on that, chief. I’d personally prefer to handle situations in the least-sensitive way possible so I can make a bad impression on every single _fucking_ person I’ve ever met.

I hear the door to the bathroom open after a little bit, and Yuri comes out again. I try my best to quiet down, although the waterworks are still definitely happening. I know how to cry silently, though, so with my back turned to her, that’s what I do. I can tell that she’s trying to be quiet, but I’m still able to hear her walking around the room for a little bit and sighing to herself. She pauses a couple of times, seemingly close to me, before walking away.

I hear her sit on her bed, and it takes me a little while for me to turn over and take a peak at her. She’s sitting down, having changed into her nightgown, and reading a book that covers her face. I can’t make out the title of it from first glance, but there is this big eye on the cover. And while _that_ eye seems to be staring at me in deep judgement, I can’t see _her_ eyes at all. She’s hidden from me completely.

She doesn’t seem all that eager to talk to me about any of this. Well, that’s just fine with me. I’m not too eager to talk about this either.

So the two of us just silently lay on our beds. I eventually get up to go to the bathroom, which nearly causes me to have the second panic attack in a single day, but I’m able to compose myself just enough to do what I need to do. I go to bed early without saying a word to Yuri, and she doesn’t say a word back to me. It’s like last night, but so, so, so much worse. She turns off the light minutes after I lay my head on the pillow and I go to sleep feeling awful about myself and everything. Any chance of me establishing a semi-decent relationship with Yuri is now in shambles. Monika’s going to be the one carrying my stuff around permanently, that’s for sure. Yuri won’t want anything to do with me.

That’s all that goes through my head until I gradually and painfully fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 _The sound of the front door slamming shut awakens me from my slumber. I blink, waking up in an instant. Oh, shit. I took a nap reading manga again. It’s the newest edition of Parfait Girls, and I fell asleep reading it. And now_ he’s _home._

_I hear his footsteps shake the entire house. I know I need to act fast. I scramble to find my manga collection and put it back, hiding it where it once was. The footsteps are getting louder. He’s coming to see me._

_I’m out of breath from running across the room. I should get some schoolbooks to make it look like I’m studying, I go over to reach for my backpack and—_

_He swings open the door. My heart sinks when I realize he’s been drinking. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes permeates from him._

_“Why do you have your door closed?” he asks me, slightly slurring his words. But there’s something about that slur that makes him even scarier._

_Words defy me. I’m still breathing heavily. “Are you hiding something from me?” he asks, although it’s less of a question and more of a threat – IF I’m hiding something from him, he will find out and fucking kill me._

_Fidgeting, I shake my head. “N-n-no, Papa…”_

_He studies me intently. He’s looking at me square in the eyes. Every muscle twitch, he notices. “Then why are you keeping your door closed from me?” he asks in the same deep voice. He walks towards me, and at this point I know better than to back up._

_“I-I-I…” I try to say, but words fail me. I can’t think of anything to say to get me out of this. He seems to agree. He stops right in front of me and grabs my lower jaw with his large, brutish hand, keeping my mouth shut._

_“Listen to me carefully,” he tells me, his teeth gritted. “This room is not your private little place. It is not your safe-haven. It is not even yours. This room…is_ mine _. Just like you. You will_ always _be mine. Do you need a reminder of that?”_

_I try to fight back any tears that might appear. I shake my head in response._

_“Then I want you to keep this door open for me. I want to know you’re here at all times. Understand?”_

_I nod wordlessly._

_He keeps hold of my face for a while longer before he lets go. My body relaxes, and I rub my sore cheeks and breath a sigh of relief. But he isn’t leaving. It looks like he’s considering his next actions: whether to leave me be, or to…_

_He makes up his mind. He grabs my arm harshly, twisting it in a direction it shouldn’t go in. “You’re coming with me,” he says, forcefully dragging me out of my room. My eyes widen in sheer, abject horror._

_“NO!” I cry out, trying to move my arm out of his grasp. “Papa, NO! P-please, I’ve been good!” He isn’t listening, and his grip on my arm only gets tighter, definitely causing at least a bruise. He’s leading me back to his bedroom, and I scream._

_“NO!”_

 

* * *

 

I wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I’m covered in sweat and am breathing so heavily that I might as well be hyperventilating. I could have sworn that I had felt a hand on me…

“N-Natsuki?” I hear Yuri whisper softly next to me. It takes me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they do I see the purple-haired girl standing next to my bed, her hand reached out to me and a worried look on her face. That shouldn’t be too out-of-the-ordinary when someone’s roommate wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. Why did I wake up in the middle of the night screaming again?

…oh, yeah. That’s right. I had a nightmare about Papa – it’s a reoccurring memory, actually. And just thinking about it makes me burst into tears again.

“O-ohh, dear…I’m sorry…” Yuri says as I try to hide my face in my blankets. It’s pretty obvious she can tell that I’m crying. “Erm…i-it’s alright, Natsuki…please don’t cry…” she mutters as she awkwardly tries to comfort me. She puts a hand on my shoulder, which is actually…nice. Everything else she’s saying and doing is so awkward and unintentionally adorable that I might be laughing if I wasn’t crying.

I quite down for a little bit, still sniffling and shaking but not full-on crying like before as I remove my face from the blankets. Yuri’s looking at me with concern, and I feel an immediate urge to try to downplay what just happened. “Sorry…don’t really know what came over me, heh…” I mutter, trying to be nonchalant about it. Yuri doesn’t seem very convinced, though.

“Natsuki…correct me if I’m wrong, but…were you having a nightmare?” she asks me softly. Still lying down on the bed, I nod with a sniffle. “I…I am here if you wish to discuss it, Natsuki.”

And that’s when the memories of the previous evening begin to flood back. And before I realize what I’m doing and how I shouldn’t do this, I lash out at her. “Oh, like you’re one to talk!” I spit out at her harshly. Thankfully, my brain is able to catch up in time with my mouth to stop me from saying anything else – but it was enough to make Yuri jump back in surprise and hurt. She looks so…dejected. I immediately feel bad, especially because all she was trying to do was see if I was okay.

She begins to turn around and go back to her bed. I _need_ to stop her. If I don’t, then, given the events of earlier in that evening, chances are that I’m going to be severing that relationship forever. And that _can’t_ happen.  

“Yuri, w-wait! I’m sorry,” I say quickly, sitting myself up on the bed. Yuri pauses, turning back to me with an air of caution. I definitely hurt her just now, and I hurt her earlier, too…I know that now’s the time to do some damage control. “I…I shouldn’t have taken your knives away from you. I fucked up, I get it. If you don’t want to talk about what happened earlier, then that’s okay. Really! I get it. We can forget that any of it happened, i-if that’s what you want. Just…you know that I’m not like the other girls, right? I won’t judge you for anything that you tell me…j-just like you haven’t judged me. I know we don’t know each other that well at all, and I get it if you don’t feel comfortable sharing something like that with me. B-but…I want to find a better way to help you, just like you’ve been helping me all today – or yesterday, I dunno what time it is, but you get the point. You didn’t judge me when I embarrassed myself every other minute at school, and you’re not judging me now for waking up after a nightmare, and I – I _really_ fucking appreciate that. So…I won’t judge you for this, okay?”

I sigh, realizing that I’m repeating myself. “I-I guess what I’m saying is, I’m here for you, okay, Yuri? I know what it’s like to suffer alone…and I don’t want you to do that. So, if you want to talk about it now, then I’m right here whenever you feel up for it. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but if you change your mind now or tomorrow or the day after that, then, uhh, we can talk about it then. So, uh…yeah.”

After ending a disjointed rant on such an eloquent note, there’s a silence between us as both of us sink in what I just said. Yuri has her lips pursed, a somewhat nervous expression on her face as she considers what I said. Then, slowly, she nods, but then walks away towards the bathroom. So…maybe she isn’t ready to talk yet. I sigh to myself. That’s okay. At least she knows I’m here. Stealing her knives probably wasn’t the best way to gain her trust, anyway.

Yuri comes back with some of the scented candles I saw under the sink and a box of matches. Placing the candles on the windowsill next to my bed and the nightstand, she lights a match. “Natsuki…do you mind if I light these candles? The fire and the scent they emit help relax me whenever I am…stressed,” she explains.

Slowly, I nod, wondering if she’s actually planning on talking to me about this right now. She lights a match, lighting the candles one by one. They give off a fresh, lavender scent. I can see what she means by them helping her relax – just the smell of it is making me take a deep breath in. She sits down on the edge of my bed, and I move my legs so she can have more room. She looks at me hesitantly, her face illuminated only by the candlelight, inhaling and exhaling.

~~Fuuuuuuuck why is she so goddamn hooooooooooot~~

“Natsuki…” Yuri starts to say, but she doesn’t finish the thought for a little while. She opens her mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. It looks like she’s having a difficult time with this. “Natsuki…I meant what I said earlier – that I am exhausted of hiding. I wish to be more open with the people around me. I feel like now would be the most opportune time to express myself, before I end up becoming afraid once more and changing my mind. However…this part of my life I have, ah, never shared before with anyone else. It’s very sensitive to me. If I tell you…do you promise to keep it a secret?”

I nod without hesitation. “I promise. This stays between you and me,” I swear, leaning forward. Yuri seems a bit relieved, scooting closer onto the bed until she’s sitting cross-legged on it and resting her head on the wall. There is a bit of fear and worry in her expression as she sighs.

“Alright. I’ve, erm, never done this before, so please bear with me…” Yuri says quietly. I hesitate on whether I should reach out and hold her hand to try to calm her, but I don’t want to risk scaring her off. Verbal feedback might be better.

“Hey! Take your time,” I tell her, offering her a gentle smile. “Just tell me as much or as little as you want, okay?”

Yuri nods, a small if grateful smile on her face. “Th-thank you,” she says, looking at me as she hugs her arms around her body. “W-well…I suppose I should start from what you already know. You should know, by now, that I self-harm. Primarily on my arms. You have seen a portion of my scars, briefly. And you have seen my knives, which I use for it. I apologize that you had to find out about this, especially in this manner…I understand that it can be, erm, distressing for people. And if you had to find out, I would have…I-I’m getting sidetracked. My point is, you know the what, you know the how, but you do not know the why.”

Yuri pauses again, putting her arms to the side. She’s having a hard time looking at me now. She glances at me to make sure I’m still listening (which I definitely am) and then looks back down at her lap. “From the time of my birth until I was fifteen, I lived with my biological parents in a small town fairly far from here,” she started to say, the word parents seeming like it came unnaturally from her mouth. “And from the very beginning, they attempted to raise me to be…traditional. I came from a devoutly religious household, in which patriarchal values and beliefs about the importance of family were ingrained in me since I was an infant. I was taught that the role of the woman was to get married to a rich, handsome man, and have lots of children, and then to take care of those children while her husband was hard at work for the sake of the family unit. This was how my family was: my mother stayed at home caring for me and my four other siblings, while my father worked.

“B-but, even from an early age, something didn’t feel right about this. It wasn’t that my parents did not show affection, because they did – so long as you followed their customs and respected their authority. I simply found myself feeling guilty quite a lot of disobeying or disrespecting them, even if I had done nothing openly. I did not want a family. I did not want a husband. For the longest time, I did not know why I felt this way…until, when I was thirteen, I realized the truth. I…” her voice cracks. I look at her with worry. She needs to take a pause again.

“I-I realized that I…that…I’m gay.”

…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HOLYFUCKINGSHITTHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMYFUCKINGLI—shut the fuck up, brain. I really, _really_ hope that I’m not grinning at her from ear-to-ear right now, because obviously that made me really fucking happy. But she doesn’t seem happy about it at all. I need to stop trying to think of moves I can make on her like a creep and actually be attentive to her feelings. She’s looking at me like she just admitted she hated puppies.

“…oh!” I say, looking at her. My surprise is pretty obvious. I need to tone down the shock and turn up the support. “Well, hey, that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with that! Take it from me,” I quip, immediately giving myself a mental facepalm. Yeah, great, of _course_ I needed to remind her that I’m gay, too. Yuri seems to take what I said well, though, as she gives me a relieved smile.

“Thank you, Natsuki…and I know there is nothing wrong with it…mostly…” she says, the smile on her face wavering after only a few moments. It was beautiful while it lasted. “You see, this type of indoctrination does not merely disappear overnight. After this epiphany occurred, the self-hatred followed immediately afterwards. Voices telling me that I am a disappointment and a disgrace to my family, to my community, to God…that I was a disgusting abomination and a freak of nature. It did not help that people at my old school thought this about me too, even with them not knowing about my sexuality. I isolated myself off from everyone I knew, and I attempted to find outlets for this self-loathing…and gradually, this is how I developed the idea of cutting myself.”

Oh no. I have to remind myself that _this_ is what we were talking about originally. Suddenly I’m much less happy about everything now.

“The first time I cut, I was fourteen…and the experience was frightening, and painful, and deeply unnerving. But afterwards…I felt this rush. Like this wave of relief had poured over me. It was an experience that still is difficult for me to describe…but in the aftershock of this discovery, I realized that the self-hating thoughts in my head were gone. And so…I kept doing it. My reasons for doing it now have less to do with my sexuality and more to do with more general reasons that I hate myself – past regrets, the way other students talk about me, intense social anxiety…and the more I cut, the more disgusted I feel with myself the next day, leading me to cut again. So this is the routine I have developed.”

She sighs again. “I know it might be…difficult to understand why I would ‘fall into a routine’ of hurting myself…it’s less about the actual act of it, and more so about the blank and light feeling afterwards. Every time I try to stop…the desire to experience that feeling always comes back. I understand if this makes you uncomfortable…b-but now, maybe you understand why taking away my knives would just be counterproductive. After so many years, it’s hard for me to just stop...”

Yuri closes her mouth, her eyes on her the blanket beneath her. The length of the silence between us makes me feel like it’s my turn to talk…even though I’m not exactly sure what I should say. I do know that Sayori was very good at comforting me. I should do that.

“Yuri…thank you for telling me about this,” I start to say, making eye contact with her. “I know that must’ve been really hard to do. I can relate to some of what you just said…talking down to yourself, social anxiety, all of that. So I have some experience dealing with that. And I…I want to help you. What I did earlier was the wrong way to help you, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on you.”

“W-why not?” Yuri stutters, looking back at me. “You’ve barely known me for a day…”

She has a good point. But despite not knowing her for very long, for some reason I already feel pretty close to her. “Well…I think you’re cool,” I say, smiling at her. Ugh, that was _such_ a dumb thing to say. “I-I mean, you’ve been nothing but nice to me, and not many people do that with me right off the bat. And at first, I thought you were just being polite, but…you bought chips for me from the vending machine! You made _cupcakes_ for me! L-look, don’t let it get to your head or anything, but…I just thought I should say that. You’re a good person, okay? Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you otherwise, because they’re wrong.”

“So, I’m wrong?” Yuri asks quietly, looking at me quizzically. That actually causes me to laugh a little bit.

“Yeah, you’re wrong, dummy!” I say jokingly. Yuri seems a little bit surprised by my response – which makes me realize that that wasn’t a joke. Maybe being jokey right now isn’t the best move. “I…I promised I wasn’t going to judge you. And I’m not. I still don’t like that you hurt yourself like that, though. But if you’re going to do it…then can you talk to me before or after you do it?”

Yuri freezes up. “I-I…I d-don’t know…” she stutters. Shit, I might have gone too far. I’m about to tell her to forget about it, but she stops me. “I can try. B-but it might be a while before I’m fully, erm, open about the entire situation. I want to try, though…”

I smile reassuringly. “Okay, great! No pressure, though. You just work on being open about the cutting with me, and I’ll work on a better way for you to deal with everything. And this time I’ll talk about it with you before I end up, y’know, stealing stuff from you. Deal?”

Yuri exhales, a smile of relief on her face. She nods. “Y-yes…deal. I will try my best.”

“Good.” We sit in a comfortable silence for a little bit, waiting for the candles to go out. Even though I should be feeling tired after the long day, I don’t really _feel_ like going to sleep. I guess waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and then having an emotional talk with someone makes you stay awake, huh?

“Natsuki?” Yuri gets my attention. I turn to her. “That nightmare you woke up from…do you remember what it was about? I-if you are comfortable sharing, that is…”

Now I’m the one in the hot seat again. But…it’s only fair that I tell her after she’s told me something so deeply personal, right? I nod slightly. “It was…it’s a nightmare I have a lot, about a memory I had from a while ago. About Pap…uhh, I mean, my dad. The guy was always an abusive, alcoholic piece of shit, but there was one time…” I shudder. My mind blocks it off completely. I can’t even think about that memory, let alone say it out loud. “He was just…really bad.”

Yuri seems to shudder too. “I’m sorry…” she says quietly. I try to shrug it off, wanting to move on from _that_ particular nightmare.

“ _You_ have nothing to be sorry for. That’s just the way he was. And now he’s going to jail, where he belongs,” I say, the thought giving me some security. “What about your folks? What happened with them?” I ask, wanting to change topics entirely. I then realize how insensitive of a question it is. “If you don’t mind me asking,” I tack on at the end very quickly. “Like, you don’t have to answer that at all if you don’t want to.”

“It’s alright,” Yuri says, sighing as she plays with a strand of her hair. Although unlike before when she did it out of anxiety, she seems a bit…calmer. “Well, I was thirteen when I came to that conclusion about my sexuality. Fourteen when I discovered cutting. And I was fifteen when…I decided that enough was enough, and that the only way for me to get better was to be honest with myself and the people whom I loved. So, I told my mother and my father that I was gay.” She pauses, averting eye contact with me. “And then…they expelled me from their home.”

My jaw nearly drops. “They kicked you out???” I repeat in a mix of shock and deeeeeep anger.

Yuri nods. “Yes…they gave me fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes to gather all of my belongings in a duffle bag, and then leave the house. They were already dissatisfied with my social reclusiveness as well as my collection of knives, which they thought were ‘disturbing’…but homosexuality was a bridge too far for them and their Christian values. Mr. and Mrs. Amano took me in about six months ago…before then, I was housed in an orphanage for a while, which I found after living on the streets for a few months…”

“That’s such bullshit!” I scoff, and Yuri looks at me in surprise, just now noticing how angry that got me. “That sucks. I’m really sorry, Yuri.”

Yuri smiles at me softly. “It is like you said, is it not? _You_ have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yeah, I know…but it still needed to be said,” I say, returning the smile. Yuri seems to be feeling a lot better now. She’s a little happier, although something about her demeanor has gotten a bit…shyer all of a sudden?

“D-do you mind if I…” Yuri starts to ask, but then she stops herself. “N-n-no, n-never mind, it’s stupid…”

“What?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. The candles are beginning to go out now, but there is still enough light emitting from one of them that I can very clearly see a blush on her face. “Come on, you can ask me whatever at this point.”

“A-ahh, it wasn’t a question, and more of a request, but alright…” Yuri stutters a little. She scoots a little closer to me and my eyes widen. “Can I…erm, can I hug you?”

…okay, that was NOT the first thing I was thinking she was going to do when she began to move closer to me. And a small part of me can’t help but get a little disappointed. But I’m still getting heart palpitations just at the thought of it. Still, though, who would I be to turn down a hug from someone like her? “Uhh, y-yeah!” I say, realizing that I might be sounding too eager. “I-I mean, if you really want to! L-like, if it would make you feel better or whatever, then I would be _fine_ with it. Just so long as you don’t squeeze my ribcage too hard, a-actually y’know it’s probably inconvenient for me to—”

I’m interrupted as Yuri leans forward and hugs me, my mind going blank once again as I’m paralyzed in the moment. Gradually, I’m able to move my good arm around her to give her a half hug. I don’t know what makes this hug that different from the one Sayori gave me, but it just _feels_ different. At first glance, Yuri seems like such an unapproachable and reserved person…but in this moment as she presses herself against me, she feels so welcoming, and open, and warm. It’s full of comfort and understanding: it’s like she knows what I’ve been through, and she accepts all of it, even going so far as to make sure it’s comfortable for _me_ even with the upper half of my body broken. Her hug is like a soothing medicine that is exactly what I need to cure the ailments I got after a long, stressful day. It’s…it’s perfect. I’ve never, _ever_ experienced anything like it before with anyone else. And yeah, maybe that’s because the only people who have ever hugged me before her that I can remember were Sayori and her parents (sometimes), but I don’t know. There’s something about Yuri’s touch that is so goddamn special.

Yuri pulls away after a while. It probably takes her so long because I’m so clingy, but there isn’t really any awkwardness when she does let go of me. There is a sense of calmness, and if she was a little happier before, she seems a LOT happier now. I can only imagine what kind of stupid expression I have on my face, because she’s smiling at me.

“Thank you for talking with me tonight. It sincerely helped me,” she says, sighing contentedly as she sits up. “Hopefully the both of us can sleep easier tonight…I will see you tomorrow morning then?”

My brain reboots itself just in time to respond via the path of least awkwardness. “Uhh…yeah. Definitely. G’night, Yuri,” I say, offering her a dizzy smile as I try to force myself to come off of that high. Yuri smiles one last time at me before leaning over by my windowsill, blowing out the final candle that was still lit, and then going over to her bed. And as I lie down, I’m left in a sea of lavender scent, euphoria, and the yearning to be hugged like that by Yuri again. If there wasn’t another person in this room, I would scream into my pillow at the top of my lungs due to just the rollercoaster of intense emotions I’ve been on during the past half hour, let alone the past twenty-four hours due to this fucking girl.

One thing’s for sure, though. I have it baaaaaaaad for Yuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the new chapter! I'm glad I was able to get it up earlier than other chapters (which usually take about a month for me to finish). That being said, this one is a bit shorter than some of the previous chapters, but hopefully it has enough content to make everyone satisfied :) If you all DO prefer these slightly-shorter chapters over the longer ones, then let me know. I can't promise I'll be able to update this story as frequently with them, but I can definitely try. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments! Hopefully you like where this story is going - the ending of this chapter may or may not be mild foreshadowing for the high levels of gayness that will follow in the next few chapters. :P


	7. I fail at poetry and walk in on some risky closet business

I slept pretty well last night. It was the first good sleep I had been able to have in a long time…well, forgetting about the nightmare for a minute. That wasn’t the best part of the night. And especially considering the fact that Yuri and I spent a good half an hour (maybe it was longer?) talking, and also how flustered I was when we were finally done, you would think I wouldn’t have slept well. But I slept like a baby. Seriously. I have no idea how long I slept, it probably was only for four or five hours or something, but when I woke up and saw Yuri sitting on her bed and heard her tiredly say “good morning, Natsuki,” I felt like I had slept just fine.

Of course, Yuri was adorable this morning. Her hair was a bit of a mess (nothing compared to mine) but was still elegant. And when I passed her, she still smelled a little bit like lavender from the candles last night. Although she has always given off that sort of scent. The look that she gave me when she woke up…her eyes were still barely open, and her smile was small but genuine. She actually seemed happy to see me. Barely anyone ever seems happy to see me. The only thing that would have made that look better is if she was giving it to me centimeters away as opposed to from across the room. Oh, what I would have given to have had her just stay in my bed with me…

HEY! Cut that shit out! God, I’m such a creep…what would Yuri think if she knew I was just daydreaming about sleeping with her??? That’s so fucking embarrassing. I should really, _really_ stop thinking these sorts of things…but as I glance over at the beautiful girl walking next to me, carrying my bag, I can’t help but feel those same thoughts bubbling up to the surface. Ugh, I really wish I wasn’t so freaking awkward with this cast so maybe I could ask her to hug me again…wait, hold on, that would be awkward even without the cast…

“A-ah, Natsuki, are you alright?” Yuri asks me, raising an eyebrow as she stops by the door. Oh, crap, she caught me staring at her. _Again_.

“W-what do you mean?? Of course I’m alright!” I say, heat rising to my cheeks as I move my eyes down. “That’s like the fifth time you’ve asked that to me today…” I grumble.

“O-oh! Sorry…I merely noticed you were looking rather, ah, distracted,” Yuri starts to say, sighing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…of course, if you’re alright, you’re alright—”

“Yuri. It’s okay. Really,” I say, stopping her. Yuri’s face is red – maybe not as red as I imagine mine is, but still red. I smile at her. She looks just about as embarrassed as I feel, which is good, I think. It definitely makes her look cuter, anyway. “Should we go into the clubroom now, or…?”

Yuri snaps back into reality and nods, turning around and opening the door behind her. Up until this point, we had pretty much spent the entire day together…she carried my stuff around while I still can’t, walked me to all of my classes…we even spent our free period together. And this time, Yuri made it clear that her work at the library would not interfere this time around. Today was…good. Surprisingly. Especially considering that my outburst in front of the entire school yesterday was still fresh in everyone’s minds. But it was almost like it didn’t even matter to me. I got quite a few judgmental or pity glances, and I did notice Hinata and the other girls look pointedly at me in the hallway, but honestly, I could give less of a shit about them.

I felt really comfortable today, and part of me knows that Yuri had a lot to do with that. On the one hand, her presence is really calming for me; on the other, though, she stresses me out with just how attractive and out-of-my-league she is. Yeah, sure, maybe we’re both lesbians, but at least I’m a realistic lesbian. It’s a mixed bag, but Yuri definitely helped calm me down a lot today when, if I was alone, I likely would have broken down again due to everyone’s eyes being on me.

But thankfully, I was able to get through the day. Now that all of my classes are done, there’s just one thing left to go to: the literature club. And because Monika said yesterday didn’t _really_ count since Yuri wasn’t there, I guess this is my first official club meeting that I’m going to. Maybe that will take my mind off of this girl.

…oh wait, no. We agreed earlier that we would read Parfait Girls together during the club meeting. _Fuck_.

Both of us enter the clubroom, where Monika and Sayori are waiting for us. “Yuri! Natsuki! Heeeeeeeey!” Sayori says as she walks towards us, beaming. That’s right, I haven’t seen her since yesterday…she really does like to sleep in. “FINALLY, the gang’s all together again!”

“The ‘gang?’” Yuri repeats, smiling a little bit in amusement. “I, ah, didn’t realize we had organized ourselves into a gang formation…”

“Well, we did! It’s the Foster-Home-Slash-Literature-Club Gang!” Sayori exclaims joyfully, bouncing up and down on the soles of her feet. “And now that we have our fourth member, I hereby announce the first meeting of the Lit-Foster Gang has successfully…gathered!”

I look at my friend with the most immensely lost expression on my face. Yeah, she was like this as a kid too. I have no idea what she’s trying to say.

Monika laughs lightheartedly, causing all of us to turn over towards her (particularly Sayori, who seems to turn her head around like an owl to look at her). “Yes, well, this _is_ the largest meeting of the literature club so far, so you honestly could say that the gang really is all here. So, Natsuki…welcome to your first ‘official’ club meeting!” she says warmly. Yeah, that’s definitely nice of her to say to me. But I still feel like there’s a tiny bit of tension between us, what with her threatening to kill me yesterday and everything. Then again, I made up with Sayori, so surely everything’s fine? I give a small smile back.

“Well…thanks, guys,” I say, standing in place awkwardly. “So…what exactly is it we do here again?”

“Well…whatever you want, really!” Monika tells me. “The point of this club is merely to provide a safe place outside of the house for us all to read…we can read individually, or together. It’s really up to you. And then, of course, after a while we share our poems with each other.”

A guilty pit forms in my stomach as my shoulders shag. I _knew_ I had forgotten about something today: a poem. I didn’t write any poem, even though I knew that it would make Sayori happy if I at least tried. But with the chaos of last night, I completely forgot. And it’s pretty obvious from my expression that I haven’t written anything.

Sayori notices more than anyone, and once we’ve all cleared out of the huddle, she pulls me aside. “Hey…don’t worry about it if you forgot to write something,” she says, a sympathetic smile on her face. “I get that it can be hard to do poetry if you’ve never done it before.”

“Huh?? Ah, come on, it’s just a dumb poem, how hard can it be?” I say, taking out my frustration that should be reserved for myself at her. Oh, go fuck yourself, me. Sayori didn’t do anything wrong, and besides, poetry is important to her. “…sorry. I just…I guess it is harder to start writing something like that than I thought it would be…especially if I’m sharing it with everyone.” It’s true. I’ve honestly only written things to myself in my diary. I’m not really a show-and-tell type of person.

“Aww, come on, Nat!” Sayori says, nudging my good arm. “We’re, like, the least judgmental people ever! But…I _do_ understand why you’re a little nervous. When Monika suggested I start writing poems, I was too! I didn’t even know where to begin, or how to write them…”

“So? What changed for you?” I ask her. Sayori shrugs.

“Ehh…I dunno,” she says. “But eventually, I figured it out. And it’s seriously so good to just write them. If I had to give you any advice…I would say to just write from the heart! Follow what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling and just be honest with yourself, and then put it down on paper in whatever way you think is best! Just follow your heart!”

I try to hold back a grimace. Yeah, see, following my heart is the last thing I really want to do right now. It’s only going to lead me to heartbreak with Yuri…yeah, sure, she may dig chicks, too, but that doesn’t get rid of the fact that we literally live in the same foster home together. And she’s totally out of my league. It would be kinda hard for me to write a poem about all of that, anyway.

Still though, maybe I can try to take some of that advice into account? Or at least do a good job at pretending to keep it in mind. “Thanks…I’ll try my best to write something good tonight, I promise,” I tell her.

I don’t really understand what Sayori is talking about – sharing something so deeply personal through basic poetry – until it’s actually time to share poems later during that club session. Yuri shows me hers first, seeing as how we were already pretty close together reading manga next to each other. Sayori and Monika appeared to be busy writing…something. And although Yuri is very polite, I’m beginning to get the feeling that she isn’t too into Parfait Girls. So I suggest that if she has a poem, maybe I can read it.

“O-oh! Right, of course…I-I, ahh, hope you like it Natsuki. Or, rather, not _like_ it, but, erm…well, just read it,” Yuri says, handing the piece of paper over to me. She doesn’t really seem to be in the mood for a grand performance like the one Sayori gave of her rushed poem yesterday; maybe this is more of a reading club rather than a reciting club, which would be a relief.

The poem is called “The Racoon.” Something about that title seems a little…ominous.

 

_It happened in the dead of night while I was slicing bread for a guilty snack._

_My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window._

_That was, I believe, the first time I noticed my strange tendencies as an unordinary human._

_I gave the raccoon a piece of bread, my subconscious well aware of the consequences._

_Well aware that a raccoon that is fed will always come back for more._

_The enticing beauty of my cutting knife was the symptom._

_The bread, my hungry curiosity._

_The raccoon, an urge._

_The moon increments its phase and reflects that much more light off of my cutting knife._

_The very same light that glistens in the eyes of my raccoon friend._

_I slice the bread, fresh and soft. The raccoon becomes excited._

_Or perhaps I’m merely projecting my emotions onto the newly-satisfied animal._

_The raccoon has taken to following me._

_You could say that we’ve gotten quite used to each other._

_The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy._

_Every time I brandish my cutting knife, the raccoon shows me its excitement._

_A rush of blood. Classic Pavlovian conditioning. I slice the bread._

_And I feed myself again._

 

Yeah…I’m not usually one for metaphors and big words. And there’s definitely some parts of this that I don’t get, like at all. But even I’m not dumb enough to miss what this poem’s referring to.

Yuri’s looking at me expectantly to say something. Maybe I should do that. “Uh…wow,” I say, gulping. I’m really nervous and trying to come up with something actually meaningful to add, and so the pressure’s kind of on now. “I, uh, i-it’s good…just so we’re on the same page here, is this poem about a certain thing that we, like, talked about? Last night?”

Yuri darted her eyes to the ground, a nervous smile on her face. “Y…yes. I assumed you would understand the metaphors here almost immediately. I did not go to sleep very easily last night after our discussion, so…I wrote this in order to aid in my explanation regarding my cutting for you,” she says, adding that last part in a much quieter voice so Sayori and Monika couldn’t hear us. “The subtlety would likely escape the others, but…hopefully it helps in shedding light to you about my feelings and thought process.”

“…I think it does…” I say slowly, offering her a small smile. “Hey, thanks for still being open about all of this with me…for trusting me with something like this.”

Come to think of it…why _does_ she trust me with all of this? I’ve only known her for two days…

“W-well, we agreed to be more open with each other, no?” Yuri asks. “That is, assuming you’re still comfortable talking about this…”

“Huh? Yeah, no, totally!” I say, nodding. “I’m glad you’re talking to me about it. It means a lot, really.” She’s smiling a little bit now, although there’s something to her voice that makes me feel like she’s expecting something from me. After all, this interaction right now is a little bit one-sided just because I don’t have a poem.

Later that night in our room, I resolve to write a killer poem; although that’s hard to do, because Yuri and the others have set the bar so high. Ugh, why do I have to be such a shit writer? Maybe if I knew how to write good (wait…is it write good or write well? See, I’m super bad at this) like Yuri I would actually come up with a decent poem that would tell her how much she means to me…

Wait, no, dummy. You can’t do it like that yet. Just be…subtle. You appreciate her as a friend. Yeah. Something like that would be…good. Or is it well…?

Yuri’s buried in that book with the weird eye on it on her bed, so she’s definitely not looking at me doing this right now. Sighing, I grab my pen and try to follow Sayori’s advice: just follow my heart and what I’m feeling right now. I begin writing with the first word that comes into my head…

 

_…joy._

_…_

_…that’s what I feel when I look at you._

_When you smile at me._

_When you laugh at one of my stupid jokes._

_I feel joy when you notice me._

_Even by looking at me you can fill me_

_With joy._

_…_

_I’ve never felt like that with anyone before_

_So Yuri Nakamura, you must be something special._

…this is too gay. Even for me. I’m feeling my face flush a furious red and I know that I can’t give this to her…besides, aren’t I sharing this to _everyone_? I crumple up the piece of paper and stretch my arm to throw it into the trash. Only to cause my ribs to hurt. Oh yeah, they’re still broken. Almost forgot about that, didn’t you?

Anyway, that poem was WAY too much. Did I seriously ignore the advice that I gave even myself? Be subtle. Now, let’s work on some goddamn subtlety for once in your life.

New page time. Deep breath. I click my pen again.

 

_Because You_

_…_

_Tomorrow will be brighter with me around_

_But when today is dim, I can only look down._

_My looking is a little more forward_

_Because you look at me._

_…_

_When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!_

_But my truest feelings can never come out…_

 

…

I stop writing.

What in the absolute FUCK was that???

How the fuck was that supposed to be _subtle_? You stupid idiot! Someone like Yuri isn’t going to like someone like me, who can barely even write a single fucking poem! Someone like me, who can barely form a coherent sentence! Yes, Yuri’s hot. Yuri is so, incredibly, goddamn attractive. But that’s the thing that I need to get through my thick skull: she’s everything I’M not! I need to repeat to myself mentally, for the fifteenth time, that _Yuri is most likely IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, INTO ME_.

Got it, brain? You mushy, disgusting, horny little thing? Yes? Good.

“N-natsuki? Is everything alright? You seem a little agitated…”

I jump as I notice Yuri standing behind me. Shit! What if she sees this?? I hide the poem underneath my arm. My face is probably flushed right now.

“U-uh, yep! Totally fine! Just…writer’s block!” I say, tucking the paper underneath a stack of other papers. “Hey, what did I say earlier about you asking me if I’m okay or not?? I don’t need to be babysat, haha!” I try to add that nervous chuckle on at the end to make the statement seem more like a joke. But it only seems to make what I said more aggressive as Yuri nods, pursing her lips as she retreats back to her book.

Maybe…maybe it would be best if I try not to write from the heart like Sayori said…at least not until I find some way to control my out-of-control emotions. And that’s something I’m likely not going to figure out for a while. But in the meantime, I need to write _something_.

Metaphors seemed to work for Yuri…who says I can’t try that?

I click my pen again, pausing for a moment and thinking very carefully before I start writing.

 

_…Eagles Can Fly._

(Wow, that’s a dumb title)

_Monkeys can climb_

_Crickets can leap_

_Horses can race_

_Owls can seek_

_Cheetahs can run_

_Eagles can fly_

_People can try…_

_…_

_But that’s about it._

I put my pen down, not knowing what else to write.

…well, that sucked.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuri stares blankly at my poem once she gets the chance to read it the next day in the clubroom. I cringe internally. Yeah, I know it’s bad. And I can tell from her reaction that she knows it’s bad, too. Why did I have to write a bad first poem? Of course, Sayori liked that I wrote anything at all, but Monika was a pretty good barometer of what made a poem good or bad. And it was pretty obvious from her reaction that it was bad. Although I don’t really care what she thinks about it. Now I really feel the pressure on as I wait for her response.

“Oh, well, this is certainly…interesting…” Yuri says. I hold back a groan. No one ever says that about a poem that’s actually good. “Ah, this is your first poem, correct, Natsuki?”

“Yeah…” I grumble, putting my good hand on my hip. “Look, I know it isn’t good, okay? You don’t have to spell it out for me.”

“W-what? I-I didn’t say that!” Yuri stammers, looking embarrassed. “I’m just not accustomed to your writing style quite yet. B-but it’s good! It’s…cute.”

“Cute??” I _really_ hate that word. Yuri flinches as I snap at her.

“S-s-sorry! I-I didn’t mean…oh no…I just meant that it _is_ good. Your style, that is. I suppose I was only taken off guard by the fact that it’s so different from everyone else’s in the club, p-particularly mine…I’m sorry if I offended you,” Yuri says, a sad and nervous expression on her face. Jesus, who can stay mad at that?

“Sorry, I overreacted…I just really don’t like that word…” I say begrudgingly, sighing. When Yuri looks at me questioningly. “ _Cute_. That word. It…ugh, never mind.”

Yuri nods. “A-apologies. I won’t use it again.”

“I-it’s whatever,” I try to say nonchalantly, even though I feel a chill run up my spine whenever I hear that word. Just ignore it. “L-look, I’m new to this whole poetry thing. I know you were probably expecting me to express my inner feelings in some deeply personal way like you did with me yesterday, and I _tried_ , but…I just don’t know how to do that yet. It’s not something that just _comes_ to me.”

“Hmm…” Yuri hums, seemingly deep in thought. Her eyebrows scrunch up together in a way that’s undeniably cu…adorable. “Well then…if finding the right topic is the issue that you appear to be having, then perhaps I can offer a solution?” I perk up, nodding for her to go on. “What if…hypothetically speaking, that is…we were to write about the same thing? We could choose a broad topic and then write two different poems about said topic.”

Huh. I guess that doesn’t sound _that_ bad. In fact…it actually sounds like a pretty good idea. “Soo, what would you want to write about?” I ask.

Yuri purses her lips. “Hmm…what about…” Yuri pauses. “…the beach?”

I scrunch my eyebrows together. “The beach? What made you think of that? Been dying to get a suntan or something?” She _is_ a bit pale, after all…

“Eh? Oh, not necessarily…” the shy girl says, twirling her hair nervously in her hands. “It’s merely that…w-well, it would be a tad difficult to properly describe without giving you a lengthy story. But to put it simply, my family owned a beach house when we were younger, and I have some fond memories of wandering across the sand, by the ocean…I have not had the opportunity to return in quite some time, though.”

“That sounds nice,” I say. Maybe it was just because I was seeing her in a swimsuit, but hey, can you blame me? Imagining Yuri walking along the water on the beach was a damn good daydream. “I guess I wouldn’t know…I’ve never been to the beach before.”

“You haven’t?” Yuri asks, seemingly taken off guard. I shake my head. “O-oh…I guess it might not be a sufficient prompt, in that case…”

“Hey, no! I like it,” I stop her, brushing it off. “It’s good. I can work with beaches. I’ve seen enough anime that I get what the general concept of a beach is. I’m game.”

To be honest, I have no idea how I’m going to write a poem about beaches. Like I said, it’s not like I’ve ever been to one. But it seems to be a topic that Yuri likes a lot, so why shouldn’t I at least try it out? Yuri gives me a smile of appreciation at my willingness, and I know then that I’ve made the right call.

“Excellent,” she says, pleased. “Although…tomorrow you should probably just write a regular poem. I am afraid that I will not be attending the club meeting tomorrow due to a legitimate conflict with work…y-you see, ah, every now and then the library sincerely needs me to work some extra hours due to a shortage of staff. So, it will just be you, Sayori, and Monika…hopefully you understand.”

Something about the way she says that seems a little…shifty. I feel like she’s hiding something or other. But…Monika _did_ mention that Yuri did sometimes miss club meetings due to work. Maybe I’m just acting suspicious in order to hide my disappointment…which I’m also feeling right now. Besides, who am I to question her? “Heh. Well, out of all of the excuses to avoid me, work is a pretty decent one,” I joke, chuckling.

“A-avoid you?? No!” Yuri says with a sort of force to her voice that almost makes me jump. “I would never avoid you! T-that is, aside from, ah, the other day, but that was before everything…I-I truly value our time together, Natsuki.”

“You _what_??” I ask in disbelief before I can stop myself. People have said a lot about me, but I don’t think anyone’s ever told me that they value my time. Does…does that mean, by extension, she values me? That’s when I feel my heart catch in my throat again like the awkward mess that I am. Fuck me, I know I tell myself to calm down literally every time I talk with this girl, but seriously, I need to tone it down…

“I-I, uh, I mean, thanks. I guess. It’s, y’know, it’s whatever, like, you can feel whatever you want,” I stammer smoothly. Ooh, very nice Natsuki. That’s sure to wow her. I’m expecting Yuri to look at me a certain way, but instead she lifts a hand to her mouth to stifle…was that a giggle? “H-hey! What’s so funny, huh?” I demand as my face turns beat red in embarrassment.

“Uhuhu…it’s like you said, isn’t it? It’s, ah, ‘whatever,’” Yuri says, chuckling. My jaw nearly drops. She…she’s mocking me! And it’s…adorable! I feel like she just reached into my chest and squeezed my heart with her hand. She can’t do that! But before I have the time to get mad at her, she turns on her heels as she heads towards Monika, presumably to share her poem.

I skulk over to Sayori to share my lazy excuse of a poem, and even though she asks me for the rest of the day if I’m alright I don’t have the guts to tell her about the fatal hit that Yuri just dealt…to my heart.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuri leaves about halfway through the next school day, telling me that she’s been called to work even earlier than she was supposed to show up for…inventory. Inventory of books? Surely that wouldn’t take too long? I asked her if she thought that maybe that might mean she’ll be able to come to the club meeting, and she said no. That’s probably a good thing, because I haven’t finished writing my beach poem yet. Although I’ve got a few ideas, and that’s at least a start.

Monika carried around my stuff for the rest of the day, except for the last class, where she got one of her other friends to do it so she could have time to go pick up Sayori for the club meeting. I don’t know what it is about Monika, but something still seems off with her about me. She’s very good at going through the motions of being nice and polite with me, but every now and then, her mask slips slightly and she gets short with me. When she threatened me if I didn’t apologize to Sayori was the most obvious example of this…but now that me and Sayori are good again, why does it still feel like she has something against me?

Whatever. I can’t get everyone to like me, I guess. Hell, most people don’t like me; Sayori and Yuri are the exceptions. Maybe Monika’s parents would like me if they were actually around enough…last night was the second night since I’ve been staying with the Amanos that they were actually home for the night and for dinner, too. I don’t really care. Sure, maybe they’re workaholics, and it _does_ seem pretty weird that foster parents would just leave their kids away for nights at a time, but who am I to judge? I don’t have much experience with how parents are supposed to act like, so maybe that’s all normal.

Monika told me to leave my stuff in my locker and just to come to the clubroom whenever I was ready, because she still thought it was important to get Sayori out of the house herself every day. As I’m walking over to the club at the end of my last class, my mind can’t help but wander back to Yuri…what’s she doing right now, anyway? Despite seeing her for most of the day already (remember, we _literally_ sleep in the same room together, and she hangs with me for most of the day because she needs to carry around my shit), I can’t seem to get her out of my head…ugh, that’s definitely unhealthy. Come on, I can live without her for _one_ club meeting. I’ll see her later this evening after she gets back from work. Sighing in frustration to myself, I open the door to the clubroom.

Surprisingly, I don’t see anyone in there; it’s a few minutes past the time when the meeting is supposed to “start.” It’s a pretty informal gathering, so I don’t really think much of it…that is, until I hear noises from the closet. Curiosity getting the better of me, I tiptoe a little closer until I am able to hear two distinct voices…and giggles…

“Riri…Natsuki’s gonna be here any minute…”

“Ehehe, come on…we’d hear her! Besides, I haven’t seen you all day~”

“You saw me this morning! And…we’d have time later tonight…”

“But we can make it quick! Isn’t it more fun in here~?”

“Haha…well, you _do_ have a point…”

I hear a lot of shuffling sounds and even more giggling. My face quickly becomes red. Yep, that’s _definitely_ Sayori and Monika in there. And I’m…oh no…

I quickly try to backtrack and walk back out that damn door, but in my rush, I apparently make too much noise and bump into one of the desks. “W-wait…did you hear something…?”

Before I’m able to sprint out of the room, the closet door opens and I see Monika’s head poke out, immediately noticing and locking eyes with me. Immediately, she blushes a deep scarlet. “N-natsuki!” she gasps, looking mortified. Trust me, sister, your mortification does not match my own by a longshot.

“Huh?” Sayori pokes her head out, and blushes as she sees me. “Oh…ehehe, hey Natsuki…” she greets me with a bashful smile, stepping out of the closet. Well, at least they’re both fully clothed. But they’re definitely looking a little…disheveled. Sayori’s hair is a mess, and for once Monika’s jacket is unbuttoned.

“Uhh, yo,” I try to say casually, although it’s obvious that I heard everything. “Umm…do you want me to leave you two alone for a little bit, or…?”

“No!” Sayori and Monika seem to both say simultaneously, blushing even more furiously now. Them being embarrassed for whatever reason makes me feel a little bit more comfortable – because while this is definitely a very awkward situation, I’m not surprised in the slightest. Given how touchy and giggly the two of them are, and how whenever you get one girl to talk about the other, they always turn wistful…usually my brain makes everything gay, but come on, even this was obvious.

“Hehe…y’know, I’m honestly just surprised that this is the first time I’ve walked in on you two getting at it, ‘specially ‘cause we live together,” I smirk, unable to hold back a snicker.

“That’s not what we were—” Monika starts to say indignantly, but Sayori stops her. Out of the two of them, Sayori definitely seems to be the calmer one, and she gives me a bashful smile.

“C’mon, Moni…it’s okay. We can trust Natsuki,” Sayori tells her, looking back at her and then at me. Hey, she trusts me! That’s a nice feeling.

Monika…doesn’t seem to have that same trust. But she relents, sighing as she crosses her arms. “Very well, since you already heard enough…Sayori and I are in a relationship. She’s bi, and I’m pan. And _until today_ , we’ve been _very_ good at keeping it a secret…” she turns over to Sayori with an annoyed expression as the girl in question laughs nervously.

I can’t help but laugh as well. “Oh, please! You two are much less discrete than you think. Just because I haven’t heard you guys doing it before doesn’t mean I don’t see the goo-goo eyes you give each other at literally every meal,” I say. Both Monika and Sayori look shocked.

“Natsuki, you _can’t_ tell anyone. There’s a reason we’ve been keeping it a secret for so long, and why we need to _still_ keep it a secret!” she says to me, an edge of stressed panic to her voice that adds a bit of the edge that she’s sometimes used with me. “My parents, while certainly being lovely in many regards, wouldn’t understand. They’d kick Sayori out! Please, you can’t tell anyone, or else!”

“Moni, come on, I think she gets the picture,” Sayori stops her, quite a bit calmer than her…I guess you could say her girlfriend? She turns to me. “She wouldn’t tell anyone…right, Natsuki?”

A bit caught off guard by Monika’s near-panic attack, I nod quickly. “Y-yeah, no, seriously. I won’t tell anyone. I promise. I mean, I doubt Yuri _doesn’t_ at least suspect something between you two, but…trust me, I’ll keep it to myself,” I say, trying to give them a reassuring smile. “You two lovebirds are safe with me, hehe…”

Sayori beams at me, running up and hugging me delicately. “Yay! I _knew_ you’d be okay with it!” Sayori squeals, pulling away from me quickly enough so she doesn’t hurt my still-injured body. “Didn’t I tell you we could trust her?”

“Well, why wouldn’t you trust me? I’m gay, after all,” I say casually, realizing for the first time how easily that slipped off the tongue. Sure, it slipped easy enough out of me when I was shouting it to the world in a fit of rage, but this time, I’m not actually regretting saying it out loud afterwards. It just feels…nice. And what feels even nicer is the gasp and grin that Sayori gives me afterwards.

“You’re WHAT???” she exclaims, hugging me again – this time much less delicately though, and I audibly groan in pain. She pulls back again. “S-sorry! But…WHOA! You just blew my flipping mind! Are you serious??? Why didn’t ya tell me earlier, when we were kids?”

“I didn’t _know_ earlier, you ding dong! And why didn’t _you_ tell me earlier?” I counter.

“Well, because _I_ didn’t know about me until I met Monika!” she turns over excitedly to Monika, who seems to be smiling nervously. “Isn’t that cool? Three-quarters of us are gay!”

“Ahaha, well, it certainly is a bit reassuring…” Monika says, probably saying that more for Sayori’s sake than mine. After all, how _wouldn’t_ she know that I was gay at this point? The entire damn school knows!

“Three-quarters? Don’t you mean all four of us? Yuri’s gay, too,” I say, confused as to why Sayori said three-quarters. And as soon as the words slip out of my mouth and I see both of their surprised reactions, that’s when it hits me: Yuri hadn’t told anyone else about her sexuality except for me. And she also said to not tell anyone else. I had only interpreted that as not telling anyone else about how she got kicked out of her folks’ place, but… _shit_.

“Huh? Really??” Sayori asks, shocked. “Wow! I never would’ve thought that!” She turns over to Monika, who this time looks genuinely surprised and even taken aback.

“D-did Yuri tell you this? She explicitly told you she’s gay?” Monika asked, blinking at me.

Fuck, they’re really pressing me on this. I mean, she was pretty damn explicit, but maybe I can try to walk it back a little. “I mean, uh…I dunno. I guess?” I say uncomfortably. I suddenly want to talk about anything else now, although for a moment there Monika’s staring me down like she’s working through a really hard math problem or something…

And then the moment passes. “Well, that’s just great!” Monika says, her polite smile returning to her face. She looks around the clubroom. “Anyways…as much as I love sticking around here, the literature club isn’t as fun without all of its members. Why don’t we head back home? That way I can get a head start on cooking dinner, since my parents won’t be home tonight.”

Sayori nods eagerly. “Oooh! I can help!!” she says cheerfully. Monika chuckles, looping an arm around her waist as the two of them head towards the exit, motioning for me to come along. Yeah, the two definitely make a cute couple. Like, really, _really_ cute. But Monika’s definitely acting weird…weirder than usual around me, that is. And I can’t help but feel like a small part of it has to do with Yuri. For some reason.

On the way back, I decide that it might be a good idea to send Yuri a discrete text. Yeah, I know, it isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world to do with only one hand, but I’m able to do my best anyways:

_heyyy soo when r u comin home?_

I get a response back almost immediately.

_Apologies, I don’t think I will be back for another couple of hours. Why?_

Jesus fucking Christ, how the fuck can she type that fast??? After struggling for another few minutes, I manage to get out _this_ eloquent text:

_juss checkin…sooo plz dont get mad at me but s &m…_

…on second thought, despite it being tedious I think I better just type out their names…

_…sayori and monika know that ur gay now._

There isn’t a response for a few more minutes. It’s only until the car’s parked and I’m back in the house that I get a text back from Yuri.

_How???_

I begin to panic…mainly because the triple question marks are making me imagining Yuri panicking. I need to try to calm her down. And to do that I might need to put in the extra effort to make sure I’m spelling these words properly.

_Im really sorry…it came out by accident. I caught sayori and monika kissing in the closet and found out theyre dating, and so while i was flustered it just slipped out and i said that you and me were gay too. But thats all that i said!! Im sorry if i fucked things up…_

I sit down on the couch in the living room. Sayori and Monika have gone into the kitchen for the time being. Yuri gets back to me after a few minutes, although I’m definitely noting that these later replies aren’t instantaneous.

_I understand…don’t be too harsh on yourself, it’s okay. We can talk about it later tonight. Alright?_

I breathe a sigh of relief. Of course Yuri was gonna be cool about it. She’s cool about everything. She’s just cool in general. Although I’d never tell _her_ that.

I respond with an “ok” as I notice Sayori walking into the room, a frown on her face. “Hey Sayo, what’s up?” I ask as she sits down next to me.

Sayori sighs. “Monika kicked me out of the kitchen…she’s acting kinda stressed and I can’t help but worry about her,” she says to me. “It happens every now and then, although she usually at least talks to me about it…”

I feel more than a bit uneasy at that, and I think Sayori notices. “Don’t worry! She just said she needs some space to think about things. I think she’s just getting used to the whole our-secret-relationship-not-being-as-secret thing, ehehe…” Sayori reassures me. I can’t help but feel like there’s something else there. “She’ll come around though. It was bound to happen at some point that you and Yuri would find out.”

Oh…that’s right, I told Yuri about their relationship over text after explicitly telling them I wouldn’t tell anyone else. Whoops. I guess I’m not good at keeping secrets. Although I guess Sayori is okay with her knowing, at least…

“How about you?” I ask her, trying to change the subject. “How do you feel now that I know?”

Sayori smiles bashfully. “Ehehe, well, honestly I’m glad that we won’t be able to hide as much anymore! I mean, obviously we have to be careful whenever her parents are around, but still…I’ve been wanting to tell you ever since you moved in,” she admits. She claps her hands together, a grin spreading across her face as she decides to change the topic. “But enough of about serious stuff! We have a LOT of catching up to do, little missy!”

“We do?”

“Yes! We need to talk about all of our girl crushes from when we were young!” Sayori insists, leaning in to me. “I need a list of celebrity names, STAT!”

I laugh. Sayori may think that she’s putting me on the spot, but what she doesn’t know is that I have that list handy and know it right off the top of my head. Although even as I list the names out and Sayori goes “oooh” and “aaaahhh” and “OMG me too!”, my mind can’t help but be a little distracted by that one persistent crush in particular: Yuri.

When the girl on my mind eventually gets here, Monika’s already finished dinner. We’re all sitting on the couch, and although it’s mainly Sayori and I doing the talking, Monika is actively listening and has her arm wrapped around Sayori and makes the small comment every now and then. The two are so sickeningly sweet with each other that I almost forget that something’s off…almost. Behind Monika’s laughs, there’s a little bit of lingering tension. She seems a bit more relaxed than earlier, but as soon as she hears the front door open, she immediately stiffens again.

Yuri already looks a little nervous as soon as she opens the door to the house, and Monika sits upright as her slight smirk at whatever we were talking about vanishes entirely. It’s replaced by a _very_ fake smile…I know it well because I use it a lot too to mask my anger. Monika detaches herself from Sayori as she stands up to greet her.

“Yuri. Hello,” Monika says unnervingly calmly as Yuri’s attention, which had initially been on all of us, is now solely on her. “I hope _work_ was good today. There’s something very important I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…you wouldn’t have a problem if we just stepped aside for a few moments before dinner, would you?”

Yuri seems more than a little startled, like a deer caught in front of the headlights. Although she also doesn’t seem to know what’s going on, so at least that makes two of us. “E-ermm, Monika? Is everything alright…?” she starts to ask, but Monika ignores her question, walking up to the violet-haired girl and grabbing her by the shoulder, dragging her upstairs.

I’ve just about had enough. “Hey, what’s going on?” I ask Monika, who’s still walking up the stairs with a skittish Yuri. She doesn’t even turn back to me as she says something back.

“Don’t worry, we’re just having a little chat!” Monika calls back. “You two can start having dinner if you want, we’ll only be a few minutes!” Yuri catches eye contact with me for a single moment before she is shuttled quickly up the stairs. The door to Monika and Sayori’s room closes loudly.

There is a stunned silence between us that seems to last for well over a minute. I turn to Sayori to see if she has any earthly idea of what in the ever-loving fuck is going on, but it seems like she doesn’t know what her girlfriend is doing either. “…what do you think that was all about?” she asks with a frown and a confused expression.

Honestly, I don’t know, but one thing is for damn sure: I’m sick of whatever’s going on in Monika’s head. If she just didn’t like me personally, then that’s fine. She can treat me like shit all she wants. But now it’s obvious that she’s mad at something else here, and that something else looks like it involves Yuri. How, again, I don’t know. But just thinking about Monika getting Yuri upset makes my blood boil.

The fist that I’m able to fully use clenches. I’m absolutely _done_ with Monika Amano hiding shit from me. “Well, whatever it is, I’m going to go find out,” I mutter to Sayori as I head towards the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry for the delay on this chapter! I'm sorry if this ends on an awkward note...see, the thing is this chapter was actually meant to be *even longer* than what you see here, but I cut it down for two reasons: first, I think it works better for pacing if I split what I had in mind for this chapter over two chapters, and second, because if I had really waited until I was completely done with it all then you all would have had to wait even longer for this chapter to come out. BUT! The good news here is that I already have a pretty good head start on the next chapter, so hopefully it won't take too long to come out? Maaaaaybe? Haha, as always, no promises :P
> 
> Also, for anyone who is here only for Natsuri and isn't as big of a fan of Sayonika, sorry. I just like shipping these girls together. But they are much more of a secondary focus and won't take up a lot of the story, so I hope that you can grin and bear it. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope that the ending of this chapter doesn't distract from the fluffiness of the rest of the chapter! I hope that is enough to tide you over until later...more fluff and comfort is definitely on the way! Let me know what you thought about this chapter in the comments and as always, thank you for reading! The response to this story has always amazed me and I really do plan on finishing it, even if it takes me a while!


	8. I have a friendly little chat with Monika

Believe it or not, I don’t get angry all that often. I know you won’t believe that. I guess this is where you would put a laugh track? Haha, good one, Natsuki. But I’m serious. I really don’t get legitimately, _overwhelmingly_ angry at other people. I just tend to snap at others a lot, and yeah, sometimes I can be a little too sarcastic to the point where it borders on mean. Yeah, I know, I get that. It’s a bad character trait. But actual angry outbursts or tirades are, like, really rare, mainly because I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of one of those. That used to happen to me every night. So no, I don’t get angry that much.

But I _can_ get angry. I did (once) at Sayori when the two of us were younger over something that was probably stupid. I got angry at Hinata and the other girls on my first day back at school. And there are probably a few other less important examples, I’m sure. I don’t really think about the consequences about it when I’m actually angry – once I’m in the zone, I’m in the _zone_ , and all I care about is unleashing all those toxic emotions I have on the person that’s causing me to be angry.

And right now? That person is Monika, and the reason is I’m sick of her two-timing, secretive bullshit.

“Natsuki, wait!” Sayori says with a worried look as I head towards the stairs, probably noticing my likely-murderous expression. She takes a hold of my hand, keeping me in place momentarily. “I-I dunno if this is a good idea…”

“What else are we supposed to do?” I snap at her, annoyed. “You said yourself that Monika’s been acting weird today! Am I the only who thinks something _seriously_ wrong here is going on??”

“No! But…isn’t eavesdropping like that a little wrong?” Sayori asks.

“Who said anything about eavesdropping?! I’m just going to slam open that door and tell your girlfriend to spill it! I just want some goddamn answers around here about what’s going on between her and Yuri!” With that, I yank away from a surprised Sayori as I storm upstairs. Yeah, I was definitely too harsh with Sayori…but honestly, I feel my anger building up to a boiling point that right now, I don’t even care. I can apologize to her later once I start feeling bad.

Right now, I’m focused on just Monika.

…well, and Yuri too. But not in an angry way.

As I approach the door, I can hear snippets of a conversation:

“How could I have been so _stupid_ …I should have seen this coming…”

“I didn’t ask you to find out…”

“You can’t hide these sorts of things from me! Jesus Christ, Yuri, don’t you see how RECKLESS you’re being?!?”

“P-p-please calm down, l-let me just explain myself…”

That first voice was definitely Monika, and she seemed _pissed_. Yuri’s was much quieter. Aw, _fuuuuck_ no. No way in hell is she going to verbally assault _my_ wife.

…did I just…ugh, never mind, I’m too mad right now for that shit.

I reach for the doorknob and try to open it, but the door’s locked. Both of the voices inside the room stop immediately as I knock on the door, hard. After a long pause, Monika opens the door, a restrained expression on her face. “Natsuki…I’m afraid now is not the best time…” she starts to say, but I interrupt her.

“OH, no. Out of my way,” I growl at her, pushing past her in the doorway. Yes, it does put a lot of very painful pressure on my arm. But at this point, I can bare it. I’m able to barge into the room, where I see a frightened Yuri cowering in the corner. I notice Sayori running into the room after me with a worried look.

Monika takes a deep breath. “Natsuki…this is between me and Yuri. Please go back downstairs,” she says, trying to remain calm. Well, I’ve just thrown calm out the damn window.

“NO! You can’t tell me that! This whole thing is _bullshit!_ ” I yell at her, catching everyone off guard. “You mind telling me why in the ever-loving fuck you’re yelling at Yuri for no reason??? Because maybe I’m going crazy, but you weren’t like this around her before just a few hours ago!”

“Natsuki, you don’t understand—” Monika starts to say, her voice becoming more agitated.

“Shut up!” I interrupt her. “Do you think I’m stupid or something?? The _only_ thing that’s changed since the club meeting is that I accidentally let it slip that Yuri likes girls! And you should care about that WHY, exactly?? What, are you going to try to gaslight me into thinking I imagined that you and Sayori were making out in the closet when I got there?”

Monika gawks, looking at me offended. It seems like I’ve flipped a metaphorical switch in her head, and now the mask has melted away completely. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize we were talking about that openly now! Yes, _thank you_ SO much for kindly snooping on and interrupting us, it was VERY appreciated! _Definitely_ do that again, y’know, it really builds up the trust I have in you!” she says, her voice dripping in acidic sarcasm.

I smirk. “ _Wow_! You know, I would have mentioned that I didn’t exactly ask to walk in on you guys, but honestly, I’m just glad that you’re not bullshitting me for once! C’mon, Monika, tell me how you REALLY feel! You can start by telling me what the fuck your problem is with me! It’s been obvious since day two that you don’t like me, so tell me what exactly it is about me that makes you so goddamn uncomfortable!”

“How self-centered do you have to be to think that every argument that ever happens is about you?” Monika snaps at me, a genuinely angry expression on her face. “Not everything revolves around you! Get over yourself!”

“There we go! Stop pretending!” I shoot back at her. “Seriously, why would you visit me in the hospital and ask me to live one fucking room away from you if you didn’t ever like me in the first place? Even after I said no?!”

“Oh, you really want to know that, do you?” Monika asks, a sardonic laugh coming out of her. “You’re _really_ that curious, huh?? Well, alright! I’ll tell you! It’s because—”

“EVERYONE STOP YELLING!”

Monika stops herself, falling silence. Everyone in the room turns around to see a fuming Sayori. She had her fists clenched at her side, her teeth gritted, and a pissed off expression in general. My face pales. See, if me being angry was a rare thing, then Sayori being angry? Honestly…I’m not sure that it’s happened before, ever.

Before Monika or I could say anything in response, Sayori starts talking. “Just what the frick do you think you’re doing? This household is _not_ a place for shouting and insults,” she says forcefully, stepping in between the two of us as she looks at Monika. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Natsuki, _or_ you and Yuri, but talking to them like that is not okay!”

Monika appears to look much more apologetic and regretful than she was just a minute ago, but she stays silent as Sayori looks over at me and Yuri…who looks like she wishes she was anywhere else but here right now. Sayori sighs. “I need to talk to Monika for a little while Privately. You two should go back to your room for a bit, and…I’ll come get you when we’ve all cooled down.”

Honestly? Part of me still wants to have a go at Monika, because I’m still really mad at her. But…at the same time, I’m beginning to feel bad for Sayori’s sake. Being pulled between her close friend and her girlfriend likely isn’t easy for her. And if there is anyone who I trust to mediate this situation, it’s probably her – she’s the most understanding person I’ve ever met. So I nod, making my way towards the door as Yuri scurries out ahead of me. She seems _very_ eager to leave. I close the door to their room behind me to give Sayori and Monika the privacy they need to get through their relationship drama.

As soon as I walk back into Yuri’s and my room, I see my roommate having a breakdown. She’s laying on her bed, her side facing the wall, and she’s sobbing. I feel my stomach drop as I close the door behind us. Fuck. No, no, no, no, no. As I walk up to her, I can’t help but feel my anger resurge not only at Monika, but at myself. In my mind, this _has_ to have something to do with when I let it slip that Yuri was gay…that was when Monika’s entire demeanor changed completely. And so, this whole thing is my fault. The reason Yuri is crying…is because of me.

Well, I mean, Monika too, probably, but also me.

I sit down on the edge of the bed next to her form. I’ve always been shit at comforting people, but I know I need to try. “Yuri…don’t cry,” I say lamely, hovering my hand over her body and unsure where would be a good place to pat her for comfort that wouldn’t end up just being creepy. I don’t seem to be helping her all that much, seeing as how she’s still crying.

“I’ve…I’ve r-ruined everything…” Yuri gasps in between her sobs, hiding her face completely from me.

“What? No, hey…” I try to say, scooting over towards her on the bed as I try unsuccessfully to face her. “C’mon…I don’t know exactly what Monika said, but you can’t let her get to you…”

“I-I deserve this…” Yuri mumbles into her hands, her body practically quaking with her cries. “I-I deserve e-everything that’s going to happen…I-I’m a failure…”

“Yuri…” I honestly don’t know what to say. Obviously, I want to tell her to shut up and that she’s being an idiot right now, but honestly, I don’t know the full context behind this thing, and it doesn’t really look like Yuri’s in the best position to be telling me about it…yet. Although I want to know, interrogating her is only going to make this worse. Yuri continues to sob. And I’m left here, powerless to do anything to make her feel better.

I glance across the room, where I have a box of tissues sitting on my desk. Well, if I can’t make her feel completely better, then maybe I’ll just have to settle for a little better. Getting up, I grab the tissue box and bring it back to her. “Come on, Yuri. Get up,” I say, an edge of insistence to my voice to make it obvious to her that I’m not going to be taking no for an answer.

Slowly, she sits up, sniffling. I take a tissue and, after brushing her hair out of her face, start dabbing away some of her tears. She seems a little bit taken off guard as she fidgets, moving her face away initially. “Nuh-uh, shush, stay still,” I say, smirking as I grab her jaw to make it stay in place. Once she understands what I’m doing, she stays still as I’m able to wipe away her tears a little bit…and although she’s laughing slightly during the whole clumsy and awkward process, it doesn’t seem like she’s feeling a whole lot better.

As she looks at me, I can’t help but admit to myself that it’s _really_ tempting to kiss her right now. Like, I’d really, really like to do that. Thank god I have some self-control, or else I think I actually might do it. I mean, her lips are right freaking there. Those slim, perfect, pink lips…

…s-snap out of it, dummy. It’s not like a kiss would make Yuri feel better. Especially a kiss from _your_ ugly mouth. You’d probably stab her lower lip with that deformed fang that you have.

I gulp, looking away from her lips. Although it does seem like she’s calmed down some, she still looks like she’s a little…scared. Scared of what? Monika? Or…me?

“Yuri…what were you two talking about?” I ask her. Yuri’s eyes widen in fear, and I quickly backtrack. It doesn’t seem like she wants to share that quite yet. “H-hey! Don’t worry about it, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

Yuri relaxes, slightly. Although now she has this guilty expression on her face and she’s keeping her eyes firmly on her lap, not daring to even look at me.

“I-I-I can’t tell you…I-I just can’t…” Yuri mutters, shifting her position so that she is hugging her knees to her chest.

“You can’t…because Monika won’t let you?” I guess. Inaccurately, it seems, as Yuri shakes her head.

“N-no…it has nothing to do with her…I just can’t…I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Yuri repeats herself, rocking back and forth. I sense another panic attack coming on, and I reach out with my good hand to awkwardly place a hand on her knee. Well, I’m aiming for her knee at first, but right as my hand reaches out she presses her head against her knees, and so my hand instead sits itself on her head. Don’t worry, it’s just as, if not ten times more awkward than what I was intending.

“Ah, crap, sorry,” I say, moving my hand away from her head and putting it on her knee. She doesn’t respond, so I move my hand away. I’m still thinking about what she said…that it has nothing to do with ‘her,’ which I assume means Monika. The hell? Then…who does it have to do with? Maybe Monika’s blackmailing her to keep quiet…

Yuri doesn’t seem to be in a very talkative mood right now, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to get anything out of her. I sigh, turning away from her as she keeps her head hidden away completely. We both sit on her bed in silence for a while – me looking out the window at the large, forested area in the backyard, and her sniffling quietly to herself.

Eventually, after I don’t know how long, we both hear a gentle knock on the door. I had been zoning out by just looking outside for a while at this point. I look back at Yuri, silently asking her if it was okay if someone else came in. Lifting her head up and looking at me, she nods.

“Come in,” I say, expecting both Sayori and Monika to come out. It’s only Sayori, though. Closing the door behind her, she’s wearing a somewhat-troubled expression on her face, but through that there’s a strained smile.

“Hey, guys…” she says, looking over at the both of us. Worry becomes a bit more prominent on her face when she takes one good look at Yuri’s puffy eyes. “Aww, Yuri…how are you feeling?”

Yuri sniffles, wiping away at her face with her sleeve as she sits upright. She shrugs, not really wanting to say anything. I can’t really blame her.

Sayori sighs. “Listen, I’m done talking with Monika…she’s calmed down a lot. She said that she wanted to talk to both of you individually…” she pauses as she notices Yuri’s more-than-hesitant expression. “Yuri, she promised me that she wasn’t going to act the way she did with you earlier. And if she does, then she knows that I’m gonna make her sleep downstairs on the couch,” she says matter-of-factly. I guess that was enough to keep Monika in line, although naturally I’m still very suspicious of her.

Yuri, however, after a moment’s pause doesn’t seem to have any reservations. Before I’m about to interject saying that Yuri doesn’t have to do that, she gets up rather quickly, still sniffling a little bit. “O-okay…thank you, Sayori. I’ll see her first, and then you can go afterwards, Natsuki,” she says quietly, not looking at either me or Sayori as she walks out of the room and across the hall to see Monika.

I look over at the new girl in the room. Sayori seems to have relaxed a little bit, looking over at my side of the room with curiosity. It’s all new from the past couple of days: pink bed covers, pink pillows…in general, a lot of pink. She smiles at me genuinely. “I don’t think I’ve seen your room before…I really like what you did with it,” Sayori says, poking the stuffed cat lying on it that she had sewed back together for me.

“Thanks…it was Yuri who did most of the work,” I say, a reminder to both of us about the mess that we’re all in. And also because Yuri actually was the one who helped me pick out the bed sheets and put them on for me. Sayori nods, sighing as she walks over to me.

“Natsuki…I know you wouldn’t have yelled at someone like that just out of nowhere. Can you tell me what’s going on between you and Monika?” she asks, frowning seriously. I’m a little bit taken aback – after all, wasn’t it because Monika blew up at _Yuri_ that this whole thing happened?

“I dunno…she just never really seemed to like me, but, like, it’s whatever,” I say, grumbling slightly. “I went overboard, I admit it. Besides, most people don’t like me. You’ve always been the exception, and now I guess so is Yuri. And honestly, I feel like _she_ should be the priority here, not me.”

“You’re _both_ the priority here…especially after what you just said,” Sayori sits down next to me, looking at me worriedly. “Nat…both you and Monika are two of the most important people in my life. But if she’s treating you badly, then don’t think for a second that I would tolerate that. You just say the word and I’ll kick her to the curb in a heartbeat.”

“Huh? No…” I say in response. Admittedly, seeing as how Monika’s the only biological child of the Amanos living here, it would be pretty hard to do that anyway. “I can tell that she makes you happy. And that makes me happy. Honestly. It’s just that…” I trail off. Sayori looks at me questioningly, prompting me to go on. “…I dunno. I definitely make her uncomfortable. And sometimes she gets a little snippy at me, I guess…and…there _was_ that one time where she threatened to ‘end me’ if I didn’t make things right with you…”

Sayori sighs, nodding. “Yeah…she just told me about that, and honestly, saying that I’m really upset at her over that is a big understatement,” she says, a tinge of anger present in her voice. I’m still getting used to the idea of angry Sayori…it’s very unsettling. “I hope that you realize that you don’t deserve that type of treatment, no matter what. Honestly, I wish you would have told me that she had done that…”

I sigh. “I dunno, it’s like I said…I knew she was making you happy. And after everything, you deserve that,” I mumble, not wanting to get into the specifics. “And to be honest, I really _did_ think I deserved someone to tell me that to push me into apologizing to you. Sure, she definitely freaked me out, but…like, I’m still here, right?”

“It still doesn’t make it okay. Nobody should be threatening anyone like that,” Sayori says firmly, looking directly at me. “It’s true, that usually Monika makes me really happy…but…she can also be really protective of me. And I think that’s part of what happened here, with you…”

“I mean, that was kinda obvious from the beginning. I’ve always noticed that,” I say, glancing over at her. “What is the other part, though?”

“I think I know that part, too…well, a bit of it, at least…” she chuckles nervously. “You see…it’s pretty easy for Monika to get stressed. I know you haven’t seen her parents a lot, mainly because they’re out of town so much. But…they can be pretty strict with her. They always expect her to do the best she possibly can in school, and on top of that, they expect her to take care of all of us when they’re away. I try to help out the best I can, but she always insists on doing everything herself. And then, there’s whatever’s going on with Yuri and her…”

Getting back to the violet-haired girl gets my attention even more, and Sayori must notice me perk up. “I’m sorry to disappoint…Monika wouldn’t tell me anything. And she usually tells me everything, so…I’m guessing that she’s keeping some sort of secret for Yuri. Which is only making her even more stressed. And so she may have had a short fuse, and directed that at you. But I’m not excusing anything. The way Monika’s been treating you is _wrong_.”

So, it _is_ Yuri that’s not wanting to say anything, and not Monika blackmailing her. I guess that’s reassuring to know. I figure my mind just leapt to that worst-case scenario because of everything that’s happened between me and her that I’m talking about with Sayori now.

“Okay…I guess that makes sense,” I admit. “Sorry if I caused any trouble in paradise, or whatever.”

Sayori shakes her head. “Don’t be! Don’t be sorry about this. It’s not your fault, it’s hers,” she insists, placing a delicate hand on my knee. So _that’s_ how you’re supposed to do it. “And…after talking with her for a while just now, she wants to apologize. Properly. Nat, I know you aren’t obligated to listen to anything she has to say…but…it would make me really happy if you at least heard her out. I understand if you’re still mad at her, though.”

I don’t respond for a moment, still processing everything. “Well…honestly, I am still mad at her,” I say after half a minute or so. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not open to hearing what she has to say. If she wants to apologize to me, then I’m willing to listen.” Of course, I’d keep in mind that chances are she’s only apologizing because she got on Sayori’s bad side. But hey, maybe I’m too quick to judge – I won’t be able to know either way without at least talking with her.

Sayori smiles at me thankfully. “Thanks, Natsuki. I meant what I said about the whole kick-Monika-to-the-curb thing. I love her, but now that you’re back, I’m not giving you up,” she says, reaching over to hug me. “You’re the best friend a gal like me could ever ask for.”

I wince, although this time she’s being gentle so it actually feels nice. “Hey, come on, how many times do I have to remind you that the hugging goods are damaged,” I grumble slightly, although I know I’m not fooling her. I reach my good arm around to give her a half-hug. “You’re not half-bad yourself, ya ding dong. Remind me that when I get out of this cast that I need to bake you a cake from scratch.”

She perks up at that. “A cake??? Oooh, I like that idea!” Sayori says, pulling away from me with a grin. That grin of glee turns quickly into confusion. “Umm…what would the cake be for, again?”

“For being an awesome best friend, duh! And, for, uh, y’know, having my back and everything,” I add awkwardly, chuckling. Not only that, but she’s always had a knack for diffusing conflict whenever it might spring up. This is just yet another in a looooong list of examples where she’s stopped fights from getting bloodier. Who knows what stupid thing I would’ve said to Monika if she hadn’t stepped in?

“You can always count on me, Nat. Promise!” she smiles genuinely at me. I think that’s the first time someone’s said that to me where I don’t doubt it for a second. That much is definitely true – I can always trust Sayori.

It’s a few minutes later when there’s yet another knock on the door. Yuri comes in, keeping her head down. She seems a little calmer than she was before…which probably means that Sayori was right when she said that Monika herself had calmed down. But she still seems a bit on edge. “N-natsuki, a-ah, Monika wishes to talk to you now…” she says quietly. I get up, looking at her with concern.

“Hey…you okay?” I ask, starting to approach her. Yuri, however, moves away from me.

“Y-yes, I’m fine…Monika and I just needed to, erm, iron a few things out,” Yuri says. Something about the way she mumbles that makes me think that she’s _not_ fine, though. I stop for a moment as I hesitate to press her further, but Sayori locks eyes with me and tells me that she’ll take care of it. I sigh.

“Okay…see you in a bit, Yuri,” I say, heading out of our room and across the hall. Hopefully Sayori will be able to comfort her a little bit, at least until I can get back. If there’s one person I trust to take care of her, it’s me…at least, half of the time. The other half I’m constantly fucking up around her, but hey, it balances out, right?

The door to Monika’s room is already partially open, so I poke my head in to see if it’s okay to come in. The girl in question is leaning against the wall, seemingly deep in thought with a mildly-upset expression on her face. She lifts her head up when I stand in the doorway. “Ah, Natsuki, please, come in…” Monika says, a smile on her face. It’s hard to place it, but something about that smile in particular is definitely different. It’s a little…softer. Gentler. I guess ten gigawatts of Sayori anger will do that to you.

I walk forward a little bit, standing in front of her. “Sayori told me that you had something to say to me. I’m listening,” I tell her, putting my good hand on my hip.

“I…thank you,” Monika says, taking a deep breath as she becomes serious. “I’m not even exactly sure where I should begin, but…I’m sorry, Natsuki,” she says, looking at me before pausing briefly again. She seems a lot less…robotic than any other time that she’s interacted with me. It makes me feel like maybe she actually _is_ being genuine this time. “You have been living here for almost a week now, and I have acted with a disregard for your feelings at best, and with hostility towards you at worst. When I approached you in the hospital, I promised you a home, a place you could feel safe…and I haven’t done a very good job of making you feel welcomed here, have I?”

That’s probably supposed to be a rhetorical question. She’s right, I guess, but I don’t respond with that. Monika takes my silence as a prompt to continue. “I don’t have any excuses, or any good ones at least…if you want the honest truth, I think a part of me was still somewhat mad at you for how you treated Sayori a couple of years ago…but I wasn’t around then, and because Sayori forgives you, it isn’t my place to harbor those feelings. B-but, like I said…that’s a bad excuse. Just because I felt that way didn’t mean I had to threaten you, or to yell at you like I did just now. The only person I can really blame is myself, and…I’m truly, sincerely ashamed of the way I have acted towards you since you moved in.” She sighs, squeezing her eyes shut for a minute before looking back at me. It looks like she’s getting emotional. “Natsuki, an apology is one thing, but it isn’t enough. I want to make things right. More importantly, I want to earn your trust that my behavior around you will change for good. So, if there’s anything that you want me to do for you, then just tell me and I’ll do it. I promise.”

…well Christ, now I feel uncomfortable. That apology was a lot…almost too much. I don’t doubt it was genuine, though. It certainly felt that way to me. But…damn. I’m not used to anyone apologizing to me like that, ever. Part of me feels a little vindicated that I wasn’t going completely crazy that something about the way Monika was talking to me was a little off, but the other part just wants to move on to literally any other topic at all. And since she offered anything…

 “Tell me what’s going on between you and Yuri,” I say flatly, maintaining eye contact with her. Monika darts her eyes to the side uncomfortably.

“Aha, I figured you were going to ask for that…” she says nervously, twiddling her fingers together. “But…I’m afraid I can’t tell you. Yuri made me promise to keep whatever we discussed between me and her…sorry.”

I figured that she would say that, but that doesn’t mean I still can’t make the effort to get something out of her. “Oh, come on. Yuri’s already shared a lot of personal shit with me, and by a lot, I mean _a lot_ ,” I emphasize, not wanting to get into the weeds of everything. “What could she possibly be hiding from me that she’d want to keep secret with you?”

“It’s…erm…” Monika fumbles around awkwardly, sighing. “Natsuki…you’ve only known Yuri for a week.”

“It might as well have been longer!”

“Be that as it may, I’ve known her for even longer. She’s my friend, too. One of my best friends, in fact…perhaps we’re not as close as you and Sayori ever were, or as close as Sayori and I are now, but we’re still close. And I care about her,” Monika insists. “Trust me, I really _would_ like to tell you what we were talking about…but I wouldn’t ask you to reveal whatever secrets she told you, now, would I?”

I frown. “But, come on…it’s obvious that I’m involved in this somehow. Would you have exploded at Yuri the way you did if I hadn’t accidentally let it slip that she’s gay?”

“I’m sorry, Natsuki, but I really can’t say anything about it. I did, however, apologize to Yuri for overreacting earlier…we had a much calmer discussion about the matter and we’re okay now,” she says matter-of-factly. I sigh. It _really_ doesn’t seem like I’m gonna get much more out of her. Yuri definitely didn’t seem okay when she went back into the room, but then again, she gets nervous like that easily…so I don’t think Monika is lying. Yuri’s probably just out of whack because of the initial drama this evening. That doesn’t mean I’m not worried about her though.

“Fine,” I relent. “Then, in that case, there _is_ one thing that you can do for me.”

Monika perks up at that. “Okay, great! What is it?”

“Just…be real with me from now on, okay?” I tell her. “Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the yelling. Or even when you threatened me, at least to a certain extent. What I was sick of from you is the ‘nice’ mask that you would put on for me even when I could tell that there was something else going on underneath. I’ve been putting on a different type of mask all my life, and I’ve been surrounding myself with people who put on masks like you all my life, and honestly? I’m fucking sick of it. Just be real with me. That’s all I want from you.”

Monika pauses, considering what I just said. “Hmm…‘just be real’…” she repeats, a small smile on her face. “Okay, that’s fair. No more masks, Natsuki. I promise, from now on, you’ll get the ‘real’ Monika. And…in the spirit of that, there is one more thing I’d like to talk with you about.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Well, how do I put this…you have a crush on Yuri, don’t you?”

If I was drinking something, this would be the part where I spit it all out into Monika’s face. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ no. How in the ever-loving fuck did she know?? Was I really THAT obvious?! “E-eh?! W-why the FUCK would you think that??” I ask, panicked. Shit. Tone it back. You don’t want to confirm her suspicions, do you? Idiot! “I-I mean, come on, Monika…geez, for real? Just because two girls are gay for each other doesn’t mean we have to have crushes on…” I trail off as soon as I realize what I said. “HRK! I-I mean! Just because two girls are gay d-doesn’t mean anything! They don’t have to be gay for each other!”

“Natsuki…you may not realize it, but you’re as red as a raspberry right now,” Monika tells me, smirking. I open my mouth to retort something, but I can already feel my face burning up. “Come on, didn’t you say we should be real with each other?”

“I-I said YOU should be real with ME!” I protest. “W-wait…no, I _am_ being real!”

“Okay…then just say no. No, I don’t have a crush on Yuri,” Monika prompts for me, looking at me expectantly. My mouth hangs open, unable to say it outright. She smiles, amused. “I thought so.”

“That’s…ugggh, _shut up_!” I say to her, groaning. “If you even _think_ about telling anyone else, _especially_ her…”

“Relax. Your secret is safe with me…oh, and I suppose Sayori, too,” Monika says thoughtfully. My eyes widen. “What? She figured that out before even I did. She’s been secretly shipping the two of you this whole time.”

Cue the jaw drop. Oh, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck no. Now I not only have to deal with Monika knowing about my crush, but I have to deal with Sayori on my ass now, too. Well, not literally, obviously. But she’ll be on my ass to get on Yuri’s ass for sure.

“It’s alright, we don’t have to talk much about it if you don’t want to. I understand,” Monika says. “But…I would just like to give you a little piece of advice.”

I snort, still recovering from the embarrassment of being caught. “What, like, dating advice? Not interested,” I say quickly. Monika chuckles.

“Not exactly…” she says, sitting herself on her bed. “Perhaps ‘caution’ would have been a better word choice there…listen, Natsuki. Purely hypothetically, _if_ you wanted to start something with Yuri…well, it would be hypocritical of me to stand in the way. But please just be careful. I know they aren’t around nearly as much as they should be – and maybe that’s a good thing – but _if_ my parents were to catch you two doing anything, then they would likely send you both away to different homes. And also, _if_ things were to go south between you two and you broke up…then, well, we don’t have many options. Yuri turns 18 in one year, so I suppose she could legally leave the house then, but…it would be quite the long year where you would basically be forced to live with an ex.”

Well great, now Monika’s back to freaking me out about long-term hypotheticals. “Yeah, trust me, I know. Why are you telling me this?”

“I…just wanted to make sure you kept it all in the back of your head. I don’t want either of you to get hurt,” Monika tells me, frowning with a hint of worry. “Although, as I said, it would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to pursue anything. After all, I did, and I honestly couldn’t be happier. If that’s what you want to do, then I would support both you and Yuri the best I possibly can.”

My jaw drops once again in utter shock. Monika? Supporting the idea of me and Yuri being in a relationship? _Monika???_ “Seriously? Honestly…I’m a little surprised. I sorta thought that you wouldn’t have liked me and her in a relationship because of…” I’m actually not too sure why. “…y’know, the complications and stuff.”

Monika hums, nodding. “Well, the complications definitely…complicate things, for lack of a better word,” she admits, shrugging. “But if that’s what the two of you want, then who am I to stop you? After all, you two _do_ get along surprisingly well, considering your different interests. And that’s not even mentioning how quickly Yuri herself has warmed up to you…it took her months to even sincerely open up to me, let alone trust me. And yet…all she wants to do now is spend time with you. She has shared things with you that she hadn’t before with either me or Sayori, namely, her sexuality. And even I have to admit, that is quite…interesting,” she finishes with an amused smile. I look at her suspiciously.

“What are you trying to…” I start to ask, but then suddenly it hits me. “A-are you saying she likes me too???”

Monika shrugs, that same, mildly-smug smirk plastered all over her dumb face. Oh, she _definitely_ knows. But she’s not telling me, because…

…wait. Was THAT what she and Yuri were talking about??? Is THAT the ever-so-important secret that Monika is keeping for her?!

Before I’m able to ask, there’s a knock on the door. “Heyyyy, can I come in?” A cautious voice says from the other side of the door. Sayori. Monika looks at me for a moment expectantly, as if she’s nonverbally asking me for my permission. Whether we’ve tied up everything and that we’re good now. Well, I might be embarrassed as fuck right now and wanting to interrogate you more, but given her apology, then okay, I’ll say that we’re good.

“Yes, Sayori. It’s your room, dummy,” I call out to her, making said girl crack open the door and poke her head through the door.

“Oh, good! No one’s angry at each other,” Sayori grins, walking into the room fully before looking at me curiously. “But…why is your face so red?”

I groan. “Can we please, _please_ not talk about it…” I mutter, causing Sayori to pout.

“Eh? Meanie! Why does everyone gotta keep secrets from me?” Sayori says a little playfully, crossing her arms with a frown. I glance over at Monika, only to see her taking a rusty screwdriver and stabbing me in the back with it as she mouths one word over to her: “Yuri.” Sayori gasps, a mischievous grin slowly spreading across her face as she looks at me with one of the most conniving side-eyes I’ve ever gotten. “ _OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!_ ”

“Goddammit…I said let’s NOT talk about it right now, okay?!” I growl, gritting my teeth. I can feel my cheeks heating up again, and it’s times like this I _really_ wish I was fully healed, so I could put my all into giving both of them a proper punch. “What’s important is that we hashed everything out…RIGHT, Monika??”

Monika giggles, nodding. “Right, yes. I think we’ve discussed everything we needed to,” she confirms. Sayori smiles.

“Hey, that’s great, you two! I’m glad you both were able to do that…especially right now, mainly because, well…” Sayori trails off, twiddling her index fingers together nervously as she looks at me. “…I think Yuri might have kicked me out of your room?”

“Hold on, what?” I ask, my brow knitting in immediate concern. “What happened?”

“Nothing! She just…said she needed some time to herself after a while, and then asked me to leave,” Sayori says. That makes my stomach turn into an uncomfortable knot. That can’t be good.

“I suppose I can understand that,” Monika says, a tinge of regret to her voice as she smiles sadly. “While I did try to patch things up between the two of us as well, Yuri did still seem to be pretty on edge…”

Edge. Oh no. “…well, I’m gonna go check on her,” I say suddenly, heading towards the door. Both Sayori _and_ Monika look surprised.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Sayori asks, concerned. I look back at her with a nod.

“Y-yeah…I mean, she can’t kick me out. It’s my room too, after all. I’ll see you two tomorrow,” I say, opening the door out before pausing in the doorway. I turn back to Sayori. “Oh, and Sayori? Don’t worry about Monika. She did good, and I forgive her. So if you feel like continuing whatever you two were starting in the clubroom earlier today, by all means go ahead. Just try to be quieter this time,” I say with a smirk, closing the door firmly behind me as I see one last look of the mortified, blushing duo.

Yeah, that’s right, if they get to make fun of me for my crush now, I’m going to need to quadruple my efforts to get at them. But speaking of my crush…I should focus on her now, and less on my short-lived victory.

Gently, I open the door to my room…only to find that Yuri’s in the bathroom. My stomach immediately drops, and I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s happening. Gulping, I slowly approach the closed bathroom door, knocking on it slightly. I hear a gasp from inside. “Yuri? Is…everything okay in there?” I ask to her.

She takes one moment to respond, but she eventually does in a shaky and fragile voice. “Y-y-yes! I-I’m…” she pauses, sighing. She’s getting really quiet now and I basically have to put my ear to the door to even hear her. “I-I’m d-doing the stress-c-coping mechanism that I d-discussed with you previously…I…I’m sorry…I need to b-be alone right now…”

I can tell she was crying at the end there as her voice cracked, and I feel the immediate urge to go in there and comfort her. But as my hand reaches for the doorknob, I pause, second-guessing myself…is this really the right thing to do? Yuri said she wanted to be alone. And what could I do to help right now, in the moment? How would I react if she’s already started and I see her doing…it…I might just make everything worse, as per usual.

“…okay, Yuri,” I say, sighing as I retract my hand from the knob. I walk over to the other side of the room, letting her have her privacy. I really, _really_ hate that she does that to herself…but I guess it was stupid for me to think that after our one talk about it, that she’d stop completely.

Still though, I know that I need to find a way to make her feel better. I _need_ to let her know that I’m there for her, even if I’m too stuck-up to tell her that explicitly. Besides, how lame would that be?

As I sit down in the chair at my desk, my mind can’t help but wander back to the knowing, almost teasing smile that Monika gave me. She definitely knows something about Yuri that I don’t…the question is, what? The thing that caused this whole mess was probably me accidentally revealing that Yuri is gay, I’m guessing. And I think that’s a pretty good guess, because that’s when Monika’s entire demeanor changed. Maybe she saw something in the way Yuri treated me that I haven’t been seeing, or that I’ve been ignoring. Something that, when she put the puzzle pieces together regarding her sexuality, made her realize that Yuri maybe caught feelings for me, too?

…but then why would she get mad at Yuri for that? Was it just as simple as she overreacted and was worried that if _Yuri_ was going to pursue something with me, then she’d be putting her living situation in jeopardy? That does sound like a fair assumption…and then when Sayori was able to calm her down, Monika was able to put her worries aside; after all, she _did_ admit that it was a little hypocritical. Maybe her conversation with me and her conversation with Yuri weren’t all that separated from each other?

…but that still doesn’t explain all of Yuri’s reactions. Saying things like “I deserve this,” and that she’s “ruined everything.” What exactly does she deserve? Am I just missing something really obvious here? Because I definitely feel like I’m missing something obvious here. I love to pretend that I’m such a good detective, and sometimes maybe I am, but the rest of the time I’m also pretty damn clueless. I have a lot of puzzle pieces scattered across the table, but not enough pieces to actually make the damn puzzle like Monika.

But maybe… _maybe_ …all of this means that Yuri feels the same way about me. Monika _did_ say that she trusted me. And I repaid that trust by…spilling the beans about her sexuality to two other people. Which, at this point, I’m pretty sure is _probably_ what caused all of this mess.

Well, great, another fuck-up that’s all my fault. At this point, the only fuck-up that _hasn’t_ been my fault was my own birth. If I’m ever going to have a chance with this woman, let alone regain her trust, then I know I need to fix this. And I’m going to fix this, now. But with what?

I look down at my desk, where I see one of my pens and my new notebook facing me. I grin as I feel a lightbulb so metaphorical that it might as well be literal ding overtop my head.

The poem takes me maybe fifteen minutes to write. I stick with the topic Yuri gave me yesterday: the beach. I’ve never been to a fucking beach in my life, but that doesn’t matter. The right words just flow out of my pen onto the paper, line after line, I don’t stop writing. And when I finish, I read it over again, and then one more time just to be sure. I give myself a mental “yikes” as I reread some of those lines. I’m definitely not being…subtle here. I consider erasing crossing them out, but…I dunno. I like them.

Is the poem as good as anything Yuri has written, or Monika, or even Sayori? Hell no. But…I like it. It’s good enough to do the job and do the job properly.

 Yuri comes out of the bathroom a few minutes after I’m done writing. Honestly, she looks really timid and scared…how she says that is a coping mechanism for stress is beyond me personally, because she still really looks bent out of shape. I get up from my seat almost immediately with the piece of paper in hand, startling her slightly.

“Yuri…uh, look, this might sound weird, just don’t question it. Do you want to share poems now?” I ask her. Oh, scratch the might. That _definitely_ sounded weird. And the baffled look that Yuri gives me confirms that.

“I-I-I, u-uhh, I d-don’t have m-my poem ready…w-why do—”

“I said not to question it!” I interrupt her, startling her again. Yikes, take a chill pill. “I’m sorry…I, just, about this poem. It’s, uh…important to me. You don’t have to share yours right now if you’re still writing it. I just really, really want you to read it.”

Yuri pauses, looking at me hesitantly for a moment before nodding. “V…very well. May I?” she asks, holding out her hand. Nodding, I hand it to her, although I’m already getting pretty nervous at what her reaction might be. I feel a lump of anxiety in my stomach as she takes the poem, beginning to read it to herself:

 

 _Your mind is so full of troubles and fears_  
_That diminished your wonder over the years_  
_But today I have a special place_  
_A beach for us to go._

 _A shore reaching beyond your sight_  
_A sea that sparkles with brilliant light_  
_The walls in your mind will melt away_  
_Before the sunny glow._

 _I'll be the beach that washes your worries away_  
_I'll be the beach that you daydream about each day_  
_I'll be the beach that makes your heart leap_  
_In a way you thought had left you long ago._

 _Let's bury your heavy thoughts in a pile of sand_  
_Bathe in sunbeams and hold my hand_  
_Wash your insecurities in the salty sea_  
_And let me see you shine._

 _Let's leave your memories in a footprint trail_  
_Set you free in my windy sail_  
_And remember the reasons you're wonderful_  
_When you press your lips to mine._

 _I'll be the beach that washes your worries away_  
_I'll be the beach that you daydream about each day_  
_I'll be the beach that makes your heart leap_  
_In a way you thought had left you long ago._

 _But if you let me by your side_  
_Your own beach, your own escape_  
_You'll learn to love yourself again._

 

I’m too nervous to look at her facial expressions, but I know when she’s done because I can feel her eyes on me. “N-natsuki…”

“L-look, just, don’t think that much of it, okay? It was kinda a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing…” I mutter, my eyes directed at the ground. “And _yes_ , before you ask, a lot of that was metaphor, and y-you shouldn’t take all of that literally.” I’m particularly thinking about the ‘press your lips to mine’ line. And the holding hands bit, too…I mean, _I_ wouldn’t mind that, but even my horny brain realizes that now's not the time. I sigh. “J-just…I wanted to tell you that I’m still here for you. And I want to help, and it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me everything, b-but…you don’t have to be afraid of me. I can be your beach, okay?”

Jesus, that sounded really weird to say out loud.

I decide that now might be a good time to actually look back at her, and so I turn my head up and realize that she’s been crying this whole time. Long, silent tears are streaming down her face as she looks at me with sparkling eyes. “Yuri?” In what feels like a split second, Yuri approaches me, hugging my fragile body delicately. “W-whoa, hey!”

“Natsuki…thank you…” Yuri says to me, her arms wrapped around me slim torso. She’s sniffling a little bit. “This poem…it is the kindest, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given me…it’s…it’s _perfect_ …”

Oh, god, I’m feeling my face heat up already. Partly because of what she just said, but also because Yuri is literally touching her body against mine. HNNNNNNGGGHHHH—

“H-heh, yeah, no shit it’s good! I wouldn’t have shared it with you if I thought it was bad! D-dummy…” I say offhandedly, trying to play it off. It just comes across as awkward, but Yuri seems to like awkward as she giggles (note to self: be more awkward around Yuri, although intentionally awkward to come off as funny, not unintentional like _literally all the time_ ). “But, uh, you’re welcome, I guess.”

Yuri pulls away from me, wiping away some of her tears with one of her sleeves as she clutches my poem in her other hand. “Natsuki, erm…would you mind if I were to perhaps keep this? It would obviously mean you may have to write another poem tomorrow, but…”

I smile at her. “Yeah, sure! Keep it,” I tell her. Yuri gives me a small smile as she places the poem down on her desk. She turns back to me, a shy expression on her face.

“Thank you…ah, y-you know, the night is still young, as they say…would you like to potentially…” My eyes widen for a split second as I think about the millions of different ways that she could finish that sentence. “…read one of your manga editions with me?”

I try to hide my brief disappointment, but it’s naturally replaced by a frown of confusion. So far this week, Yuri and I have been reading the first few issues of Parfait Girls, but honestly, I haven’t felt like she’s been that interested in it. She always seems distracted by something else…I don’t know _what_ , but it probably has to do with the fact that she reads actual books and not manga…n-not that manga doesn’t count as a book!

“Really? I honestly thought you didn’t like it…” I say uncertainly. Yuri looks at me quizzically.

“Hmm? N-no! Of course I like it…I find it cu—uhh, I mean, endearing!” she corrects herself. I’m honestly surprised she remembered I don’t like _that_ word – most people forget it or don’t take it seriously. “I am used to reading more mature literature, I suppose, but while I would not necessarily read it on my own, I do find it to be relaxing to consume manga with someone else…particularly you. I enjoy reading it because it is something you are passionate about.”

“…oh. That’s…good to know, I guess,” I say, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about what she just said. I mean, it was really obvious that manga wasn’t her thing, but the fact that she likes it when she reads it with me because she’s interested in what _I’m_ interested in…maybe if I was in a worse mood I would be insulted, but right now that’s a really good feeling. Maybe I should return the favor. “Well…maybe we can read something that you’re interested in, too? Like that book with the eye that you’re constantly buried in?”

Yuri pauses, looking a little nervous. “Y-you mean _Portrait of Markov_?” she asks, to which I shrug. “I…I’m not sure you would find much enjoyment out of it at all. It’s a…erm, it’s of the horror genre, mainly psychological, and unless you have somewhat of a nuanced taste like me…n-not to say that your taste is poor by any means! I-I’m just, ah…I-I hope I do not come across as belittling you or your interest in literature, truly, I am merely stating that given my-”

“Yuri. Chill. I understand,” I say, reassuring her to stop her from freaking out on me. “You’re right, horror isn’t really my thing. But if you like it, then how would I know that I don’t like it if I don’t at least try it out?”

 “Hmm…I suppose you do have a point,” Yuri says, a small, pleased smile forming on her lips. “W-well, why don’t we start reading it tomorrow at the club, then? It is not exactly nighttime reading material, and I believe it would be necessary to give you a primer on the premise of the novel before we begin…but I sincerely appreciate and accept your offer.”

“That’s good enough for me! So, Parfait Girls Volume 3, then?” I ask her, to which she smiles and nods. Walking over to the manga collection (which I’m not sure whether we should call mine or hers), she takes out the next issue that we haven’t started yet. Well, _I’ve_ read it of course. It’s a good one.

The writers are still trying to establish the relationships between some of the characters since it’s still pretty early on, but you can see them trying out new things and also finding their footing. The plot is simple enough: Alice and Akira need to work together to cook the best cake they possibly can in order to impress their teacher, but they realize they don’t work well together at first, so they have to overcome a bunch of drama and bullshit in order to still create the best cake. There’s also some subplot going on between Minori and Emi as they try behind-the-scenes to get them to cooperate. In my opinion, there are _heeeavy_ yuri (yuri the genre, not Yuri the person) undertones going on deep beneath the surface of this issue between Alice and Akira, but it’s severely undercut by the fact that canonically both of them have some contrived crush on the male teacher which I totally call bullshit on. Like, I get that Parfait Girls isn’t explicitly a yuri manga but read between the lines and it’s TOTALLY there goddammit! The writers were obviously just too scared to make those themes stand out more due to the backlash they’d probably get from the male readership…but COOOME OOOOON, it’s _SO_ freaking obvious that was their intention! There are too many dumb, gay things that the two girls do and at a certain point it can’t be a coincidence…

…what was I saying? Oh, yeah, it was a good issue.

Yuri and I don’t get to read much of it though. About halfway through, I fall asleep. I wake up and realize this when I find my head rested on Yuri’s shoulder. Groggily, I begin to panic a little bit, until I realize…Yuri’s head is rested on top of mine as well. Her breathing is relaxed and peaceful and she’s leaned back a little bit. She’s let go of the manga novel, which now rests loosely in her lap. Yuri fell asleep with me.

It’s funny how just a week can change someone. If this had happened the first night I was staying here, I totally would have pushed her off and panicked…but you know what?

I think I’m fine with just staying here…for a little bit. As long as I’m with her.

Closing my eyes, I drift back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Few notes about this chapter:
> 
> First off, looking back on it I understand that I may have painted Monika in a pretty harsh light. There were definitely some points in earlier chapters where I didn't really feel fully satisfied with how I have been writing her, and I saw some people explicitly voicing their dissatisfaction with her and so I thought it important to address. To be clear here, Monika is supposed to be a good person here, I don't intend to write her as cold to anyone whose name isn't Sayori...she is just someone who has flaws. Of course, though, when she is acting mean to Natsuki, who is the narrator here, the majority of what we're going to see are those flaws. But! That doesn't mean there were certain points where I felt like I went a bit too overboard, and I'm sorry if you thought my depiction of her was inconsistent at times. Hopefully this chapter can provide some much-needed course correction for her character in this story...I did plan for this to be the follow-through to her dismissive behavior towards Natsuki, though. They were always supposed to have a somewhat tense relationship, at least at the beginning, and here is where it is mostly resolved (but it will be more thoroughly explained later after more plot). Hopefully it is as satisfying as it is for you to read as it was for you to write :)
> 
> Anyway! I'm really glad that I decided to split this chapter into two, because this ended up going loooooong. I didn't even intend this part to be this long. It was only supposed to be a short conversation near the end of the last chapter where Monika and Natsuki hashed things out and agreed to a truce...but honestly, I'm glad I was able to include more than that. Natsuki deserves some one-on-one time with each of these girls to build their relationships with them. I always knew I wanted to end this section with Natsuki giving Yuri her beach poem, but when I reread it after building up to that moment I almost reconsidered...particularly because I think that a few lines (Natsuki herself points them out mentally) are a bit too blatantly romantic, at least within the context of this story and this scene. But personally I think it fits. 
> 
> As far as the next couple chapters are concerned...please be patient. There is a lot of stuff I want to pack into them so for Chapter 9, and given my schedule, I would honestly be surprised if it took less than a month. Without giving too much away, there are pretty significant time jumps in the next chapter and then the chapter after that. Lots of gay stuff WILL happen...you just have to stay tuned and wait as patiently as possible :P
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! It really blows my mind how big this story has become, even so long after DDLC was initially released. Any feedback you have (positive and negative) is always greatly appreciated. Cheers! :)


	9. I get my cast off and give a girl a poem

I sit upright on the bench of a cold, uncomfortable, white room, and I have an uncomfortable pit in my stomach. My mind, which is usually thinking about a million different things at once because I can’t concentrate for shit, is homing in entirely on one thing: the hum of the small buzz saw as it pierces my arm…wait, no, that’s not right. It’s not cutting my arm, it’s cutting the cast on my arm.

Yes, after five weeks of this shit, it’s finally over with. My ribs have pretty much completely healed, and so has my arm. I’ve been going into the hospital once every week now, where they’ve been performing x-rays on my arm to make sure it’s healing alright…and now, finally, the doctors have decided it’s time to take it off. Fucking finally. You never realize how little you’re able to do with only one arm until you actually lose almost all of your capabilities to move one arm.

Five weeks. Five damn weeks with this cast and sling on. Five weeks since my life was turned completely upside down and I woke up in a hospital. Four weeks since I moved in with the Amano family, and Sayori, and…Yuri. That first week living at my new home definitely had its ups and downs, and this entire journey has been one damn emotional rollercoaster, but the past few weeks after I got a little settled in were surprisingly decent.

…fuck it, who am I trying to fool?

They were _good_. Great, even. Happy? Monika has a nice house. She has good food. Her parents are out on some sort of business trip every other night, and so the place is pretty relaxed. I have my old best friend back: Sayori. And even more importantly, I’ve made two new friends…I was really unsure about Monika at first, but after our talk a few weeks ago she’s really lived up to her word. She is straightforward and honest with me, and while this does mean she’s sometimes pretty blunt with me it’s gradually evolved into her being actually nice to me…which I wasn’t expecting. But we get along okay now. And then there’s my other new friend, Yuri…

I’ve just sort of fallen into a comfortable dynamic with each of the members of the Lit-Foster-Club-Gang. Or whatever it was that Sayori likes to call us from time to time. Except now, as the buzz saw finishes cutting off my cast, I realize that it’s all about to change. See, I’m the newbie to the group, and while for once I feel like I belong somewhere, I’ve only been there with my cast on. I’ve always needed someone to do something for me, whether it be Yuri carrying my stuff around during the schooldays, Monika cooking for me, Yuri cooking for me, Sayori sewing my stuffed animal back together, Yuri helping me decorate my room, Yuri buying snacks for me during the day…well, I’m not sure how that last one relates totally. But you get the picture.

Now, though, it’s different. I won’t be defined by my weaknesses anymore. The others won’t have to treat me like I’m a fragile piece of glass that could shatter at any minute. No. Once this cast comes off, I’ll be better than that. I’ll be stronger. I’ll be braver than the person I was before all of this.

That’s why I put that poem in Yuri’s locker this morning before I left today.

The buzz saw finishes cutting a straight line through my cast, and the doctor takes it off. “Now I just have to remove a few bandages, aaaaaaand…” he says, wrapping off the gauze and pausing for dramatic effect or something stupid as he takes them all off. “There we go!” The doctor smiles, moving away a little bit as he sits on his stool. Behind him, there’s Monika and her father. Her father is on his phone, probably answering some business emails or something while Monika watches eagerly. One of her parents had to come because they’re technically my legal guardians, so they need to sign off on all of the medical stuff; but since Mr. Amano works all the time, he’s only staying for the shortest amount of time possible, so she had Monika drive me from school to here, and then after I’m done in here she’ll drive me back home.

It’s the first time I’ve seen my bare, right arm in over a month. I can still see the imprints of the bandages and the cast on it, and it looks kinda pale and even flaky if I look up close (what the fuck?). It also looks a hell of a lot skinnier than it did a month ago, although that’s probably because a fucking cast was pressing down on it 24/7.

“How does it feel? Try moving it a little bit,” the doctor suggests, and I nod uncertainly. I try bending my right arm, immediately grimacing. But I get more used to the weirdness of the feeling the more I move it around.

“It’s…a little sore,” I admit. “But otherwise, it feels okay I guess.” The doctor nods, pulling out his clipboard because he probably can’t do his job without it.

“That’s to be expected…your arm is still healing, it’s going to be sore for a little while longer,” he tells me, handing me a sheet of paper. “That’s why I’m going to recommend you do some basic arm exercises to help with that process. And _don’t_ overexert yourself – lifting heavy objects, reaching for things on shelves…just take it easy, and it should heal naturally.”

I look over the sheet of paper, which has a bunch of little arm exercises on it. Well, it’s better that I use this than coming here every week for a physical therapist. And because I definitely _don’t_ want to come back here anytime soon, I should really listen to his advice. “You got it, doc. I’ll take things nice and easy,” I say, stretching my sore arm a little bit. “Any other advice for me?”

The doctor looks at my arm. “Well, outside of washing that thing as soon as you get home, that’s it from me. Definitely do that, though. You haven’t washed it in five weeks, after all,” he says, grimacing as he turns back to me from looking at his clipboard. That thought definitely comes to mind as I look at my arm. I bring it up to my nose and sniff it out of curiosity…causing me to gag. Why did I do that…

It seems like he chooses to ignore my stupidity. “Other than that, Natsuki, we look forward to seeing you in two weeks for a checkup. See you then!” he says eagerly. A bit _too_ eagerly. Did everyone in here just pretend to be nice? I guess when you deal with a bunch of depressing shit on the reg, you need to do that in order to keep your spirits up. I nod at him, muttering a thank you as Monika, Monika’s father, and I head towards the door. Monika smiles at me reassuringly as her dad puts his phone away for a brief moment.

“Well, I’m glad that the procedure seems to have gone smoothly…I trust everything is alright with you, Natsuki?” Mr. Amano asks me, looking down at me. He’s pretty tall, while I’m really short. He isn’t necessarily an intimidating man (trust me, I know intimidating men) but he definitely does still try to act with some sort of authority complex. Although I can’t really do a deep dive into him or Monika’s mom because I barely see the two of them regardless.

I simply nod. “Yes, sir.”

“Good…in that case, I need to head back to work. Monika, take her home and then go straight back to school. Understood?” he asks, turning his attention to the other girl standing next to me. She nods.

“Yes, Father,” she says. ‘Father’? That’s a weird way to call someone’s dad. Almost as weird as ‘Papa.’ I guess I never noticed it before. “Do you think you and Mother will be home for dinner today?”

‘Father’ shakes his head. “No. But we will be home later tonight, so I expect light’s out by the time we get home,” he says firmly. It’s not that he’s cold when he says it, but something about it just seems…weird. It’s _really_ hard to describe what emotions are going on between the two of them, especially from an outsider’s perspective. Something about Monika’s demeanor always changes whenever she’s talking with her parents…it’s like she just stiffens up with stress and anxiety. However calculated she may have acted earlier on when she was first with me in controlling what she said and what she emoted, she is doubly calculated around her parents.

“Understood,” Monika says, and with that Mr. Amano looks at both of us before walking away briskly. I’m still looking in between the two of them, a little bewildered. As soon as he turns a corner, the stress in Monika’s body releases as she slumps over as she sighs. She looks over at me. “Ready to go?” she asks casually, a small smile on her face. I nod, following her out of the hospital.

I consider asking her about her relationship with her parents…but then realize that that’s waaaaaay too personal. Best if I not ask something like that. It’s not like she asks me about me and Papa…well, okay, she did once when she first visited me in the hospital, but there was a point behind that. All I know is that I should stay away from hospitals from now on, they give me bad luck.

“So! How does it feel to be out of that cast?” Monika asks me as we approach her car. I shrug, still getting used to putting my arm by my side instead of having it scrunched up in a sling.

“It’s…good, I guess,” I say halfheartedly as I pull open the car door with my now-good right arm. To be honest, while I am pretty focused on my arm, my mind can’t help but come back to a certain topic that’s pretty much entirely unrelated. Although…now that I think about it, maybe Monika will be able to reassure me somewhat. “Hey, Monika?”

Monika slides into the driver’s seat next to me. “Yeah?”

In retrospect, this question is actually just as personal as whatever question I might have asked about her parents, but I decide to go for it. “This might seem a little weird, but…what made you want to start a relationship with Sayori?” I ask. “I’m just wondering because I…I mean! It’s not like you don’t recognize the risks there. So, what made you want to do it anyway?”

Monika pauses, a pensive but unsurprised look on her face. Maybe Sayori told her? “Well…I don’t think that’s a weird question at all. It’s just…it’s a bit of a long story.”

I shrug. Man, it feels good to shrug freely now without any residual pain. “I’ve got time, if you’re willing to share that is.”

“Alright, sure,” Monika says, pausing before putting the keys into the ignition. “Well, I guess to explain that, I need to explain what Sayori was like when I first met her…” she trails off as she starts to drive back home. “As I know she’s told you…she wasn’t in the best place back then. Her parents had died, she did her…attempt. And then after that, her only living relative did not want her, and even under pressure from the state refused to take her in entirely. She can go to hell as far as I’m concerned,” she growls, and I notice her grip on the steering wheel tighten a little bit. I assume she’s talking about Sayori’s aunt. I only met her once or twice, but from the way Sayori used to talk about her…she was never the nicest or most stable person to begin with. “A-anyway, back on track. It was right around this time that my parents decided to apply to become a foster home…well, it’s a long process, but we had just finished with it as soon as Sayori needed a home. So, instead of forcing the state to send her to an orphanage or another home that was further away, my parents agreed to take her in.”

I nod. Most of this sounds pretty familiar to me now. Monika sighs. “Well…when I first met Sayori, her depression was bad. Really, really bad. She wouldn’t talk to me, or anyone really. She would only mumble when either of my parents addressed her. Whenever she looked up at me, her eyes were…it’s like they were lifeless, like they didn’t even have any emotions at all…” Monika pauses for a moment. Obviously, this is a very emotional topic for her. “I was pretty excited to be getting a roommate in the first place, but after being with her for a few days and no change…I knew I needed to do _something_. Just anything to make her feel happier or at least more comfortable here in this new place.

“And…well, it was a process, but she _did_ open up to me…slowly. The more I learned about her, the more I realized just how amazing of a person she is,” Monika smiles slightly to herself. “I remember the first time I made her laugh. It was a couple of weeks after she moved in. I was talking with her, and then for some reason…I got the hiccups. But I didn’t acknowledge it, so I just kept on talking about god knows what…and being interrupted every few seconds by hiccupping. After a while, I noticed her trying to hold back giggles, and I asked her…‘what’s so – hic – funny??’ That’s when she just lost it, laughing uncontrollably for once like she didn’t have a care in the world.” That sounds so much like Sayori. She always laughs at the stupidest things, and hiccups, along with burps and loud farts, are no exception. “I was definitely taken off guard at first. But…that’s when I first saw just how beautiful she truly was. When you see someone at their lowest point, at their rock bottom, and then you see them come to life once again…how can you not help yourself from falling in love?”

Love…now _that_ was a really strong word. I don’t think I feel that for Yuri…wait, do I??? Oh FUCK, what if I…no, I’m pretty sure I don’t. But I can’t help but relate to Monika a little bit. I’m not sure whether seeing Yuri freak out over her knives my second night here was her lowest point ever, but it was pretty low…and then seeing her after she had calmed down and _hugged_ me…well, it definitely didn’t help me get rid of that stupid crush.

“So, back to your question…my feelings blossomed from there. And I always knew the risks…and those risks still haven’t gone away. I realized that they were there pretty early on, and I tried to stop them. But…I just couldn’t help myself from falling deeper and deeper for her,” Monika says, keeping her eyes on the road with a smile on her face. “The more Sayori improved, the more she smiled at me, and the more she laughed, which only made my feelings even more powerful. After a certain point…I couldn’t take it anymore. So, I told her…and I apologized, because I didn’t think she would return those feelings. I told her I needed to just get it off my chest, and that she shouldn’t feel bad for not feeling the same way, and that I was sorry if I had just made things super uncomfortable between us and I could talk to my parents to see if she could change foster homes if she wanted…”

Monika trails off as we reach the stop sign that turns into her street, stopping the car slowly. I look at her expectantly. “…and? What happened then?” I ask. She chuckles.

“She kissed me,” Monika tells me, a certain fondness to her voice as she remembers back to that moment. “And so…that’s when I knew it was too late to go back, at least for me. I knew it was worth it at that point.” Looking down both sides of the street, she makes a left turn towards her house. “Hope that answers your question.”

I blink, still a little surprised by that entire story. I definitely didn’t know a lot of those details…and I’m doubly surprised that _Sayori_ made the first move there. Although after catching her initiating something in the closet with Monika, maybe I shouldn’t be. I had almost forgotten why I had asked that question in the first place. “Oh! Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

Monika hums to herself as she pulls into the driveway. “It’s my pleasure. Although…I have a pretty good idea of why you’re asking,” she says, looking over directly at me for the first time in the drive. “And…well, it’s like I told you earlier. If you want to pursue anything…then you must do so with caution. I would hate to see any relationship you pursue end in heartbreak, but…Yuri complicates things.”

“Yeah…I know.”

“And I know you know that. But…if you reach the conclusion that it’s worth the risk, just like I did with Sayori, then…why not pursue it?” Monika asks, although it isn’t really a question. “The fact of the matter is…even I can’t help but admit that you two are good for each other. Not even necessarily romantically, but platonically, too…you do a good job of supporting and protecting one another when the other is down. Sayori’s noticed that, too. If you are serious about taking your relationship with her to the next level…” Monika pauses, stopping herself from whatever she was about to say. She smiles at me. “…well, just think over it carefully, okay?”

Geez, like always, Monika leaves me with way too much to think about and very little clear-cut answers. I nod, although I have to remind myself that it’s a little too late for all of this. I really only asked for reassurance after the fact. After all…everything is in motion now. Yuri should have definitely read my poem by now.

Oh, right, the poem. Sorry to keep you in suspense, I mentioned it earlier but didn’t really explain it. My B. Well, that’s the main reason I’m really fucking stressed right now. See, the past couple days Sayori has really been pushing me to make a move on Yuri…which at this point I’m not necessarily opposed to, I guess? I mean, Yuri is pretty cool. But now I’m freaking out, because for some reason Sayori convinced me to slip a poem in her locker before I left for the hospital telling her how I felt.

Of course, she didn’t get to read what I wrote. That’s between me and Yuri. But she did convince me to seal it in an envelope sealed with a pink, glittery heart sticker. That definitely isn’t helping with the anxiety…especially because that sticker was _totally_ not Yuri at all. That’s only a contributing factor, though…what’s even more triggering for me is what’s actually inside the envelope. I put two sheets of paper in there, the first being a personal note:

_Yuri,_

_Listen. We won’t be sharing poems today,_ obviously _, but I still thought that I should share this with you. I worked really…really hard on it. It’s for you. And before you ask, yes, it means what you think it means. You would have to be practically braindead to not read between these lines, and I know you’re not. You’re smart, you can figure it out. Dummy._

_If you don’t feel the same way, then that’s fine. Honestly. Just pretend like you didn’t read it in the first place and we can go back to the way things were before all of this. I’d totally understand if that’s what you wanted to do._

_But…if you think you feel the same way…then, come talk to me whenever you’re ready. You know me well enough by now that you know I don’t bite. Mostly._

_~ Natsuki_

 

That ending made me cringe, big time. Like, seriously? I MOSTLY don’t bite? What the fuck am I trying to imply there? But all of that probably isn’t as bad as my actual poem, which I tucked underneath the letter inside the envelope for her…

 

_Because You_

_Tomorrow will be brighter with me around_  
_But when today is dim, I can only look down._  
 _My looking is a little more forward_  
 _Because you look at me._

 _When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!_  
_But my truest feelings can never come out._  
 _My words are a little less empty_  
 _Because you listen to me._

 _When something is above me, I reach for the stars._  
_But when I feel small, I don't get very far._  
 _My standing is a little bit taller_  
 _Because you sit with me._

 _I believe in myself with all of my heart._  
_But what do I do when it's torn all apart?_  
 _My faith is a little bit stronger_  
 _Because you trusted me._

_My pen always puts my feelings to the test.  
I'm not a good writer, but my best is my best._

_My poems are a little bit dearer  
Because you think of me._

_Because you, because you, because you._

_I’ve never felt like this with anyone ever before,_  
_So you, Yuri Nakamura, must be special_  
 _Because it is you I adore._

…yeah. I know. I’m new at this, okay?! I’ve only been writing poems for a few weeks, so don’t get on my case. This is _literally_ the best someone like me could hope to come up with. I tried to put in big words at first like Yuri does with her poems, but it just didn’t feel right. So, as far as I’m concerned, I get an A for effort. Or would it be A for affort? Meh, I dunno. Yuri’s the one that’s good with words, not me – in case you couldn’t tell by this point.

Regardless, this is probably the most important poem I’ve ever written. And that’s because it’s my confession. If you thought my beach poem I gave her was pretty obvious, then this just blatantly spells it all out for her.

And I’m nervous as fuck as to what she’s going to think about it.

Sighing, I get out of Monika’s car, closing the door behind me as I go inside. Honestly, Monika’s pep talk, while thought-provoking, didn’t do much to make me less stressed about this whole thing. Although maybe someone else could help.

Opening the door to the house, I almost immediately hear footsteps running towards me. There she is: the energetic, bouncy girl who’s been my best friend since we were in diapers, currently bounding over to me with a big grin on her face. She must have just finished her tutoring session.

“Natsuki!” Sayori practically screams. “FINALLY! I _demand_ you give me a proper hug, right NOW!” This is something she’s been begging forever, although due to the cast and the sling I obviously couldn’t do it. I would never tell her this, but I’ve really, _really_ wanted that hug…especially after my talk with Monika.

“Alright, fine! Come he—OOF!” I grunt as Sayori pounces on me, wrapping her arms tightly around me. Yeah, this was the type of hug that I was more used to growing up – the bearhug that would suffocate you until you could barely breathe. “Sayori, my ribcage’s still sore…” I whine, but wrap both of my arms around her, too. Again, I would _never_ tell her this, but I really missed this.

Sayori ignored me, but pulled away after a little bit, giving me the chance to breathe as she looked at my arm. “Whoa! Your arm!” she gasps, holding it carefully. “It looks so…gross!”

I scoff. “Oh, wow, thanks a lot, Sayori!” Sayori giggles, bringing it a little closer to her face.

“I’m just saying! It looks weird, and…” she pauses, scrunching her face up. Oh, she definitely caught a whiff of just how fowl the thing smells. Serves her right for making fun of me. “EWW! Naaat, you didn’t tell me that it was gonna smell bad!”

“Well, what did you expect? I haven’t washed that arm in five weeks now!” I say as she lets go of it. Sayori crosses her arms.

“Hmph. Well, first thing you should do now that it’s off is go wash it! Besides, you wouldn’t want to be smelly when Yuri comes home and you two have some _one-on-one time_ …” Sayori says, winking at me with a knowing grin. I groan. Yeah, telling her about my stupid crush was definitely a great decision…not.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I mutter, and Sayori’s eyes light up at the opportunity to tease me.

“So, you did it then??” Sayori asks eagerly, practically bouncing up and down. “You gave Yuri the poem???”

“I mean, I slipped it in her locker before Monika drove me to the hospital…” I say, crossing my arms. Sayori must notice the heavy worry and uncertainty in my voice, because she immediately gives me an insistent look that prompts me to continue. “…I don’t know, dude. I’m still really not sure whether this was the right move or not. I know it’s kinda too late to be second-guessing myself…”

“It totally is!” Sayori interjects, causing me to give her a fierce side-eye.

“…I _know_ , which is why I _said_ that…but still. What makes you so sure that Yuri likes me back in that way? It’s not like we have that much in common,” I note. I’ve only known Yuri for a few weeks now, but that much is pretty obvious to me. She’s into poetry and horror novels, and while I can put up with both of them for her (even though _Portrait of Markov_ is suuuuper creepy, but I guess that’s the point), I’m more into manga and mushy, slice-of-life romance books (which she puts up with for me). She’s quiet, studious, elegant, soft-spoken…and I’m none of those things. I’m loud, obnoxious, and crude. Honestly, if we had met under any other circumstances where we weren’t literally forced to spend most of the day together, we would probably hate each other’s guts.

Sayori frowns, although it’s less out of concern and more out of annoyance. Probably because we’ve already had this talk before – most recently last night, when she convinced me to make the leap and actually do this thing.

“Natsuki, let’s sit down,” she says firmly, grabbing my now-healed-but-still-sore arm and yanking me over to the living room to sit me down on the couch. I try to complain, but she’s really got her mind set on doing _this_ again, it seems. She sits down across from me and looks at me. “I only have one question for you…why are you acting like such a dummy right now?”

“What?? I’m not!” I say, although the matter-of-fact way she asks that makes me question whether I am or not. “Look, I don’t think I’m being so stupid here! I put the letter and poem in her locker, like, four hours ago…and she hasn’t texted me or anything yet. She’s DEFINITELY read it by now!”

“And? That means diddlysquat and you know it!” Sayori exclaims, needing to take a moment to regain her composure after using such a strong word as ‘diddlysquat.’ “Natsuki…if she’s read it, don’t you think that she’d want to respond in person? If she texted you, then you wouldn’t be in smooching distance of her!”

I groan, but Sayori does have a point…in a weird way. After all, four hours isn’t that long of a time to process something like that. And I know Yuri. She’s the type of person that needs to psyche herself out, like, a day in advance before even making eye contact with someone else. I sometimes hear her mumbling to herself when she thinks I’m asleep, rehearsing conversations that she needs to have the next day with other people; just really basic social interactions. I can’t imagine how her brain is processing all of this.

…dammit, why am I poking holes in my own arguments? That’s Sayori’s job…and besides, Yuri could just as easily be trying to think of a gentle way to let me down rather than make the next move.

“Ugh, you wish…even if she does say she wants to be ‘with’ me…” I scoff, using air-quotes. I’m really glad that I’m able to use both of these arms now, there’s a lot of more things I’m able to do with my arms/hands now for dramatic effect. “…she DEFINITELY wouldn’t want to kiss me right afterwards…” Sayori gives me an eyebrow raise. “…w-what?? She w-wouldn’t!”

“Yeah. _Sure_ she wouldn’t,” Sayori says with heavy sarcasm, and I feel my face turn red. She…she can’t be serious, right?

“Sayori, please take this seriously…I might have _really_ fucked up everything…” I say, my anxiety nearly reaching a boiling point. I think Sayori notices this because she immediately drops the jokey attitude, giving me a small, comforting smile.

“Hey, Nat…just relax, okay? You have nothing to worry about,” she says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Remember when we had that movie night two weeks ago? You two were all over each other!”

I think back to the memory. It was during a Friday night at the end of the school week. See, as part of “literature club activities” we’ve been having movie nights at home, and to at least somewhat pertain to the theme of the club, Monika made it so that the first movie we watched was the film adaption of a book. It was Yuri’s turn to choose, and she decided that we would watch _The Shining_ …because of fucking course she did.

See, out of the four of us, Yuri loves horror movies and doesn’t get scared at anything, Monika gets a little unnerved but doesn’t seem to be too affected by them that much, Sayori can get pretty frightened by horror movies, and me…I’m _terrified_ of anything horror. Reading _Portrait of Markov_ with Yuri right next to me makes me squirm, so watching a movie like _The Shining_ …well, let’s just say it wasn’t the best experience for me.

I was sitting in between Sayori and Yuri on the couch for the entire movie, and because Sayori was busy snuggling up with Monika, every time I jumped, I always sort of instinctively jumped towards Yuri. Of course, as soon as I would scoot up to her side with a gasp, I would realize what I just did and move away from her again. I think Yuri noticed it eventually, because halfway through the film she put an arm around my shoulder to keep me still…and then it stayed there. For the entire. Fucking. Movie.

“You mean the arm thing? Th-that doesn’t mean anything…” I stutter, blushing. “She probably was just annoyed with me and wanted me to stay still…”

“Uh-huh? And _after_ the movie?”

…after the movie was done, Sayori and I (well, me especially) were still kind of on edge, so we decided to watch something different to take the edge off. It wasn’t literature-related, just some dumb comedy show that Monika found on Netflix. To be honest, I didn’t pay much attention to what it was called or what it was about…because about five minutes into it, Yuri fell asleep on top of me. I only noticed it when I felt her cheek move down to rest on the top of my head. I remember glancing over at Sayori, and she was busy gawking at the two of us. So needless to say, she remembers it just as well as I do.

“…well, okay, but…that doesn’t have to mean anything either! She could’ve just been tired and not known what she was doing!” I snap at her. Sayori giggles.

“Come on, I _know_ you don’t believe that. Especially because you told me that it wasn’t the first time that happened,” she said, winking at me. Ugh, why I thought it was a good idea to tell her about how Yuri fell asleep in practically the same position after I gave her that beach poem, and then a couple other times after that when we read manga, is beyond me…

“O-okay, fine! Any other pieces of evidence you wanna throw at me, or are you done?” I ask accusatorily. Sayori purses her lips, thinking for a moment. Then, her face brightens up.

“Well, dontcha remember what happened yesterday? That’s what made me convince you to give her the letter in the first place!” Sayori says with a smile. “It was soooooo cute!”

I’m about to get at her for calling me the c-word, but I can’t help but be pulled back into that memory from yesterday…it was at the end of the club meeting, and we were starting to clean up as Yuri pulled me to the side. She had a slightly nervous expression on her face…although she gets that a lot.

“E-erm, Natsuki? Can I…talk to you for a minute?” she had asked, fiddling with her hair (a trait that I’ve grown to _really_ like from her).

“Yeah, sure, what’s up?” I asked her. Yuri paused for a moment, as if she hadn’t really planned this far in the conversation. What, did she think that I was going to say no? Like, seriously. But she had eventually started talking.

“W-w-well…as we both are aware, I am certain, your cast will be taken off tomorrow…which, of course, means that you no longer must have the constraints of you, ah, requiring someone else to carry around your schoolbooks…once again, as I am certain you are, e-erm, cognizant of…” That was true, I was. Mainly Yuri (and sometimes Monika, when Yuri had to work) had been carrying around all of my stuff for the past few weeks because the doctors said I couldn’t until my arm had fully healed.

“Oh. Yeah. Right…” I said, not really sure why she was bringing it up (and also not sure why I felt a little disappointed).

Yuri cleared her throat. “Erm, right, yes, well…I-I was wondering if, perhaps…a-and of course, I understand if it would be a tad, erm, inconvenient for you, b-but…” she trailed off, stammering before finding her voice again. “P-perhaps I could still walk with you to class?” My eyes immediately widened at that. “O-of course, I would let you carry your own things, I understand your independence in those matters is important to you…b-but…I merely have grown accustomed to the routine of it. That is, if you’ll let me…?”

It took me a moment to form a response to that. But once my dummy brain registered exactly what she was saying, I needed to contain my excitement at the idea while also find a way to nonchalantly say yes. “Y-yes!” I stammered out. Dammit. “I-I mean, well, if it’s for YOUR sake, then…sure, I _guess_.”

Yuri smiled, thanking me quietly as she walked away to gather her (and my) things. And who else did I see standing behind her the whole time but Sayori…she had a wide grin and sparkling eyes as it looked like she was trying to hold back a squeal of delight. Yeah, she had heard everything.

And when we got home, _she_ pulled me aside and told me how obvious it was that Yuri liked me back…and convinced me to slip the letter and poem I ended up writing into her locker. Because even to me, that _does_ seem like a pretty obvious signal…so why don’t I just try to give her an open invitation?

“Yeah…fine, you have a point,” I admit, sighing as I return back to the present. “Still could mean nothing, though…Yuri really, really relies on routine…”

“Come on, you _know_ she meant something more!” Sayori insists, grabbing my arm to shake me. “Get some more confidence, Nat! Girls like that! And you should be confident that she _really_ likes you!”

I sigh. Sayori can be pretty convincing when she’s not just teasing me. “Alright, fine. I get it,” I say, and while I’m groaning on the outside on the inside I can’t help but feel the fluttering of a million little butterflies in my stomach. Yuri…Yuri likes me. Maybe. Probably. Just that thought alone is so new and fresh in my head that it’s so exciting, and scary, and unbelievably terrifying, and…nice. Really, really nice. “Yuri likes me,” I mutter out-loud, and Sayori grins, squealing for real this time.

“Yay!” Sayori immediately hugs me. “And even if you’re still not fully convinced, it’s too late now anyway! So after you guys are done smooching, I’ll get to give you the biggest ‘I told you so’ yet!”

I give her a light punch on the shoulder as I return the hug…but to be fair, if she _is_ right about this, then I would probably deserve that “I told you so.” She’s definitely right about one thing, though: no matter what, it’s too late to change anything.

Sayori pulls away from me but keeps a firm grip on my shoulders. “Okay, Natsuki…here’s what you’re going to do,” she says, looking at me. “You’re going to go upstairs and shower. Wash that arm off, because it’s stinky.” I stick my tongue out at her. “THEN, you’re gonna get into something nice and comfy…and come back down here. And when Monika and Yuri get home, I’ll be quick about dragging Monika upstairs…then, you’ll have plenty of time to… _talk things out_ …” she says, grinning deviously.

I groan, pushing her away from me as I get up. “Yeah, yeah, alright…” I say begrudgingly, before I pause and realize that what she’s doing is actually really nice. “…thanks, Sayori.”

She beams at me. She even seems a little surprised…probably because it isn’t very common that I actually say thank you to her, especially regarding when she gives me love advice with Yuri. “No prob! Ehehe,” she giggles. I smile to myself, heading upstairs. Is this entire situation embarrassing as hell? Sure, yeah. But…it’s always good to have Sayori in my corner, no matter what.

Not to mention, she did a really good job of (mostly) putting my mind at ease and helping me relax. She was right when she said there were signs there…so if I’m honest, part of my nervousness is being replaced by actual excitement. I have both of my arms back, I indirectly gave Yuri my confession…if I’m able to pull this off, then I can only imagine what’s going to happen. To be honest, I’m not even sure myself. But the idea of sleeping on Yuri’s shoulder, or Yuri holding me, or the two of us hugging without any intrusive second-thoughts or “what-ifs” was a really fucking nice thought. I break out into biggest, gayest fucking grin whenever I think about it.

So, as I shower and wash my arm for the first time in over a month, I’m in pretty high spirits. I’m even humming – yes, you read that right, _humming_ – happily to myself as I get out and pick out what I hope is a nice, casual outfit to wear…I end up going with a pink, frilly skirt and sleeveless white shirt, with the straps around my shoulders. I debate whether or not I should tie my hair back up into my usual pigtails and ribbons…but eventually decide against it, opting for the more natural look. I look at myself in the mirror, imagining what Yuri’s first impression might be of me when she first walks in. For the first time in a while, I think I actually look…good. I look…I look…

 _“Look at you, Natsuki…you look so_ cute _…” I hear behind me. He’s standing in the doorway of my bathroom again. I smell the alcohol almost immediately. Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Just stare straight. “Cute for a freak, that is…” I feel his hot breath on the back of my neck._

I startle, breathing pretty heavily as I feel goosebumps crawl all over my body. I look behind me. It’s just my imagination. He isn’t there. Not anymore. But still…when I look back in the mirror, this whole thing feels a little less magical. I guess it’s nice to have a bit of a reality check that I’m not the princess that, for one delusional second, I thought I was. Regardless…I take a few minutes to collect myself again before I go back downstairs to be with Sayori.

As the minutes tick by, I can’t help but feel that weird mix of excitement and anxiety build up inside me. Not even talking with Sayori to distract myself is doing anything. And then, the moment seemingly arrives. I hear Monika’s car pull up into the driveway. And who else opens the door but…

…Monika. Just Monika.

_Where’s Yuri???_

“Hey, you two!” Monika says, smiling as she closes the front door behind her. Only confirming that Yuri wasn’t with her. “Natsuki, your arm’s looking a lot better!”

“I know, right?” Sayori says happily, looking between me and Monika. I think she can pretty clearly see the distress on my face, so she clears her throat. “Umm, where’s Yuri?”

“Ah…well, I’m not sure exactly,” Monika tells us, putting down her things. “She texted me earlier that she had some matter she had to attend to.” Immediately, I feel my stomach drop. “Maybe she has work?”

I shake my head, walking away. I know her schedule like the back of my head now. Today’s Friday. Yuri doesn’t work on Fridays. She’s bailing on me. The poem was too much. Dammit, dammit, _dammit_ ¸ why did I think this was a good idea?!

“…Moni, I’ll be up soon, give us a minute…” I hear Sayori say behind me as I curl up on the couch. I vaguely hear Monika go upstairs soon after, and meanwhile Sayori sits back down next to me as she pulls me into a hug. “Nat…that doesn’t mean _anything_ , okay?” she tells me. I don’t respond. I really, really don’t trust myself to respond right now.

…but for some reason, I try to anyway. “I-it’s hopeless…sh-she read it, a-and she d-doesn’t…” I choke on my words. I’m not crying right now. Just trying to focus on my breathing so I don’t spontaneously combust.

“Nat! Listen to me!” Sayori snaps, causing me to look up at her. She looks at me, with the same amount of patience and compassion that I’ve always known her for. “Don’t worry…everything’s going to be alright. You know how Yuri is. She’s probably just processing everything still. Or maybe she’s thinking of a good way to surprise you!” she offers. “And you _know_ that she’s sometimes called into work for an extra shift at the library.”

I listen to what she has to say and eventually sigh, shakily. She does have a couple of good points. Maybe…maybe that’s all there is. Maybe she’s just working an extra shift and needs some more time to think. That’s…okay. I’m able to calm myself down (wait, no I’m not… _Sayori_ was able to calm me down. Don’t take credit for other people’s deeds, dummy). “Okay…okay,” I say, my breathing relaxing a little. Although I would be lying if I told her I wasn’t on edge.

Sayori exhales in relief. “Do you want me to stay down here with you? Because, like, I totally can,” she offers, grinning at me. Honestly, she’s already done a lot for me so far today that I think I would feel even worse if she did anything else, so I shake my head.

“No…I think I’m good…thanks,” I mutter quietly, trying to offer her a weak smile. Sayori offers me a smile of…I’m not sure exactly what that emotion is. Is it sadness? Pity? Pride? She gives me one last, tight hug.

“It’ll be okay, okay? I’m really, really proud of you, Nats,” Sayori tells me as she lets go. Then, she heads upstairs to do who-knows-what with Monika…heh. Sayori told me yesterday that if I gave Yuri that poem, then the next day I would lose all of my rights to tease her and Monika’s relationship…and although under normal circumstances I wouldn’t want to give that up, I really hope she’s right.

Time passes by slowly. I try to distract myself with TV, manga, my phone…recently, when I’ve been bored I usually just text Yuri. But I’m not sure that that’s such a good idea right now, even though I’m really tempted to. It’s not like I want to sound desperate, right? Texting Yuri right now would definitely be the desperate thing to do, so I don’t do it. Even though I have to physically restrain myself from instinctively going onto my phone and opening up her contact.

An hour after Monika came back, Yuri’s still not here. Two hours…nothing. I can’t help but feel a sinking sense of dread in the pit of my stomach as the minutes tick by. She could have at least texted me by now, right? Or at least given me _some_ sort of heads up that she was gonna be super late?

I sit up from my couch as soon as I hear the jingle of keys at the door. I check my phone again for the time – it’s two hours and thirteen minutes after Monika got home. Maybe she _did_ have some work to do…

Slowly, the door opens, and in comes Yuri. As she closes the door, she stops and locks eyes with me. I’m pretty frustrated at this point, but that look still never fails to give me butterflies every time. She smiles softly at me. “Ah…hello, Natsuki,” she says to me. There’s a certain fondness to her voice that didn’t used to be there…or am I just imagining that?

“Hey yourself,” I say, watching her carefully. Yuri doesn’t seem to notice as she puts her things down. She looks at me again.

“It’s, ah, lovely to see your arm out of that cast,” she says politely. “I am sincerely glad that the procedure was a success…is it sore at all?”

I fake a smile, nodding. “A little,” I say, leaning forward in my seat. _Why the fuck is she acting so nonchalant about everything?_ Did she even fucking read what was in the envelope? And that’s when the sinking feeling I’ve been having for the past couple hours gets even more sink-y as I remember exactly what I wrote in the introduction before my poem:

_If you don’t feel the same way, then that’s fine. Honestly. Just pretend like you didn’t read it in the first place and we can go back to the way things were before all of this._

Oh, fuck.

She…she doesn’t feel the same way.

I just made a total fucking idiot out of myself by doing all of that.

I need to get out of here. I stand up, walking straight past Yuri and towards the backdoor. If I don’t get some air, then I feel like I’m going to fucking suffocate. “N-natsuki?” Yuri questions, her facial expression changing. I don’t respond. I don’t think I can. I just march straight out there, into the woods in Monika’s backyard, keeping my head down. I need to just keep going, I need to get as far away as possible from her.

Unfortunately, I can hear that Yuri’s following me outside…of course, it’s not because she’s changed her mind and actually cares about me. That would be stupid at this point. See, the reason I included that _stupid_ fucking line about ignoring the poem if she didn’t like it was to give her an easy out – so that our relationship as actual roommates wouldn’t be irrevocably damaged. So she’s obviously just trying to make sure that’s okay so I’ll be an easy person to live with. But _of course_ it’s not that simple. I can’t take her pretending that nothing happened, even though that’s what my dumb fucking ass literally told her to do. I can’t help but make life harder for both myself and everyone I care about in my life.

“Natsuki, please,” I hear Yuri say directly behind me as she grabs my arm. That’s when I snap. I pull back, swatting it away.

“D-don’t just do that! DON’T pretend that you don’t know what’s going on!” I yell at her. The color in Yuri’s face drains. It’s actually been a while since I’ve yelled at her…I guess I’ve just lost every single fucking ounce of self-control at this point. “I-I know that my letter before the poem literally said to pretend nothing happened, but you should know by now that you shouldn’t fucking listen to everything I say!”

Yuri’s face morphs in what must be faux-confusion. “N-natsuki, w-what do you…”

“STOP! Okay? Just…stop,” I say, my voice weakening. My anger was originally just at her for not saying anything, but…I really only have myself to blame here, don’t I? I feel too weak to stand up for this, and I lean back onto a sturdy tree to support me. “I…I get it, okay? You’re smart, and elegant, and witty, and beautiful, and…all of the things that I’m not. That I’ll _never_ be. I-I get it,” I shudder. “W-why would s-someone like you _ever_ consider someone like me? I’m surprised you can even tolerate me! I-I’m short, loud, annoying, I…” my voice cracks. “I-I look like a fucking preschooler, I-I have this ugly fucking tooth that juts out from my mouth that makes me look like a vampire, and I overcompensate my insecurities by making everything I do overly cutesy…and that’s not even mentioning the trauma I have from…from before, where I wake you up in the middle of the night sobbing or screaming!”

I take a deep, shaky breath as I feel tears prick my eyes. “I-I don’t know why or how you’ve put up for me for so long, or even w-why _I_ thought it was a remotely good idea to confess my feelings for you. Why would someone as awesome and amazing as YOU like someone like me? S-so…just do me one favor, and that’s it. Ignore what I said in the letter. Tell me that…tell me that _of course_ you don’t see me that way. I-I know that I said in the letter not to, b-but…i-if you say it, then I-I’ll g-get over everything quicker and it’ll make life a b-bit easier for you, I guess. And…that’s it. Y-you don’t have to say anything else…just say it.” I sigh, slumping down. At this point, I’m almost touching the ground, so I just sit down at the foot of the tree, on top of a pile of leaves, keeping my eyes closed as silent tears trickle down my face.

I’m just waiting for Yuri to say those words now. I’m expecting them at any minute. But instead, there’s just this silence between us and Yuri’s not saying anything. Instead, I hear the crinkling of leaves as she sits down pretty close next to me. Cautiously, I open my eyes, only to find Yuri staring at me with a serious, shy expression on her face.

“Natsuki…I didn’t get a letter,” Yuri tells me carefully. I blink. I couldn’t have heard that right. Is…is she being serious?

“W-what?” I gasp, and it takes only one, proper look at her face to tell that she has no fucking idea what I’m talking about. She didn’t get the envelope. She didn’t read the letter or the poem. So, the first time I admitted I had feelings for her was…right now.

…FUUUUUUCK.

“B-b-but it was right there!” I sputter, trying to make any sense of this buttfucking situation. I wipe at the tears on my face. “I-it was RIGHT THERE in your locker! I put that envelope with the letter and the poem there right before I left for the hospital!”

Yuri opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it as she thinks what to say. Probably a smart thing to do in this situation, unlike me who just blurts out whatever’s on my fucking mind no matter how inappropriate. “Well…that would explain why I failed to receive it…” she says slowly, looking at me. “I…I left school shortly before your visit to the hospital.”

“W-what?? Why did you need to leave?” I ask.

Yuri pauses again. “I…w-well, I didn’t _need_ to leave. But I strongly wished to leave for my own peace of mind…” she says quietly, taking a deep breath. “I was…at the courthouse.”

“…okay, now I’m completely lost,” I admit, confused beyond belief. Hopefully Yuri planned on explaining all of this to me, and it looked like she’s preparing to do just that…she just needs some time to prepare herself. Or me. Or the both of us. Actually, it’s probably more me. Because what she’s about to tell me really hits me hard, like a bullet train with no breaks.

“Natsuki…today was the day of your father’s sentencing,” Yuri mutters, unable to keep eye contact with me. I just sit, stunned. “A-and I…I wanted to be there. Just to make sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was going away for good.” There’s another silence between us. If you paid me enough money to buy every single damn snack in the vending machine, there’s still no way I would be able to come up with a single, coherent thought right at this moment. Yuri takes this as a cue to continue. “And…I received the confirmation I so desperately needed…would you like to hear it?” Wordlessly, I nod.

Yuri gulps. “F-for the crimes of child neglect, felony child endangerment, aggravated assault, a-and…second-degree attempted murder…” she says, as if reciting it off of a court transcript. “…as well as the contributing factors of his, erm, erratic behavior in the courtroom, apparently, and his past convictions…Haru Kizumi earlier today was sentenced to life imprisonment, with no chance of parole.”

I gasp. _Life imprisonment, with no chance of parole_. _Life imprisonment, with no chance of parole_. Papa was going to prison…forever. And he’s never going to get out again. I…I’ll never have to see Papa again. I don’t know whether to cheer or sob right now. My brain’s still processing this entire thing to do either, but once it catches up to everything it’ll probably do both.

“You’re probably wondering, Natsuki, why I was there in the first place…I doubt you even knew that his sentencing was today,” Yuri tells me, fiddling with her hair again. “A-and…w-well…I _needed_ to know. I needed to know that he was going to be locked up and that you were going to be safe. I needed to see it with my own eyes; to watch as the sentence was read, see his face, and see him being escorted away to prison, forever, where he belongs. I…I couldn’t accept any less b-because…” she trails off for a moment. I have about a million questions right about now, but I’m hanging onto her every word like my life depends on it at this point.

“…I know what he’s done. W-what that man did to you…the mere act of thinking about it makes my skin boil. He gave you nothing to begin with, and yet he still managed to take everything away from you. And…and Natsuki, you deserve everything,” Yuri says, looking directly at me, for once making direct eye contact with me. It feels like she’s staring into my soul. “I am not sure what exactly is in that envelope I was intended to receive…but if it was a confession, then perhaps I should give you one of my own.” I feel my heart stop. “You…you are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I wake up every morning a fraction more joyful, knowing that I am able to spend the rest of that day with you.” My heart’s back, and I feel it beating like crazy. “You are everything that you said about me, and more…Natsuki, you are so, so much more. You are undeniably passionate, and fiercely loyal, and brilliantly funny, and incredibly, unbelievably…kind.” Her voice cracks. “Despite the pain and the trauma that you have gone through, a roaring fire in your heart has persevered…a fire so sweltering that it was powerful enough to light up my own.”

My mind goes numb as Yuri continues, her eyes downcast once again for a moment. “The idea that _he_ would do anything less than treasure you…enrages me. That is why I needed to be there…to see him brought to justice, to suffer the maximum punishment short of death. I needed to move on from what _he_ did to you, and refocus my energies on what is truly important…and that is you,” she looks back at me, and I feel the world stop once again. Yuri takes my hand. “You deserve the world, Natsuki. And while I do not know if I can give you it…I can at least try. I _need_ to try.”

There’s a silence between us that feels like it lasts for an eternity. I’m frozen like a statue, just staring into the glimmering eyes of this amazing, hypnotizing girl sitting next to me under a tree in the woods.

Yuri breaks the silence as she squeezes my hand. “Natsuki…will you let me try?”

The statue breaks. I’m sobbing now, but I still have the mental capacity to nod and close the distance between her. I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but…I kiss her. I’m kissing her. Holy shit, I’m actually kissing her. And she’s kissing me back. And it’s sloppy, and messy, and it’s pretty obvious to the both of us that this is our first time doing this sort of thing. But it’s perfect. Yuri cups my cheek with her hand, drawing me in closer as she presses her lips to mine. Pulling me in further, deeper. I’m only just realizing how much I needed this. Now that I’ve started, I’m not sure how easily I’ll be able to stop.

We do stop, though, by the way. After a while. Yuri and I detach ourselves from each other, opening our eyes as we pull back. I need to blink multiple times, trying to rationalize with myself that that really just fucking happened. That this isn’t some sort of dream. But I’m able to piece together very, _very_ quickly that it’s definitely not: I can still feel the absent space where Yuri’s lips once were on mine.

Yuri seems to be recovering a lot more naturally than me. In fact, a wide, goofy grin that I’ve definitely never seen on her before has spread across her entire face, and she’s giggling to herself. I stare at her in disbelief, just about ready to smack her.

“Hey! What’s so damn funny?!” I say in embarrassment, the heat to my cheeks rising. Not like that matters much though: after all, we’re both blushing like hell. We both stare at each other for a brief moment before I feel the corners of my lips begin to involuntarily rise into a smile, then a grin, and then I start giggling myself. Yuri starts giggling again, and that’s how we end up like we are now: two blushing, giggling messes who can’t stop laughing and can’t keep our eyes off of each other.

Eventually, the laughter does die down, and Yuri’s looking at me again with that shy, questioning look. “So…erm, what does this make us?” she asks nervously, twiddling with her hair. Honestly, the fact that she’s talking about an ‘us’ to begin with makes my heart do somersaults.

I smirk, scratching the back of my neck. “Umm…I think this makes us girlfriends…r-right?” I add quickly. When I put it like that, it sounds so, incredibly cheesy. But nevertheless, Yuri breaks out into a grin.

“R-right…I would like that quite a lot,” she says, chuckling quietly. Without any warning, she leans forward and plants a gentle kiss on my nose. _That’s_ something that I’m going to need to get used to, because I’m totally caught off guard. I can’t decide whether I want to punch her or kiss her back, so I just whine and burry my face into her shoulder.

“Uggh, the poem you were supposed to read today is gonna seem like a serious letdown after all that,” I mumble into her, sighing. Yuri hugs me gently.

“I am certain that it will be perfect…primarily because it’s from, uhh…it’s from y-you,” she says, the confidence in her voice that she possessed at the beginning of her sentence trailing off as she became shyer. That’s when I realize: neither of us have ever been in this type of a relationship before…it’s not like we like each other because we’re both experienced. So when Yuri tries to sound romantic, of course it’s going to come out as awkward. Same for me.

But you know what? If we’re both being awkward…then I guess I’m okay with that. I find comfort in the knowledge that I’m not alone anymore with these messy, confusing, awkward feelings. No. I don’t have to be alone anymore. And that washes all of the stress I’ve felt over the past few weeks away completely.

I slowly get up, reaching a hand out to Yuri as she sits on the pile of fallen leaves. “Hey, so, uh…a while ago, I promised Sayori that, uhh, when I got out of the cast, I would make her another batch of cupcakes with the icing from scratch this time…” I blush, looking down at her. “Do you want…I-I mean, if you _want_ to help out, then _I guess_ you can…so long as you, like, don’t get in my way too much, or whatever,” I finish off gracefully. From beneath me, Yuri smiles, taking my hand as I pull her up with some effort.

“…well, I can’t promise that our activities will be fully devoid of any distractions whatsoever,” Yuri says, a playful smile on her lips as her hand remains firmly latched onto mine. “B-but…I would love to help wherever I can.”

I let out a fond scoff. “D-dummy…” I mutter under my breath as Yuri snickers. Although I’d be lying if I said I’m not interested in specifically what distractions she had in mind. Tugging on her hand, the two of us walk back towards the house, and we’re both…happy. Looks like Sayori’s gonna give me that ‘I told you so’ after all.

For a brief moment, I feel something that’s hard to describe…but the closest thing I can come up with to describe it is clarity. Papa’s gone for good now, and I know now that he’s going to stay in jail until the day he dies. And that fact makes me feel such relief, as well as a sense of security: that no matter what, he won’t be here to screw anything up ever again. And I also feel safe because of Yuri…I mean, if I had any doubts that she cared about me before, then they practically all dissolved away with everything that just happened, right? I know that she cares about me now. And she knows that the feeling is more than mutual.

So yeah, things for me are a lot clearer now. As weird and unbelievable as it sounds, we’re girlfriends. And…I have a really fucking good feeling about that. As I look over at my gorgeous, radiant girlfriend walking alongside next to me, I have a feeling that things are going to be good from now on.

 

…that is, of course, until they won’t be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Part 1
> 
> Aaahh, so it finally happened!! I've been looking forward to writing this part of the story for a loooong time now. I hope that the confession scene was satisfying for all of you who have patiently been waiting! That being said...this story is NOT done. Not even by a long shot. I would say this is roughly the halfway point, and this story can be split up into two parts - the first part is where Natsuki ends up in the foster home, reconnects with Sayori, meets Yuri, and it ends with Natsuki getting the cast off and getting together with Yuri. 
> 
> And what will Part 2 be about? Well...I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out ;)
> 
> Honestly, I have no idea when the next chapter will come out, and I have no timetable for when this story will be completely done. But there will be a concrete, final ending. I have had the entire story (bar a few minor details) planned out in my head from the very beginning, so it's always been just a matter of writing it down. But the next chapter I imagine is probably going to be a bit difficult to write, narratively speaking...so please be patient! I'm honestly surprised that I got this massive chapter out this soon haha.
> 
> Once again, I'm blown away by the responses I've gotten to this story...over 500 kudos?! You guys are amazing haha...as always, your support means the world. Let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments, and as always, thank you for reading! :)


	10. Everything goes to shit...again

_Dear Diary,_

_Damn, it feels good to write that again._

_It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s actually been…about three months I think. Sorry! I mean, you probably noticed that something was wrong when Papa started ripping you up into little shreds. And life’s been really busy for me since then, so I haven’t been able to get another one of you._

_But yesterday, Yuri gave me a new diary as a present for our two-month anniversary. You’re pink, you have a fuzzy binding, and you have a big fat heart on top of your cover. What else could I ask for? Obviously, she knew exactly what to get me to make me happy. And I’m glad. Because I’ve really, really, really been meaning to start writing more to you. You were the only thing I could trust for a while, after all…but that’s also part of what’s changed. You’re_ not _the only one I can trust to keep my secrets._

_Now, I KNOW you’ve probably been worried about me…but I’m good! Really good. Papa’s in jail, and unless something bad happens, he’s staying there for good. I’m living in a foster home where my foster parents don’t really give a shit about what I do. Mostly. They aren’t around a lot anyway, so they actually don’t really interact with me much. They just make sure I’m staying in school and being fed. Which is better than Papa, by faaaar. At the very least, I don’t have to rely on the vending machine as one of my main sources for meals. But still, would have been kinda lonely if it was just them, right?_

_That’s where everyone else comes in. First, Sayori’s back! And everything is great between us. Sometimes I still feel a little guilty about everything that happened between me and her…but it feels_ so _good to have my best friend back. And then there’s Monika, her girlfriend. She isn’t actually in the foster system…she’s the only actual biological child of our foster parents here. Things were rocky between us at first, but I think she’s warmed up to me. I mean, who can possibly resist my charm, right?_

_And then…there’s Yuri. She’s the reason why you might find me slipping into using bigger words more often. She’s also the reason why I’ve been drinking more tea lately, and why I can at least tolerate SOME horror books or movies (so long as she’s with me), and why I can’t stop smiling the whole damn time. It’s all because of Yuri._

_We’ve been together as a couple for two months now. And she makes me really, REALLY happy. It’s weird…I feel like she understood me, who I was, and what I had been through from the very first moment we met. She makes me feel…safe. Comfortable. Warm. I think I’m drawing to those words because she’s actually sleeping next to me right now. Although I dunno, maybe she’s pretending to sleep. Usually I’m the first one to fall asleep, and so instead she stays up and writes in_ her _diary (or journal, as she calls it…because of course she would). Sometimes I pretend to sleep too, just to watch her as she writes. Although I actually don’t read what she writes…I tend not to like people who read other people’s diaries, for obvious reasons._

_Maybe you’re reading this too, Yuri…and if you are, then STOP AND GO TO SLEEP!_

_…nope, she’s definitely asleep right now._

_Yes, by the way, we have SEX! Hehe. I feel like you’re the only person (excuse me, I mean book) in my life who I’m able to brag about that with and it would be appropriate. Our first time together was…a little awkward, to say the least. I mean, it was both of our first times, period. But it was a good kind of awkward. And it kept on getting better and better._

_Sharing a small bed (either mine or hers) is also sometimes kind of awkward, but still definitely worth it. I didn’t realize just how touch-starved I was until I met Yuri. I think she feels the same way…whenever she’s daydreaming or so tired that she’s barely in control of her own actions, she’s gotten into the habit of absently massaging my shoulders, or combing her hands through my hair, or even presses her lips to my fingers…and then as soon as I catch her eyes and she realizes what she’s doing she immediately gets all flustered and starts apologizing. I’m not one to usually make comments like this, but…come on, it’s freaking adorable!_

_That’s not to say that she doesn’t make me flustered too, though. What’s worse is that she has an ally in all of this: Sayori. Those two dorks seem to get a kick out of embarrassing me at every turn. She’s the one who spills the beans to Yuri on all of my weak points, and just what to do to get me riled up. I mean, she’s known me for give or take my entire life, sixteen years…she has a LOT of shit on me. So when Yuri does something uncharacteristically romantic like give me a stupid amount of flowers or chocolate, I know that Sayori was behind it. Yuri, meanwhile, repays her by either giving her the “juicy deets” of whatever my dumb, embarrassing reaction was to that, or not doing shit when Sayori wants to take a picture of me and her when we’re hugging or even kissing…UGH!_

_When I think about it, the two of them have been in cahoots for a while now…after all, Sayori was the one who told Yuri to pretend to be a manga nerd and give me a bunch of Parfait Girls books just to make me feel more at home my first night here (well, SHE never admitted it, but Yuri admitted it after she knew the gig was up). But before we actually got together, apparently the two of them weren’t actually that close._ _They still aren’t super close, but I sort of act as a bonding agent between them. I guess that’s a good thing, right? After all, I want my best friend and my girlfriend to get along with each other, right? So, I guess the temporary embarrassment from their bonding over me is worth it._

_…Christ, I’m getting soft, aren’t I? You must be really surprised about all of this since the last time I wrote to you…well, blame Yuri._

_So yeah, I like Yuri. Yuri Nakamura is definitely the best thing that has happened to me since Sayori, if I’m honest. With her around, I feel like I don’t need to hide anymore. I used to use you where I would vent about all of my feelings, my confusing as hell sexuality, everything…but no offense, but Yuri listens to me so much better. I feel like I can tell her pretty much everything, and at this point it feels like I already have._

_Sometimes, though, I still feel like she’s keeping some secrets from me. I can tell that she is whenever I catch her giving me a sort of guilty expression, like one that says that maybe she isn’t telling me everything. There’s a lot I’ve told her about my past, but outside of some basic details of her home life before she was kicked out, I don’t know much about her past. But I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like I need answers to all of that right now. She’ll tell me when she feels like she’s ready. And we have all the time in the world._

_That’s a really good thought: we have all of the time in the world. Honestly, it really feels like that. It’s so corny and cliché to say, but…I really feel like I could spend the rest of my life with this girl. I might even…_

_…nope, I can’t say that yet. Not even to you. Like, it’s only been two months, three if you count that first month before we started dating! I’m not that fucking head-over-heels._

_…but…I feel like I might not be able to help myself soon._

_I just want to dig my fingers into her and cling onto her, and never let go. Ever._

_…wooow, that was creepy. Ignore that. Maybe I’ll try to talk about Sayori or even Monika the next time I write to you. You’re probably wondering what’s going on with them too, right?_

_Well, I will. Later. It’s getting pretty late and I’m actually pretty tired, and there’s nothing I’d rather do than lie back down and curl up with my beautiful, amazing, wonderful, indubitably exquisite (heh, told you I got some good words from Yuri) girlfriend._

_Just know that things are good. For the first time ever…I think I’m happy. I feel like I’m living in an actual home: me, Sayori, Monika, and Yuri. Yeah. I feel like I could stay like this for a while. I hope it stays like this, at least. Until next time!_

_Love,_

_Natsuki_ _♥_

 

 

* * *

 

Warm. That’s the first thing I feel when I wake up. Jesus fucking Christ, my entire _everything_ feels warm. I wonder why that is?

…oh. It could have something to do with the fact that I’m sleeping right next to Yuri. We’re both turned on our sides in her bed, covered in her blanket, facing each other…and she has both of her arms wrapped around me. Literally suffocating me with her, erm, let’s call it _posture_. Heh. Although, I realize now that I just fell asleep on one of her arms, which looped around my ribcage. That can’t be comfortable, can it?

As I stir a little, I feel one of her hands move up from around my waist to go through my hair, brushing it out of my eyes. I blink my eyes open to see those radiant, enchanting, purple eyes looking back down at me. Yuri’s awake, that’s for sure.

“Good morning, Natsuki…” she moans lightly as she moves her other arm out from underneath me. I scoot back a little bit to get a better look at her without craning my neck. Of course, it’s a little hard…our beds aren’t exactly the biggest to be sharing, but we’ve managed to find a way to share either my or her bed for…two months now? Yeah…actually, almost exactly two months. Last Friday was our two-month anniversary, and today’s now Sunday. So, two months and two days.

 “Hey…” I say, smiling at her as I stretch a little bit in bed. “Did you just wake up? Or…have you been watching me sleep for a couple hours?” I add with a teasing smirk. Yuri blushed, averting her eyes down.

“…w-well…I suppose the latter is more accurate,” she admits hesitantly, causing me to tiredly laugh. I’m still waking up, so I’m a little groggy. “But in my defense, it is rather late in the morning…a-and I did not spend the entirety of my time just watching you. I was also daydreaming, too,” she says, looking a little distant.

“Daydreaming? What about?” I ask, my head resting on my side of the pillow.

“Ah…n-nothing important…” she mutters quietly. Yuri’s getting shy again…although, when is she ever not shy? That’s part of what makes her so goddamn adorable.

I smirk. “Come ooooooon…” I whine, causing Yuri to move a little closer to me and kiss me on the forehead to quiet me down. Damn, even still, that causes me to blush like crazy. Although probably not as much as what she’s about to say next…

“I was just thinking about you…kitten,” she says, smiling knowingly at me. Yuri’s been trying to use pet names for me the past week or two (because I guess we’re in _that_ part of our relationship now…great) and she’s trying to make ‘kitten’ one of them. Out of all of the ones she’s tried, that’s the one that tends to make me blush the most. And unfortunately, I think she’s noticed.

“I-I told you to stop calling me that!” I groan, squinting my eyes at her. Yuri giggled.

“Oh? Then why are you smiling?” she asks, and if she was capable of being smug, then she would probably have said it in that sort of tone. It comes across as more of a knowing curiosity, though. And sure enough, she’s right – the corners of my lips are hurting like hell as I feel myself involuntarily break out into a grin. Dammit.

“Noooo, shut uuuup…” I burrow my face into her shoulder, trying to hide the unfair smile she got out of me. “Uggh, why’d you have to choose such a stupid name…” I mumble into her.

“I like it. And that name has gotten the most, erm, enjoyable reaction from you,” Yuri says, putting her hand through my hair again to massage my scalp. Ugh, she likes to do this whenever I’m fake-angry at her…it helps fake-calm me down. And even though I don’t say it out loud, it feels _really_ good. But I think she knows that as she hums. “You don’t seem to like the more common ones, like ‘honey’…”

I scoff, scrunching up my nose. “Those are names you only use when you’re an old, wrinkly, married couple. No thanks.”

“…and, you definitely were not particularly a fan of ‘cupcake’ either…”

“Because you sound like a grumpy baseball coach whenever you say it!” I retort. She pushes me back a little bit and tilts my chin up, just so I’m once again making eye contact with her and…dammit. She’s giving me those goddamn puppy-dog eyes again.

“So, what is wrong with ‘kitten’, exactly?” she asks, a touch of fabricated innocence to her voice. Oh, she _knows_ what’s wrong with it: it gets me flustered way too easily. Although, as pet names go, it isn’t _that_ bad I guess…I can’t help but kind of like it. I blush.

“…f-fine. But _only_ use it when it’s just you and me, okay?!” I say, pouting. “I don’t want to give Sayori any more ideas to embarrass me with…” Yuri grins excitedly.

“Of course…just between you and me, kitten,” Yuri reassures me teasingly. I groan, trying to get rid of the blush as I push at her.

“O-okay, that’s it, I’m out,” I snap at her, trying to sit up in the bed. Before I’m able to fully get out of bed, though, Yuri beats me to it, before she leans over to kiss me on the lips. This leaves me frozen once again. As she pulls away, I can’t help but stare at her – she’s in that same light purple nightgown that she wore the first night I moved in (although at this point I’ve seen more of her, _if you know what I mean_ ), her long, silky hair is completely in her eyes, and she’s looking at me with _that_ expression again…I don’t know if it’s adoration, or happiness, or whatever, but whatever it is it makes me feel _wanted_.

“I, erm, need to use the bathroom. I hope you don’t mind if I go first?” she asks, a small, calming smile on her face. I sigh. I really can’t stay mad at her, can I? I nod, allowing her to go. Yuri smiles, walking away to close the door to the bathroom. Slowly, I get up myself, taking off my pajama shirt and changing into some actual clothes. Although I can’t help but daydream, too…now that she’s used one on me, what pet name should I call her? If I’m not calling her by her name, then I’ll sometimes call her “babe”…she seems to like that. But I feel like I need something more original than that.

I can’t help but giggle to myself. I seriously can’t believe that I’m considering thinking of a pet name. For my girlfriend, who I share a room with. I have a girlfriend. That’s fucking insane, isn’t it? Three and a half months ago, I figured that I would be dead before my seventeenth birthday from unintentionally starving myself. Now I’m thinking about whether ‘teacup’ is a good enough pet name for my fricking girlfriend. Man, my life really did a 180.

As I’m putting on my shirt, I hear the bathroom door open again to see Yuri walk out. Something about her looks different from even just a few minutes ago…still happy, but there’s something shy about the way she approaches me now. I wonder what’s up. “Yes?” I prompt her, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. Yuri startles a little bit, maybe only now just realizing how easily I see through her. She wants to talk about something.

“I-I, erm…Natsuki, do you mind if I show you something?” she asks. I nod…and she takes off her nightgown completely. I blush immediately, trying (and failing) not to stare at her body. I mean, I’ve seen it all before, but…I can’t help but just feel at a loss for words each time I see her naked. She’s so adorable…

“J-jesus, Y-yuri, I’ve, uh, I’ve seen your boobs before, if that’s what you wanted to show me,” I stutter out awkwardly. Yuri lets out a giggle, shaking her head.

“Ah, no, that wasn’t…look,” she says, drawing my attention to her arm. I freeze, the feeling of panic and worry slowly building up inside me. Oh, shit. Did she cut again? I know it had been a while since she had done that last, but I always needed to know. I quickly take her arm and scan it to see if there are any new scars. All of the lines I see on her are old, though. She wasn’t in there for too long…in fact, she was really only in there for a few minutes. How the fuck am I not finding anything?! Ugh, I’m such a bad girlfriend…

“N-natsuki, be calm,” Yuri said quietly, catching my attention again. I look up at her, and she’s smiling at me. I look at her confused. “I…I did not harm myself. In fact…that is what I wanted to tell you. Do you see how old these scars are?” I look back at her arm. Yeah, they’re definitely pretty old. Weeks, at least. If I’m honest, I kinda forget the last time I had to comfort her and help clean her up after a self-harming incident. She was very good about sharing it with me even before we were together, and it’s not like she could really hide it from me seeing as how we sleep together. “I…I have been keeping track of the days since my last episode. And today marks one month without any incident.”

I gasp. I didn’t realize it had been _that_ long. Has it really been that long? Looking at her arm again, it sure seems like that. I break into a grin. “Yuri…that’s amazing!” I say enthusiastically. I hold onto her arm. “You’re amazing.”

She blushes, using her other hand to twirl her hair nervously. “C-come now, Natsuki…I really have you to thank for this,” Yuri says shyly. “You have been so helpful and patient with me…I would not have been able to accomplish this without your aid.”

“H-huh? Come on…take credit for your own accomplishments, dammit,” I pout, feeling my own face flushing. “ _You’re_ the one who stopped. Be a little proud of yourself!”

“W-w-well, that is all to assume that I will stop, for good…but…the urge to relieve myself this way has significantly decreased, to the point where I rarely feel it now…i-if ever,” she adds quietly. I’m honestly surprised by that admission. Even though it feels like it was forever ago, it still hasn’t been _that_ long since the night I first found out, when she told me that someone like her would never get better. That makes me smile. “I-I suppose…perhaps I should take a small amount of pride in this feat.”

I grin. “That’s my girl,” I say, looking down at her arm again…unable to help myself, I move my head down and kiss it. I have to admit, there’s some weird sort of beauty to her scars…I mean, the reason they’re there in the first place is really sad. But seeing them after they start to fade away now, it’s really amazing how much progress she’s made with this. The first couple weeks after I moved in, she was basically cutting every other night…her scars are sad, for sure, and when they’re fresh they are a little scary, but they’re beautiful.

I look back at Yuri and see her flustered, red face. She’s always like this whenever I go to kiss her arm. I smirk. “Looks like I was able to kiss it all better after all, huh?” I tease, causing Yuri to purse her lips.

“W-wait, were we not just talking about how this was _my_ accomplishment…?” she asks in an equally-teasing tone, an amused smile on her lips. I scoff, rolling my eyes.

“Shut up and kiss me, dummy,” I say, moving up to press my lips to hers to shut her the hell up. It seems to work. I giggle a little bit as I realize that maybe ‘dummy’ is my pet name for her. Maybe not as endearing as ‘kitten’, though…regardless, I’m not able to think about many other possibilities as I’m busy making out with her. And, well, one thing leads to another, and…

…let’s just say that I don’t stay in my clothes for too long. B-but _only_ because Yuri asked nicely!

…also, l-let’s just skip the lewd part…

It’s a couple hours later, in the early afternoon of this lazy Sunday. Both Yuri and I are fully dressed again. After we, uhh, _took care of a few thing_ , we went downstairs to get breakfast. Sayori and Monika were already down there, and they were acting…suspicious. Sayori kept on asking us what our plans were for today, if we were planning on going out and doing something, or just staying in our room…whatever it was, she seemed to be really, _really_ encouraging me and Yuri to spend some alone time together. As if we hadn’t spent the entire morning having ‘alone time!’ Although it’s not like I said that…

Monika seemed to be much quieter, although I could hear her giggling to herself quite a lot and exchanging glances with Sayori after every weird thing she said. The two of them were acting very…playful together. More so than usual, which is an accomplishment because they’re pretty fucking playful with each other every time they meet. At least, Sayori is.

“Was it not obvious?” Yuri asks me after I question it. We’re back upstairs and bored after reading one of my manga books. I shake my head. “Well…I, at least, was under the impression that the two of them were trying to shoo us away because they were going to, erm…engage in private acts downstairs.”

My eyes widen. “Seriously? Can’t they have sex in, like, their own room?”

“Erm, I-I suppose…but you know Sayori. She tends to have a bit of an, ah, _risqué_ taste…” Yuri mumbles. I can’t help but gasp out of just how undeniably weird that sounds. I’m still not used to thinking of Sayori as a ( _cough cough_ ) sexually active young woman…in fact, I would prefer _not_ to think of it. I’ve known her since we were in diapers. Even as I became more mature, I kind of had always seen her as this innocent, childish girl who was mostly ignorant to these sorts of things. That’s part of why I liked hanging out with her while growing up: because she never really talked about boys.

It’s not like I _don’t_ know that she and Monika have sex…but still. To know that she has a RISQUE taste, as Yuri put it, is still suuuper weird for me. But I guess she’s right. After all, the number of times I’ve walked in on the two of them about to do it in the clubroom has been…too many to count. Sayori seems to get off on doing it in semi-risky places, and from what I can tell _she’s_ the one who seems to instigate all of this. Monika just goes along with it.

…ugh, why am I spending time analyzing their sex life? That sounds like something Sayori would do to us…

I scoff, leaning back against the pillow. “Well, so long as they’re quiet down there, then whatever they do is their business,” I say, sighing as Yuri puts her arm around my shoulder.

Since neither of us hear Sayori or Monika go upstairs again, we decide that it’s probably best to stay upstairs and give the two of them some space downstairs. So long as they aren’t being obnoxiously loud, and Monika is usually good at making sure we don’t hear anything, then I guess it’s probably best to just not ruin their fun. No matter how freaking weird it might be.

…that is, until we actually hear something from downstairs. And it doesn’t sound like Sayori or Monika – it sounds like someone else, and they’re shouting.

Immediately, Yuri and I bolt upright from our mostly comfortable position on her bed. I hear the front door slam shut. At first I panic, not knowing who’s doing the yelling…at this point, it’s definitely not Sayori or Monika. I run over to the door, but Yuri rushes over to stop me.

“Natsuki!” she whispers, grabbing my hand before it can reach the doorknob so I can go downstairs. “I-it would be more prudent to listen, wouldn’t it?” I pause, nodding as Yuri puts her ear to the door. After all, who knows if there’s an intruder down there or not? Only after a few moments, though, her face pales.

“What is it?” I ask, fear creeping up my spine. She doesn’t get a chance to respond, though, because seconds after my question we both hear someone running up the steps and a muffled crying. I recognize who it is immediately: _Sayori_. As soon as I open the door, I hear the door to her room slam shut. I’m about to run in there to try to find out what the hell is going on, but then I get a closer listen to what the hell is going on downstairs.

The people yelling seem to be Monika’s parents. My heart sinks. If Monika and Sayori were doing what I think they were doing down there, then…

I quickly run downstairs, catching Yuri off guard as she hurries to follow me. More of what is being said downstairs is quickly becoming more intelligible to me…

“Under our roof?? In our living room?? How dare you?!” That sounded like Mrs. Amano. I’ve never heard her even raise her voice before, let alone yell.

“This is unacceptable, Monika. We expect far better of you.” That’s Mr. Amano. He doesn’t seem to be shouting as loudly, but his voice sounds incredibly scary. The one person I still haven’t heard anything from is the lady herself: Monika.

I finally reach the end of the stairs and run into the living room. There the Amanos are: Mr. and Mrs. Amano are standing on one side of the room, both of whom seem to be very red in the face, while Monika…is covering herself in a blanket, looking absolutely petrified. Her parents seem to be really embarrassed, and surprised, and really, _really_ angry.

I gulp, hoping that my worst fears weren’t confirmed as Yuri rushes down after me. “W-what’s going on here?” I ask as all eyes are suddenly on me. It’s a stupid question, I know, I know. I’m pretty sure that I already know what’s going on. Mrs. Amano turns to me and looks at me maybe a fraction-bit calmer than the furious look she’s giving Monika. She addresses me in this snippy tone that makes me feel like a child.

“My husband and I were just returning home from a long business trip, and our plane ended up landing much earlier than we had anticipated,” Mrs. Amano says to me. This is probably, like, the seventh time she has actually addressed me, and this time she’s acting like a total bitch. “And what do we find as we walk through our front door but our daughter, _and_ our foster daughter…performing uncouth actions in our very living room!”

If the blanket Monika’s trying to hold around her to cover up her body wasn’t obvious enough…that confirms it. Her parents walked in on them having sex. The worst-case scenario that I can think of that could break up the comfortable living dynamic we’ve all established over the past few months. Dammit, dammit, _dammit_.

Mr. Amano is quick to glare at us after we’re suspiciously silent. “Did you two know anything about this?” he asks, his voice dangerously cold. He’s acting like a total bitch, too. Although given my upbringing, I’m used to parents and adults who act like bitches to me, so I’m mostly unphased. I notice Yuri, though, standing next to me quiver. I really wish I could hold her hand right now just to comfort her…

“They didn’t know anything,” Monika says, diverting her parents’ attention away from us and back towards us. Her voice is rather weak right now. I can tell that despite her especially-composed demeanor around her parents, she’s freaking the fuck out right now. “Please, don’t get mad at them. And don’t get mad at Sayori. This is all my fault.”

“You are right. This _is_ your fault. And we are _very_ disappointed in you,” Mr. Amano says to Monika, who seems to shrink at his voice. “With our busy schedules, we expected you to make sure these girls were taken care of… _not_ to use them for your own means for experimentation!”

“N-n-no!” Monika says forcefully. That’s the first time I think I’ve ever heard _her_ raise her voice with her parents around. She audibly gulps. “I’m…I’m not experimenting, Father. Sayori is my girlfriend. I love her!”

“You cannot be serious!” her mother scoffs at her. I feel like I’m in the middle of something that I _really_ shouldn’t be in the middle of. But then she says something that makes me really fucking angry. “Let us ignore the fact that she is a girl, which should already be a disqualifier for you…not to mention that she is mentally unstable!”

“Hey! That’s my friend you’re talking about!” I bark at Mrs. Amano, my fists clenched to my side. Yuri seems to startle a little bit at my outburst, but I remain firm as I see everyone’s eyes back on me again. “And who gives a shit if they’re dating anyway?!”

Both of Monika’s parents look pretty offended (what, was the word ‘shit’ too much for them?), but Mr. Amano fixes me with that steely look again. “Do you not understand how inappropriate it is for our daughter to be in a ‘relationship’ with someone who lives in the same room with her, at this age? And disregarding that fact entirely, our family name depends quite a large amount on the success of our daughter. Dating will only get in the way of her goals and her academic career, particularly if she wishes to go to college next year. She has more important things to do than chase a _phase_. Which is why, Monika, you will break this fantasy off immediately.”

If I was strong and tall enough, I probably would punch this motherfucker in the nose right now. I really freaking want to, at least.

“P-please, Mother, Father, let’s just talk this out,” Monika says, her voice wavering. Both of her parents turn back to her. Jesus Christ, they are really fucking coordinated. Do they share the same wavelength or something? Freaks! At least, that’s what I want to say to them, but they have something else in mind as they address Monika.

“Oh, we will talk it out, alright. But seeing as your judgement is impaired, it will not be with you,” her mother tells her. “We will be speaking to another one of the foster homes in the area immediately to take her in. Ms. Ozaki will no longer be under our care.”

The color from Monika’s face drains. I feel like the same thing might be happening to me, because I’m unable to form any sort of response. Reality seems to freeze for an excruciating moment. This can’t be happening…

And then, we unfreeze. Monika chokes on a sob and runs upstairs. The door to her and Sayori’s room slams shut. I try my best to shoot both of her parents a dirty look before I follow them. There are more important things to worry about right now. Yuri follows quickly behind me. I’m about to barge into their room, but then I realize that they both might be getting dressed. Impatiently waiting for a couple of moments, I knock on the door rapidly.

Ugh, screw it. I open the door. Thankfully, they’re both dressed now. Unthankfully, Sayori’s crying her eyes out now. Monika’s sitting down at the foot of her bed next to her, her eyes brimming with tears, too. They both look up as I open the door. I rush over to Sayori and give her a hug. Jesus, she’s shaking like crazy. Sayori hides her face in her hands as Yuri sits down cautiously next to me.

“H-hey, it’ll be okay…” I try to say. Maybe if I say it enough times…I’ll make the both of us believe it? The way Monika turns her head to look at me, though, makes it feel like she certainly doesn’t believe me. But that doesn’t stop her from saying something similar, too.

“I’ll…I’ll find a way to change their minds, okay?” Monika says, holding her from the other side. “I…I can talk to them once they’ve calmed down, you’ll see…”

Sayori hiccups, sniffling. “I-i-it’s hopeless…” she says in a shaky voice, effectively shooting down both of our hopes. “We knew…we know what would happen if we were caught like this. A-and, it’s happened…they’ll kick me out…and i-it’s a-all my fault.” I’m able to get a good look at her face as she sits up: her eyes are full of sadness. Any sort of joy which I’m used to seeing is gone – they lack all hope whatsoever. I slump over a little bit.

“N-no…no…” Monika holds onto Sayori tighter as the latter girl breaks out into another painful, long sob. It looks like she wants to say something to rebut Sayori, but…no counterargument comes. “I-I love you…I love you…” she buries her face into Sayori’s neck, crying with her.

Yuri puts a hand on my shoulder, probably to make sure I’m okay. Well, I’m not okay. If I’m totally honest, I feel like the most useless fucking person on the planet. A while ago, Sayori and I promised to have each other’s backs. And she’s for sure had my back far too many times to count.

And this time, there’s nothing I can do to help her.

 

* * *

 

To say that it’s been a rough few days would be a massive fucking understatement. It’s probably been the shittiest consecutive few days since I moved here. Monika’s parents apparently are _very_ well connected within the foster home community, because they were somehow immediately to find another home that would take Sayori in. Her bags were packed and she was out of the house within twenty-four hours. I barely was even able to give her a proper goodbye – none of us were. Her new guardians were on the curb very early the next morning to come pick her up.

Oh, and the worst thing is? Monika’s parents took away Sayori’s phone right as she was leaving. We at least were thinking that maybe we’d still be able to contact her, but nope. And Sayori doesn’t really have any sort of social media, so we don’t have any way to contact her. I sincerely doubt that she’s memorized any of our numbers…she tends to be pretty forgetful like that. Fuck this fucking stupid-ass fucking bullshit. Mr. and Mrs. Amano seem to exceed at being as much of a pair of assholes as humanly possible.

Sayori was kicked out on Monday…and it’s Wednesday morning now. Two days. Two fucking days without hearing _anything_ from her. I want to strangle somebody. I had _finally_ been able to get my best friend back, and now she’s gone. My best friend, who has a history with depression and fucking _suicide_ _attempts_. And I now have no idea where she is or how she’s doing. Did I already say to fuck this fucking bullshit? Well, it deserves repeating.

Do I seem a little angrier than usual? Well, that might be because I’m really fucking angry. Although I don’t like that I’m angry. It reminds me too much of the old me, and…him. The two things that I left behind when I moved in here. And now I find myself being snippy with Yuri, the person that I lo…like a lot. Why the hell am I getting mad at her?? She’s done nothing wrong. Yuri doesn’t seem to be taking this whole thing that well, either. She was never really _that_ close to Sayori unless their topic of interest didn’t involve me, but they were still friends. But more importantly, she can see past the angry façade that I put up and sees that I’m hurting…so she’s been especially kind and understanding these past couple days. I’m really thankful that I still have her, at least.

Monika isn’t doing any better than me, for the record…in fact, I feel like she’s doing worse. I noticed it yesterday, but I’m _really_ noticing it today that she is barely sleeping…if she’s sleeping at all. She looked so bad earlier that Yuri was able to convince Monika to let her drive us to school. I feel like she’s aged ten years in just a couple of days. Around Sayori, she was calm, composed, and fairly chipper (nowhere near as chipper as Sayori could be, though) …now, she’s anxious and worried and her lack of sleep is probably driving her insane.

Her parents, who for some bullshit reason have decided to become “more present” around the house, are NOT helping. If anything, they seem to make us all that much more on edge. It certainly makes me and Yuri more than a bit more careful. Sure, they definitely seem to care much more when their own daughter is involved, but I don’t want to risk us getting forcefully separated if the Amanos found out about _our_ relationship. And Monika doesn’t even seem to be fighting back anymore. She just acts like a robot around her parents, saying the things that she knows she wants them to hear. After Sayori left, they haven’t even brought her up at all.

So, it’s been two days. Two really, unbelievably shitty days.

Yuri pulls the car into Monika’s usual parking spot. Monika’s in the backseat, fidgeting. She drank a lot of coffee this morning, more than she usually does…that’s probably because she only got, like, three hours of sleep.

“Monika…” Yuri says to catch her attention, looking into the backseat. I can’t help but look back at Monika, too. “You know that it would not at all be an inconvenience for me to drive you back home. I would not be inexcusably late to any of my classes if I did so. I cannot help but get the impression that you could sincerely make use of a long sleep.”

Monika, not looking at either of us, sighs. “It’s, ah, it’s alright, Yuri…” she mutters, shaking her head quickly as she looks out the window. “I-it…wouldn’t make a difference anyway. I’m not able to sleep for very long without at least knowing that she was okay…and my best nights were with her sleeping beside me. There’s no use…not to mention that missing classes would only make my parents angrier at me than they already are.”

I look away from her, staring out the window of the car. I don’t think any of us are in the mood to get out right now. “This is all bullshit. You know that, right?” I say, leaning forcefully against the passenger’s seat. “We can’t just keep on doing nothing. We _need_ to find out what happened to her.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried??” Monika snaps at me. Can’t say I can hold that against her. “I’ve tried. And I’ve found nothing. I’ve even tried asking my parents which home she was sent to, and they won’t budge.”

“Well, then we obviously have to try something else!” I insist, looking back at her. She glares at me, tired and annoyed.

“Do you think I’m giving up on her?! I’m not! I want to find her just as much, if not more than you!”

“P-please, girls, let’s not fight…it won’t solve anything,” Yuri butts in. We both glance at her, sighing as we mutter apologies to one another. After all, I can’t say I’m really mad at Monika. Yuri continues. “After all…I believe I may have found a solution, albeit it might be a little…erm, time-consuming.”

Both Monika and I immediately perk up. “Really? What is it???” Monika asks, leaning forward in between our seats.

“W-well…judging from the fact that your parents were able to, ah, relocate Sayori after less than twenty-four hours, it makes me believe that whoever their connection within the foster-parent-community may be, it is someone who lives, relatively speaking, close by,” Yuri explains, looking at the both of us a little nervously as she twirls her hair with her fingers. “P-please, uhh, do keep in mind that this _is_ a guess, but after running through some possible scenarios I do believe that it is an educated guess. So, Sayori is, more likely than not, located in a foster home within the vicinity of our prefecture at most, and perhaps even in the same city. S-so, I, erm, compiled a list of registered foster homes from a recent database for the entire prefecture just to be safe.”

Finally, some good news. I give her a sly smile. “Look at you, little miss detective!” I tease her. She blushes, causing me to snicker. “That’s awesome! So, how many homes did you narrow it down to?”

Yuri sighs. “Erm…these homes do not have records of who stays where. So I couldn’t narrow it down. Within our prefecture in total, there are…56 potential candidate foster homes that she could be at. A-and…21 of those are within our city. Not including the Amano residence.”

My smile falls again. Fifty-six was a lot. Monika’s expression seems to capture a similar disappointment. “That’s a lot of houses we’d have to check, Yuri. That could take weeks, and that’s assuming that she’s even _in_ the prefecture,” she says. Sighing again, she opens the door, getting out of her car. Yuri and I follow suit.

“I-I understand that it is not exactly the most optimal list, but…it is better than nothing, correct?” Yuri questions, following Monika as we head towards the school. “From this information, we can try to narrow it down further. I am certain that some of these parents will have active social media pages, ones that would most definitely create an update if someone were to arrive or not. Once our list is down to a manageable number, then we can check the premises, and, uhh…” she trails off. “…I’m afraid I have not gotten that far into the plan.”

Monika seems to be fairly discouraged as she trudges along next to us, her eyes on the sidewalk. “It’s a really good start, Yuri, seriously,” I insist, grabbing onto her arm to try to encourage her. “I think that’s a really good idea.”

Yuri smiles nervously at me. “Th-thank you. Yes, this is most definitely a start…but rest assured, I know that we will end up finding…S-sayori?!” Yuri freezes, causing us to pause in our tracks. Monika’s head immediately lifts up, and I look around wildly. Across the courtyard of a school, I see an average-heighted, distant-looking schoolgirl with light-brown-pink-ish-colored hair, an unbuttoned blazer, and a red bow looking around nervously.

Holy shit.

“SAYORI!” Monika yells with a cracked voice, causing the girl to look over at us frantically. Monika’s already running towards her at a breakneck speed. And, well, I can’t help but run, too. But I’ll let them have their moment, so I’m not going as fast. As soon as Sayori realizes that it’s us, she gasps, but can’t respond for much longer as Monika brings her into what looks like a suffocating hug. Although Sayori lives and breathes off of those, so she’s quick to return it. It’s a sweet moment.

“Monika…” Sayori says, smiling slightly as she sees me and Yuri. “Natsuki…Yuri…” she pulls away from her girlfriend, looking at all of us. “I…I missed you guys…” she says. Something about her smile seems a lot…sadder than it usually is. Usually it’s a hell of a lot more energetic.

“We missed you too, dammit!” I say, pushing my way forwards to her. “Hug. Now!” I growl, forcefully latching myself onto her. Usually _she’s_ the one who’s asking for these…but right now she’s only really returning it halfheartedly, letting out a forced giggle. Yuri, mumbling sheepishly that she was very glad to see her again too, gave her a side-hug.

“Ehehe, gosh, thanks guys, I…” Sayori starts to say, before we all turn around to see Monika crying. “Aww, Moni…don’t cry…” She quickly embraces her again. A lot of kids are passing by now, and they’re all are probably wondering what one of the most popular girls in school is crying so much about. I make sure to give them all the dirty eye to make sure they keep fucking walking.

“I-I missed you…I was so, so worried…” Monika whimpers, practically falling into Sayori.

“Worried? About me…?” Sayori asks, holding her. Monika nods vigorously.

“We, erm, we were all worried about you,” Yuri tells her, causing Sayori to look at her. “We have not heard from you for forty-eight hours…”

Sayori sighs, brushing a hand through Monika’s hair. “Guys, you don’t need to worry about me…I’m fine,” she says. Unconvincingly, I might add. Much like Monika, she looks anything but fine. Her usual happy, bouncy demeanor has been replaced by a sad melancholy. It’s almost as if she’s in mourning but wants to try to put on a brave face. I knew she had depression that she tried to hide before…but I had never been able to see that. And now it looks like I’m seeing it for the first time, and this time she’s not even bothering to hide it. She brings Monika’s face up to get a good look at her. She frowns, worried as she notices the abnormal bags under her eyes. “Monika…you’ve barely slept…” Sayori notices as she tries to wipe the tears that are trickling down her face.

Monika seems to ignore this question as she sniffles. “Sayori…where have you been?” Sayori’s face falls a little bit as she looks a little distant, pulling away from Monika.

“I’ve been at my new foster home,” Sayori says. “It isn’t too far from here, or where you all are living. It’s…okay.”

“Okay?? What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, furrowing my brow. I’d pry these answers out of her if it was the last damn thing I ever did. Sayori sighs.

“It means…that it’s okay. The parents aren’t too bad. It’s just a little cramped…there are a lot more kids there, and it feels like they all know each other and aren’t that interested in getting to know me. I’m kinda old in comparison to the rest of them anyway…” she says, forcing a smile. “But…the good news is that they don’t have the money to keep a private tutor for me. So, I’m, um, kinda forced to go to school here now. So we’ll still get to see each other…” She clears her throat. “My first official day is tomorrow. I’m just coming in today to do some placement tests.”

“Sayori…” Monika says, wiping away the last of her tears. She still has that deeply worried look on her face. “You know you can tell me anything, right? Or Natsuki, or Yuri?”

Sayori nods, a sad smile on her face again. “I know. But…you shouldn’t worry about me. Things are hard for me too right now, but…I deserve this for taking too many risks. It’s my fault, so it makes sense that I’m the one to face the consequences.”

“Don’t say that!” Monika starts to say, but Sayori shushes her.

“Moni, it’s okay. Really. I can adjust to this. The rainclouds might be passing by right now, but…if I put on some rainboots and get an umbrella, then it won’t be so bad, right?” she asks. Something about the way Sayori said that was a little…off. She was a big fan of fun, silly metaphors, but there was nothing really fun or silly about that one. Regardless of her intent, Monika doesn’t seem convinced, at all.

“Sayori…”

“I’ll be okay, guys, I promise,” Sayori says, looking at all of us now. “The time I spent living with all of you was really, really good. And I’m glad I was able to keep doing it for so long. But…all good things must come to an end. At least for me, I guess.” We hear the school bell ring, causing Sayori to grimace. “Oh, shoot…I need to get to the testing. But I’ll see you guys later? Maybe at lunch?”

“Definitely…but Sayori? You don’t deserve this bullshit at all,” I say firmly, giving her one last, tight hug. Hopefully that will be enough to convince her, at least for a little bit.

“I-I concur,” Yuri says, giving her a light pat on the back. “Our home is still yours, as far as I am concerned…it is not the same without you around.”

Sayori smiles, perhaps a fraction wider than what she had been doing. “Thanks guys. Really,” she says, before looking over at Monika. Monika’s…hard to read right now. She’s definitely upset, though. And it’s almost like her mind’s in another world entirely right now. Sayori gets away from us and pecks Monika on the cheek. “It’ll be okay, alright?” she repeats, getting Monika’s attention. Monika, startled for a moment, tries to smile back, nodding quietly.

With that, Sayori slowly walks away into the school. Monika looks like she’s frozen on the spot. Yuri and I look at her nervously. Needless to say, we’re all a little…unnerved about how Sayori was just acting right now. Her telling us not to worry about her obviously made us worry even more about her.

“Umm, are we gonna go in, or what…?” I ask, unsure of what to do right now. Something about Monika’s expression is changing. She suddenly seems a lot less tired and hopeless like she was before. She seems more…focused. I notice her fists clenched at her sides.

“Yuri, I change my mind,” she says, her teeth gritted as she catches Yuri’s attention. “I’m going to need you to drive me home. I won’t be going to school today.”

Yuri looks surprised. “Oh? I-I thought you said you wouldn’t be sleeping, a-and your parents—”

“Screw my parents!” Monika interrupts her sharply, her face filled with resolve. I can’t help but jump back. “And I’m not going to be sleeping. I’m going to be planning. We’re going to get Sayori back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I got this out much earlier than I expected! I guess I just felt a big burst to write this. Unfortunately, I wouldn't see this as a trend - the next month is going to be hell for me, and I doubt that I'm going to be able to finish the next chapter until late May-early June. So yeah, really sorry about that. I just hope you like this chapter in the meantime!
> 
> First note I have: if you have a problem with lewd stuff/nudity and this chapter isn't for you, then rest easy, because this is about as explicit as it's going to get. A couple people have asked me if there is going to be smut in this fic, and to be honest, I really don't think so. In order for this story to work (as in, in order for the girls to live in foster homes), then they need to be under 18 (I know, I know, in the canon they are 18, but in case you haven't noticed this story doesn't really follow the DDLC story haha)...and I guess I just don't really feel comfortable writing sex scenes that way? At the same time, it would be unrealistic of me to say that they DON'T have sex. They're teenage girls who sleep in the same room as each other, not to mention that Natsuki's *ahem* comments in pretty much every chapter about Yuri. So, I might reference sex a little bit, and certain characters might be seen naked...but I'm doubtful that it will go any further than that. It's unimportant to the story anyway. And like I said, this is probably as explicit as it's going to get moving forward. Hope you all understand my thought process behind that!
> 
> Also something that's worth noting is that Part 2 is going to be a lot different than Part 1. Part 1 was really about Natsuki's recovery, and so it started off angsty and slowly got more and more fluffy as time went on. Part 2 is going to be...markedly different. In fact, I'm almost tempted to say that it's going to be the opposite. Let's just say that if you're a fan of angst, then you're going to be a fan of the upcoming chapters. I don't want to spoil anything though, so that's all you're getting from me!
> 
> The response to the last chapter was so overwhelming for me that I was barely able to comprehend it all. Thank you all so much for the nice comments, I really appreciate it! They keep me so motivated to keep on going with this fic. Your support means so, so much to me. Like I said, don't expect an update to this story for another month (or maybe even a little longer). That being said, I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you thought of it. And if you're really only here for Natsuki x Yuri not that much of a fan of Sayori x Monika, then don't worry too much...they're going to be the main focus of the next chapter, but after that, the focus is going to shift back to the main relationship in a rather dramatic way.
> 
> Until next time!


	11. I am unable to do anything but watch as Monika snaps

“So, this plan of yours…” I start to say. It’s already the next day, and Yuri and I are busy following Monika through the hallways. Monika turns back to us.

“Yes? What about it?” she asks, looking at both of us casually. I grit my teeth.

“You actually planning on sharing it with us at any point, or are you just going to continue to be vague about it?” I ask in a slightly annoyed tone. I can’t help it. Monika’s been acting coy about it since yesterday, when she abruptly had Yuri drive her home. I’ll admit, compared to yesterday she does seem a lot more…energized. But seriously, I want to know what the fuck she’s thinking of doing to convince her parents to get Sayori back home.

Monika, though, shakes her head. “No…I don’t think so,” she says, a little bluntly. She probably realizes that it’s a little too blunt because she decides to give me a little bit more of an explanation. “Listen…I just want you to trust me that I do have a plan. If either of you try to help with my plan, then it might undermine the entire thing. I appreciate that you guys want to help, but it will work best if it’s just me doing it.”

“So, what? Are we just deadweight then?” I ask, scoffing. Monika clasps her hands in a pleading expression.

“No, not at all! Right now, your number one goal should be supporting Sayori,” Monika says, sighing. “Just… _please_ trust me, Natsuki. If this plan works, then Sayori will be back with us by the end of the week! I promise.”

Crossing my arms, I reluctantly sigh. “Ugh, fine,” I mutter, and it’s probably pretty obvious that I’m upset because Yuri wraps a sympathetic arm around me. She isn’t usually so touchy in public, but I know I kind of need that right now so I lean into her half-embrace.

“Well, so long as Natsuki is okay with it, then I will put my faith in you as well…” Yuri tells Monika, looking at her with a slightly worried expression. “I merely request that you do not do anything _too_ drastic…”

Monika nods, turning around to walk further down the hall with us. “Don’t worry! I have everything under control…and look, there she is now!” Monika’s immediately widens by a meter on each side of her face as soon as we notice the girl across the hall putting books into her locker. I’ve gotta say, it’s still pretty weird to see Sayori during the school day – sure, she came in for the club I guess but to see her here like this with the rest of us is really bizarre. Especially when she isn’t living with the rest of us anymore, which also just feels wrong. Regardless, when I see Sayori, I can’t help but notice that she has a pretty glum expression on her face. At least she isn’t hiding from the rest of the world like she used to…or I used to, for that matter.

Monika makes an immediate beeline for Sayori, who quickly notices us coming over. She perks up considerably, smiling slightly at us. “Oh, hey guys!” she says. I’m about to say hi back, but her somewhat-happy expression changes somewhat as Monika keeps walking towards her. “Uhh, what’s—” Before she could ask her question, Monika pushed her against the lockers, causing Sayori to let out a little squeak. That got not only our attention, but everyone else walking in the hall’s attention, too.

And then, Monika leans in to kiss her. In front of _literally everyone at the school_ (well, fine, not LITERALLY everyone, but A LOT of people). And it’s not just a quick peck on the lips either. This is a long, drawn-out, passionate kiss and I feel like Monika’s going to pull back any second now, but she doesn’t. Jesus…like, I get that she misses her, but making out with Sayori in front of everyone at school seems a little bit overkill. Sayori seems more than a little surprised at first, but can’t seem to pull away…

…why am I staring at them and analyzing what they’re doing again? I guess it’s just the shock. I cover my eyes as I let out a groan. “Ugh, seriously guys??” I ask, annoyed. “You two can’t at least, like, sneak off to the back of the school to do that?”

Monika pulls back slightly, although she’s still practically pinned Sayori against the lockers. Sayori herself is blushing a deep scarlet, obviously flustered by what’s just happened, but Monika seems completely unphased. “Ehehe…y-yeah, Moni, I-I, uhhh…” It doesn’t look like Sayori is able to form many coherent thoughts at the moment. Monika laughs, stroking her girlfriend’s chin.

“Sorry, love…I just missed you so much, I couldn’t contain myself…” Monika says, and I think I notice Sayori blush a little more…and I have to remind myself yet again why the hell I’m friends with this sickeningly sweet couple. But that’s when Monika goes ahead and kisses her again. Oh, great. Because the first time _totally_ wasn’t overkill or anything.

“Erm…Natsuki?” Yuri grabs my shoulder, catching my attention. She gestures her head nervously at all of the other students standing around us, whispering and muttering underneath their breaths. Shit. I know that Yuri doesn’t like that sort of attention. Immediately understanding, I nod, trying to step back away from Monika and Sayori, who are now even more passionately making out. Maybe I should try to get their attention…

But just then, a wild hall monitor appears, bursting through the gaggle of gawking students in order to make his way towards us. Shit. I know this guy. His name is…fuck. What’s his name?! I should know this. M…m-something. I feel like the letter “M” was his first initial or something, or a nickname. I dunno. Regardless, he is an ass of a hall monitor. The uppity type to get all up in your business, ask for a hall pass if you so much as go to the fucking bathroom, that type of deal. He also seems like a total loser, and that’s saying something, mainly because _I’m_ a total loser. So you have to be a special type of buzzkill to match this type of guy. He probably noticed all of the kids making a sort of circle around the lockers where Monika had pinned Sayori down, and that got his attention enough to see what was going on. And now that he is seeing _exactly_ what they were doing…well, let’s just say that someone is about to go on a major power trip.

“What in God’s name is going on here?” the hall monitor demands, anger and annoyance obvious in his voice. His anger quickly turns to shock as Monika turns around to look at him. “M-monika?!” He looks sooo surprised. What, was he not able to tell who it was? She has a pretty large ponytail, dude. Preeetty fucking distinct.

I guess it would be a shock regardless to anyone at this school, though. Monika is the most popular girl at this school, after all, and to see her do something like make out with another student – a girl, nonetheless – in the middle of the halls is pretty surprising. It was surprising for me, and I’ve known about her and Sayori for months…for some reason, I don’t know if anyone else at this school knew about them.

Monika raises an eyebrow. “What? Don’t you see I’m a little busy here?” she asks, a little bit of a rude bite to her voice as she turns back to Sayori, who still seems a little frozen in shock herself. The hall monitor also seems more than taken aback, although once he processes everything, he now just looks offended.

“Y-you…you can’t do that!” he shrieks, now getting all uppity. Monika ignores him as she strokes Sayori’s cheek. Holy shit, I’ve never seen this prick this angry. He’s practically boiling over…if I didn’t know any better, than I would think Monika would be doing that intentionally. But she wouldn’t…right? “Monika, cease these lewd actions or else…or else I’ll be forced to send you to the principal’s office!”

In response, Monika decides the most reasonable, rational thing to do would be to…give him the middle finger. Everyone around them gasps, especially the uppity hall monitor. He looks like he’s about to blow a fuse, and I have to stop myself from just bursting out laughing. Other students aren’t holding back, though.

“That’s it! Amano, you’re coming with me to see the principal!” he demands, causing Monika to sigh dramatically, offering Sayori a smile as she departed, walking through the crowd of gawkers as if they weren’t even there. The hall monitor, following behind her, was red in the face with embarrassment and anger. I couldn’t help but smirk at that. The rest of the crowd, still obsessed with following this drama apparently, follow them. Leaving just me, Yuri, and Sayori, standing there completely stunned. Sayori probably the most baffled among us.

“Uhh…” Sayori starts to say, blinking rapidly many times as she tries to process what just happened. It doesn’t look like she can, though, because she decides to ask that question. “What just happened?”

“That’s what I was about to ask you!” I say, still recovering from the shock of everything myself. “What the hell was that all about?”

“I don’t know!” Sayori insists, a look of bafflement still on her face. “I mean, I get that we were kinda outed by her parents, but…” she sighs. “Hopefully I’ll be able to ask her about it later. Maybe she really did miss me that much…” Something about the way Sayori says that implies that she’s not too convinced. She doesn’t seem to have much time to reflect on it with us, though, because she begins to step away. “I have to go…I don’t want to be late for my class on my first day back…I’ll see you guys at lunch, okay?”

“Sayori, wait…” I say, causing her to stop. Knowing that this is my opportunity, I step up towards her, giving her a tight hug. “I missed you, you dummy. This whole situation sucks and if you think that you can get away with zero hugs when I get to see you again, then you’re dead wrong!”

Sayori seems a little caught off-guard by the sudden affection, mainly because she’s the one that usually has to initiate it probably, but she hugs me back nonetheless, giggling slightly. “Ehehe…don’t worry, Nats. I’m not going anywhere,” she says. As she pulls away, there’s a slightly more genuine smile on her face.

“I, ah, I understand if you’re all ‘hugged out,’ Sayori,” Yuri adds in, causing the girl with the red bow to turn towards her. “B-but, umm, just know that I am here for you as well, alright? We all are.” I can’t help but scoff and roll my eyes at the first thing she said, though. Sayori can NEVER be ‘hugged out,’ as Yuri is about to find out…the girl frowned before walking up to Yuri, latching onto her tightly and making the violet-haired girl squeak in surprise. Heh.

“She’s right. We’ve _all_ got your back. No matter what,” I insist. Sayori pulls away from Yuri, smiling a little more now. There are still traces of sadness there…I mean, we’re all pretty fucking sad right now. But she at least seems a little bit better.

“Okay…thanks, guys. I really appreciate it,” Sayori says, waving her hand goodbye as she walks away. “See you cuties later!”

“I’m not…ugh, forget it…” I grumble, fighting back a rueful smile from my face. I sigh, looking at Yuri. “Well?” I ask her, crossing my arms.

Yuri blinks at me, tilting her head to the side. “Well, what?”

I roll my eyes. “Come on, I know you’re good with this detective super-sleuthing bullshit. You mind telling me what the hell just happened there with Sayori and Monika?”

Yuri purses her lips. “Well, Natsuki, you are rather gifted in your own detective abilities as well. Regardless…I think I have an approximate idea of what is going on,” she says pensively. “So…we both saw Monika’s erratic behavior towards that hall monitor, correct? It sincerely _did_ seem like she was intentionally attempting to get into trouble…which might be part of her plan.”

“Huh?” Part of her plan to get Sayori back home? I’ve gotta admit…that sounded kinda weak. “Her plan is seriously to just create some attention? That _can’t_ be all of it!”

“Well, maybe not…she could be planning something else as well. I suppose we will just have to wait and see,” Yuri sighs. “Regardless, I do believe Monika is right in the sense that our priority should be supporting Sayori right now.”

“That I can agree with, at least…I don’t want…” I trail off, shuddering as I gulp. Yuri definitely knows what I’m thinking about. I can only imagine that Sayori’s depression is back with a vengeance right now, and I need to be there for her this time. I don’t want a screw up like…last time. Yuri puts a comforting hand on my arm, making me look up at her.

“It will be alright…even if it does not necessarily feel like it will right now,” she says, smiling with that nervous, adorable smile she often gives me. I can’t help but smile back too. “We can talk more during our shared free period…I presume we will meet in our usual spot? Or will today be a baking day?”

I shake my head. Even since before we were together, we’ve always spent our fourth period class, when both of us are free, with each other. We usually spent it in the library together, reading books (as if we didn’t already do that during the club, but whatever), and sometimes, if Yuri knew I was stressed or grumpy, she would offer to help me cook something, like cookies or cupcakes or whatever. I know I get to have alone time with her for most of the day already, but it is something I generally really look forward to during the long school day. But I won’t be able to today.

I sigh. “Unfortunately, I’ve gotta spend that period with the wicked bitch of the west,” I groan, rubbing my temples. When Yuri continues to look at me blankly, I decide to elaborate. “Hinata. We’re forced to be partners for that English project and we have to meet at least twice. Remember?”

I could have sworn I told Yuri this earlier, but maybe she forgot. Yeah, Hinata, the head bitch among the pack of bitches I shallowly followed for months before the accident which led to me moving into a foster home. Remember her? I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t – she’s pretty forgettable. Honestly, the last time I had a conversation with her was when I basically told her to fuck off and I screamed at her that I’m gay. Yeah, fun times. If that was the last time I talked to her, then I would have been satisfied, but unfortunately she continued to exist after that. I have one class with her, and for some stupid fucking reason, it’s one of the few classes where two-person projects are a thing. Damn you, English. Why the fuck can’t one person work on a book report on their own?

“Oh…yes, I do remember now…” Yuri says, the disappointment in her voice obvious. She clears her throat. “Well, if dealing with her becomes too stressful for you, then feel free to covertly text me and I will be sure to extricate you from the situation.”

“Thanks. I’ll try my best to hold my own with her, though,” I say, giving her a sly smile. She still looks a little bit dejected, though…maybe there’s something I can do to make her feel a little better. “Oh, and Yuri?”

“Hmm?” she asks. Going for the impulsive decision, I go up onto my tiptoes and kiss her quickly on the cheek. Immediately, Yuri’s face becomes a dark red as she tries to hide behind her hair. “N-natsuki!” she squeaks out, embarrassed. Yeah, sure, a few people probably ended up seeing us, but I can see the smile underneath her hair and know that I made the right call.

“What, Monika’s allowed to full-on make out with Sayori in the halls, and I’m not allowed to give my own girlfriend a kiss on the cheek?” I tease her. Despite herself, Yuri can’t help but giggle. Another score in my book.

“W-well, ah, to be fair, she _wasn’t_ allowed to do that, that’s why she is in the principal’s office,” Yuri shot back, brushing the hair out of her face slightly. “However…I suppose a tiny peck is probably acceptable…”

“Ya think?” I ask jokingly, a dumb smile on my face before I decide to get serious again. “But…I also kinda just wanted to say thanks for, uh, being patient with me these past few days. It’s been really, _really_ fucking hard without Sayori, but I’m…I’m just really glad that you’re still here with me.” Jesus Christ, that sounded so fucking cheesy. I can’t help but cringe. “Ugh, sorry, was that too much this early in the morning?”

Yuri smiles at me, genuinely this time. There’s a feeling behind there that almost seems close to…love? But that would of course be fucking ridiculous because we’ve only been dating for two months. “It wasn’t too much at all, darling,” Yuri says, leaning down slightly to give me a surprise kiss on the cheek, too. I can’t help but smile back at her, rubbing the spot on my cheek where she kissed me. Goddammit, she is so fucking beautiful. “Thank you. I will see you at lunch with everybody else, then.”

Focus, idiot. Time to say goodbye. “U-uh, right. See ya!” I say, snapping back into reality just enough as we both part ways. Smoooooth. At least I know that Yuri is patient and caring enough to overlook my everlasting awkwardness. Even while I’m walking away to my first class, I can’t help but notice that I’m still wearing that same, dumb, goofy smile that Yuri gave me the moment she kissed me. How did I end up with someone as amazing as her again? Would anyone like to give me a quick refresher? Because personally, I have no fucking idea. It just…happened. And now, every morning, I wake up feeling like the luckiest girl on the planet.

Of course, pretty soon I know that I am going to be spending an entire period with maybe the _least_ amazing girl I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Seriously, fuck her. Except not literally. Fuck Yuri literally, fuck this other person purely and harshly metaphorically. And despite the fact that I’m dreading it, the cursed fourth period meeting gradually comes, and there I am in the library, sitting down far away from my usual section because I don’t want this girl to taint it, waiting for…Hinata…to get her ass over here so we can start this stupid project. I hope she stays on topic for school for fucking once.

She comes by maybe five minutes late…which knowing Hinata, is surprisingly on time for her. “Oh, hey Natsuki,” she says as she sits down next to me with a smug expression on her face. This is probably the first interaction we’ve had since the fight, save maybe the few seconds we planned out this meeting earlier in class, and already she’s acting like a pretentious little shit. What’s her deal?

Don’t engage. Just ignore. Like with any bully, the more attention you give them the more power they get. “Yo. So, let’s get started on this book project…” I say, trying my best to not let the hate I feel towards her come out so aggressively in my voice. “We need to do a presentation on The Scarlet Letter, so let’s look over the themes of that book.”

Hinata probably wasn’t expecting me to be so professional about things, and she almost looks a little disappointed that I don’t decide to immediately grab onto her bait. Sighing dramatically, she slumps a little bit in her seat and relents. “Fine, like, whatever…” she mutters, pulling out her book. I can’t help but feel a smug smile of my own tug at my face.

We actually manage to stay on topic for once, to my relief. Sure, I’m the one doing most of the work here, which pisses me off. I mean, I don’t really care about English or The Scarlet Letter either, but at least I can put in some sort of effort because I care (somewhat) about my grades. Hinata, on the other hand, couldn’t give less of a shit. Her contributions are barely more than her just nodding her head, saying “yeah” in a bored voice, and looking at her phone. And it’s beginning to piss me off.

I try to keep my cool, but by about the fifteenth time she checks her fucking Instagram, I’ve just about had enough. “You know, you could actually contribute something, if you wanted,” I snap at her in an annoyed tone. That causes her to look up from her phone with a raised eyebrow. Once again, she sighs dramatically (she should really stop doing that).

“Gee, Natsuki, I don’t know…I, like, never really got all that invested in this dumb book…” Hinata says, stretching and leaning back in her seat. There’s that smug expression back on her face that makes me want to fucking punch her. “What I’m _really_ interested in is the scarlet letter that _you’re_ carrying around with you. Doesn’t it start with a ‘Y’?”

Okay, now she hit a nerve. A _really_ big fucking nerve. “Well, good to know that you didn’t even read the SparkNotes version of the book,” I say, snapping at her. Sure, maybe back in the day I would have done the same, but Yuri’s gotten me into reading actual books now…w-wait, I mean books without pictures! MANGA IS LITERATURE, DAMMIT! “In case you didn’t get the premise, though, the ‘scarlet letter’ is supposed to be a badge of shame. I don’t see how Yuri is a ‘badge of shame’ for me, so quit acting like a dipshit.”

Last time when I started swearing at Hinata she seemed to get offended, but right now, she seems calm, if not amused. Dammit. “Oh, so, you’re admitting it now? I mean, it was obvious beforehand, but after you two kissed in the hallway this morning…you two are out in the open now?” she asks, a smug smile on her face. So I guess it was pretty noticeable. “Awww. I’m _so_ happy for you,” Hinata adds, her voice dripping with fake niceties. That only pisses me off even more.

“Yeah, and I’m happy for _you_ and whatever flavor-of-the-month boy-toy you’ve decided to be with this past week…” I shoot back at her, tearing directly through that smug, fake-nice demeanor to see her true irritation come out again. I grin, pushing forward even more. “What is the latest model’s name again? I remember overhearing it the other day…‘itchy hickey’?”

“Ichihiko,” Hinata says shortly, her nostrils flaring. “And seriously, Natsuki, I don’t know what your problem is, but ever since you turned lesbian you became a total bitch.”

Once I pause for a moment to let her sentence sink in, I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh, loudly. I would have laughed even louder if I wasn’t in a library. “Are you serious?! Are you seriously so stupid that you think someone _turns_ gay??” I laugh again as Hinata glares at me pointedly.

“Well, I’m probably not stupid enough to start dating someone who literally stalked me for months beforehand,” Hinata growls at me. That definitely stops me from laughing, and my anger boils back up to the surface.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I ask her angrily, while the girl curls her upper lip in vindictive amusement. That only makes me even angrier.

“Oh, did you not know? Your _girlfriend_ is a stalker,” she says, seeming to get some sort of twisted enjoyment out of calling my girlfriend that. “She stalks people. She stalked me, she stalked Akari and Ichika, and she _definitely_ stalked you. Of course, it took you actually getting beat up by your dad for her to actually stand next to you, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t following behind you before that.”

“Shut up!” I hiss at her, gritting my teeth. What the hell is she talking about? I need to remind myself that she’s just trying to get under my skin right now. She’s a known liar and a bullshitter, and she's obviously bullshitting me right now. I shouldn’t even entertain the thought of believing her. But I must have shown some sort of stupid flash of doubt, because Hinata only seems to take my reaction as an even bigger reason to continue egging me on.

“Wow, you really _don’t_ know…” she says, a malicious grin on her face. Ugh, seriously, fuck her. “Well, I guess that if you’re sleeping with her, you _do_ know about those cuts on her arms…” I can’t help but gasp as I clench my fists. “You know, I walked in on her doing that to herself in the bathroom one time…I think it’s, like, a fetish for her, or something. But I guess you’d know more about that than me!” She laughs.

I’m visibly shaking with anger and, at this point, I’m about five seconds away from knocking this bitch out cold. I begin to see red. “You…you…”

“Hey Natsuki! Is everything alright here?”

I hear someone say that from behind me. I turn around to see…Monika? I blink. What the hell is she doing here? I thought she had a class this period…well, maybe I’m just misremembering, because she’s here right now, a calming smile on her face as she leans down towards both of us.

I’m too upset to respond if I’m honest, and before I’m able to anyway, Hinata does for me. “We’re fine! Just talking some things out!” Hinata says, a fake smile on her face. Monika returns it with an equally fake cheerful grin as she steps towards her. What is she doing…?

“Ahaha, well, from what I just heard, I doubt that. You’re a real bitch, aren’t you, Hinata?” Monika says, causing my jaw to drop. Monika kind of had that reputation of being the nice and polite girl at school…I didn’t even know that the word ‘bitch’ was in her vocabulary, at least on school grounds. Hinata seems shocked too as her eyes widen, but before she’s able to properly respond, Monika brings her arm forward and punches her in the face, making the girl fall from her chair and onto the floor.

…okay, now THAT was even more surprising.

Monika, the smile off of her face, stood over Hinata with a cold expression as the girl wailed on the ground. Hinata clenched her face, staring up at her. “W-what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Hinata spits out, flailing a little bit as she tries to scramble back up to her feet. Monika doesn’t flinch. “Y-you…you’re crazy!”

Monika just smiles at me, rolling her eyes. Is…is she just seriously trying to act all nonchalant about whatever the hell just happened? To be honest, I’m actually a little bit jealous that she got to do that and I didn’t. Hinata staggers forward towards us, and for a moment it looks like she might try to punch Monika back, but it’s not like no one heard what just happened. The school librarian stops us with a screechy and panicked “what’s going on here?!”

Pretty soon we’re both sitting down in front of the principal as the librarian gives him her version of events – basically, Hinata and I got into a very loud verbal fight (going against strict library policies, of course), then Monika intervened and punched her. Hinata was sent to the nurse’s office, while the librarian personally sent Monika and me (like, what the hell did _I_ do??) to this guy. The principal, a rather tall, slightly fat, sort of guy, looks shocked as his eyes look between the librarian, me, and Monika. His eyes linger on Monika the most, probably.

“Erm, thank you, that will be enough…I will handle these two from here,” the principal says to the librarian, and with a huff she walks out of the office. Leaving just me and Monika and this big principal guy. He seems…perplexed by all of this. He sits forward in his seat as he looks at both of us.

“Monika…would you mind explaining to me what happened, from your perspective?” he asks her. Monika sits upright, looking at him politely. “If I had to fill in the gaps of my colleague’s account, it seemed as if Ms. Kizumi here provoked the conflict, and then you were forced to intervene, correct?” I roll my eyes. I’ve never had a good relationship with this guy – probably because our main interactions were me being defensive about Papa with him. I may have insulted him once or twice (or more), and while he might not have deserved it, that certainly soured his perception of me, I guess. Also, no matter how many times I tell him I don’t like it, he can’t seem to get it through his thick skull that I don’t want to be called by my legal last name.

Monika shakes her head though, laughing. “Oh, no, Natsuki didn’t provoke anything, actually…she didn’t even ask for me to get involved, or know what was going on until it was too late,” Monika says, flashing the principal a smile. “What happened was I was in the library when I heard her and that other girl…Hinata? When I heard the two of them exchanging some rather harsh words with each other. Hinata was being rather cruel, and I thought to myself…‘why don’t I just shut her up myself?’” The principal’s jaw practically drops…as does mine. Again. “So I punched her in the face! Nothing too hard, but honestly, she had it coming. Natsuki didn’t do anything wrong here, though.”

The principal remains silent for a moment, sitting there in shock before he groans, massaging his temples with his hands. “Monika…first, you miss all of your classes yesterday without any sort of excuse…then, this morning, you’re found kissing a returning student…and then, you cause a scene in the classroom by writing…lewd phrases…on the teacher’s blackboard…” I raise an eyebrow at that. Just what exactly would someone like _Monika_ write? The principal sighs. “All of those, I was able to forgive without much of a second thought. You are a valued member of our school community, after all…but _this?_ You missed a class this period just to punch another student! Just what is going on with you??”

He seems more concerned than anything. Probably for good reason – Monika had a good relationship with pretty much everyone, teachers, students, and upper faculty alike. Today was probably the first time she had ever gotten in trouble and visited the principal’s office like this. But Monika doesn’t really seem to care.

She shrugs, giving the principal another smile. “Sir, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says, leaning back lazily in her chair. The principal now looks genuinely angry rather than trying to be fake-sympathetic with her. He gets up from his chair, scowling at Monika and mostly ignoring me (thank god).

“Well, whatever phase you’re going through, I’ve just about had it!” he bellows angrily, clenching his desk with his hands. “Amano, I’m giving you detention. _And_ I’m going to be calling your parents about this ongoing behavior.” I notice Monika marginally brighten up at that last bit. That’s when Yuri’s theory about Monika makes perfect sense to me…she’s intentionally trying to get in trouble. Probably to get the attention of her parents, I’m guessing. I’m still not sure how that’s supposed to work, though. “Let this be a warning to you to readjust your priorities, immediately. I don’t want to see you in here again. Dismissed, the both of you.”

Nodding, Monika gets up, and I follow her…I’m guessing that I didn’t get in trouble at all? That’s a relief. But as I walk with Monika outside the door, I can’t help but feel a little angry at her. THIS was the great plan that she had to get Sayori back? As I look over at Monika, who seems to be very pleased with herself as she walks with a smile away from the office, I know I need to say something.

“Hey, wait up!” I say, catching Monika’s attention as she turns around. I squint my eyes at her suspiciously. “So…just how is this rebel, troublemaker act supposed to bring back Sayori?”

Monika, still smiling to herself, starts to respond with another non-answer. “Well, Natsuki, I don’t want to say too much—”

“Oh, come on! I’ve already figured out your plan!” I interrupt her, putting my hands on my hips. “You think that acting out like this is going to get your parents’ attention, right? How the hell does that translate to you convincing them to take back Sayori? They’re just going to ground you or whatever!”

Monika sighs, stroking her chin. “Well…you’re partially right. But you’re missing the full picture. Yes, I want my parents to notice this…and now, they’re going to. But you misunderstand them,” she starts to explain. “My parents…there is a reason that they travel around so much, for business and otherwise. They have a very high reputation to uphold…that’s mostly why they started taking in foster children in the first place, but it’s also only a small part of their social clout and reputation. And I am a very large part of that reputation. I have one of the highest GPAs in the school, I am involved in a variety of different social activities, I receive high marks in athletics…you get the picture. I put in the effort to try to be the best because my parents _need_ me to be the best. If I’m not, then that’s when we begin to have problems. Following me so far?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah…go on…”

Monika smiles. “When my parents found out about me and Sayori, they thought that she was ‘holding me back’…” she continues, rolling her eyes. “Mix in a little bit of ‘traditional values’ bullshit, and they decided it was best to kick her out. So, my mission here is to prove them wrong.” She grins at me excitedly. “Don’t you see? _That’s_ why I’m ‘acting out,’ as you put it. If I’m able to show them that my academic and social standings at this school will plummet without Sayori, then they’ll be forced to relent if they want their reputation intact!”

“And so that’s your plan? Just continue to fuck shit up until your parents give in?” I ask, a little disbelieving.

“Hmm…not exactly. When I punched that girl, it was perhaps a little bit improvised, but everything else I’ve done this far, and will continue to do, has been intricately planned,” Monika says. “It will be enough to temporarily damage, but not mortally wound, my status at this school. Earlier today, for example, I failed a Math quiz by doodling under most questions, but I answered _enough_ questions to get a 50% instead of a 0%. That means that if I work hard for the rest of the semester, I should still be able to salvage that grade. I’m starting slow, but if they continue to refuse my demands, then my actions will only increase from there. I have it all planned out in phases – I even know what I’m going to do tomorrow if they say no to bringing Sayori back tonight!”

Honestly, that amount of planning is…actually a little impressive. I can’t help but admire that in a way. But I can’t help but feel a little bit uncertain about all of this still. “What if it takes longer, though?” I press her. “What if they don’t break and you have to actually do permanent damage to their reputation, not to mention yours?”

Monika falters slightly. “Well…it won’t take that long. They’ll crack sooner rather than later, I assure you,” she insists. “Besides, isn’t the most important thing here getting Sayori back? I think it’s important that I just focus on that for now. I have the short-term entirely planned out, and I have very good reasons to believe that it is going to work.”

“Uh-huh. And what does _Sayori_ think about this plan?” I ask her, crossing my arms. That’s when Monika’s confident smile is gone completely as she chuckles nervously. She shrugs quickly.

“Uhh, she doesn’t think anything about it. Mainly because she doesn’t know about it at all…” Monika says, and even though I want to interrupt her really badly, she holds up a finger to stop me. “And it needs to stay that way! If my parents somehow think that she’s involved in this little plan, or worse, that I’m doing this because _she_ told me to, then it won’t work! That’s why I was reluctant to even tell you about this. Just please, please don’t tell her, okay? At least not until this has all blown over.”

I hesitate, sighing. Everything Monika has been saying makes some sense, at least, even if I may not be entirely on board with all of her logic. And I also don’t like how little control I have over the situation either. “Alright, alright, fine…but Sayori isn’t stupid, you know. She’s going to figure it out eventually, especially after that stunt you pulled with her this morning.” Judging from her reaction after Monika was sent to the principal’s office first thing this morning, part of me is guessing that maybe Sayori is already putting the pieces together.

Monika nods in acknowledgement. “I know…I’m just hoping that that ‘eventually’ will take place after my parents have given up, you know?” she sighs. “But anyway…I guess all of this means no club meeting for me today. I’ll see you at home later today…and sorry for the inevitable shitshow that’s going to happen when I get back from detention.”

Saying goodbye, we both head our separate ways as I groan to myself. Yeah…I can imagine that this is going to be a bit of a shitshow.

 

* * *

 

 

Welp, Monika and I were right. This is definitely a shitshow.

“After all of the resources you have built up over your time at this school, the connections and good will you have built up with the administration over the years…NOW you decide to ruin it?!”

“It’s not ruined, merely damaged, Mother. I still have the good favor of quite a few people…although that could change very soon.”

“You know better than this, young lady! To perform such reckless actions in your final year of schooling before college…all of this is beneath you!”

“That student you supposedly kissed in the hallway…that better not be who I think it was, Monika…”

“Oh, it was. Although what do you expect? No matter what you do, Sayori will still be my girlfriend, always. I missed her, and I still miss her all because you stupidly decided to kick her out!”

“Don’t you dare insult us! And you must cease all contact with that girl!”

Yeah, so, needless to say, tensions are pretty high right now at the dinner table. Both of Monika’s parents are home, taking turns yelling at her as Monika snaps back at them. Yuri and I are completely and totally silent, each of us awkwardly trying to finish our dinners as quickly as possible so we can leave but also trying to not make it too noticeable. Neither of us wants to finish before the other and leave only one of us alone in the middle of this screaming match. Also, considering that a lot of this is about Sayori’s future here, we’re sort of invested in what goes down here, I guess.

It’s like a horrible car crash and you’re a bystander, and you stick around just to see if the people you care about make it out okay. Although there’s nothing you feel like you can do to help pull them out, so you’re just hoping that the people there know what they’re fucking doing.

“That’s not what is going to happen. _You’re_ going to bring Sayori back home,” Monika tells them pointedly. “And if not, then you can expect more detentions for me in the future…not to mention more failed tests.”

Mrs. Amano looks at her, shocked. “You are INTENTIONALLY sabotaging yourself?! You’re putting this experiment over your chances of _graduating_ just to get back at us!”

“She’s NOT an experiment!” Monika stands up from her seat abruptly, an angry look in her eyes. “I love her! And if you DON’T bring her back, then I will ensure that I don’t graduate! Do you want to see how long it takes for all my A’s to turn into F’s?”

“Are you threatening us?” Mr. Amano demands, also getting up from his seat rather violently. Mrs. Amano does the same as the two parents stare their daughter down. I keep my eyes glued to my plate.

“No. Consider it a warning. Now you know what’s going to happen if you refuse,” Monika says shortly, pushing her chair back in as she glares back at her parents before she walks up to her room. Her parents storm after her. I can hear a “you’re grounded!” in the distance before Monika’s door slams shut, and then after that, both of her parents haughtily march down the stairs. Watching the two of them out of the corner of my eye, I see them both head towards the front door as Mr. Amano grabs his keys. They open and close the door loudly, leaving the house.

I raise an eyebrow, turning over to Yuri sitting next to me. “Where are they going? Do you think they’re…” It’s an unfinished question, but Yuri knows what I’m going to ask by the expectant tone in my voice. Did it really only take one day of Monika fucking around at school for her parents to cave and bring Sayori back??

Yuri doesn’t seem convinced as she looks at me worriedly. “W-well…judging from their reactions alone, I am not sure…” she says, biting her lip. “But, regardless…there is something on my mind that I feel we must discuss in relation to this entire situation.”

I sigh. I can’t say I disagree. Neither of us have really been talking about how this whole shitty deal has been affecting either of us – it’s only just made us more on edge than usual around Monika’s parents. Nodding, I tell her that we can continue talking upstairs, and after we both put away our plates we head up to our room.

Yuri has definitely been helping me through these past few days, but I’m a little ashamed to admit that my attention has mostly been on other things. I haven’t once asked how _she’s_ processing all of this, and it’s only when I study and notice her nervous and agitated expression that I realize that for the first time. We’ve been a lot more careful now than we had been in the past, especially now that Monika’s parents are around more often…meaning a lot less intimacy. I was hoping the kiss on the cheek this morning would have been enough to let her know I still cared, but it looks like it probably wasn’t. I grab her hand, squeezing it.

“Yuri? Talk to me,” I press her, forcing her to look at me. She’s always had a problem with eye contact when talking about serious topics like this, although I can’t really fault her this time. “How are you feeling?”

Yuri sighs shakily, leading me over to her bed. We both sit down. “If I am honest…I am rather shaken up by all of this,” she starts to say, looking down at her lap as her hand stays latched onto mine. “Of course, like you, I am worried about Sayori and Monika, and I do hope their situation is able to resolve itself sooner rather than later…but…I am also worried about how this could affect, erm, ‘us.’”

Us. That is still a nice word to hear, although the way Yuri said it makes me almost think that she’s a little apprehensive about it. And that only makes the small pit in my stomach larger. “Yuri, why would this change anything about us? We’re happy together, aren’t we?” I ask her, now nervous too. Yuri quickly looks up from her lap and at me, a panicked expression in her eyes.

“No! I would never…you misunderstand,” Yuri says quickly, taking a deep breath as she tries to steady herself. I breathe a sigh of relief myself, but she still seems pretty tense. “I guess what I am trying to get at is…w-well, I am sure you are aware that Monika and Sayori’s feelings towards each other are rather…serious. Very serious, in fact, given how Monika seems to be willing to do almost anything to get her back to living here.” I nod. That much is obvious from what I can tell of their relationship, and it would be obvious to anyone. “So, I suppose, the question I would have for you is…w-well, erm…how seriously do you perceive our relationship?”

Okay, I can’t say I was expecting that question. And I’m kind of at a loss for words if I’m honest. “I-I don’t know…” I say instinctively, immediately cringing at my answer. “I-I, uh, how serious do _you_ think we are?”

Yuri shakes her head. “N-no…I don’t want to pressure you into any sort of answer. I want to hear what you think first,” she insists, looking at me closely. “P-please, be honest…how serious are we?”

How serious are we? Well…I’m not really too sure, mostly because I haven’t thought about it yet. Neither of us have said the l-word yet to each other, and I really wouldn’t be comfortable using that word quite yet either. So Monika and Sayori are definitely more serious than us, at least in _that_ regard. But…we also live together. We sleep together. We kiss, cuddle, comfort and support each other. Now that she’s in my life…it’s hard for me to imagine her out of it. And even though I can’t find it in me to use that l-word _yet_ …I think there’s a pretty good chance I will in the not-too-distant future. So…

“You’re really going to make me say it first, huh?” I ask her after some thought, smirking a little. I lean in to briefly kiss her on the lips, but I pull back to give her an answer. “Serious. Like, really serious. Seriously.” Yuri seems to relax visibly at my answer, but there’s still a little bit of tension there.

“Serious to the point where you would…” Yuri begins to trail off, obviously still nervous about whatever question she was trying to say. I give her a look that tells her that she better continue or else I’ll force it out of that shy little mouth. She blushes, looking at me nervously. “To…to the point where you would consider a future together? With me?”

My eyes widen even more at _that_ question. “Whoa…” I say as I try to process what she’s saying. A future with Yuri? I can’t help but think of the mushy, unrealistic, hyper-romantic stories that are spoon-fed to us as children about the prince and the princess (or in this case, two princesses. Although that’s not exactly what’s promoted) who live happily ever after in a magical castle, together forever. I’m not so much of an idiot to think that that happens in 99% of cases…but, thinking about that sort of fairy tale ending with Yuri of all people makes me feel like I’m walking on air. Could it be that maybe…maybe this is a 1% case?

…oh fuck, I’m overthinking this, aren’t I? All she said was a ‘future.’ Just some sort of non-specific, ambiguous future. Not necessarily a forever-future. Maybe more like a five-year future, or something. Don’t put words and feelings in her mouth that she might not want there. In that case, the answer is pretty obvious for me. “Well, yeah! Of course!” I say. “Yes, I want to be with you in the future.”

Yuri breathes a sigh of relief. “If you’re sure, then…alright. I-I feel the same way,” she says, smiling at me. Ugh, it’s so freaking adorable. I can’t help but smile back for a moment. The smile on her face fades after a while though as her expression becomes serious again. “In that case…I believe it is important to talk about that future…as in, _our_ future,” she continues, looking at me tentatively. Slowly, she gets up from the bed in order to grab her bag and bring it back to me. Yuri clears her throat.

“Given how serious Monika and Sayori purport to be, I frankly find it a little bit…surprising that neither of them seemed to prepare for an outcome in which the two of them were forcibly separated,” Yuri starts to say. “And…well, I certainly don’t hope that Mr. and Mrs. Amano find out about us, either. But if they do, _and_ they decide to kick both of us out of their home…then we need to be prepared for that unpleasant scenario.”

I nod in agreement as I lean back against one of Yuri’s pillows. “Okay, makes sense to me. So, watcha got?” I ask her. “It’s obvious you’ve been thinking about this a bit.”

“Erm, quite,” Yuri says, more than a little awkwardly. I can’t help but smirk a little bit – only she would use that sort of word in response. She clears her throat. “B-but I would also like to receive some input from you as well…this concerns the both of us, after all. I suppose I should start with the immediate aftermath of the ‘forcible separation’ scenario…in the case of Monika-Sayori, we were unable to contact Sayori entirely for a few days because she had failed to memorize any of our phone numbers, and we did not have any number with which to contact her,” she says, already diving into a deep analysis of what happened. This girl knows how to get to business, fast. “If _we_ were separated, however, there are some other factors to consider, as unlike Monika, neither of us are biological Amano children. So, chances are, we would both be kicked out of their house and sent to separate homes. Memorizing each other’s numbers would not be enough…and so, I have proposed a solution.”

Reaching into her bag, Yuri pulls out two small, black flip phones. “Burner phones. I bought them the other day after my work shift, although I wanted to wait to tell you about them until we were both on the same page,” she explains, handing me one of the phones. “It’s already prepaid for a limited amount of call time and messages, and as you can tell, I have already put both of the numbers for these phones into the contacts.” I open the phone and check it, and sure enough, I see one contact already put in there – a number labeled Yuri. Wow. She’s…she’s really thought all of this through, huh? Maybe I shouldn’t be shocked, but I really am. “This would, of course, only be a temporary measure until we are able to find a more permanent means of direct communication.”

“I…uh, yeah,” I’m able to force out, still processing all of this. She’s already making preparations for all of this. “So, wait, how much were these phones? How much did you need to pay?” I ask, not knowing what else to contribute at this point. Yuri purses her lips.

“Well…out of my total finances, it actually was rather insignificant. Which was something I wished to talk about with you as well…” Yuri says, pulling out her laptop and pulling up a webpage. “As you are likely aware, my job at the library is enough to keep me financially secure. With my earnings, I have already set up a checking and a savings account, and…granted, it’s not much now, b-but…well, you can take a look.” Shyly, she hands me the laptop, which looks like it’s opened up to some sort of online display of her bank account or something.

My jaw nearly drops immediately as I see the amount of money in both her checking and savings accounts. Ho. Lee. Shit. Needless to say, it’s a lot. Then again, I did grow up in a pretty much broke household where my main concern was whether I was going to be able to eat that night or not, so any amount of money seems like a lot to me. Still, though…Yuri has definitely been working really hard.

“I know it may look like a considerable amount…” Yuri starts to say, probably reading my expression. “And, to be fair, for someone my age it probably is. But…for most of this money, consider it an investment, or part of our ‘long-term plan.’” She goes back into business mode, and even though I’m still shocked by the amount of money she’s been hiding from me, it’s still pretty hot. “So, in case we are separated into new foster homes, then we would need to wait until we are eighteen to leave, although it might be most ideal for us to wait until we both graduate from high school. You graduate in roughly two and a half years…and for me, I will graduate one year before you.

“At this point, after graduating high school, my plan would be for me to continue living in whatever home I might end up in – assuming I am not kicked out of there – and work for as much time as possible, saving as much funds in the process so that when _you_ graduate, we will be financially secure enough to purchase a modest home,” Yuri continues. “Afterwards, we could discuss what we may wish to do with higher education, or perhaps a job for you…but immediate financial stability after graduation should be our number one focus, at least under this scenario. That way, we can ensure that our hypothetical physical separation would only be temporary.” She sighs, turning back to me. “I…I’ve been talking for quite a while. What do you think of this plan so far?”

Honestly, I think I have a little bit of information overload. I was expecting maybe a small little hypothetical blueprint, but not…all of _that_. But it sounds pretty well-thought out, doesn’t it? I mean, pretty much everything Yuri says sounds sophisticated in its own way (because come on…it’s Yuri), but this entire thing definitely seems _very_ well thought-out. Definitely not something that someone could have been planning in just a couple of days.

“So…how long have you been thinking about all of this?” I ask with maybe a hint of uncertainty. Yuri looks a little worried as she plays with her hair.

“A-ah…if you want to know the truth, then quite a while, actually…” Yuri admits quietly. “I only thought of the burner phones recently, but as far as the financial planning…w-well, I’ve been considering this for a while. Only recent events have put it in the perspective of a potential separation scenario, but I do always want to be prepared for every possibility. Particularly when those possibilities involve you…I mean! Rather, my future with you.” She sighs, trying to calm herself down as she takes a deep breath. “W-what I’m trying to say is, I-I suppose, I want you and me to be as secure as possible, no matter what happens in the near or distant future.”

I remain silent, still wrapping my head around…everything. You have to admit, this is a lot to throw at a girl at once. Although my silence only seems to make Yuri more nervous. “N-natsuki, is this a bit too much at once? I’m sorry…” she says with a bit of a grimace. “I…I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, n-nor do I wish to force you into anything more than you want for yourself…”

“Huh? Shush,” I say quickly, leaning back up to put my finger on her lips to stop her from talking. Yuri immediately stops talking. Good. I pull my finger back as I respond. “So, honestly? I’m not gonna lie, this is a hell of a lot to process at once. I guess I’m just…surprised,” I say. Even though I know this is a serious conversation, I can’t help but allow myself to smirk a little bit at the next thing I have to say. “You’ve been thinking about me seriously for a while now, huh?” I quip. Yuri blushes.

“I-I, ah…yes,” she admits quietly.

“Good,” I say, a grin spreading across my face. “Because…um, I have, too. M-maybe not that seriously! But…seriously. And I like where your mind is at,” I admit, and I can’t help but feel a slight blush form on my cheeks, too. Holy hell, am I really committing to this? If I’m honest…as I ask myself that question, I don’t even hesitate for a second. You’re sure as shit I am. “So, here’s what we’re going to do, Yuri. You’re going to give me some time to think about what I can contribute to all of this, because BOTH of us should be involved in this, not just you. And then…well, we’ll plan everything out. Just know for now that I’m taking _us_ just as seriously as you are…because now that you’ve brought up a future for us, I want to make sure that happens.”

A smile very quickly appears on Yuri’s face, and she reaches forward to grip my hand. “That…that sounds wonderful, Natsuki. I want you to take as much time as you need,” she says, leaning in closer to me. “I just wanted to reassure you that neither of us has to take any drastic measures if we are separated like Monika and Sayori…so long as we have a plan in mind for the future and all of its possibilities, then we’ll have nothing to worry about.”

“Consider me reassured,” I say slyly, leaning forward to kiss her on the lips. Unlike earlier, we both allow this kiss to linger much longer…and it’s only interrupted when Yuri pushes me down onto my back, getting on top of me as she looks at me with a passionate, fiery look in her eyes.

“My darling…seeing as how Monika’s parents are currently out of the house, what do you say that we make the most of our time together?” Yuri purrs. She steals all of the breath from out of my lungs, and the only thing I am left able to do is nod. If I learned one thing tonight, it’s that I should _definitely_ get Yuri in a planning mood more often.

And I also learned that I should trust Yuri to stay in control of all of this. The past few days have been pretty damn stressful, but right now? I feel like everything is gonna be juuust fine.

 

* * *

 

 

Well, shit. I guess I was wrong about that.

The next morning, Monika is driving me and Yuri to school like usual – spoiler alert, her parents _weren’t_ going out to bring Sayori back. I don’t know where they went, probably to do whatever adults do to blow off steam. Sex? Eww. Eww eww eww eww eeeeewww. Time for me to get that image out of my head.

Regardless, wherever they went doesn’t matter, even though they were gone for a while. What matters right now is that Monika’s already escalating things…and this change is pretty fucking noticeable. Like, as soon as you look at her. Why is that? Well, maybe it’s because she cut off most of her hair last night.

Yeah, so apparently while Yuri and I were busy getting it on last night, Monika basically just took a pair of scissors and cut off her ponytail…well, to be fair, it probably wasn’t one swift cut. I’m guessing it took a while. But whatever the process was, the outcome means Monika, who used to be, like, the _queen_ of long hair, now has really short, unevenly cut hair. And to be honest, I don’t really have any idea why she did that. Although Yuri’s the braver of the two of us to ask her the question first.

“Erm, forgive me for inquiring, Monika, but…” Yuri starts to ask, looking over at her carefully. Monika was in the driver’s seat, a content smile on her face. “…what exactly does giving yourself a haircut achieve?” A haircut is a nice way of putting it. For even a bad barber, this is pretty fucking messy. And it’s pretty obvious that Monika did that intentionally.

“It serves as a threat, of course,” Monika says, a determined grin on her face as she pulls into her parking space. “It’s less for everyone else here and more for my so-called parents. This is just to let them know that I’m serious – if they say no to bringing Sayori back after tonight, then I tell them that I shave head bald!”

Okay, now that is genuinely really surprising. “Holy shit! Are you sure you’re willing to do that?” I ask.

Parking the car, Monika pauses for a moment to consider my question. “Well…it’s not going to come to that, because this is what is going to make them finally cave. But if for some reason they still do not, then yes, of course,” she answers, pulling out the keys and stepping out of the car. Monika bald…now _that’s_ something I’m having a very hard time imagining. Yuri exchanges a glance with me as we begrudgingly follow her…I just really hope that Monika’s right about all of this.

As we enter the school, it’s pretty obvious that all of the other students are shocked as well. Pretty much everyone is gaping at us – well, no, _her_ – and the whispering and the comments start to pour in. Monika doesn’t even seem to flinch as her popularity and status both begin to plummet around her. People at this school are pretty damn shallow, but then again, I can’t say that Monika’s new “haircut” isn’t a little bit unsettling…at least for where she’s at mentally.

It’s not too long before we find Sayori…or, to be more accurate, Sayori finds us. She approaches us by behind, tapping me on the shoulder while Monika and Yuri walk in front of me. She’s looking at me with an incredulous look.

“What did she do???” Sayori whispers to me, pointing to the back of Monika’s head. Even from this angle, it’s _very_ noticeable due to the absence of the ponytail and her white bow (even when I barely knew Monika, but knew who she was, she was always wearing that white bow…but now, she doesn’t have enough hair to tie that bow with).

“I don’t know! She just…cut her hair!” I whisper back to her. Despite still being caught off guard by the whole Monika-hair situation, I’m still happy to see her. But Sayori doesn’t seem all that happy about any of this. She seems more…well, it’s hard to pinpoint it, exactly, but it’s definitely some shade of unhappy. Marching forward, she grabs her girlfriend by the shoulder, making Monika turn around.

“Ah, Sayori!” Monika says with a smile, but as soon as she notices the other girl’s expression the smile becomes much more nervous. “Ah…Sayori?”

“What’s going on with you?” Sayori demands, causing quite a few heads to turn. Goddammit, not again. This time I glare at all of the bystanders to keep fucking moving, and most of them seem to get the message. Monika, oblivious to all of that, looks back at Sayori with a nervous smile.

“I-I, um, I thought I’d try cutting my hair…I hope it’s not too bad for you,” Monika says weakly. “…do you not like it?”

Sayori’s expression immediately changes…probably because it’s about now that she’s had enough of Monika’s bullshit the past couple days. Now, it’s very clear what she is: she’s angry. “Monika. Stop it. Just, stop it. I know what you’re doing,” she says, squinting her eyes at the taller girl…and this time, it isn’t playful, like, at all. I haven’t seen Sayori this angry since the whole incident with me and Yuri the first week I moved in.

Monika’s face almost pales, most likely because she knows she’s in deep shit this time. “Sayori, I-I don’t—”

“DON’T!” Sayori cuts her off sharply, causing both Monika and even me to jump back a bit in surprise. “I…I know what you’re doing. You punched another student yesterday. You caused a scene in one of your classes, and in the hallway with me. And now, you’re cutting your hair. This is all to try to force your parents to take me back,” she says, a little bit more calmly but no less forcefully than before. “And…I’m telling you to stop. Don’t sabotage your entire life just for me. This rebellious attitude ends, now.”

Monika gulps. Now I get why she was hoping that Sayori would find out after the fact as opposed to now…but what exactly was she expecting? Sighing, Monika steadies herself. She’s still fidgeting a little bit, though. “Sayori…no, I can’t do that. P-please, just let me explain,” Monika says before Sayori can interrupt. “This is the best I could come up with to change their minds. They’re already starting to crack, I’m not sabotaging anything, I’m just rebelling a little bit so that they can—”

“No.” Sayori closes her eyes, her face contorting painfully. There’s still some anger there, but as she opens her eyes again there’s a lot more of another emotion…sadness. “No, Monika. I’m not asking you to stop…I’m telling you. Stop, or else.”

“I-I…I can’t,” Monika says. There’s no anger for her – it’s only a mirrored sadness there. “I need you, baby. Please…I need to bring you home.”

Sayori seems to falter for a microsecond, but then, her expression hardens. Monika takes a step towards her, but she backs away, shaking her head sadly. “Then…” she starts to say, her voice cracking. She looks away from Monika…and all of us, too. She clears her throat. “Then…then we’re done. Goodbye, Monika.”

Whoa. Wait, what?

Before I know what the hell is happening, Sayori’s running away from us. Monika’s fallen to her knees, her mouth wide open in horror. Tears are streaming down her face. Even Yuri seems shocked by all of this as her eyes dart to me nervously. And I’m just left there, reeling.

Oh, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, only one month since the last chapter! Hopefully that wasn't too long of a wait for everyone. This chapter was originally meant to be EVEN LONGER than this, but I ended up splitting it into two because it would have felt rushed otherwise - you'll understand what I mean when you read the next one. That being said, I imagine the next chapter will likely be on the shorter side...probably. I always think that to myself and then the next chapter ends up being 10000 words lol. 
> 
> Also, did I SERIOUSLY get over 600 kudos?!? Wow. The support you all give me is so incredible for this story - I sincerely want to thank everyone who has left a comment, kudos, or bookmark on this story! It really, really means a lot to me.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for leaving everyone on this big cliffhanger (trust me, the next chapter is going to have an even worse cliffhanger). The next chapter will hopefully come out soon! And by soon, I mean sometime in June and it will likely take less than a month to write. Thank you for your everlasting patience!


	12. I have a nice little chat with Sayori

_Me: Sayori wtf just happened??? I tried running after you but I couldn’t find you_

Message sent 8:04 AM (eleven minutes after the explosion, four minutes after the start of class)

_Me: Hello?????_

Message sent 8:08 AM

_Me: I know this is your phone #, quit ignoring me_

Message sent 8:13 AM

_Me: And I know you know that it’s me, but for the record, it’s me, natsuki_

Message sent 8:13 AM

_Me: Grrrrrrr I said QUIT ignoring me, not KEEP ignoring me!!_

Message sent 8:21 AM

_Me: Tell me what class you have right now so I can come over there and drag you out. This is WAY more important than that!_

Message sent 8:28 AM

_Me: …sorry, that came out way harsher than I meant. I’m really really sorry_

Message sent 8:30 AM

_Me: I just need to know that you are ok. And if you are not ok. Because I think you’re not ok_

Message sent 8:31 AM

_Me: And so we need to talk about that_

Message sent 8:34 AM

_Me: Hello?_

Message sent 8:40 AM

_Me: Dammit sayo PLEASE respond!_

Message sent 8:50 AM

All of my text messages to her were left on read. I don’t get a response back until the end of our first class at 9:00 AM.

_Sayori: sorry, my fone was silent dring clas and i didnt c ur txts until now_

_Sayori: im ok_

Okay, well, ignoring the first part of her message which is already bullshit (because I KNOW she read them), right now I think it’s probably more important right now for me to focus on the even greater bullshit that she sent me in her second text.

_Me: Yeeeah ok I don’t believe you_

_Me: Tell me where you are right now so we can talk_

I’m already looking for her in the hallway, but I’m not seeing her. I really should have at least made an effort to learn her new schedule yesterday. I hear my phone buzz though after a minute, so at least she’s responding now instead of ignoring me.

_Sayori: now??? but we have class!_

_Me: Bullshit we do. This next period is going to be just you and me talking about feelings and shit_

_Sayori: but i said im ok!!_

_Me: And I said I don’t believe you!!!_

_Me: Ugggh, I can’t do this over text. I’m calling you now_

_Sayori: wait dont!!!_

Too late. Calling Sayori. She picks up after a couple of rings, and unfortunately she sounds pretty agitated. “Natsuki…” she whimpers on the other end of the line.

“Nope, no, not going to hear it,” I say immediately, cutting her off before she can say anything. “You’re gonna tell me where you are right _now_ , and I’m gonna come get you. And you’re going to _talk to me_ about all of your feelings right now.”

“I said I’m fine!” Sayori tells me on the other end of the line. It almost sounds like she’s crying. She is definitely not fine.

“No, you’re not!” I snap back to her. I stop myself, sighing. I can’t get angry at her, I just can’t right now. I should know that. “Look, I ignored you once before when you were in a bad place, a-and it…it was the worst fucking decision of my life. I’m never, _ever_ letting that happen again…so d-don’t give me any of this.” Jesus fuck, I actually feel a tear well up in my eye. No. I need to stay focused. I clear my throat. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come find you. _Please_ , Sayori.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line as Sayori doesn’t say anything. I’m about to say something else, but then…she hangs up on me. Goddammit, Sayo…now I have to look through every single hallway, classroom, and bathroom just to find you. I quickly turn around to look for her, but that’s when I see her…she’s standing directly behind me, looking like she’s going to burst into tears at any minute. She clutches her phone as she looks at me tearfully. Thank god, she’s just here. Without another moment’s hesitation, I walk up to her and hug her tightly. I can feel her shaking, which honestly makes me only more worried. The dams are about to burst.

“H-hey, it’s gonna be okay, okay?” I tell her, gripping onto her arms. “Now…where’s the best place to ugly cry where you don’t think anyone will bother us? I know a few places that are free right now…the literature club room, a couple bathrooms that hardly anyone uses…the cooking club’s kitchen…”  I list off. These are generally the places _I_ go to ugly cry, so I would think that they would work pretty well for Sayori, too. Although I have a feeling I know which place Sayori would feel most comfortable in, and judging by how she perks up at the last suggestion, I think I’m right.

“…can we make cookies in the kitchen?” she asks in a small voice. I grin knowingly, rolling my eyes.

“Duh. But in exchange, you have to tell me what you’re feeling right now,” I insist, hoping that I’m able to say it gently enough for her to know that I’m here for her but forcefully enough for her to know it’s nonnegotiable. She seems to get the message, and, sighing shakily, Sayori nods.

“O-ok-kay…” she stutters, her lips tilted down in a sad frown. I breathe a sigh of relief. I take her hand as I lead her to the cooking club’s kitchen, partly because I’m worried that she’s going to run away from me at any moment like she did earlier this morning. Yeah…I still have to remind myself that that actually happened. It just seemed so surreal. One minute Sayori was running away, and it didn’t take too long for Monika to start running the other way either, sobbing. She seemed to be in really, really bad shape. Have the two of them really broken up? That just sounds so insane to me…sure, they maybe bicker once every now and then, but I’ve only really seen them fight _once_. They always talk about each other like they’re freaking soulmates or something, like it’s seriously insane.

Sure, the two of them can sometimes be a bit much together at times, but generally speaking? They’re actually a pretty nice couple to be around. When I’m with them, they’re touchy, but not obnoxiously touchy; they include me in discussions instead of just ignoring me; and they’re just overall fun to be around. Yuri’s great, don’t get me wrong, but if Sayori and Monika were an insufferable couple to be around then I feel like she wouldn’t have been enough to get me through these past few months living here. That’s not even mentioning that watching the two of them be together is…kind of adorable. B-but that’s a secret I would NEVER tell either of them! I don’t want to be like Sayori gushing over me and Yuri, for Christ’s sake…

What am I getting at here? Simply put, Sayori and Monika work well together as girlfriends. So, for Sayori to break up with Monika, even in a fit of anger over Monika’s stupid plan, then either I’m overlooking something major here or there is something seriously wrong going on with Sayori. And I’m going to find out what it is.

And if I have to cook some motherfucking cookies while doing that, then you’re goddamn right I’m gonna cook some motherfucking cookies.

Finally reaching the kitchen, I close the door firmly shut. “Okay, I’m going to go preheat the oven. Meanwhile, _you_ start telling me what’s going on,” I say, trying my best to maintain eye contact with Sayori as I walk over to the oven. Needless to say, it’s hard.

“I-I…” Sayori starts to say, but she closes her mouth pretty quickly as she hesitates. “I…I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”

I stop as I’m busy pulling out some of the ingredients, looking at her directly. “Come on, Sayori…are you really breaking up with Monika?” I ask her, deciding to cut straight to the chase. “Because…I know that’s your decision to make, but that really seemed to come out of nowhere for me. I thought that you were happy with her.”

“I-I am! I was…” Sayori says, correcting herself. She grimaces as if using that past tense physically pains her. Sadly, she looks down at her feet. “I-I just…this isn’t about me. It’s about her. I broke up with her for her own good.”

“Why? Because she was acting out?” I ask. Sure, what Monika was doing was stupid, but that was a pretty stupid reason to break up with someone regardless.

“She was destroying her life!” Sayori shot back at me insistently, the tears around her eyes coming back. “A-and it was all because of me! I couldn’t just let her do that! She punched someone in the library and failed a test yesterday, all because of me!” She sniffles.

I frown. I understand how she could have heard about the punching thing – Hinata’s probably told everyone who will listen to her screeching about that by now. But…how the hell does she know about the second thing? Monika told me that only after our visit to the principal, and it’s not like it’s exactly common knowledge that she failed it yet…seeing as how it hasn’t even been graded. I don’t know who else outside of me would know about that yet…except for…

“Sayori, how did you find out that she flunked a test?” I ask her. That’s when she gets all nervous.

“E-eh?” Sayori’s eyes widen. “I-I, uh…well, how do _you_ know about it?” she counters with me desperately.

“Monika told me when I forced her to tell me about her plan to convince her parents to take you back in,” I say matter-of-factly. It looks like she’s about to say something, but I stop her. I _really_ want to stay on topic. “We’ll talk about that after! But first, tell me how you know!”

Sayori becomes quiet for a moment, hesitating. Then, she gives up, sighing. “Start with the cookies. I’ll tell you,” she says. Oh, right, I’m still making cookies. Looking at her through the corner of my eye, I put the flour into the bowl. “Um…Mr. and Mrs. Amano visited me last night…”

Oh, shit. I should have known. They must have visited her when they left last night. Even this morning, Sayori was using all of the talking points that they were using: the ‘she’s destroying her life!’ line, listing out all of the things Monika’s done in the past day, she even nailed down their horrified and angry expressions yesterday. It only took me until now to put two and two together because, no matter what Yuri says, I’m a shit detective.

“What happened?” I ask gently, knowing that any conversation with those two after everything probably would have been pretty painful.

“W-well…it was all really weird,” she says, moving next to me and sitting on the counter. Definitely not hygienic, but I don’t really care – I didn’t wash my hands before this, after all. I grab one of the eggs and crack them over the bowl as I listen to her. “At first, I thought maybe they had changed their minds and were bringing me back. But…it was clear from their expressions that that wasn’t the case,” she says, sighing. “They told me about everything Moni was doing, and basically that it needed to stop. They couldn’t do anything, so…they told me I needed to. They said I should tell her to stop and that I should break up with her.”

My eyes widen in anger. “Hold on, her asshole parents are the ones that made you do this?!  You should’ve told them to go fuck themselves!” I say with maybe a bit too much of a snarl. But Sayori shakes her head.

“No…I was gonna ignore the breaking up part, at least I wanted to. Besides, they weren’t unkind about it,” Sayori says. I look at her disbelievingly. “What? They weren’t.”

“Sayori, are we talking about the same people?” I ask her, still a little shocked that she’s taking their side. “These are the people who kicked you out of your home! Not to mention how they’re homophobic bigots. And how they don’t give a shit about us. _And_ how the only thing they care about is their own reputation, according to Monika.”

Sayori hums. “Well…they might be a bit more traditional, but I think they would have come around eventually to same-sex relationships if they gave it a chance. I don’t think they’d really care if they found out about you and Yuri, for example,” she says, scratching her chin. “And on the other things…yeah, it’s true that they could have been more present as foster parents. But as far as regular parenting goes, they really do care about Monika. They want her to succeed…they just have a very rigid idea of what success looks like. I actually had a pretty good relationship with them, you know, before everything happened.”

Okay, that’s genuinely surprising. I thought that they really only cared about themselves, like Monika said. What she said was pretty believable, after all. I crack another egg. “I understand why Monika’s upset with them right now…but, to be fair to them, the way they found out about us was when we were having sex in their living room,” Sayori says with a blush. I gasp. Holy shit, she actually said the s-word when talking about her and Monika. I’m tempted to slap her hand with the wooden spoon next to me for ruining the innocent image I have in my head of her. But that probably wouldn’t be too helpful right now. “Maybe if they were eased into the whole relationship thing, they might have reacted better. But here we are…and it’s because of me,” Sayori says with a sigh. I quirk an eyebrow.

“Hold on, sex is about consent, isn’t it? So it’s not _just_ your fault, it’s because _both_ of you were horny and couldn’t keep the hanky-panky in your own room,” I say. Sayori chuckles slightly. Well, at least I was able to make her laugh…that’s progress, right? Although I seriously didn’t like that line about her blaming herself. “Seriously, though…it’s not your fault. Things shouldn’t be like this.”

Sayori sighs, not seeming entirely convinced as she becomes serious. “Well, regardless, that’s how things are. I guess what I’m trying to say with all of this is…they aren’t these monsters. Uptight, definitely, and sometimes they can maybe come off as a bit cold. But they’re not heartless,” she explains. “They actually liked me when they took me in…I mean, they chose me for a reason, right? They sympathized with what I had been through enough to offer me a home…even when I thought I wasn’t worthy of one. And like I said, they weren’t unkind to me when I visited last night. They were just…upset, and angry. Because of Monika. And they were angry at me for a minute, but they stopped once they realized that I didn’t know anything about it.”

Have I really just been misunderstanding Monika’s parents? I didn’t really consider it until just now…to be fair, I haven’t had many interactions with them, but that in and of itself has to say something about them. And when I have talked to them, they either seemed awkward or just downright mean. I don’t think Sayori’s optimistic portrait of them paints the whole picture (especially considering all of the nasty stuff they’ve said about her the past couple of days), but maybe mine doesn’t, either. I’m pretty heavily biased against parents after…well, shit, everything. For Monika’s parents, it’s probably some sort of grey area in between. I decide to just let it go as I add some sugar to the bowl.

“Okay, fine. So tell me what happened next, after they told you to break it off with Monika,” I prompt her. Sayori nods, sighing again. For situations like these, I should really install some sort of sigh counter to count the number of sighs a single person can possibly make before they reach their limit.

“Well…I was pretty scared, but I wanted to be honest. I told them I didn’t want to break up with her, but that I would tell Monika to stop doing those things instead and if she didn’t, then I would. They said that was enough, and then left. A-and…I think that’s what I did,” she says, beginning to become sad again. And also angry. She clenches her fists. “Why did she decide to do something so stupid?! And why didn’t you try to stop her??”

“I did!” I say. Then I falter. “Well, kind of. I questioned her a lot and told her how I wasn’t sure it was gonna work. But she seemed so sure that it would, and…well, I really wanted you back home, so I thought it was worth a shot.”

“That’s the thing…it probably would have worked. But it wouldn’t have been worth it,” Sayori says firmly, looking more sad than angry again. “If I was gonna come back, it should be because Mr. and Mrs. Amano are ready for me to come back. Forcing it like this is just going to make them resent me…and maybe damage their relationship with Monika entirely. And…” she pauses, her eyes flicking back down at her knees to look away from me. “…I’m really not worth all of the trouble. I-I…I think maybe it’s best if they don’t take me back in at all.”

That’s when I stop baking. Okay, maybe, just _maybe_ , I can wrap my head around the idea that Monika’s parents aren’t bad people, but this? Oh, hell no. “That’s such bullshit!” I snap at her, gritting my teeth as I turn directly to face her. Sayori jumps. “You are SO worth it, and even though Monika’s plan is dumb, I’m still gonna do everything I can to bring you back home! You belong there!”

Sayori looks at me uneasily. “B-but…but…” she stutters. “Wouldn’t it be easier for you all to just forget about it and move on? Look at all of you…all I’m doing now is causing problems where they shouldn’t exist. If you forgot about me, then…then you’d all be better off…”

“Stop!” I shout at her. Sayori jumps back again, a little frightened as she looks at me. I get a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as she talks about herself like that…it reminds me of the feeling I got when I first found out about Sayori’s failed attempt. The thought of her just feeling so totally alone, so helpless…it was unbearable for me. I wasn’t there for her that time…but I’m here now. I _need_ to get these thoughts out of her head.

“Sayori, let’s forget about Monika for a minute. Let’s talk about me,” I tell her now that I’ve gotten her attention. “My life would be _miserable_ without you. You’re the one who kept me sane when we were kids and my Papa started abusing me. You’re the one who stopped me from hating myself. And you’re also the one who helped build me back up from the lowest point in my life enough so I could confess to Yuri! So _don’t_ tell me that my life would somehow be better off if I ‘forgot’ about you. I could _never_ forget about you, Sayori Ozaki.” Tears start to leak from the corners of my eyes now as I get worked up over this again.

“A…a while ago, you told me, when I was talking myself down, to stop saying that stuff about me, because that was your best friend I was talking about. Remember that?” I ask her. Sayori’s practically frozen in place right now, but slowly she nods. I grab her hand, looking back firmly at her. “W-well…I have something to say back, now. That shit about you not being worth it? Well, stop it. Because that’s my goddamn sister you’re talking about, and I _won’t_ have you besmirching her good name.”

Sayori’s eyes widen as she stares at me in shock at _that_ word. The s-word (I mean, the different s-word). It’s been a long time coming, honestly…at this point, best friend doesn’t cut it. Of course, she _is_ my best friend, but at this point she’s more than that. Not in a romantic way or anything like that…it’s always just felt natural for us to be like sisters. So much so that Sayori even said that she had a plan to kidnap me and make me live with her when we were young. Still, though, for me to say it out loud like that probably caught Sayori off guard. “Sisters?” she squeaks, looking back at me. Tears are sparkling in her eyes. “N…Nat, really?”

“Obviously. What else would we be?” I ask her. “I know I’ve never really said it, but…we’ve always kind of been sisters, haven’t we? Even if I failed big time at being one for a couple years. And…we always _will_ be sisters,” I insist. “So don’t EVER think that I would forget about you. The one time I did try to distance myself from you, it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. So don’t go doing that to me either. It’s only been three months since I got my sister back, and I’m not letting her go easily, no matter what you do.”

Sayori looks at me with an increasingly widening smile for a moment before she bursts into tears, jumping off of the counter to wrap me in a tight hug. Oh, thank god. I have a feeling that we both need one of these. I hug her back just as tightly as she sobs into my shoulder. “S-sorry…I’m really messing up your blazer, aren’t I…” she says, sniffling.

I shush her. “Oh, please. I make a good human tissue,” I say with a grin. That gets a giggle out of Sayori as we share the inside joke between us. She sniffles again as she holds onto me.

“Sisters…” she mutters, and even though she has her face buried in my shoulder, I can hear the smile in her voice. “I’ve always thought of us like that, too…I just didn’t want to say it because I was afraid you would get scared and run away.”

I feel a pang of guilt as I remember that that’s exactly what I did, even without her saying it. I just saw myself as getting ‘too close’ to her…but I’m not afraid of that anymore. “Well, that fear’s not based on nothing…I get it. If you had said that back…before…then I probably would have run away. But I’m a stronger person now than the person I was back then…and it’s all thanks to you.” I pause. “And, well, okay, Yuri is a big part of it, too, but I wouldn’t have gotten closer to her in the first place if it wasn’t for you, so really, it _is_ all thanks to you.”

Gradually pulling away from me, Sayori smiles at me tearfully. “I…thank you. I’m not going to lie, my depression has gotten pretty bad these past few days…I kept on telling myself that you guys had just given up on me, and that I might as well just try to get out of your lives for your own good. But…I’m glad you told me that it wasn’t true.” She grins. “I really have the best sister ever, don’t I?”

“Damn straight. I do, too,” I say to her, grinning back. While that speech was nice, her mentioning her depression coming back really got my attention. I should ask her about that…

But that’s when the oven decides to interrupt us by beeping rather loudly to tell us that the cookies need to go in. Oh, shit. We forgot about the cookies, and if I don’t rush this then there’ll be no time to actually bake them. In a panic, I run over to the other side of the room and grab some cookie trays and tell Sayori to stir all of the shit together. After a minute or so (as in, way too short of a time), I quickly pour that shit on the tray and throw the entire bag of chocolate chips that the cooking club keeps onto the tray disorderly, and both of us run quickly across the room to put the tray in the oven. I wipe the sweat off my forehead, and by the end of it both of us are sitting down on the floor, breathing heavily out of exhaustion.

“Curse you, cookies! You’re supposed to bring joy, not pain!” Sayori wails, slumping down on the ground. I laugh.

“Trust me, after you do this long enough, you get used to the pain,” I say, rolling my eyes fondly. Getting up, I grab the bowl filled with cookie dough and a spoon…I know this is Sayori’s favorite part. Her eyes lighting up, she takes the bowl eagerly and scrapes a spoonful of the dough from the bowl, putting it in her mouth and moaning in what appears to be ecstasy.

“Mmmmm, thish ish SHO good!” she says, taking the spoon out of her mouth and licking her lips. “Those cookies are gonna be great!”

“Well, let’s hope so,” I say, sighing. Honestly, I don’t like to rush things, but after cooking with Yuri more than a few times during our free period, I’m used to it.

Sayori hums, smiling for a moment before she becomes more serious. “Nat…what should I do about Monika?” she asks, a worried look on her face. “I can only imagine how upset she must have been…”

Oh, right, we were having a really serious discussion before, weren’t we? Back on topic. “You want my advice?” I ask her. She nods.

“Yeah…that’s what sisters do, right? We give each other advice that no one else can help us with,” she says. Honestly, just hearing her confirm us being sisters gives me this really giddy feeling.

“Well, okay, sis,” I say, smiling at her. “Here’s a question for you, then: do you _want_ to break up with Monika?”

Sayori immediately shakes her head, frowning. I nod.

“Okay. That’s good, because she’s probably the only person you would get my approval from,” I say jokingly. Sayori rolls her eyes, giggling slightly. “If you want my opinion, then…you should just go talk to her one-on-one. Lunch would probably be a good time. Explain that even though she did a stupid thing, that you don’t want to break up, and that if she wants to get back together with you, then she needs to _stop_ doing the stupid thing that’s been doing.”

“And what if she says that she’s not gonna stop the stupid thing?” Sayori asks worriedly. Ah, shit, looks like my wise advice meter ran out. But for some reason, I still find myself answering her confidently.

“Then you come back to me and we can talk it through. But I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I say. “We know Monika…she may have been acting weird the past few days, but she’s not unreasonable. She just wants you back home, like we all do. If you frame it the same way you framed it to me, then I think she’ll understand, and once that’s over with we’ll come up with a new, better plan to get you back home.”

Sayori smiles. “I…I think you’re right. Thank you so much, Natsuki,” she says to me. She points the spoon back down to the bowl of cookie dough she’s holding. “Now, time for me to finish this cookie dough so it can give me strength!”

I laugh. I hope that she and Monika are able to patch things up. Although now I can’t help but feel the next problem looming over us: if Monika’s plan isn’t going to work to bring Sayori back home…then what will?

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright, everyone!”

The day is almost over, and it’s already time for the literature club to meet. Our meetings have been sort of off the past week, given that Sayori being gone hast turned our lives kind of upside-down. Monika, Yuri, and I just went home early the days we didn’t know where Sayori was, and then the last two days Monika was gone so it was just me, Yuri, and Sayori. Now, though, for the first time this week, it’s all four of us at the club, together again. And it’s Friday. That being said, though, both Monika and Sayori look considerably happier. _Especially_ Monika, who was inconsolable at the beginning of the day. Maybe it’s because there’s a plate of cookies in the desk in between us, but I’m thinking that it’s something else.

“I know that this past week has been…difficult, for all of us,” Monika starts to say once she has all of our attentions. “And the literature club had been a big casualty because of it. But…I’m afraid that we aren’t going to be able to have a regular meeting today, either. Hopefully, our regular reading and poetry-writing sessions will continue next week, but…there’s just some updates we wanted to give you guys on everything.”

Monika always sounds so formal and ‘presidential’ during the club meetings. Now that we’re all comfortable with each other, she never really acts this way any other time, but she always insists on keeping up the club president act in the clubroom. Whenever I ask her about it, she reminds me that the literature club is an officially registered club at school, so technically anyone could join it…even though we don’t promote it at all, and we don’t really want anyone else to join it. But Monika insists on preparing herself mentally every club meeting just in case some new member wants to join…whatever.

“So…would you guys like the good news or the bad news first?” Monika asks us. Judging by how close Monika and Sayori are sitting next to each other, I think I can already guess the good news. Sayori confirms it literally only seconds later.

“Good news first!” Sayori says quickly, a wide smile on her face as she leans over to kiss Monika on the cheek. “We’re officially back together!” I let out a whoop-whoop as Monika turns to look at me with a knowing smile. I give her a silent you’re welcome back.

“Ah, I’m truly very pleased to hear that…congratulations, you two,” Yuri says, smiling at the both of them. “I hope that everything was sorted out to the both of your satisfactions?”

Monika nods. “Yes…well, we had a long talk about everything, and we both agreed to stay together…so long as I, um, stay out of trouble for the most part,” she adds, the wide smile on her face after the first announcement falling somewhat.

“And I agreed to let you all try to find a way to get me back home…” Sayori says, a smaller smile on her face, too. “If you have any ideas that don’t involve getting yourself into trouble. Um, because…” she looks over at Monika, a little bit of a nervous expression on her face. Monika sighs as Yuri and I look at her curiously.

“…I don’t have any idea how to convince my parents to bring her back,” Monika admits, looking at the both of us seriously. That takes me a little off guard.

“Wait, seriously? _That_ was your only plan?” I ask her. Monika nods regretfully.

“Yeah…not my best moment, I admit. I didn’t really think everything through…not to mention that it’s going to take forever for my hair to grow back…” she says, pulling at her shorter hair. It is still a bit jarring to look at. Not that she looks bad at it, really, but personally I’m still glad that Yuri has long hair…girls with longer hair are more attractive, at least for me. N-not that I’m so shallow that I’d dump her if she cut her hair!

“You look cute with shorter hair!” Sayori insists, causing Monika to blush again. But both of them have sort of bittersweet smiles on their faces. “But…yeah, we don’t know what to do. I think that, after everything yesterday, Monika’s parents are gonna be mad at me and her for a while, so…it’s probably gonna be a long time before they’d even consider bringing me back.”

“What? Come on, there has to be something!” I say to the both of them, looking back at Monika. “There HAS to be! Surely there’s some other weakness of your parents that you can use?”

Monika looks at me for a long, silent moment before looking away, closing her eyes painfully. “I…I’ve thought hard. Really hard. And…I can’t think of anything that would convince them. Once their minds are set…they’re usually set for good,” she says. Sayori sighs, turning her head down to look at her desk.

“I think…I think she’s right. It’s hard, but…it might be a while before we’re all living together again,” Sayori says with a quiet voice, and the implications of that really fucking hit me hard.

There’s a silence between all four of us before Yuri clears her throat, glancing at me. “Erm, if I may, Sayori, you asked for ideas…and, well, Natsuki and I were talking about future remedies to this problem for ourselves last night,” she says. “Perhaps…perhaps it would be more fruitful for the two of you to formulate solutions for the long-term as opposed to expecting a short-term remedy to this issue.” As Monika and Sayori look at her curiously, she continues. “I’m talking about after the both of you graduate. Of course, Monika, I am assuming that you are going to immediately pursue some form of higher education, but once Sayori graduates, you would already be in your third year of university…perhaps, with some help, you could even have enough for a new home separate from your current one.”

“Help? What do you mean?” Monika asks, furrowing her brow. “If my parents knew that I would be having a place only with Sayori, I doubt that they would be willing to ‘chip in’…”

“R-right…well, I wasn’t referring to them,” Yuri says, straightening up in her seat. “Instead…I was referring to me. You see, I had already devised plans after I graduate to save up money for a small apartment for Natsuki and myself…through my current working hours, I am already saving up quite a lot. If…if you felt it would be helpful, perhaps it would be most convenient to combine our efforts. Monika, if perhaps you were to get a job, as well as repair your relationship with your parents to the point where they would trust you enough to send payments your way, then we may be able to together pay for a four-person, two-bedroom living arrangement for all of us the moment Sayori and Natsuki graduate from high school.”

Well, this is certainly different from the way that she had framed it yesterday when we talked about it. But at the same time, we didn’t really know that Sayori and Monika’s relationship was going to go through a roller coaster like it did today…and now, Monika is without any plan. She seems to appreciate it as she gives Yuri a smile. “Yeah…I do know houses and flats are pretty expensive around here, but I think that actually might be able to work,” Monika says encouragingly.

Sayori also seems to give a small smile at the suggestion. “Wow, the four of us living together as adults…we could have movie night every night!” she says in a joking manner. While that is a nice thought, and honestly it’s a pretty good idea that Yuri had (I mean, no shocker there), there’s still something that’s bothering me.

“Yeah, no, I mean, that’s great. But…” I start to say, looking at the three other girls sitting around me. “What about the short-term? I don’t want to wait two-and-a-half years or however long it’ll be. I want to bring Sayori back now.”

Monika sighs. It seems like, at least for now, it’s back to square one for her. “Trust me, Natsuki, I do, too. And I’m still trying to think of something…you can, too. And Sayori promised to start thinking of something also,” she says, looking over at her girlfriend with a somewhat bittersweet smile.

“Right!” Sayori says, her smile widening encouragingly for a moment before it falls into a gentler, sadder smile. “But…I think there’s a really good chance that Monika’s parents will, uh, never agree to take me back,” Sayori says with a bit of a sigh as she stares distantly at her desk. That hits me as a gut punch. I really, really hate that idea. It shouldn’t be like this…it just shouldn’t. I look at Monika for some sort of confirmation…and all she does is look at me solemnly. Even with just that one look, it’s enough to tell me that she agrees with Sayori. As I realize just the real depths of suckiness of this entire situation, I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a long, shaky sigh that travels through my lungs. Yeah, this definitely really, really sucks.

Yuri helps keep me calm for the rest of the club meeting by holding my hand across the desk, but honestly, I’m really having a hard time accepting this bullshit. Earlier today, I said that Sayori was my goddamn _sister_ – shouldn’t sisters have each other’s backs? Sayori’s definitely had my back too many times to count. And I can’t help but feel like I’m letting her down…again. And this time, I don’t feel like any amount of heart-to-heart talks with Sayori is going to change that just yet. Especially now that I know that her depression has been bad the past few days.

I feel like I have zero control over this entire situation, which is exactly how I felt as soon as I heard Monika’s parents shouting at the two of them downstairs. And I don’t like that. Why? I don’t know, I’m not here to fucking psychoanalyze myself. I just don’t like giving up control anymore, now that I have some form of it here in my new life.

The club meeting lasts for the rest of its regular time, but we definitely don’t talk about literature or poems or anything like that. We just hear how Sayori’s doing at her now foster house (bearably, it seems like), how her first couple of days back at school have been like (given the whole Monika drama, not very good), and plans to hopefully meet up over the weekend. Even though Monika’s technically grounded, she says that maybe she’ll be able to sneak out with us to go to a park that’s near Sayori’s new place. It sounds nice…but still, definitely very off. And it takes all of my energy, the cookies, and the things Yuri tries to do to comfort me, to stop myself from breaking down.

I know Sayori’s not GONE gone, but it still feels like a huge part of my life is going to be a lot more distant from me from now on. And I’m going to miss that. I’m going to miss seeing her when I come back from school and entertaining her with stories about Yuri while I wait for her to come back from work. I’m going to miss the movie nights where it’s the four of us and Sayori leans over to whisper a joke or something stupid like “now’s your chance, make a move on your girl!” in my ear. I’m going to miss the pillow fights we were having on a semi-daily basis before the dual meteors known as Mr. and Mrs. Amano came crashing into our lives. She’s definitely not gone. But that still doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss Sayori Ozaki.

We say our goodbyes with her at the usual time we’re _all_ supposed to leave the club, but now, it’s just Monika, Yuri, and I driving back home. Yuri’s with me in the backseat, squeezing my hand comfortingly. Honestly, I don’t know why I feel like I want to cry…overall, this day is a hell of a lot better than yesterday. I finally got some sort of understanding about Sayori’s current situation, and now I’m not having to wonder what unpredictable thing Monika is going to do next. But…yeah. It still sucks.

“What the hell?” I hear from the front seat. It’s Monika. I’ve mainly been zoning out thinking about all of this shit for the car ride back home, and I look up to find that we’ve already arrived. However, there isn’t a place for Monika’s car to park in the driveway. For one, it looks like both of her parents’ cars are already parked in the driveway, which is strange. They’re never home this early. But the second thing that I immediately notice is the two other cars in the driveway…are those police cars?

Monika parks on the curb in front of the house as Yuri furrows her brow. “Erm, Monika, I presume you don’t have any idea as to why the local authorities are present here?” she asks. Monika shakes her head. I take a closer look at the house, only to find quite a few policemen surrounding the house. One of them is even on a ladder by the door and looks like he’s…setting up a video camera?

Monika must see that, too, because as soon as she does notice the camera being set up, she becomes a lot angrier. “Hold on, did my parents set this all up? They had to!” she growls, forcefully opening the car door and slamming it. “They’re _seriously_ going to try to keep me on a leash to make sure I don’t sneak out?!”

“I, ah, I’m not sure why the police would be the one to set it up, if that were the case…” Yuri points out as she gets out of the car. She has one hell of a point. “Why would they not just arrange a monitoring system via a private contractor instead?”

Monika stops, her anger suddenly turning into confusion. Or maybe angry confusion. “I…I don’t know?” she says, looking at both Yuri and me. To be honest, I really don’t have any fucking idea what this is all about. But standing around by the car won’t get us any answers.

Closing the car door, I walk up to the front door, getting a couple of the officers’ attention. “Hey! What’s all this about?” I ask them. The two officers share a look, and I’m really not sure what that’s supposed to mean at all. Answer me, dammit.

“Perhaps you girls should go inside…it would be best if Sergeant Yamotamo explained the situation personally. He is waiting for you,” one of them says, looking at me. Yamotamo…that name sounds really goddamn familiar. Where is it from again? Definitely not a manga…oh, shit, that’s right. That was the police officer that took my statement, waaaaay back when I was in the hospital. He’s the guy who handled my entire case, apparently, although I only met him a handful of times. And I didn’t meet him at all after my week in the hospital, if I’m honest. He did give me a call a couple of days after Papa was sentenced, but by that point Yuri had already shared the good news.

…so what the hell was Sergeant Yamotamo doing here with half a dozen police officers?

I look back at Yuri and Monika, confused as all hell. Monika seems just as confused as I am, but something about Yuri’s expression has changed. Her eyes have widened and, unless I’m imagining things, it looks like her face just got a little bit paler after what that officer just said. After the police cars and the camera, this should be the third thing that tells me that something really serious is going on. But…for whatever reason, I just decide to ignore it and head straight inside, wanting some answers.

Sure enough, as soon as I open the door, I see Sergeant Yam…yam…shit, I already forgot his name. Sergeant Yam-Tomato. Yam for short. He’s sitting in the kitchen across from Monika’s parents, and it looks like they’re discussing something really serious. Mr. and Mrs. Amano have really worried expressions on their face, which is something I haven’t seen on them, like, ever. As soon as Yuri, Monika, and I, walk closer, they all notice. The policeman stands up, while Mr. and Mrs. Amano look at Monika’s new haircut with abject horror for a moment before they tear their eyes away. It almost looks like their minds are on something else, for once.

“Ms. Kizumi…” Sergeant Yam begins to address me. That’s when I remember the annoying habit he had of doing that all the fucking time. And I really, really don’t like that form of address.

“ _Just_ Natsuki,” I correct him. Sergeant Yam nods, bowing his head in apology.

“Of course…Natsuki,” he says, more than a little awkwardly. “Erm, why don’t you sit down?”

Sit down? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? “Tell me what’s going on here first,” I tell him, crossing my arms. “What are you doing here?”

Sergeant Yam sighs. “Straight to the point, eh? Well, if you insist,” he says. I have to hold my tongue because he’s honestly not getting straight to the point, he’s taking his damn time to dance around what’s going on. “I came to bring you the news that, for your own safety, we have set up a protective security detail around you, as well as cameras to monitor your house, at least temporarily.”

“That doesn’t explain anything. Why?” I ask, gritting my teeth. All of this shit was about me? Why do I need ‘protective security detail’ (what a weird way to phrase it) around me? And…why is  _this_ guy the one seemingly in charge of it? It can’t be because…no, I refuse to even entertain that. It can’t be related to him. It _can’t_ be. He’s in jail, forever. No chance of fucking parole means no chance of parole. And it’s not like…goddammit, why the FUCK is this guy taking so long to respond?!?

Thinking about this after the fact, I really shouldn’t blame this police officer. He’s just doing his job. And right now, he’s trying to find the right words to explain something that is unexplainable. Besides, this type of news…no matter how anyone would have explained it to me, it still would have taken all of the confidence, strength, and sense of self-worth I had built up over the course of these three months and violently shattered it on the ground into a million pieces. And that’s what this guy is about to do as he clears his throat and looks at me in the eye.

“There was an incident earlier today at the penitentiary holding your father,” he says to me seriously. “He’s escaped.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeeepp.
> 
> My end notes are gonna be much shorter than usual for these next few chapters, mainly because I don't want to spoil anything that's coming up. Just know that, well, if you had a difficult time with these past few chapters, then...well, I won't say too much.
> 
> On a positive note, this story has become my most read fic on this site, which is incredible for me!! Thank you all so much for your support as always, I've started work on the next chapter and hopefully I'll be able to finish it soon-ish. I'm still very happy with myself that I was able to finish this chapter so quickly! Until next time :)


	13. I have a panic attack, because what else do you fucking expect me to do right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Loooooooooong chapter. Put your reading glasses on for this one!

I’m not able to think about anything right now as I fall to my knees. My hands grip my hair violently, as I sink further down. There’s this loud ringing in my ears that’s not going away. I’m curled up into a ball now, and I’m breathing really, really fast. Too fast. I’m hyperventilating. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I can’t breathe.

Gradually, I hear a few distant sounds…they sound like knocks on the door. That’s the only thing I’m able to focus on right now. I try to get the ringing out of my ears and focus on the knocking, which I now realize is becoming really rapid. This same person, whoever it is, is also desperately trying to turn the handle, but the door is locked. It’s…it’s the door to my room. W-wait, how did I get here? I thought I was downstairs…I must have run up here right after…right after…

There’s a voice attached to the knocking that quickly becomes louder.

“Natsuki! L-let me in! Please…”

Yuri. _Yuri_.

I need her.

I try to stand up, but my head swims and I’m forced back to the ground. I try to call back out to her, but my voice is weak and I can’t form any words. What would I say anyway, that I’m ‘okay’? I _need_ Yuri in here. Slowly, I begin to crawl towards the door, making my way towards her voice. Reaching up, I’m able to grab hold of the doorknob with just enough energy to unlock the door with a click.

Immediately, Yuri comes in. Well, I assume it’s Yuri. I don’t look up. I’m too busy shivering on the ground as I hyperventilate. I hear the door close and lock again, and I feel those familiar, wonderful arms embrace me. Sitting down on the floor with me, she holds me tightly.

“N-natsuki, your breathing…j-just p-p-please try to follow m-mine…” Yuri stutters as she forces herself to let out long, deep breaths. It takes me a little bit of time, but I eventually follow along, trying to match my breathing with hers. That’s the only thing about me that’s calming down about me right now, though.

As my breathing steadies, Yuri holds me a little bit tighter in her lap, planting kisses all over my face. The soothing effect that they usually have isn’t working right now, though. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I feel tears of horror, or fear, or whatever emotion prick at my eyes.

“He’s out. He’s out Yuri he’s going to k-kill me,” I say, my stomach dropping as I try to take another deep, staggering breath. I can’t shout it, I can’t yell. I don’t have the courage to do that right now. “H-he’s going to find me and he’s going to fucking kill me, he’s going to destroy everything—”

“No, he won’t,” Yuri tells me, tilting my chin up so I’m forced to look at her. It’s really only now that I see just how rattled she is by this, too, but her voice remains firm. “H-he won’t. He’ll have to get through me.”

I really don’t like the sound of that, but I don’t have the energy to fight with her right now. I just hold onto her tighter. “Just hold me…I need you…” I say quietly. Yuri doesn’t have to be told twice, and even though she’s already holding me, she squeezes her arms around me just that much tighter enough to make a little bit of a difference. She kisses me on the forehead as I bury my face into her chest. I’m not able to do anything right now except cling onto her, whimpering and crying.

Only one thought is running through my mind right now: this can’t be happening. This seriously can’t be happening. I’m waiting for the moment when I wake up suddenly and realize that this was all just a bad dream, but I don’t wake up. The tears on my face tell me very clearly that this is all real. And it shouldn’t be happening. How the fuck did this happen?!

Yuri’s thinking the same thing too right now, I’m thinking. Still holding onto me tightly, she sighs. “Natsuki…I need…” she starts to say, but she stops herself. “We _both_ need to find out what’s going on here. We need to go downstairs while that police officer is still here…you don’t have to say anything. I’ll ask him what exact measures they’re taking to find him and protect you, and all you’ll have to do is listen. But it’s important that you hear what he has to say, too…do you think you can do that for me, sweetheart?”

I’m not going to lie, I really, _really_ don’t think I can. But I know I kind of have to. I need to at least listen to what he has to say, even if I’m now scared of leaving this room out of fear that he…he’ll be waiting outside.

…n-no. He isn’t. He’s just…I need to snap out of this. Slowly, I nod against her. Yuri sighs again, rubbing my back comfortingly as she kisses me on the forehead again. Fuck, I really need this right now.

“You won’t have to leave my side, okay?” Yuri confirms with me. I nod against her again. “O-okay…let’s get up, then.” I let out a shuddering breath as I slowly detach myself from her. As we both slowly stand up, though, Yuri doesn’t let go so easily – she immediately wraps a protective arm around my waist. It feels nice…really nice, actually. It tells me that she really means it when she says I won’t have to leave her side, literally. That gives me just enough strength to walk with Yuri out of the room and down the stairs to face the fucked-up nightmare that is my current reality. I’m still shivering though.

Slowly, we make our way downstairs. Everyone else is still there: Mr. and Mrs. Amano, Monika, and the Sergeant. All four of them are sitting down at the kitchen table, and they seem to be talking about something very seriously…or, well, the Sergeant seems to be talking to them. As soon as we come down the stairs, all four heads turn towards us. I wince as I feel everyone’s eyes on me…why can’t they just fucking focus on anyone but me right now?!

“Natsuki…” Sergeant Yam gets up from his seat, walking over towards me. “I am very sorry if—”

“No.” The officer seems startled as Yuri says that word harshly towards him. I’m more than a little startled, too. I look up at her, only to see her glaring at him. Whoa. “An apology does not solve the severity of this situation, so spare your breath. Instead, explain exactly _how_ your men, who are obviously _grossly_ incompetent, could have ever allowed something so unthinkable to happen,” Yuri says in an icy tone. The arm she’s keeping around my shoulder tightens.

Sergeant Yam lets out a sigh. “Ms. Nakamura, believe me, I want answers as well. Presently, however, there is no obvious explanation as to how this occurred,” he says. His voice seems pretty exhausted, like he’s been preparing for this conversation all day. “I still don’t have a full grasp on everything that happened. But a rough chain of events is that, early this morning, there was some sort of prisoner riot at the detention center where Mr. Kizumi was being detained…and it got violent. After a rigorous headcount, it was found that three prisoners were unaccounted for. Mr. Kizumi was one of them.”

“That still doesn’t explain the complete and utter failure of the inept guards to prevent something like this from occurring,” Yuri snaps at him. All I can do is watch as she takes full control of the situation. “How far away was this facility? What _exactly_ are you doing to find Mr. Kizumi anyway?”

“Outside of the city. About thirty kilometers away,” Sergeant Yam says. My eyes widen at that. Holy shit, I didn’t realize it was _that_ close. Just hearing that makes me jump a little bit, and Yuri’s eyes widen angrily at the officer. He seems to wince a little bit again. Honestly, with Yuri’s tone, he now seems a lot like a kid being scolded for doing something wrong…which I guess isn’t too far from the truth. “I feel the need to immediately clarify that there is no reason for us to believe that he is coming here. Natsuki, he has no idea where you are, nor would he be able to find the resources to find you without us catching him. And we will inevitably find him soon.”

“Yes, but you seemed to exclude exactly _how_ you manage to accomplish this, which was my second question,” Yuri tells him sharply.

“We are working around-the-clock 24/7 to find your father, as well as his fellow escapees. All police forces within this prefecture and all neighboring ones, as well as the national authorities, have been put on high alert and are actively working to try to apprehend them. This is our number one priority right now,” he states. He’s talking to me again. “We _will_ find him, and I would like to think it will not take long. It could even take a few hours.”

I want to take his word for it, but, unfortunately, my history with law enforcement’s capabilities has been less than stellar. They made house visits to my old place multiple times over the course of a decade and even then, they didn’t do jack shit until I had almost been beaten to death and was in the hospital. I get that I wasn’t the most cooperative witness, but still. Reeeaally gave me a lot of faith in our police institutions. Not. And now that the psychopath that is my father is out on the loose (also a testament to how GREAT the system works), I kind of need them to get their fucking act together.

“Until then, however…we are placing an extensive security detail around your home,” he explains, snapping me back to the present. “Cameras are currently being set up to cover the entire perimeter of this house, which will be monitored at all times. Two policemen will be stationed around the clock at the front and back entrances, and we have an extensive surveillance and response team on guard within a one-kilometer radius, as well as the entire neighborhood. This includes the woods in the back of your house.”

“That’s it?! You should have the whole squadron here!” Yuri yells suddenly, her anger flaring up. I know she’s been snappy before, but the furious tone she adopts really surprises me. “Do you know who you’re dealing with? This man is insane! She needs the maximum amount of protection you can afford, and what you have is not nearly enough!”

“Ms. Nakamura, please, I’ve afforded all of the protection I possibly can. I need the rest of my men to be out there to find him,” Sergeant Yam says patiently. At least he’s being patient, and his logic makes sense. I nudge Yuri slightly with my arm to tell her silently to calm down, and she relents. “As I said, there is no reason for us to suspect that her father knows where she is, so we should assume that the protection around your house will not be necessary. We are also, however, setting up another secure zone around your school to ensure that he doesn’t come there…and if he does, we will know.”

He takes a deep breath as he kneels down slightly to look at me at eye level. “Additionally, we have set up a personal police escort for you during this time. They will take you to and from school, as well as anywhere else you may need to go. This will be a temporary measure that will last only so far as your father remains at large. I promise you…you will be fully protected, and there is nothing to fear.”

Now why on earth do I have a hard fucking time believing that?

Although if I’m honest, I really don’t feel like fighting right now, even if Yuri does. Even if I shout…it’s almost like I’m worried that that will tell _him_ that I’m here. So, slowly, I nod. He nods back.

“Once again, I sincerely apologize that this even occurred…it should be over before you know it,” he says standing back up. He looks at both me and Yuri respectfully again. “If you wish to contact me at any point, then one of the officers here will gladly give you a direct line to me.” With that, he heads towards the door. I notice Yuri watching his every movement stiffly. The way she immediately stood up to him, and I didn’t even have to say a word…it made me feel pretty thankful to have her, that’s for sure.

Honestly, there’s nothing more that I want to do than go back up to our room, but Monika’s parents stop me. As soon as the police officer leaves, the two of them approach me. Neither of them seems to really think much about Yuri, whose arm is still around me…hopefully they just see it as a friendly hug, because I don’t want her to let go. On the other hand, though, Sayori _did_ mention offhand how they probably wouldn’t care if we were in a relationship…I just hope that she’s right, because, if I need to reiterate this, I really don’t want Yuri to let go of me right now. Thankfully, she doesn’t.

“Natsuki…we’re so sorry that something like this is happening. We can’t imagine what it’s like,” Mrs. Amano says to me. Mr. Amano reaches over to pat me on the shoulder. Is this…compassion? Are they really capable of feeling something like that? Ugh, I don’t even know anymore.

“If there is anything that we can do for you right now, then just let us know,” Mr. Amano tells me. Of course, I can think of one thing…bring Sayori back home. But even if they’re showing me a little bit of kindness, I doubt they’d go that far. Sighing, I shake my head.

At that moment, Monika abruptly comes up to us. I haven’t had the chance to take a good look at her, but it looks like she’s actually been crying…maybe from the shock. Her parents step to the side and she immediately goes and hugs me. “Natsuki…I’m so, incredibly sorry,” she says, her voice cracking slightly. Okay, _that_ took me off guard. Yuri releases her arm around me temporarily. “I…back in the hospital, I promised you that your father would be permanently out of the picture…I’m _so_ sorry. I’ll make sure he stays away, we all will.”

I’m not sure how she’s supposed to make sure that happens…but I appreciate the sentiment, regardless. “Thanks, Monika…” I mumble, the first words I’ve actually said out loud since I came downstairs. She pulls away and sighs. Yuri puts a gentle hand on my shoulder, causing me to look at her.

“Why don’t you two go upstairs? I can bring up dinner for the both of you in a little while,” Monika tells us. She can probably tell that I really just want to be alone right now…well, alone with Yuri, anyway. Yuri looks down at me questioningly, and I nod.

“Thank you,” Yuri says, looking at her and then back at me. And so that’s what we do. We go upstairs, close the door, and then all of the little composure I might have had downstairs immediately vanishes. Yuri’s able to carry me just far enough so we can reach her bed, and then after that, I collapse, sobbing into her chest and clinging onto her for dear life. I’m not sure what else I can do right now.

All I know is that I have a sinking feeling that things are only going to get worse from here on out.

 

* * *

 

 

“Natsuki? Are you awake?”

I’m not sure exactly what time it is…my entire sense of time is pretty distorted right now. I just know that it’s some time in the early morning, or late morning. And yes, I’m awake. I’ve been awake for a while now, because every time I’ve tried to go to sleep, I’ve had nightmares. And no, not the type where I just fidget a little bit. It’s the type where I start screaming, where Yuri has to shake me awake and I wake up in a cold sweat (still screaming). That happened, like, three times last night. And every dream involved _him_.

I thought that maybe if I just closed my eyes and keep myself awake, it would be enough to fool her. But it doesn’t look like it is. I open my eyes tiredly, looking over at her laying next to me. She has her head propped up slightly. “Yeah, I’m up,” I say back to her. Yuri hums, reaching over the bed to stroke my chin with her fingers. She has this worried expression on her face, and I understand why it’s there, but I really wish it didn’t have to be. I scoot a little bit closer to her.

“How much do you think you slept?” Yuri asks me. I sigh.

“…not a lot,” I admit. Yuri nods at me with a gentle understanding. Wow, she looks so damn tired. I look down guiltily. I know that I probably caused her to stay up all night to look after me, too. “W-what about you…?”

Yuri gives me a half-smile as she sighs. “Not a lot either…” she says. At least she isn’t trying to hide that from me. “I think it would perhaps be best if we stay in bed for the day…try to recover some lost sleep. In between, though, we can just try to relax our minds…maybe we could watch some anime using my laptop?” she suggests. It’s not a bad suggestion, to just stay in bed – it is a Saturday, after all, so it’s not like either of us have anything we really need to do. And her bringing up watching anime together…damn, she really knows how to tick all of my boxes at this point.

I give her a smile…not really an enthusiastic one, but a smile nonetheless. “That sounds good, babe,” I say, leaning forward to her and kissing her sleepily on the lips. Yuri grabs my hand, squeezing it as she kisses me back. We stay like that for a little bit before she pulls away, slowly getting up from the bed. I try to pull her back, but she stops me.

“Wouldn’t you like some breakfast? I can make it for you and then bring it back…i-it may be a little, erm, cliché, but we could have the classic breakfast-in-bed scenario. That type of thing is romantic, is it not?” Yuri says with a questioning trill to her voice. That makes me smirk. Only Yuri would refer to it as the ‘breakfast-in-bed _scenario_.’ I sit up a little bit in bed.

“Okay, three things,” I say, an amused smile playing a bit on my lips. I may be tired and emotionally exhausted, but I can still play her little game. “First, this so-called ‘SCENARIO’ is usually a surprise for the person receiving it…”

“W-well, yes, you have a point, however, you were already awake…” Yuri says, a slight, embarrassed blush on her face.

“Second, I thought _I_ was the cook in the relationship, not you, so if anything I should be the one cooking you breakfast in bed…” I continue. At this, though, Yuri gawks.

“What? No, no. You can cook it for me when I need it, but it’s obvious that you need it now. And merely because you are the superior culinary artist among the two of us does not make me a _bad_ chef, and after all, I learn from the very best,” Yuri says defiantly, pouting slightly. I blush a little at the compliment…and also at the fact that she just immediately shot down my second rebuttal. And also because I didn’t think of a third thing to jokingly get at her with ahead of time.

“…w-well, third, that actually sounds nice. So, if you’re offering…” I start to say, but Yuri interrupts me with a quick kiss on the lips. She pulls away immediately and speaks in the brief window of time that she has me paralyzed.

“Excellent. Then I’ll get started right away. I’ll have something up for you imminently,” she says, a proud smile on her face as she begins to walk away. Ugh, damn this girl. I lie back down on the bed and let out a sigh as she closes the door. There’s a fond smile on my face as she leaves, but the moment I’m alone again, it basically vanishes.

I’m not sure exactly what caused it, but me being back alone again got me thinking of…him…again. Maybe because I spent so much of that time alone. Probably best not to look too much into it, but the more I think about him, the more that sort of existential dread creeps up on me yet again.

I feel…I feel…fuck, I’m not even sure what I should be feeling. I just can’t believe he’s out. I seriously can’t fucking believe it. This is the type of thing you maybe see in the movies, where the bad guy escapes from the high security prison. But this sort of shit doesn’t happen in real life. Or, at least, it isn’t supposed to…how the _fuck_ does something like this happen?!

I guess I feel a lot of denial…and maybe a bit of anger. Those are both stages of grief, right? I’m not sure which comes first…I think it’s denial. Is it appropriate to even call what I’m going through grief? Fuck if I know. But it’s pretty damn close…after all, the only reason that I agreed to rat on him was because I thought he would be locked away for good…but now he’s out, and he…and he…

…oh, fuck, he _has_ to know that I ratted by now. I told them everything…EVERYTHING. I broke the most important rule that we had between us. N-no…I really broke all of the rules. They’re still ingrained in my head, even though I’ve tried to rip them out before these past few months. They go as follows:

First, no ratting to the cops (the most important rule – I obviously fucked that up).

Second, no disrespecting him (which I broke by ratting to the cops).

Third, whatever he tells me to do, I have to follow (and ratting on him is going against everything that he told me while I grew up).

That last rule was the most flexible, but I followed it for ten goddamn years ever since Mom died and he put those rules in place. That last one was the rule that allowed him to do whatever the fuck he wanted to me, no matter how sick or abusive, while those first two rules ensured that I would always just bow my head and fucking _take_ it. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

Oh, but I’m being ungrateful, of COURSE! Because in return for me complying with these rules, I got:

A bed.

A roof.

Food, sometimes.

…and that was pretty much it.

At least he didn’t keep me out in a doghouse in the backyard…mainly because we didn’t have a dog or a doghouse. If we did, though, then he probably would have kept me out there as punishment when he was feeling especially drunk.

But yeah, it’s not like I could expect an actually decent living arrangement. Or, god forbid, any form of _love_. No, no, that was WAY too much to ask from him of me, his biological daughter. He even took time out of his busy day of getting drunk, or high, or whatever in order to remind me that – that he doesn’t loved me and never did.

I made my peace with that aspect of our relationship a long time ago, even when I was still brainwashed into following that cruel bastard’s orders. Sure, it hurt for the first few years after Mom died, knowing that your father didn’t love you. But I got used to it. Especially afterwards when I began to grow older, and Papa began using alcohol and whatever other drugs you can think of more and more often. Sure, he hit me a few times when I was really young, but it got so much worse the older I got. I don’t know if he just knew I could take it more, or if his substance abuse just got THAT much worse by coincidence.

I had a habit of brushing it off earlier, before…everything. I’ve always known the type of man he is, but I’ve also always minimized everything he did to me…because I thought I could take it, at least. And any sort of alternative just seemed so far off and distant. But all of that changed the minute he found out I was gay.

_“I want to be very clear: your father endangered your life. You were very lucky to make it out of that house alive.”_

I feel my body freeze up as I remember that police officer’s exact words to me when he first visited me in the hospital. Papa wasn’t just trying to punish me as usual…he was trying to _kill_ me. That’s why he was convicted on an attempted murder charge. The minute he found out I was gay…he wanted me dead. He was trying to kill me. He wanted to murder me.

And that’s when I stop all this stupid reflection and I panic again. My breathing becomes funny, and not the ha-ha funny type. My blood runs cold as I grip onto the sheets with clammy palms. I can hear my heart pounding underneath my chest. Maybe earlier I didn’t care about dying…I mean, I actively fought against ratting on Papa even _after_ I ended up in the hospital, right? But…I like my life now. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to lose…

Yuri opens the door with a tray of food and a cup of tea. I don’t know how long it’s been, but of course I’m still having a panic attack. She immediately puts the tray down and rushes over to me, clutching my hands. We go through our usual drill (usual? I’m already calling it USUAL?!) – she takes deep breaths, and I try to follow along in order to calm myself down. It’s getting a little easier, maybe…but I still don’t like how frequently I’m having them ever since I got the news. I can also only imagine how irritating they can be for Yuri…

As I slowly calm down, I let out a deep, shuddering sigh, holding onto her. “Thanks…” I say to her as she rubs her hands soothingly along my arms. “You’re probably pretty sick of those by now, aren’t you?” Yuri’s hands still a little bit on my arms.

“No, of course not…” she says quickly, a small, worried frown on her face. “I-I mean, of course, I wish you didn’t have these, erm, panic attacks, but I understand why you’re having them…additionally, while you are having them, I want to be here to help. And I would never, _ever_ get sick of helping you.” Yuri sits me up and kisses me gently on the forehead. That gets a small smile out of me. She gets up momentarily to bring the tray over to my bed. “And as previously promised, I have provided you with complimentary breakfast in bed. Although if you want to relax, first, I would recommend drinking the tea. It’s an herbal blend that I purchased recently, and I personally find it to be particularly more soothing than most others,” Yuri says with a smile.

I don’t even hesitate as I grab the cup first, taking a sip. Yuri always has a good taste in tea, so I generally trust her pick. Needless to say, it’s damn good. As I feel the warm liquid soothe my insides, I look back at Yuri with a small smile. “Thanks…the tea’s great,” I say honestly. That’s one thing that she can do much better than me – prepare tea. I was really more of a coffee gal before I met her, but once you go tea with Yuri, you never go back.

“Well, wait until you try the sausages afterwards. I am very pleased with how they turned out!” she says, resting her back against the wall as she sat on the bed. She actually does seem pretty proud of herself.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be the judge of that…” I grumble, taking another sip of tea. Yuri hums. As I look over at her, it’s very clear that something is on her mind. After trying to (unsuccessfully) communicate through just eye expression alone for her to tell me, I give up and just ask. “What’s up?”

Yuri chews on her bottom lip. “I have a, erm, rather personal question…I wasn’t sure if I was going to ask it because I do not want to upset you, but it has been rather persistently on my mind since last night…” she says, rambling just a little bit. I give her a look and she stops, trying to collect her thought. “Ah…your nightmares last night. Do you remember any of them? A-and, if you do…would you mind sharing them with me?”

I feel an uncomfortable, nervous pit in my stomach. I might not remember all of them, but there is one that I pretty vividly remember that immediately comes to mind. I gulp, putting the tea down for a moment. “I…yeah, okay. But you better be holding my hand or some shit like that, ‘cus…it’s rough,” I say. I thankfully don’t have to tell Yuri twice, and she immediately latches her hand onto mine. I guess breakfast is going to wait.

“Y-you, ah, you don’t have to tell me anything if it’s too hard for you…” she says, looking at me carefully. Honestly, maybe it will be too hard for me, but right now I just feel like being open with her, so I shrug.

“I think I want to tell you…you should know,” I say, sighing. I try to collect my thoughts before I begin. “There’s…this one nightmare I’ve woken up from a lot. It’s, um, it’s actually an old memory of mine…you’ve woken me up from it a few different times. I-it’s…it starts with him going into my room. A-and…shit, I’m gonna need some tea for this…” I say, needing to calm my nerves. I grab the cup of tea again and take a sip. I’m a little bit calmer now…at the very least, I won’t be a sobbing, stuttering mess throughout this.

“Honestly…the nightmare changes so many times that it’s hard for me to remember what _actually_ happened. I just know that…it was bad. So bad that I’ve blocked it from my memory, I guess,” I say. Yuri squeezes my hand. “But basically, the gist of it is he comes into my room, he grabs my face and basically threatens me to stay in line, or else he’d kill me. He knows that I’m hiding something, and so as punishment he just makes me feel…small. That’s how he operated, y’know, to keep me under his thumb. He hated me, but he loved controlling me. And so he’d go to any lengths to make me afraid to speak out for myself, to go out of the house, to do anything that would give me any bit of freedom. He knew all of my pressure points…he was smart like that. Incredibly vindictive, but smart about it. So, when he threatened me, it only made me more scared, meaning that I was giving _him_ more control…”

I take another sip of the tea, because I need it. “It’s what happened after that that becomes…foggy. He drags me out, and then my brain fills in the rest through these nightmares. Sometimes he just continues to shout at me, sometimes he spanks me with his belt…sometimes he forces me to…” I shudder, closing my eyes tightly. “…he forces me to strip. S-sometimes, it’s all of the above. But none of that…I mean, I’ve had all of those nightmares before. What makes last night’s different, and what made it so much worse, is that it wasn’t just a memory. It was like it was happening now…after I’d escaped. It wasn’t in my old room…it was this room. I didn’t know where you were, and he was here, and I begged him to stop…and he wouldn’t. He did those things to me…and then he threw me down the stairs. Just like last time.”

I gulp, opening my eyes and turning back over to the girl sitting next to me. She has a sort of distant look in her eyes…I know she was listening, but it looks like her mind is still processing everything. She seems…angry. Like, really angry. “So…that was the nightmare I had last night. The big one, at least,” I say. “There are lots of other smaller ones I had, but…I don’t remember them as well.” There’s another semi-long silence between us as she looks away from me at the wall opposite us. Yuri isn’t saying anything. “Uh…Yuri?” I prompt her.

“I’m going to kill him,” she growls next to me, causing me to jump slightly. She turns her head towards me and grits her teeth. “I’m going to _fucking_ kill him for what he’s done to you.” That’s…not a reaction I’ve seen from her, ever. The amount of loathing and anger in her voice…I mean, she was angry yesterday at that police officer, but this is a lot more intense. She’s almost shaking.

“W-whoa, hey…” I try to calm her down, putting a hand on her shoulder. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit unnerved by that…well, actually, I’m not sure exactly _what_ I should be feeling about that. “Christ, that’s…intense,” I say, gulping. Yuri seems to realize that it made me uncomfortable, because her anger immediately dissolves away to look at me.

“I-I…I’m sorry,” she says apologetically, sighing. “I didn’t mean for that to slip out…but it is how I feel. I…I can’t help it. He’s just so…” she grits her teeth, looking away distantly again. She doesn’t have to finish that thought.

“…yeah. I know,” I say, sighing. Anything regarding Papa was always so messy…on the one hand, him being dead would solve a lot of these problems right now. But would I cheer at him being dead? No…well, maybe? I don’t think so. And I definitely feel like if Yuri _did_ kill him, then I wouldn’t be able to look at her the same way again…I’m okay with protective, but THAT protective is just…I really shouldn’t be entertaining a hypothetical that’s not going to happen. I finish the tea.

“Thank you for telling me about that,” Yuri says quietly next to me. She’s looking down at her lap right now, and she seems a lot shyer than how she was acting earlier. A little bit more nervous, too. “I, erm, I really appreciate you continuing to be open with me throughout this experience.”

I shrug. “I mean, I’ve always been open with you. And that’s not going to change…especially not now,” I admit, looking down at my plate a little shyly. “I, uh, I really need you right now, probably more than ever.”

Yuri smiles at me, although there’s something a little faltering in it. “I will be here for you…I promise,” she says, sighing. “I just…I wish I could be as open with you as you are with me…” she trails off. I furrow my brow, now knowing that she’s not telling me something.

“Well, I feel like we’ve both always been mostly open with each other…” I start to say. Sure, she might be a bit more private than me, but the first full day I knew her she talked about her cutting with me. I might have had to pry it out of her, but I’d say that is being pretty fucking open. However, to my surprise, Yuri doesn’t immediately agree with me, and she looks away slightly. I take a moment before I add awkwardly, “…you know, you can tell me if something’s going on, right?”

Slowly, Yuri nods. She turns back to me shyly, gulping. “I know…and I will. But, let’s first get through this turbulent part of our lives. After the danger is gone…then we can discuss it,” she says. I frown but decide to leave it be. No point in forcing anything out of her…we both know how that went last time.

“Okay, if you say so,” I say, looking down at the tray of food that Yuri brought me. My stomach rumbles, and I guess now it’s time to actually eat. I cut into one of the sausages that Yuri prepared for me. Sausages and scrambled eggs…nothing too fancy, but nice. I take a bite, chewing it. I turn back to Yuri, a smile on my face. “Heh. Not bad for a novice,” I tease her, nudging her arm. That seems to put Yuri in a better mood.

“Happy to be of service,” Yuri says quietly, a pleased smile on her face as she bows towards me. Leaning over to her, I kiss her on the cheek. After I finish with breakfast (and realize that she hasn’t had breakfast, and yell at her to make some for herself, and she goes and makes some for herself to bring back up, and then she finishes her breakfast), I cuddle up with Yuri to watch some anime like she suggested. It’s a nice change of pace from the past roller-coaster twenty-four hours. Regardless of what she might be struggling with, thank fuck that she’s here with me now. Because I seriously wouldn’t be able to do this without her.

 

* * *

 

 

The police still haven’t found Papa, or any of the other men he escaped with. I asked the officer outside at the front door…I forget his name. Damnit, what is it with me and forgetting police officers’ names? I seriously have a problem with that. Well, I’ll memorize that guy’s name eventually. I need at least one. Oh, what I was talking about again? Right, I was dodging the issue of Papa still being on the run from the cops. Fuck.

It’s Monday now, and I decided that I _really_ wasn’t up for going to school…maybe because it has something to do with the fact that it’s the one place that he would know I would be. He doesn’t know that I live at Monika’s house yet (I hope), but if he were to go undercover and start looking for me, he’d start at the old house, and then when he realized it was abandoned, go to the school. Yeah, yeah, I know, the police are probably scouring _both_ places…but still. I guess that’s my excuse to take a mental health day. And thankfully, Yuri’s taking it with me to keep me company.

I think it’s fair to say that I’m still a little bit worried about her…like, she hasn’t said anything too worrying since a couple days ago, but still. I can tell that this whole thing has had an effect on her. Even she seems a lot jumpier after the news that he escaped, we both are. And yet, it always feels like _she’s_ the one comforting _me_.

…wait, obviously she’s the one comforting me. It’s _my_ dad who’s escaped, not hers. And I’m definitely still shaken up by all of this. But I still can’t help but worry that I’m ignoring her needs, too.

Yuri’s spent the past three days doing nothing but caring for me. Like, brining meals for me in bed, cuddling with me, watching anime with me, reading with me. Everything that she’s suggested we do, I know she’s only suggesting it because she knows it’s what helps calm me down. I feel like it’s time to give do something she wants.

We are just finishing watching an anime right now – it’s the last episode of the season. I’ve had these thoughts for a while, sure, but I haven’t said anything until now because I _really_ wanted to finish this season. Plus, laying on top of Yuri is really comfy…she’s got me all snuggled in her arms underneath a blanket. Gahh, it should seriously be illegal for someone to care about me this much. Even after two months and some change I’m still not used to it.

As the end of the episode, Yuri looks down at me, her chin resting on the top of my head. “So? Care to move onto the next season?” she asks, and just from her voice I know that she has an amused smile on her face because she thinks she knows what I’m going to say. And, to be fair, I really _do_ want to see the next season, and it takes every bone in my body to stop myself from saying yes.

“Hold on a minute,” I say, rolling off of her so I can get a better look at her. I close her laptop and put it to the side. “Don’t you want to do…something else?” I ask her seriously. Yuri blinks at me, puzzled.

“I, uh, I thought that you were invested in that show,” she says, taken off guard. She averts my eye contact nervously. “I-I, erm, I’m not certain if you are referring to activities that are sexual in nature, and of course I would be open to such avenues, b-but I thought we had agreed to take a break on that given the circumstances of the last week.” Yeah, that’s something we informally decided on last week…with the situation with Sayori and everything, we thought it would be too risky, and now with the whole Papa’s-out-of-prison thing neither of us have been in much of a mood for that stuff. “Or, p-perhaps you are referring to something else and I—”

“Yuri,” I cut her off, looking at her carefully. “It was a literal question. Isn’t there _anything_ else you want to do right now? I know that you don’t exactly enjoy the same things that I enjoy.”

Yuri’s expression changes slightly – instead of the nervous confusion she had earlier, she now has this sort of curious confusion. “Eh…? What are you talking about?” Yuri asks, looking at me. “Of course I enjoy the same things as you.”

Okay, _that_ causes me to roll my eyes. Today I learned that Yuri is a good liar, apparently. “Oh, come on…you’re seriously telling me that if you were watching something in your free time, you’d choose the Parfait Girls anime series over, like, a psychological thriller or whatever?”

Yuri purses her lips. “Well, first of all, given the current atmosphere I don’t believe that I would personally enjoy watching something with the intensity of a psychological thriller,” she starts to say. Yeah, fair point, but she’s missing the issue, and I try to make that clear as I push her slightly. “ _Second of all_ ,” she says emphatically, pushing me back. There’s a fond smile on her face as she looks at me. “Why wouldn’t I enjoy the things that you enjoy at this point? So long as it is with you, then I could enjoy practically anything. Surely you wouldn’t read _Portrait of Markov_ in your leisure time alone?”

Hell no I wouldn’t. That book’s legit creepy. “But, that’s different…I read it with you because I enjoy reading with you,” I say. Yuri nods, a proud smile on her face.

“And what I am telling you is, it’s not different at all for me either. I enjoy it because I’m _with_ you, and I get to see you showing me something that you enjoy. That is where I get my enjoyment from,” she says, looking at me in the eyes. “Your happiness is my happiness, and I deeply, truly mean that.”

 _Your happiness is my happiness_. Something about that really resonates with me, and I’m not sure what it is. Yes, obviously, her happiness is my happiness, too. But something inside me just…clicks when she puts it as simply as that. And the worries I was feeling earlier begin to quickly evaporate as I finally stop dancing around another issue that’s been in the back of my head ever since we’ve started dating, and maybe even before…

…I love her.

I love Yuri.

I LOVE YURI!

I’ve admitted it…to myself at least. I’m still not sure that I’m ready to tell Yuri yet…maybe I should wait until they find Papa. That’s when Yuri said she was going to tell me something, too…wait, could it be the same thing?! Oh, fuck, oh, shit…

Yuri obviously notices that something’s going on, probably because of the wide grin on my face and the fact that my heartbeat has sped up (we’re lying directly next to each other and my chest is pressed up to her side, there’s no way she doesn’t notice that), and she gives me a curious look. Before she’s able to question it, though, I can’t help myself anymore. I lean in and give her a kiss on the lips, making Yuri let out a surprised little squeak. I move myself back on top of her again.

Yuri pulls away from me for a moment. “Ah, uh, w-what was that for, Natsuki?” she asks, a little flustered. Oh my god, she’s _so_ adorable when she’s flustered. I love it when she blushes. I love that nervous little stutter she does. I _love_ her. And I suddenly feel the urge to tell her that…

…but I don’t want to overwhelm her _too_ much. Using the l-word isn’t a step that I should take lightly…maybe I can say all of those things without using that word specifically. Surely Yuri’s taught me how to be eloquent with words, right?

“I just really fucking appreciate you and shit,” I blurt out. Well, shit, so much for being eloquent. I immediately kick myself and try to come up with something better to say. “I mean!” I try to say, blushing furiously at this point. “You’re always so nice and caring to me, and especially now…I’m just really _fucking_ lucky to have you in my life, Yuri. Your happiness is my happiness, too.”

A smile widens across Yuri’s face…and this time, I can’t see any second emotion behind it. There isn’t any shyness, or nervousness, or sadness, or anything like that. It’s just a genuine, happy smile. Cupping my chin, she leans over to kiss me gently on the lips. She pulls away from me, that same happy expression on her face which tells me exactly how she feels.

“I am incredibly fucking lucky to have you in my life too, kitten,” Yuri says, nuzzling her nose against mine. Oh my god, all of this at once…UGH, I feel a million butterflies dancing in my stomach. But she’s not finished. “I count my blessings every single day that I wake up knowing that you’re mine,” she purrs, and I feel maybe a million more butterflies enter my body. I love her so much.

Somehow, I’m able to give her a smirk that I hope makes me look confident. “You better believe it, baby,” I quip, causing Yuri to laugh. Oh my god, I love her laugh. It’s so fucking perfect and so fucking _her_. It only makes my smile even wider as she pulls me back on top of her body to kiss me again.

“Mmm…well then, darling, I think I have changed my mind. There _is_ something else I would like to do with you right now,” Yuri tells me, a mischievous grin on her face as I feel her fingers trace down my spine underneath my shirt, sending a thousand happy shivers throughout my body. “That is…if you want to do this, too?”

AAAAAAAHHHH I LOVE HER!!!

“I think we’re thinking the same thing,” I say, giving her a goofy, energetic smile as my own hands move down to feel her body. “What do you say we suspend our break on ‘sexual activities’?” I tease her, making Yuri laugh again as I see her face heat up. Oh my god, I love her…but if I can’t say it right now, then maybe I can _show_ it to her.

Thirty or so minutes later, the two of us are lying together in a naked, sweaty, tired heap on her bed. Well, that escalated quickly.

“Natsuki…” Yuri pants, still breathing heavily as we both come down from _that_ experience. “W-where…where did that come from…?” she asks. Yeah, to anyone who can’t read my thoughts, I can understand how that might’ve seemed abrupt. Lying next to her, I lean over and kiss her cheek.

“I just…wanted to show you how much you mean to me,” I say, a small, exhausted smile on my face. “I think…especially right now, it’s kinda important that I remind you of that.”

Yuri turns her head onto its side to look at me. “I…I understand,” she says, sighing contentedly. “Natsuki, in difficult times like these, I would have understood perfectly well if you had pulled away from me, b-but…I’m very thankful that you have instead decided to come closer to me. It…it means a lot. Genuinely.”

“Well…maybe the old me would have. But I’m not that person anymore,” I insist, clinging onto her arm. “Don’t worry. It would take a lot to chase me away at this point,” I say with a wink.

It’s supposed to be a joke, but something in Yuri’s expression subtly shifts after that comment, like her expression becomes a little bit shyer or more worried. Wait, was she ever really thinking that I would actually…

I’m not able to think much about it because I hear my phone ringing a few moments later. Groaning, I reach over across Yuri in order to grab it on the windowsill by the wall. Normally I’d just ignore any call I get when I’m with Yuri (especially when we’re in bed and naked) and let it go to voicemail, but now I don’t know if the next call that I’m going to get is the police officer saying that my father’s been captured or if he’s waiting outside of my door. Bringing it to my face, I see that it is none other than…Sayori.

Oh. I actually haven’t talked to her at all since Friday. Shit, that really fucking stings. I know I have to pick it up. Giving Yuri a look, I shimmy out of bed and pick it up, putting the phone to my ear.

“Hey Sayo—”

“NATSUKI!!!”

I wince, pulling the phone away from my ear for a hot second. Oh, she was _definitely_ mad…I didn’t really see much of Monika this weekend, but she did tell me that she told Sayori about what had happened. So, three days without saying anything to her…yeah. I guess this reaction is pretty justified.

“You better give me a good reason for not calling me over the weekend!” Sayori says as I pull the phone back to my ear, still in nagging-mode. I hear her take a deep breath on the other end of the line. I think she just really needed to get that yell out before she was able to calm down a bit. “I…I know what happened, and I’ve been patient, but…three days without even reaching out?” she asks, and I can tell that she’s hurt by that. Especially after the whole sister-thing, it was pretty shitty of me to do that.

“You’re right…I’m really, really sorry, Sayori,” I say, sighing. “It’s just…my head’s been in a really bad place this weekend. That’s a really shit excuse, but I’m still sorry.”

“Okay…just don’t do that again, okay?” she prompts me. “How am I gonna be a good big sister for you right now if you don’t talk to me about what’s going on?”

I roll my eyes. “You’re only older than me by three months, Sayori,” I say.

“Two months and twenty days, thank you very much! And stop dodging the issue!” Sayori tells me insistently on the other end of the phone. “Natsuki, promise. Promise that you won’t chase me away. Not now.”

I only really remembered just how much I missed hearing her voice now when she called me…my mind was on a million other things before that. No. Old Natsuki would have run away from her friends. New Natsuki won’t.

“I promise. I won’t,” I tell her seriously. Sayori breathes a sigh of relief, but I don’t feel like that’s enough. “And…I’m gonna go prove it. I’ll see you tomorrow at school, and we can talk over all of it then. Okay?”

“Eh? Are you sure?” Sayori asks me. “Isn’t it dangerous for you to go out right now?” I wince a little bit. The constant reminder of danger lurking around the corner is…not nice. But I know she means well.

“Hey, the school’s probably the second-safest place in the world for me right now, after Monika’s place,” I say, trying to reassure both her and me, too. “The police said they’re monitoring that place like a bunch of hawks. He’d be stupid to come there…” I say, although I can’t help but feel like he’s desperate enough to try. “B-but, more importantly, if he does, they’ll catch him.”

“Okay…I’m worried, Nat…” Sayori says. “But…I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

“Me too,” I say in response. “Well, I mean, not seeing me, but seeing you. And…you got what I mean. Love you, girl.”

Sayori chuckles on the other side. “Love ya too. Stay safe, lil’ sis,” she says, and I consider retorting, but it’s a good sentiment and she disconnects before I can. The two of us exchanging ‘I love you’s is fairly rare, but it’s happened before…usually when we know serious shit is going on. Although after my confession to myself about Yuri, I can’t help but think of that phrase in a different light…speaking of which…

“Natsuki…” I hear Yuri say to me from behind. I turn around to look at her, and I can see that she has an anxious look on her face. “Are…are you certain that going to school tomorrow is a good idea…?”

I shrug, walking back over to her. “Honestly? No, not really. But when has that ever stopped me?” I ask. “Besides, I have protectors there, and I’m not talking about the police. Sayori would stop a bullet for me…and, well, I have you, too. And I couldn’t ask for someone better to look after me.” I smile at her. That seems to calm her down a little bit and I kiss her on the nose.

I might be acting sort of calm on the outside, but on the inside, I’m beginning to freak out that I’ll be going to school tomorrow with Papa still on the run from the law. Although if I knew exactly what was going to happen tomorrow, then maybe I would be freaking out for a different reason.

 

* * *

 

 

I guess the authorities really are taking security at the school seriously. Monika, Yuri, and I drove to school in an actual goddamn police car. Well, you wouldn’t know it from the outside ‘cuz it was undercover and everything…typical black SUV and all of that. If you squinted, though, you could see the lights on the top…which weren’t on when we were driven to school. When we got there, I immediately saw security guards around the entrance doing what they do best: guarding. I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything differently, although I just hope these aren’t the same guards that were at the prison…

As the car gradually weaves its way through the other cars at school, Monika (who is sitting on my left, with Yuri on my right) leans over to whisper something to me. I didn’t see much of her over the weekend, and I’m still getting used to the short hair thing she’s trying to pull. “Thanks for coming to school today,” she says to me. “I know it isn’t easy with all of…this. Sayori really appreciates it.”

I turn my head over to her. I guess my nervous expression is pretty easily readable. Thankfully, though, Yuri’s got a firm grip on my hand to steady me. Or maybe steady herself, because I know she’s nervous, too.

“Hey, I needed to go back eventually, right? And I’m really looking forward to seeing her, too,” I say honestly, shrugging. I glance back at Yuri, who seems to be glued to the window. I think she could tell Monika wanted to talk to me, so she’s trying her best to give us some space. Aww, she’s so damn thoughtful. I know that sounds sarcastic coming from me, but it really isn’t. “How is she doing anyway?”

Monika gives me a somewhat nervous smile. “Ah…well, between adjusting to a new home and this drama? Not great, unfortunately,” she admits, sighing. “I mean, at least we are in a better position than we were last Friday, but…things are sort of a mess right now for all of us, aren’t they?” Oh, right, the two of them broke up for maybe four hours last week. Jesus, that feels like it was forever ago already. “Well, Sayori’s gonna be really happy to see you. And I know that she and Yuri are gonna be the main ones to help you through this. But…if there’s anything you need me to do for you, anything at all right now, then I’ll do it. And unlike when my parents said it earlier, I actually mean it. I promise,” she says, looking at me resolutely. It’s a nice sentiment – obviously we both know that I’m a lot closer to both Yuri and Sayori, but Monika’s still my friend, and it’s good to know that she’s here for me, too. I mutter out a thanks as the car pulls up to the curb, and the two policemen in the front seat turn around to look at us.

“Alright, we will expect to pick you up at 3:30 later this afternoon. For your safety, Ms. Kizumi, it can’t be any later,” the officer in the driver’s seat says to me. Well, shit…that’s when classes officially end and just before our literature club meetings usually start. So, I guess that’s another thing that isn’t happening because of all of this. Sighing, I nod begrudgingly.

“Fine. And remember, it’s just Natsuki,” I grumble as Yuri opens the car door. She squeezes my hand in order to try to calm me down. Shakily, I exit the car, and along with her and Monika I slowly make my way up to the guarded front entrance of the school.

I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: I REALLY fucking hate school.

Thankfully, though, I’m not bombarded with the stares of forced concern from all of the students who undoubtedly heard about Papa’s escape. Instead, I’m bombarded with the girl who I’m guessing was waiting for me to come the entire morning, and the minute I enter the door she runs up to me and tackles me in a hug, yelling my name again.

“Whoa, Sayori, hey!” I stumble a little bit as I intercept her hug. She’s wrapped around me pretty damn tight. “H-hey, easy!”

“Don’t you ‘easy’ me, missy!” Sayori growls, punching me in the arm probably a little more roughly than she might have intended. She pulls away from me with a frown. “Four days. _FOUR_ days without seeing you, and after…you know what!” The angry front she put on quickly fades away as I notice some tears. “I…I missed you…”

Dammit, my eyes are stinging. This time, I wrap her up in another hug before she’s able to fully pull away. “H-hey, it’s okay…I’m okay, don’t worry…” I mutter as she sniffles.

Coming up to us, Monika puts a hand on Sayori’s shoulder, pulling the girl away from me slightly. An understanding, pained smile is on her face…I know that those two miss each other, too. Monika leans over to kiss her on the cheek briefly (nothing like the make-out session she had instigated last week…and that’s probably a good thing). That alone seems to be enough to share a silent greeting between them. Their little bit of non-verbal communication shows that their relationship has at least been salvaged from the brink.

“Do you want some time alone with Natsuki before classes start?” she asks Sayori quietly. They had probably talked this out before yesterday after me and her had talked, I’m guessing, and so Sayori nods gratefully.

“Thanks, Monika…and yeah, that would be good. If you two are okay with it?” Sayori asks, looking at both me and Yuri. It’s at that moment that I realize we’re still holding hands…I mean, I let go of her hand when Sayori ambush-hugged me, but I must have grabbed onto it again subconsciously after I let go. Now, _that_ is some next-level non-verbal communicatory lesbian fuckery. I think Yuri didn’t realize she had latched onto me again either, because as soon as Sayori subtly points it out, she becomes embarrassed and lets go.

“Erm, r-right. O-of course,” Yuri stutters, twirling a strand of hair with her fingers that had only moments before been interlocked with mine (lewd, I know). She clears her throat. “I-I, ah, I will see all of you at lunch, then. And at fourth period with you, Natsuki,” she says to me. I smile reassuringly at her, nodding. Yeah, it’s probably best that Sayori and I get some alone time to talk shit out…and from the call we had yesterday, she _definitely_ seems set on talking that shit out as much as this shit can be talked out.

Yuri and Monika end up heading their own way as Sayori clings to my arm. “Okay, where are we going? Kitchen again? Bathroom? And you better be prepared to at _least_ be late for your first period class!” she says with a tone that makes it clear that she isn’t one to be argued with right now. I was the same with her last week, so I shouldn’t be complaining.

I sigh. “Well…I’m not really in the mood to cook anything. Bathroom works fine, I guess. I know a good one,” I say. Sayori nods, and I lead her towards one of the ones where barely anyone comes in…I know because I’ve used it for myself dozens of times. It’s pretty far away from any of the classrooms – some of the more rebellious students usually come here to get high or whatever, but this early in the morning I don’t think anyone would. Sure enough, as I open the door to the restroom there isn’t anyone in there.

Poking her head out of the bathroom door to make sure no one was coming, Sayori let out a sigh, closing it firmly shut as she looks over at me. “Natsuki… _please_ tell me what’s going on. I’ve been so worried,” she says, looking over at me with her eyebrows knit together in…well, worry. I sigh.

“Well…I mean, you know pretty much everything I know, at this point,” I admit, shrugging uneasily. “He’s, uh, y’know, _out_. And they still haven’t found him. They’re checking these places and around the city the most often, so maybe it’s a good thing that they haven’t found him?”

“…how is that a good thing?” Sayori asks, baffled.

“Well, that means that, uh, he isn’t here. Probably,” I add, a nervous chill running down my spine as I think through the possibilities. “I-I mean, he could actually be really close and just be hiding…I wouldn’t put that past him. A-and, u-um, maybe the police are just really bad at their job and he’s been watching me this whole time and waiting for the best moment to strike and then when no one’s looking he’ll take me and bash my head in with a—”

“Natsuki, stop,” she says, walking up to me and firmly grabbing my arms. It’s only then that I realize that I was shaking. Jesus, you think that I would have gotten used to this whole thing after a few days…well, actually, maybe not…

“S-sorry…it’s j-just, um, really scary to be back here…” I say honestly in a somewhat shaky voice. Sayori frowns.

“No, I’m sorry…I know this is really hard for you,” she says, sighing as she hugs me again, lighter this time. “I’m scared, too…but they have to find him, right? Monika told me they’re looking everywhere for him.”

I try my best to nod and say “yes, you’re right, they will,” but I’m not able to convince myself to do that. Mainly because I don’t fully believe it myself. It would be _so_ much easier if Papa was just a stupid bully, but he’s not. He’s the smartest bully on the fucking playground, and him breaking out of prison proves everything I already knew about him.

“L-look, I just really want to get my mind off of it…I’ve been thinking about this for way too long the past few days,” I say, taking a deep breath. I pull away from her. “And I really wish you were still living with us now. I need you more than ever.”

Sayori smiles. “And I’m here for you, one hundred percent!” she says, smiling hopefully at me. “So, let’s get our mind off of this then the best we can and talk about something else!” Sayori pauses, looking at me a little bashfully. “Ehehe…you know I’m bad at conversation starters. What would you like to talk about instead?”

I pause, thinking about anything that’s _not_ him. And my mind wanders to the other thing in all of our lives that was somewhat unsettled last week. “You and Monika…how are you two doing?” I ask, a little curious. I know they’re back on cheek-kissing terms at least, but I don’t really know anything else.

“Eh? Well…we’re doing alright,” Sayori says uneasily. She sighs. “This is just a really hard time for us, with the new foster home and everything right now…things are better than what they were last week, mainly because we can call and text each other now and Monika stopped acting like a dummy…mostly,” she says with a bit of a smile on her face. “I think we’ll be okay. What about you and Yuri?”

“Oh, we’re fine,” I say instinctually…because we’re usually always fine. But that’s when I remember the confession to myself that I made just yesterday, and I realize that something’s changed…even if Yuri didn’t realize it yet. “I mean, especially now, things are actually…really good between us. No fighting or anything like that. She’s just going above and beyond for me, and I…” I pause. Should I really tell her? Well, we’re ‘sisters’ after all…and because I don’t feel like I should tell Yuri yet, I kind of do want to tell someone else. Sayori would be good, so long as I can trust her to not spill the beans. “O-okay, you need to promise not to tell her this. I’m serious.”

Sayori’s eyes lit up in curiosity as she mimed herself zipping her lips. “Whatever it is, it’s safe with me! What is it?” she asks. I sigh, and despite the nervous butterflies springing up to my chest as I’m about to admit it verbally for the first time I can’t help but reluctantly smile.

“I…I think I’m in love with her,” I say out loud. Sayori immediately gasps, and an enthusiastic smile spreads across her face as she waves her hand around excitedly.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” she yells. Loudly. I try my best to sound angry, even though I’m not.

“Geez, Sayori, this school has pretty thin walls!” I tell her off. Sayori covers her mouth for a moment.

“Ehehe, sorry, it’s just…” she starts to say, trying to calm herself down. She fails as the grin on her face widens again. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” She wraps me up in a hug and pulls me off the ground. “SOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!”

“Wha—hey!!” I try to struggle to get out of her grip. I didn’t realize I was _that_ light…I thought I would have gained at least a little bit of weight these past few months. Oh well. Sayori puts me down. “Don’t call me cute!”

“But it’s SO CUTE!” she squeals, and suddenly her eyes widen. “Have you told Yuri yet??? Does she feel the same way??? She HAS to love you at this point, right???”

“NO! And that’s why I TOLD you to keep it to yourself, because I haven’t told Yuri yet!” I say. “And before you say I should tell her, I want to wait…you know, before this whole thing blows over. I feel like with Papa out there it would be too much at once for her to handle.”

Sayori pouts for a moment, but nods in acceptance. “Fiiiine…your reasoning makes sense, I _guess_ ,” she admits, sighing dramatically. She smiles at me again. “Seriously, though…that’s huge! And awesome! I knew you two would get there, I had faith in you from the beginning!”

“Well, yeah, obviously you did. You’re the one who convinced me to confess to Yuri,” I say, chuckling. “And even before then, when you had Yuri buy all of that manga in an attempt for you to make me and her closer. I guess your plan worked, huh?”

“…eh? What are you talking about?”

I look over at her to see her confused expression. I’m confused too, but just for a second…I quickly realize that I never told her that I figured it out that first night Yuri showed me the manga that it was all just a ruse, and Yuri told me to not mention it to Sayori because she would have been disappointed if I found out…I guess I just forgot about it. I roll my eyes. “Come on, Sayori, I figured it out since, like, night one. You helped Yuri buy all of that manga like Parfait Girls in order to make me think she liked that sort of stuff…I mean, I knew from the first minute by looking at her that she wasn’t a manga girl! Like I said, though, it did make us closer, mainly because she gave the manga to me after I figured it out.” Sayori’s brow is still knit together in confusion…which is really weird. “Sayori?”

“Natsuki…I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says plainly. I’m waiting for the playful denial to kick in, but weirdly, it isn’t there. Did she just forget about it, or…?

“The box of manga? You don’t remember?” I ask. “You literally helped Yuri with it the day before I moved into Monika’s, right?”

Slowly, Sayori shakes her head. “No…I didn’t,” she says slowly. “I mean, if I did, I’d love to take credit for something to bring you two together if I did do it! But…I didn’t even know you were into manga until you moved back in. I think that’s something you got into when we stopped talking a while ago.”

I try to think. That…actually sounds right. I really only did get into manga around the time I stopped talking to Sayori, maybe a little bit before. But regardless, she didn’t know about it. “Hold on, then why did…” I start to ask, but I’m starting to answer my own questions here. I want to ask her, why did Yuri tell me that you were involved in getting her manga? Well, she didn’t tell me. Thinking back to that first night, I remember that _I_ was the one who thought that up and then just assumed that it was true. Yuri just didn’t correct me…

…wait, why wouldn’t she correct me? And more importantly, why did she…

“Natsuki? Is everything okay?” Sayori asks, tilting her head to the side. I snap out of it. Mostly.

“Uhh, fine! I’m fine! I just remembered that…” I start to say, hesitating slightly. This will be the first time I’ve lied to Sayori…no, anyone, really, in a while. But I need to clear my head. “That, uh, I have a test first period! And I can’t miss it! I’m really, really sorry, Sayori. We can catch up later today.”

Sayori looks more than a little caught off guard. “Oh! Uh…okay,” she says. I can tell that she doesn’t totally believe me, maybe because I’m out of practice with my lying, but she lets it go. “I’ll see you later, then?” I nod, trying my best to give her a reassuring smile as I head out of the bathroom. Mainly in order to find another bathroom.

Yeah, I’m not going to class. I need some space and time to think very carefully about this as a million different questions are rattling around in my brain. But the most important of them probably is this: if Sayori didn’t tell her to buy all of those books…

…then how the hell did Yuri know I was into manga before she even met me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...I wasn't expecting this chapter to take me this long, honestly because I wasn't expecting this chapter to BE all that long. I considered splitting it into two, but I think this was probably the better choice...there were a bunch of character moments that I wanted to include here and this chapter really needed to end on that note. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for being patient! July is going to be hell for me but hopefully I can get another chapter out sometime next month. The next few chapters aren't going to be so heartwarming...


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